


Golden Slumbers

by Willbakefordean



Series: Golden Slumbers [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fertility Issues, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Hypnosis, M/M, Male Lactation, Marriage, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Oral Sex, domestic AU, male carriers, situational anxiety and some depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:50:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 108,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3349364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willbakefordean/pseuds/Willbakefordean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benny and Dean Winchester Lafitte had it all. Happily married,  Benny had his diner and Dean had his auto restoration business with his adopted father Bobby Singer.  Dean, a male carrier, was expecting their first baby, until he wasn't.  This is the story of their way back home...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And I Will Sing a Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> I grew up listening to my brother play in bands, mostly Beatles music. This fic is inspired by Golden Slumbers sung by Paul McCartney. Check out the link below, if I did it right.  
> A few important items  
> -I have this thing for Benny being a big burly yet sensitive and loving husband to an equally burly and loving Dean. They want nothing more than to have a family and will go through struggles together to get there.  
> -I need Dean and Cas to be friends if they are not lovers.  
> -I love Balthazar/Cas. My Balthazar is a doting wonderful husband who worships Cas.  
> -This is not ABO-some men are just born lucky enough to have the right parts to have babies as well as their regular male parts. Just believe in the magic, okay?
> 
> http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xvodwp_paul-mccartney-golden-slumbers-carry-that-weight-the-end-hd-hq_music

_Once there was a way to get back homeward_

_Once there was a way to get back home_

_Sleep pretty darling do not cry_

_And I will sing a lullabye_

When he came to, it was dark, he was afraid. Then he felt it,  a heavy hand slip down from his head to his back, soothing, gounding him and he heard singing. It was his Benny, sad, sweet, comfort oozing from his voice into the core of Dean’s being. He closed his eyes again. Benny had him, he was safe. He slipped off again into golden slumbers.

 

_Golden slumbers fill your eyes_

_Smiles awake you when you rise_

_Sleep pretty darling do not cry_

_And I will sing a lullabye_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love to hear from you and comments fuel the writing...
> 
> Let me know if the link is not correct.


	2. She's Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Benny are joined by his doctor and they share difficult news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance. Just know that I only do happy endings.

Benny was heartbroken. He did not remember a time in his life that he had ever felt so heartbroken and he wasn’t even sure if Dean really understood what had happened yet.  Dean was awake for a minute but looked like he was in pain so Benny had just stroked his head and back and sung him his lullaby. He was glad to see Dean relax at his touch and the sound of his voice.  He hoped he could comfort Dean when they had to tell him what had taken place.  Cas said he would be in as soon as Dean could stay awake for a few minutes and they would tell him together.

He remembered calling Cas when his time as a cook in the Navy was over.  He was thirty two and struggling to find a place to settle, having no family to go back to in New Orleans.  Cas had called him back and told him that a buddy of his with a diner was looking for a new cook.  Benny had jumped at the chance and even stayed with Cas and his husband, Balthazar, for a few weeks until he could afford an apartment. 

The day Benny had enough to buy a beater truck he saw in the paper was the day his life changed for the better forever.  Singer’s Auto Garage was selling a truck that “looked rough but purred like a kitten”. He walked in and stumbled into a young mechanic with the greenest eyes he had ever seen who frequented the diner and whom Benny might have been stalking from the kitchen. He fumbled over his words trying to get out that he was interested in the truck for sale.  He recalled Dean smiling and showing him the truck as Benny blushed through the entire meeting. Over the next few days, and several interactions with Dean who turned out to be much younger than Benny at twenty three, Benny bought the truck.  When the title arrived in the mail a couple of weeks later from Singer Auto, there was a post it note that had a phone number and read: Call me anytime if you have trouble with her! Dean.

Benny hemmed and hawed and talked to Cas about Dean before calling.  Cas told Benny that Dean was a great kid who had not had an easy life, but had found a home with Bobby and his wife Ellen. He was raising his kid brother who was away at college and headed for Stanford Law when he finished at KU.  Cas actually told Benny that he thought Dean was a good match for a teddy bear like him.  He also told him that Dean was a good friend and he would kill him if he ever hurt him.

He proceeded with caution, but did call Dean and they two hit it off well and were instantly inseparable.  He helped Dean with Sam and everyone thought the two were great together.  One night when Benny offered for Dean to stay the night with him he saw a side of his boyfriend that set him back on his heels.  Dean got royally wasted and revealed to Benny that he had never had sex before. They had made out a few times, and Benny just assumed Dean was inexperienced by choice and so he had never pushed it. Dean’s drunken admissions hadn’t stopped there, however. He tried to break up with Benny, sobbing that he deserved better than a loser carrier who didn’t even know how to have sex.

Finding out Dean was a carrier had been the happiest and saddest news he had had received in his life.  He was thrilled that he and Dean would be able to have children of their own.  He was also aware that the stories people hinted at about how Dean’s father had treated him were truer than true. No one raised with carrier status as a gift, and Benny believed it was a gift, would freak out about it the way Dean had that night.

He relived the rest of the night in his mind. He had driven Dean home to Bobby and Ellen’s to tell them what had taken place. He asked permission to tuck Dean into bed and stay with him, completely on the up and up of course.  Ellen let him know she was glad Dean had someone like him and showed him to Dean’s room. He woke up on the end of Dean’s bed on top of the covers with Dean throwing up in the bathroom.

Bobby made a huge breakfast and Benny told Dean that he loved him and wanted to be with him regardless of his status but that he considered it a gift and hoped Dean would someday as well.  He kissed Dean right in front of Bobby and Ellen and told Dean to call him when he was up to it and had done some thinking.

They were married four years after they met and had hoped Dean would become pregnant immediately.  It took three years of trying, but Dean had gotten pregnant five months ago.  He suffered through three months of morning sickness and things had been going well.

Dean called down to Benny at the diner yesterday saying he had called in and wasn’t feeling well. Benny could tell by Dean’s voice that something was off, so he called Cas and told him he was bringing Dean in to see him.  That’s how they ended up in the hospital and in the tough spot they were facing now.

Dean was stirring again and Benny stood to be closer to his husband. Dean’s eyes blinked open and found Benny, he reached up towards his stomach and Benny grabbed his hand and hit the nurse call button. “Hey darlin’,” Benny said softly running the fingers of his other hand through Dean’s hair. Dean tried to talk but nothing came out and Benny hushed him as Cas entered the room and came up beside Benny.

“Hello Dean,” Cas greeted his friend and patient, smiling. When Dean struggle to talk, Cas told him they would get some ice chips if he could stay awake a while. He asked yes/no questions so Dean could nod. He asked about pain and medicine and other issues before he tackled the big one. Cas looked to Benny silently asking if he was ready to broach the issues at hand with Dean. Benny nodded, understanding and bracing himself for what might happen. A nurse showed up with ice chips and Benny gave Dean a spoonful and he hummed at the relief before they began.

Cas continued his discussion. “Dean, you have been in and out for a day and a half. Do you know or understand what has happened with the baby?”

Dean looked at Benny and then at Cas and shook his head. “What?” he croaked hoarsely. He pulled his hand from Benny’s and put it on his stomach. The fear in his eyes became horror as he put the puzzle together. Benny covered his hand over Dean’s as Cas went on, “You hemorrhaged, Dean very quickly and for no reason that we can find.  She’s gone, Dean. She’s gone. I’m sorry.”

Dean looked to Benny who had tears running down his face and pulled his husband to him in the bed. He grabbed fistfuls of Benny’s shirt and uttered one word, “No!” He held Benny to him and Benny told him he was so sorry and he loved him. 

When Dean did not cry or get upset, Cas spoke again, “Dean I took you into surgery to fix the bleeding and it was really bad. It took a while to stop the bleeding. You need at least two more units of blood over the next couple of days, but you are still a carrier and you can try again, when you feel better. I am sorry I couldn’t help your baby girl. She was already gone when you got here.”

Dean nodded to Cas but did not speak. Benny knew Dean well enough to know that he was afraid to speak, afraid to open up a dam he could not control. “Get lots of sleep and try to eat when you can.  Use the morphine when you need it, you will have lots of pain.  We will build up your blood and when your numbers are good and you feel up to it, we will send you home. Probably two more nights, though, understand?”

Dean nodded again and Cas squeezed his shoulder. Dean offered Cas his hand, wincing and as Cas held it he told Benny to hit the morphine, he wanted Dean to sleep after all the news. He held Dean’s hand and Benny held the other and kissed his husband and sang to him as once again he drifted off to sleep. When Dean’s hands relaxed they both let go and Benny rose to thank and hug Cas.

“It’s gonna hit him hard when he lets it, Benny.” Cas said. “I’m really sorry. How are you doing? Oh Jesus that was such a stupid question, forget I even asked.  Let me know if you need anything or if Dean does.”

“Don’t worry brother, I know what you meant. Thank you for the chance to try again, Cas. If Dean wants to, at least we will have that.  Take care of yourself and your little one, now hear?” Benny patted Cas on his swollen baby belly and Cas leaned in and hugged Benny again.

“Don’t worry about me, Balthazar is out there waiting for me to be sure we’re okay. I love you both, you know that.”

“We need to process and Dean needs to get well, we’ll be together and that’s what counts,” Benny smiled sadly, and Cas returned it as he waddled out to his waiting husband in the hall.

Benny sat back down in the chair to wait and see what his Dean would need now that he knew. He did the only thing he could think of and sang…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love to know what you think so far...


	3. The Sound of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean starts on the road to recovery and gets ready to head home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying to title each chapter with a song from my list of favorites. This title is Simon and Garfunkel

The day was a blur of morphine induced drowsiness stippled with visits from family. Dean pretended to be out even when he wasn’t when people came and god love Benny, he played right along. He always knew what Dean needed, even when Dean didn’t know for himself.  Sam and Jess came, he could tell Sam’s touch, it was so different from Benny’s.

Ellen and Bobby stopped by at some point. Benny let himself go a bit then; Dean could hear the thickening of his husband’s voice as he whispered to them. The marked silence that followed meant Benny seeking comfort Dean knew he wouldn’t find, but he didn’t blame him for needing it. Bobby’s voice after the silence, close to Dean’s ear almost broke through. Although he didn’t respond, he let the love seep in, from Ellen too, when she kissed his forehead. 

Benny kept the lights down, Dean whimpered when he didn’t. It made it easier to hide. He wasn’t ready to face it yet, even with his Benny. He would get there, but for now the silence kept him safe, still whole, still with her. Benny sang and held him close curling in around him on the bed. It helped.

Cas came back early in the early evening and talked to Dean about removing the morphine and the catheter. He had received all the blood he would need and they would give pain meds orally as needed. That meant Dean would have to wake and walk to the bathroom. Benny looked hopeful, asking Dean to be ready with his eyes. He could do it for Benny, he needed to, he would. Eyes closed the entire conversation, he nodded consent at the end.

Cas told Benny he and Balthazar would remove the tubes if he thought it would be easier. Dean felt Benny’s gaze and nodded silently. They donned gloves, both in scrubs, Cas’ stretched tight around his belly. First the IV, now he would have to drink more, be awake more. Next the catheter, knees when up reflexively as they touched. Careful hands, Benny’s hands soothed and unbent his knees and enveloped his shoulders and head as they told him to cough as they pulled. Burning pain joined the others, none as bad as the heart, but not pleasant at all. There was a freedom to no tubes, he didn’t really need it, not yet.

He drank what Benny brought him and took advantage of the last of the morphine to curl in on himself and sleep, knowing when he woke it would be time to return. He would face it without her, but with Benny.

It must have been night when he woke with a full bladder for the first time, the lights were low and no sun came in around the blinds. Benny was in bed with him arm over his waist protectively. He nudged Benny startling him awake and attentive immediately. “Gotta pee, Benny,” Dean forced out in a whisper. 

“Sure babe, let me get the nurse and we’ll get you up,” Benny answered as he hit the call button.  Two nurses, came into the room. They put on low lights at the head of the bed. Dean covered his eyes with arm and geared up for the inevitable. 

“Don’t need an audience,” Dean complained.

Tessa smiled genuinely, answering, “I’m Tessa and this is Sarah, we are your nurses from three in the morning to eleven. I’m glad to see you need to go to the bathroom, that’s a good sign. Getting up the first time is a little more work than you think.  There is a method to the madness and if you let us help you the first couple of times and we think you are not a fall risk, you can have Benny help you anytime after that, okay?”

Benny squeezed his hand, knowing Dean hated not being independent. “Alright,” Dean agreed, “I didn’t mean to-“

Sarah interrupted, “Dean, it’s a lot to take in, you’re doing well. Don’t worry; just know that we are here to help you get back to helping yourself. You had surgery Dean and getting up is going to be work the first few times. I’m gonna raise the head of the bed so you are sitting as straight as you can.”

Dean felt the bed going up and as his body bent, he felt it. He groaned and Sarah stopped the bed, She and Tessa helped him adjust and then raised the bed the rest of the way. Tessa handed Benny some slip free socks to put on Dean’s feet for walking to the bathroom.  They asked Benny to stand aside and let them get Dean up. They assured him that they knew he meant well, but that this was their area of expertise.  Dean watched Benny smile and step back but could still see his concern.

Sarah told Dean to push up with his arms on the bed and to lift his bottom and slide towards the edge of the bed. It literally took ten minutes for Dean to work himself so his feet hung over and hit the floor.  He could see Benny’s arms twitch and fists open and close with the desire to just pick him up and carry Dean to the bathroom. They told him to breathe and rest for a minute. They each placed a hand under his armpit and told him that they would not pull him up, but he could push off the bed or pull on them with his arms or a combination to stand when he was ready.  He tried several times and combinations and finally decided that putting a hand on each of their shoulders and pulling himself would be the best.

“Let’s give it a go on three, alright Dean?” Tessa asked.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” Dean answered. “This is definitely harder than I thought.” He was still sort of unfocused and seemed to remember where he was and looked around the room. “Hey Benny,” he said as his eyes found is husband.

“Hello, there Darlin’. Doin’ great Dean, I’m right over here.” Benny answered softly with his smoky southern drawl.

Dean turned his focus back to the nurses and steeled himself for the effort he would need. “Thank you,” he said as he renewed his grip as Tessa counted and pulled himself up to a standing position. These girls were not kidding, they never pulled but the coordinated counter balance they provided Dean was like well rehearsed teamwork.  Once he was up, their hold on him tightened a bit.

It was far harder and more painful than Dean expected and he hissed as he stood. His eyes filled but didn’t spill over, “Benny, please…” he cried out.

Tessa nodded to Benny who leapt over to his husband, not knowing where to hold or touch. “Just give him your shoulder for now,” Sarah said. “Let him catch his breath.”

Benny rubbed the back of Dean’s head as he rested it on Benny’s shoulder, sucking in breaths of air. Dean lifted his head and Benny gave him a quick peck on the lips before backing up.  Tessa told Dean to take one step at a time and they slowly made their way across the bathroom in the corner of his room. At least it was private and he didn’t have to go into the hallway like this. Once there, they suggested he sit to go, explaining that the first time urinating could take a few minutes. Sometimes the body needed to remember how to go and they didn’t want him to fall.

They stepped out and let Benny step in, showing them both a special insert he needed to pee into so that they could track his output and  the red pull chain if there was an emergency. They told them to pull the chain if Dean was dizzy or fell. If he was fine and just finished, Benny could just ring the regular call button next to the chain.  The nurses were correct, it took Dean almost ten minute to get himself to pee, but he did go quite a bit when he finally went.

Relieved, he had Benny call for help to get back to bed.  It was surprisingly easier to stand the second time and he washed his hands and walked back to the bed with just bare support.  Getting back into bed was a little harder because his bottom was so sore, but they helped him figure it out.  He told them his felt an odd sensation in his pelvis and Sarah explained that dean had surgical packing in his birth channel from hemorrhaging and the surgery. She told him it would probably come out in the morning.  Tessa had 800mg Ibuprofen for Dean and then they lowered the bed and Dean went back to sleep fairly easily.

The next time Dead woke, he heard bustling in the room and Tessa and Sarah were back. A lab tech was there to draw blood as well. Benny was standing by the bed and told Dean that the girls were there to clean him up before breakfast. Dean looked at Benny, who looked like he had showered already. He was wearing a new Henley and flannel shirt. “It’s six thirty, babe. Breakfast is coming at seven and Cas is coming for rounds at seven thirty.”

Dean rolled his eyes laid his head back down on the pillow.

Tessa and Sarah got Dean up after the blood work to use the bathroom again and he thought to take a shower.  Tessa told him he wasn’t approved for showers yet, but they would bathe him in bed. Dean was less than thrilled.  They eased him back into bed and laid the bed flat. He couldn’t believe how exhausting one trip to the bathroom could render him.  Sarah said she would go help another patient if that was okay and Benny was willing to help Tessa. Benny smiled at her knowingly and gratefully helped Tessa care for his husband. 

They used wash cloths and basins to soap Dean up and rinse him off. It felt so good to wash the sweat off that Dean didn’t care about the lack of privacy.  Tessa was very concerned with preserving Dean’s dignity and talked about anything but what they were actually doing, especially when she was cleaning his more private areas. They changed the sheets when Dean was clean and put a new gown on him. 

Tessa explained that after breakfast Cas would probably remove the packing inside of Dean and then he would probably bleed and need to wear a pad and underwear.  More fun times ahead.

Breakfast came and Dean tried to eat, but every time he took a bite he had to fight to swallow it. He drank all the juice and Benny got him some ginger ale, but Dean couldn’t choke down more than a few bites of cereal and part of a muffin. The eggs were untouched, he just couldn’t eat yet. Benny whispered that he would have someone bring something from the diner, but Dean panicked at the thought of visitors and it took Benny a while to calm him down.

Cas came in shortly after the tray was cleared from Dean’s room.  “Hey Dean, Tessa tells me you’ve been up a couple of times and you did very well,” Cas said to Dean as he came in the room.  Dean could not find his voice to save his life and grabbed at Benny’s hand and nodded his head. He explained that they were going to remove the packing that was in his birthing channel. He told him that is would not be painful, but he would probably have normal bleeding from his uterus. They had cleaned him out pretty good, but some bleeding would occur as his uterus returned to its normal size.  

Tessa came in with a bunch of supplies and she set them up on the end of the bed. Cas told Benny to stay at the head of the bed and he and Tessa were on either side of the bed at Dean’s waist level. They lowered the head of the bed and Cas pulled the sheets down to expose Dean’s gown.  They gloved up and Cas asked Dean to bend his knees and let them fall open.  Dean squeezed Benny’s hand and Benny slipped his free arm under Dean’s neck and leaned over to kiss his forehead.  He spoke calmly to Dean as Cas carefully removed the packing material. It almost seemed like magical scarves that never stopped. Cas explained that it was one long piece of thin gauze that made it easy to remove.  Finally it was out and Cas cleaned up Dean as Tessa removed all the materials they had used.  Cas slipped a maternity pad and under Dean and between his legs. 

“There didn’t seem to be much bleeding as I removed the packing, Dean but that could change the first time you stand, alright?” Cas asked.

He nodded, willing his voice to come to him, “Thanks,” he managed to get out.

“They said you didn’t eat much this morning.  Do you not feel well enough to eat? Are you nauseous, or is it just too much right now?”

Dean was caught off guard by the sympathy in Cas’ voice and he reached for Benny, fighting back tears. He clung to Benny, trying desperately to get air into his lungs and not cry. He wasn’t ready, not yet. Benny held him tightly, nestling him into the crook of his neck.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t intend to upset you. I just need to know if you need more medicine or just time to process.  If you think you are nauseous and medicine would help, let Tessa or Sarah know and we’ll get it for you.  Alright, Dean? I’m sorry. Let me know if you need anything.”

Dean didn’t want Cas to think he wasn’t grateful for his help. After all, it was because of Cas operating that Dean and Benny had another chance at all. Who else could understand Dean more than Cas, pregnant now no less. They were friends as well as doctor/patient. They were going to raise their kids as friends; they shared a bond as carriers that meant a lot to Dean. As Cas turned to leave, Dean reached out and placed his hand on Cas’ belly. Cas jumped at the touch, like it surprised him but then he simply reached out to Dean. He sat on the edge of the bed and hugged Dean.  He didn’t say anything else, just held him and Dean knew that he understood his loss like no one else could. Benny gave them a moment and Dean loved him a little more for it.

After Cas left, Dean took a nap and Benny snuggled on the bed with him. Lunch came and Dean made an extra effort to eat.  He made Benny go to lunch with Bobby in the cafeteria after Dean ate. Ellen stayed with him and he slept again.  He told Ellen to ask everyone else to wait until he got home to see him again, even Sam and Jess. He needed time to work through what was happening he didn’t want to have emotional moments in front of strangers, here at the hospital.  Ellen understood and promised to convey his wishes.  Sam and Jess wanted to come see Dean when he was awake, but they would have to respect his wishes. 

Dean ate dinner as well as he could and slept and before he knew, it was morning and Cas had reexamined him and approved his discharge. He had already showered so he just had to get dressed to go home.  Benny had asked Ellen to get Dean some clothes. When Ellen showed up with Benny’s Navy sweats and hoodie and his favorite zeppelin t shirt, Dean felt himself smile at Benny, his first genuine smile since it all happened. 

Benny helped Dean put on a pair of boxer briefs that would hold a maternity pad.  He slipped on the sweats, the t shirt and the hoodie. He had just started to wear a carrier bra but didn’t bother with that today.  It was mid August, but Benny knew Dean needed to cover up and he knew Dean loved to wear Benny’s Navy uniform sweats.  They were like armor and he was going to need it to survive this day.

Standing in the center of the hospital room, it hit Dean.  He would leave here today with no baby in his belly or in his arms.  That feeling of dread took his voice again and he didn’t speak again while Tessa and Sarah went over the discharge instructions. He had to watch for excessive bleeding. There was no lifting or work until his first check up at four weeks. He could not drive or have intercourse for six weeks.

He paced slowly, back and forth in the room as Bobby pulled Baby up in front of the hospital.  Benny would drive Dean home in his ’67 Impala and Bobby and Ellen would come by with dinner unless they called earlier. 

Tessa and Sarah both came with the wheel chair and Dean’s breathing became rough and erratic as he realized it was time to go. Benny pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back and shushing him with sweet whispers.  He turned towards the door seeing the girls who had turned their backs to give the couple a moment together.  He couldn’t find his voice or words, but he squeezed both their hands and nodded.  “You’re welcome, Dean,” Sarah answered for both of them. “We’ll both be here when you come back under different circumstances. We already told Dr. Novak we want to be your nurses again.  Here are our numbers, our cells.  Call anytime day or night if we can help with anything.

Dean sat in the chair as they steadied it and reached out for Benny’s hand. Dean watched as Benny hugged and thanked both nurses.  He took Dean’s hand and squeezed. Dean covered his mouth with his free hand as a sob escaped his lips.

Benny bent over and wrapped Dean in a warm embrace as he pulled himself together. “Love you, Big Bear,” Dean whispered. Benny kissed him firmly on the lips and said, “Let’s go home Darlin’.”

Both nurses were wiping their eyes and clearing their throats when Benny straightened. He nodded and they started out the door into the hall.  Benny held Dean’s hand and Sarah pushed the chair.  Tessa walked on the other side of the chair and the turned the corner and went by the nurses’ desk. Balthazar was working and saw them leaving. He walked over and hugged Benny, then leaned down and kissed Dean on the cheek. 

They continued down the hall and off of the maternity floor to the elevators. They made their way to the discharge circle where Bobby had the Impala waiting in the shade.  Benny helped Dean out of the chair and walked him to the passenger door of the car.  He eased Dean down into the seat and buckled his seat belt. He threw their bag into the back seat and then got into the driver’s seat.  Dean waved to Tessa and Sarah. “Good luck, Dean,” they said in tandem. Benny waved and then started the impala to begin their drive home.

Dean leaned his head against the window when the car moved. He was feeling completely overwhelmed and lost when he felt Benny’s hand find his on the seat between them. Benny threaded their fingers together and Dean thought that even if he was lost, he wasn’t alone. If he had to be lost, at least he would be lost with Benny. With Benny, he would find his way out of the silence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would love to hear your thoughts...


	4. Our House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny drives Dean home reflecting on how they came to live in their home and wondering how he will help Dean cope with coming home without their baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter so that you know what their home is like, and how excited they were to have their baby.

Driving Dean home without their baby girl was one of the hardest things Benny had ever done. Watching Dean go into surgery was horrible, hearing what happened was even worse, telling Dean with Cas and watching his husband feel for their child in his belly nearly killed him.  This was just the icing on the worst fucking cake Benny could imagine.  They were supposed to be bringing another family member home.

Four years ago, the year before they were married, Rufus sold Benny the diner, for almost nothing.  Between the two of them, they had the cash to pay him outright.  Benny had saved for years in the Navy and socked away anything he made as a cook. Dean lived at home and Sam had gotten full scholarships to KU and Stanford, so Dean had his savings. Rufus had shown them the second level and they knew immediately they would make it over to live in. 

The diner was industrial looking but on the outskirts of a residential neighborhood that had crept towards it over the years as it had grown. There was grass on both sides of the diner and Benny decided to make an outdoor sitting area for business on one side and a side yard on the other for them. 

There was a park just down the street. Many times the diner was full of families having a snack or a meal after playing there and they had installed coffee shop style machines and hired baristas. That combined with the menu changes Benny put in place, sent the diner into another level of success.

They borrowed against the business and completely renovated the upstairs into a beautiful loft apartment.  It was huge and perfect for a couple hoping to have a family. They moved in six months before they were married. Benny could not bear to be there without Dean; after all it was their home.  

There was an open floor plan for the kitchen, living and dining room areas. The kitchen was a cooks dream, stainless appliances, granite counters, and dark cabinets with a large center island. The living room contained a huge sectional sofa, a large square coffee table on top of a large area carpet. A huge flat screen hung over the stone fireplace they had put in. There were built in book shelves stuffed with cookbooks and novels and photos and little knick knacks that they had collected together.  Entertaining was never a problem with the huge table they had in the dining area.  Many a dinner party and holiday had filled their home with laughter.

There was a sectioned off master suite for Dean and Benny and three more bedrooms and two full bathrooms on opposite sides of the loft, one intended for guests to use. They hoped to fill those bedrooms with little feet right away. There were dark hardwood floors with radiant floor heating throughout the entire loft. 

 Ellen and Bobby could not believe it when the master suite fully designed and furnished remained empty until the boys were married.  They slept in separate rooms at Benny’s request. They had waited three and a half years, they would do it right and wait six months more.   

They had designated a large portion of one of the grassy areas as a private yard for their family.  There was a grill area that Dean referred to as kick ass and a six foot vinyl privacy fence. Dean love to mow the grass and planted flowers and a small vegetable garden. 

Their home was wonderful and five months ago they had gotten the news they had been waiting for, Dean was pregnant. They waited until the second trimester to do any planning or decorating but had to tell family because Dean suffered from severe morning sickness.  He was a trooper and Benny doted on him with anything he thought would help. He brought flowers, ice cream, pie, movies, you name it.

When things were going well and the second trimester started, Dean designed a nursery.  It was for their little girl, they had found out her gender at one of Dean’s many ultrasounds needed to be sure the baby was healthy after so many months of morning sickness. It was mostly pink of course, though many people assumed Dean would decorate in less feminine a design.  He told Benny he wanted a girly girl with curls, hair bows, dance lessons, and whatever she wanted. The shabby chic rose nursery full of floral fabrics and quilted bedding was completed the week before Dean miscarried. 

Now they were on their way home to face that same beautiful room without Rosie Grace to lay in her crib.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, feelings...


	5. All of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean reflects as they come home from the hospital. His mind wanders to when he met Benny and when he almost ruined everything. He gives us a glimpse of their wedding and honeymoon and of his true southern gentlemen of a husband...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of writing. My dad had surgery for cancer, but will be fine. Taking care of dad gets priority.
> 
> I have this things for wanting to read both peoples perspectives on how they met. I think it is nice to see what they interpret the same way and what they don't.

They pulled up in front of the diner, buzzing with customers coming in for lunch. The impala was instantly recognizable and most people were not aware of the events of the past few days, so Benny waved and pulled around to the back, to the private entrance. 

Dean remembered meeting Benny when Rufus had hired Cas’ old Navy buddy.  He had always frequented the diner but became much more of a regular when the saw blue eyed cook with the southern drawl.  When he answered the ad about the truck that “purred like a kitten”, Dean had almost choked on his saliva.  Still he played tough and the guy blushed furiously stumbling over his words.  Dean was curious, so he slipped his number in with the title and waited.  He squealed like a girl when Benny's number lit up his cell phone, though he would deny it to his dying day. They hit it off well, but Dean was holding something back. 

They dated for several months, Benny never pushing for anything more than heated make out sessions, Dean assuming the handsome man respected his youth, and lack of experience. The nine year age difference never bothered them because Dean was twenty three, but Benny seemed to get that he had been a conservative dater.  At a logical and appropriate point in their relationship Benny, while they were eating burgers at their favorite bar, told Dean how he felt about him and invited him to stay the night at his place after dinner. 

Dean agreed but kept ordering drinks and got way too drunk. Benny took him home to his apartment without laying a finger on him. Dean remembers flipping shit and throwing himself at Benny.  Benny refused his advances, claiming he only wanted to “make love” to Dean sober.  Dean lost it at Benny’s kindness and told him he had never had sex and he needed to be drunk to let it happen to him.

Benny told him that sex shouldn’t _happen_ to him at all, which Dean misinterpreted to mean that he wasn’t worthy of Benny and he lost it to the next level reverting back to the self loathing his dead father had instilled in him.  He recalled the look of horror on Benny’s face as he told him he figured he didn’t want to knock up a breeder and tried to leave, for good.  Benny hugged him tightly and told him he was dead wrong about everything.  He picked Dean up, like bridal style, and took him home to Ellen and Bobby.   

He explained what happened and asked permission to put Dean to bed and stay with him, no funny business.  Dean was so drunk things began to blur but he woke up to Benny curled up at the end of his bed when he ran to empty his stomach.  Benny was gone when he left the bathroom, he did linger on purpose. He smelled Bobby’s famous big breakfast but Dean was so embarrassed. When he finally gathered the courage to face his family, he was shocked to find Benny sitting at the table with them. 

Dean sat down in silent humiliation and waited for the blow, verbal or otherwise.  He jumped when Benny grabbed his hand and circled around the table to kneel by him.  Benny looked Dean square in the eye and told him loved him, just as he was and that he thought his status as a carrier was a gift.  He told Dean to think long and hard about what he wanted out of life and how he felt about Benny.  Benny said he would wait, and would be honored if Dean wanted to be with him and to have children with him. He said Dean had the kindest heart of any man he had ever met.  He also told him there was one thing he would never let happen again.  No one would speak poorly of Dean and his status, not even Dean himself.

There were married four years later and made love for the first time on their honeymoon. Dean had found a true southern gentleman in Benny and wanted a family with him. It took three years but Benny was sweet and patient and five months ago Dean had gotten pregnant. 

He suffered three long months with severe morning sickness, but compared to three years of trying, Dean felt lucky.  Everything was going well and then a few days ago he woke up feeling ill. He eventually called Benny downstairs and then all hell broke loose.

“Dean?” Benny was shaking Dean and he had been so wrapped up in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed.

“Oh, sorry babe,” he answered. “You okay there darlin’?” Benny cupped Dean’s chin.

“Mind was just wandering, that’s all,” Dean told his husband.  Dean leaned his head into Benny’s chin, feeling his scratchy beard. 

“Let’s go in, alright?” Benny asked. Dean nodded, unsure but trusting Benny.

“Dean, everything we bought is still here. I did have Sam and Jess move anything this they found into the nursery. We had a few things we were washing, ‘member? They moved the bassinet and the living room changing table, but they did it neatly. I didn’t want you…I wasn’t sure if you…” Benny faltered.

Dean kissed Benny softly, “It’ll be alright, Benny, hard, but I ‘preciate it.”

Benny helped Dean from the car and up to the door of their warehouse diner/apartment.  Benny used his key to get them in and they stood in the freight elevator that took them upstairs.  Benny had insisted in keeping the elevator so that when they had kids, they wouldn’t have to carry everything up and down a flight of stairs. Dean was glad today that they had. 

During the short ride on the way up, Dean told Benny he wanted to head right to the bedroom. “I wanna shower and wash off the hospital then take a nap, okay with you?”

“Anything you need is fine with me, sugar,” Benny said as he kissed Dean’s temple. “Anything you want, you tell me, alright?”

“Just shower and sleep,” Dean stated. Benny nodded his understanding.

The elevator stopped and they stepped out into their loft apartment. Dean leaned into Benny as he took a few tentative steps toward their bedroom. “Come with me?” Dean asked softly.

“Course darlin’, course I will,” Benny wrapped his arm around Dean and walked slowly with him to their room.  Dean averted his gaze as they got closer to the door that separated them from the nursery. He focused on the goal of getting showered and in bed.  He wanted Benny to curl around him in their bed under the covers with him.

They made it to the bathroom in their bedroom and Dean let out a sigh of relief.  He stripped immediately and Benny, noting Dean’s urgency, moved to start the shower. Dean felt Benny guide him into the shower. He had closed his eyes to avoid seeing his shrinking belly in the mirror. It was still there, but not swollen tight as it had been when Rosie was still with them. “Careful now, Dean,” Benny said as he supported him and Dean scrubbed the traces of the hospital off his body. When Dean stilled under the spray, soaking in the heat, Benny cleaned up the clothes and disposed of the maternity pad.

“You alright while I fetch you some clean clothes?” Benny posed. Dean nodded and put a hand on the wall to steady himself just in case. 

When he heard Benny return, he turned off the shower and stepped onto the bath mat.  Benny wrapped him in a towel and dried him off gently. He helped him slip on new briefs that they had bought purely for Dean to wear postpartum.  Benny had gotten a pad out of the cabinet for Dean and he gave it to him.  Dean removed the paper strip and stuck the pad to his underwear before pulling them up all the way.  Benny slipped a soft t shirt of his over Dean’s head and helped him put on a pair of flannel pajama pants, despite the fact that it was mid August. He toweled off Dean’s hair so it wouldn’t get the pillow too wet. 

They moved to the bedroom and Benny pulled back the sheets and blankets. He helped Dean climb onto the bed, scooting was still miserable for Dean.  “Come to bed?” Dean invited, voice tired. 

“Just let me text Bobby, get your Ibuprofen and change my clothes, okay?”

Dean nodded and Benny hurried to complete his tasks. He returned and wearing pajama pants and a t shirt he spooned around his husband snuggling Dean’s head under his chin and wrapping his arm around his waist. “Sleep Dean, I’ve got you. I love you so much,” Benny leaned in and whispered in Dean’s ear.

Dean nodded so he wouldn’t open his mouth and allow the anguish to escape.

 

Dean woke alone in bed but smelled something on the stove cooking, chicken soup maybe. He got up and used the bathroom.  He changed the pad in his underwear and when he came out of the bathroom Benny was there. “I’m sorry, darlin’, wanted to make soup but didn’t want you to wake alone,” Benny apologized. 

“It’s okay Benny, what time is it?” he asked.

“Almost five. Bobby and Ellen called. They’re coming over now. Sam and Jess wan to come at six, is that okay?”

“Yeah, better to pull the band aid off quickly now I think,” Dean said as he headed to the kitchen. 

“Bobby and Ellen are gonna grill burgers so I made you some soup, ‘case you weren’t ready for something heavy.”

“You’re a doll, you know?” Dean asked as they stood by the pot on the stove. Dean had been avoiding eye contact for fear of losing it, but he looked right at Benny then and laid his head down on his husband’s shoulder. Benny swayed back and forth with him, humming their little lullaby.

“Sing it to me Benny, please? Like on our wedding night,” Dean asked rubbing his hands up and down Benny’s back as he rocked them gently to and fro.

Their wedding night had been at the beautiful Plaza Hotel in New York City in June. Benny had chosen the Plaza when he noticed that Dean’s movie collection held both Eloise at the Plaza and Eloise at Christmastime. They’d had a morning wedding and a brunch reception in Lawrence. It was simple but beautiful and intimate and they flew to New York in the early afternoon.  They wanted to see the bright lights of the Big Apple and eat in some of the food network chef restaurants. Benny had arranged for them to see Wicked and The Phantom while they were there as well. 

They arrived that first night in time for a dinner reservation at Craft, owned by Tom Colicchio. They had a fantastic meal and then went back to their hotel to spend the night together.  Benny was a sweet lover. He helped Dean relax and enjoy their first time in ways Dean never thought he would. They climaxed almost at the same time and Dean cried at the joy, pleasure and relief of being with Benny. He couldn’t help it and he was so embarrassed until he saw that Benny was crying as well. Benny held him and sang Golden Slumbers to him until he fell asleep.

They quickly became the favorite guests of the concierge staff with Dean’s wonder at the big city and their gentle ways together. They packed in all the suggested sights and activities they could during the day and spent their nights tangled together in bed learning what they needed to do to take each other apart, in the best of ways.

That simple lullaby had become their song over the years. It calmed Dean when nothing else could. He sought solace in Benny’s singing of it tonight. It grounded him, kept him from going over the edge of insanity when he was so damn close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone leaving comments, helps with motivation.


	6. How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny and Dean get ready for the family to join them for dinner on the first night home from the hospital. It's awkward at best until Sam's little spitfire, Jess breaks the tension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reaching back to my Solid Gold days for this Bee Gees song. I meant to mention that the songs don't necessarily come from music Dean would listen to, more from songs that get me into the feel of the chapter as I write it.

Benny joined Dean on the couch and asked if he wanted or needed anything before everyone arrived.  Dean indicated that he wanted to share the nursery and the baby’s name with the family tonight, but thought that maybe he would like to go in the nursery with Benny beforehand. 

“Sure, If you’re up to it,” Benny said pulling Dean a little closer. 

“I’m afraid if I don’t go in there tonight, I may never be able to face it,” Dean confessed in a whisper. He pushed up off the couch and winced as he stood. Benny got up to join him and they held hands as they walked to the door of their baby’s room.

They stood there for several minutes with Dean’s hand on the knob and Benny behind him with his hands around his waist. Finally, Dean turned the knob and opened the door.  Benny gasped in a breath first, tightening his hold on Dean, who let out a sad, long sigh. Dean pushed Benny’s arms off and walked around the room and touched all of the things he had so carefully chosen for their daughter. Wide pink and white stripes adorned the lower half of the walls, with a white chair rail and pink upper walls.  The pink was almost not pink but a blush color, just warm.

Benny had learned a lot about what shabby chic meant and the room was full of floral fabrics heavy with roses in the rocking chair cushions, lamp shades, curtains, and bedding. There was a well loved look and feel to all of the fabrics and Dean had told Benny how that feel made it shabby chic. It had an heirloom vintage feel. The furniture had a distressed look and hand painted flowers. There was a changing table, an armoire, a dresser and a small table by the rocker.  Dean had already begun to fill the walk in closet with things as well.The cradle they had chosen for the living room as well as the second changing table had been moved into the room as well so that Dean could confront them when he had been ready.

Dean held it together quite well, Benny thought until he reached the crib. It was white, but very ornate in design.  The side of the crib against the wall was high, like a headboard of an adult’s bed, and the spindles were tapered and feminine. It looked like the bed of a princess and it broke Dean’s heart to see it empty.  The mattress was set high for when they brought home their newborn daughter. Dean lowered the side of the crib and laid his head and chest on the soft quilt that he had placed there last week.

Benny saw Dean sobbing before he ever heard any noise leave him. He shook out large silent sobs until he was forced by his body to draw in a breath.  Benny was sure he had never heard anyone or anything suffer like Dean was suffering in this room.  He leaned over and rested his head on Dean’s back and tried desperately to comfort him as he cried.  Benny had wanted the baby and he had never been as sad as when she had left them, but Dean had carried her for five months and built this for her. He could not imagine how Dean had not let it out before now.

Dean straightened himself up off the crib still shaking with sobs and holding the quilt. He turned to Benny who encircled him with his arms. They didn’t say anything, they didn’t need to. There was really nothing to say. They just held each other and looked at each other in silent communication.  This was awful, there was nothing worse and it was far from over, but their eyes said what they couldn’t. They would survive this. They would survive it together.

Dean kept the quilt with him as they left the room. They walked arm in arm back toward the living room and as they left the nursery, Benny grabbed the doorknob to close the door. Dean stopped him.

“Leave it open Benny, please. I don’t want it to be hidden behind the door, we’d leave it open if she was here, we should leave it open now.” So Benny left the door open and walked Dean to the couch.

Their tears came and went as they waited for Bobby and Ellen to arrive for dinner.  There were tissues on the coffee table, probably brought by Sam or Ellen while they were at the hospital. They made quite a pile next to the box as they waited for everyone to arrive.

Benny’s cell phone rang as they were wrapped in each other’s arms, and Dean urged him to answer it.  It was Sam calling about coming to see them for dinner.  He explained to Benny that Jess was concerned about coming to dinner.  She felt uncomfortable, only being Sam’s girlfriend, though Sam told her they all thought she was family. 

“Darlin’, Sam says Jess is worried you might want some privacy tonight with family and maybe she should stay home. How do you feel about that?” Benny asked as he presented Sam’s concerns.

“Tell Jess to get her ass in the car and get over here. Tonight’s about family and like it or not she’s in ours, and tell her I love her too,” Dean ordered.

“Did you get that Sam?” Benny chuckled a little at Dean’s answer. “Good, okay see you in a bit,”

They heard the elevator as Benny got off the phone with Sam.  Dean got up off the couch and Benny folded the little quilt and placed it over one of Dean’s shoulders. They made their way to the elevator to greet Ellen and Bobby.

Dean lingered back a little as Benny opened the freight door into the apartment. He heard quiet words and figured Benny was just telling them what had passed since the hospital. Dean trusted Benny so he did not object to being spoken about while he was five feet away. He waited for Bobby and Ellen to come to him when they were ready. 

Ellen, red eyed and forced smile, gave Dean a big hug. She didn’t say much besides; I love you, what was there to say. Bobby wrapped Dean in a big tight hug and held him for a while.  The both walked him to the couch and Benny got the bags for the kitchen.  Ellen fingered the quilt and Dean buried his head into her shoulder letting go of a few more tears.  She held him and ran her fingers through his hair. Bobby rubbed his back, and let a few tears go himself. 

Benny was unpacking the groceries and had to stop to blow his nose. Dean looked up to see Benny crying in the kitchen and quickly went to him.

“I’m sorry Dean. I’m so sorry,” Benny cried softly. “I feel like I failed you. Like if I took better care to watch you-“

“Benny, Benny,” Dean said as he hugged his husband. “Don’t blame yourself. There’s no one to blame.”

“Here, you two go sit together for a while and Bobby and I will get dinner going,” Ellen directed. Bobby guided the two men to the couch and they curled up together. He took the baby quilt off Dean’s shoulder and laid it over them.

Benny got a text from Sam’s phone, though it was Jessica texting. She said they were driving over and would be there in about five minutes. She indicated that Sam was eager to get to Dean but visibly upset. She wanted Dean and Benny to be prepared. Benny texted back that he and Dean were the same and they would all be a mess together.

“That Sam?” Dean asked after Benny put his phone back in his pocket.

“Jess actually, they’re almost here. Sam’s worried about you and Jess says he’s upset, just so you know,” Benny said softly.

Dean carefully stood and called out to the kitchen, “Sam and Jess are almost here.” Benny wasn’t sure if Dean was preparing Ellen and Bobby or himself with the announcement. Ellen shot Benny a knowing glance; she must be thinking the same thing.  Dean paced back and forth by the elevator doors and leaned into Benny for a hug when he heard the pulleys start.

“This’ll be the worst babe,” Dean warned him.

“I figured, I’m here,” Benny said in his soothing southern drawl.

The freight style door opened and Benny held Dean as Jess stepped off and hugged them both. She had tears in her eyes, but held herself well, Benny thought. He took Jess by the hand and led her off a few feet as Sam walked off the elevator.

He walked straight to Dean and pulled him into a crushing hug as Dean laid his head on Sam’s shoulder and cried mournful sobs. Sam cried just as hard, but held Dean tight as he called out “Sammy!”

“It’s gonna be okay, Dean,” Sam choked out, “I’m here, just let it out.”

Sam gave a nod to Benny who wrapped an arm around Jess’ shoulders as they walked to the kitchen. There were no dry eyes tonight, but at least they had confronted the elephant in the room and could try to move forward.

Bobby took the burgers down to grill then while Sam and Dean still comforting each other moved to the couch to sit. Dean looked tired Benny thought, but Sam held him and wrapped the baby’s quilt around his shoulders.  They did not talk a lot and when they did, it was whispered, private consolation between brothers who had been through so much together.

Ellen, thankfully, had occupied Jess, so Benny went to the bathroom and got two facecloths wet with hot water and a hand towel. He took them to Sam and Dean. “Thanks, Benny,” Sam said as he took them and with the first one he washed Dean’s face and then dried it. He did his own face with the second one. Benny had never seen Dean let himself be handled like this by Sam in all the time he had known them.  It was touching and yet so sad to see Dean leveled like he was. 

Sam got up off the couch and brought Benny the towels. He wrapped his arms around Benny and spoke softly, “I’m so sorry Benny. I know this is just awful.  I love you like a brother, you know.”

“I do, Sam, I do and same here, you know that, too,” Benny answered, voice think with emotion.

Sam continued, “Thank you for taking such good care of Dean. He told me he wouldn’t have survived without you. He loves you so much and he was so happy. He said you have been so protective of him. He needs it Benny, you know how he gets. If you need anything, you let me know.”

“I do, and I will,” was all Benny could get out, but he looked as Sam and nodded the unspoken words. 

Bobby came back up in the elevator with the burgers and the rest of the food had made its way to the table plates, glassed and silverware.  The all sat down to eat the burgers, corn on the cob and oven roasted potatoes and vegetables. People were tentative with the food at first but then Dean put food on his plate and the atmosphere seem to lighten and they all began to eat and talk.  Dean sat across from Benny and next to Sam.  Jess sat on Sam’s other side and Ellen was across from her.  Bobby was on the end next to Benny and Dean. 

The food was great, but Benny could see Dean just moving it around and not really eating. “Would you rather have soup, Dean?” Benny asked.

“No, this is great, just trying to find my appetite,” Dean answered as everyone looked at him sympathetically.  “Listen, just enjoy dinner.  The only burgers you’ll get better than these are Benny’s,” he forced a smile at Bobby. “Somebody get me a beer, silver linings and all,”

“Hey now, he may own the diner, but I’m the burger master around these parts,” Bobby teased back practically running to get Dean his beer.

Dean even took a few bites, but Benny could see it was just so everyone else would be able to eat. Mostly he sipped the beer but even that seemed forced. The conversation picked up and they talked about everything but the events that had brought them together for tonight’s dinner. Benny could see the misery building in Dean as the meal went on and the tension of everyone around him avoiding certain topics built.  

Suddenly, Benny saw a look on Dean’s face that he clearly recognized from three months of morning sickness. “Feel sick, Dean?” Benny asked as he got up and came around to Dean’s side. Dean nodded and leaned into Benny. He wrapped his arm around Dean and lifted him to his feet. Dean swayed and Benny grabbed him tighter. Ellen had the sixth sense of a mother and put together two grocery bags, handing them to Benny just as Dean began to vomit. For only drinking about one third of a beer and a few bites of food, Dean threw up what seemed like gallons.

“Sorry, ‘m so sorry,” he kept saying between bouts. Ellen had wet a clean dish towel with cold water and put it on the back of Dean’s neck.

“I ruined your dinner, Ellen. I’m so sorry,” Dean cried as the nausea died down. Benny took the cloth off his neck and washed his face with it.

“Dean, you did nothing of the sort. It’s kinda in the cards for a night like this to suck,” Ellen said taking the bag and tying it up.  Bobby took the bag from Ellen and the garbage from the kitchen and announced he would take them both out to the dumpster. 

Benny thought Dean almost laughed as Ellen said the dinner sucked. Then he spoke, “It does suck, doesn’t it. This whole fucking thing sucks. She should be here, and it fucking royally sucks that she’s not!” Dean was either going to laugh or cry hysterically, Benny couldn’t tell.  Ellen walked Dean over to the sink and gave him a glass of water to rinse out his mouth.  She told Sam to get a coke out of the fridge for Dean.  Dean took a few sips and leaned against the counter looking out the kitchen window. 

“How come nobody talks about it? We all just get together and we just avoid the topic.” Dean said as he stared out the window.

“Dean,” Benny pleaded, about what he didn’t know.

“No, Benny. I’m not trying to cause a problem, but why don’t we talk about it, talk about her?”

Sam, ever the little brother jumped in, “It just happened and I think nobody want to upset you, Dean. Truthfully, you look like you hurt so bad, no one wants to be the one to make it worse.”

“Damn, Sammy. Don’t hold back,” Dean turned to look at Sam as he shot back his response. “I get it, but I’m not fucking glass. And I do know this, if we just sweep this under the carpet with bullshit happy talk, I am gonna lose my mind. So, let’s go…ask away…what do you want to know?”

They all looked at Dean stupefied by what he had just said.  Not one of them seemed to be able to take the initiative. Bobby came back in to find them all in their dumfounded states. Then Jess, God bless her, piped up, soft but confident.

“Okay, Dean. I’ll bite. I’ve got a question.  You said I’m family, so here goes.” Jess said as she came around to face Dean. “Does my niece have a name?”

Nobody breathed. Not Dean, not the others as the question visibly processed through Dean’s brain.  He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her against himself. His eyes filled and spilled over, but he smiled, laughed almost as he said, “I knew Sam picked a spitfire when he brought you home.” Jess returned his hug as Dean answered her question.

“Her name is Rosie Grace. Benny’s family names girls after flowers. Wanna see her nursery?”

“I would,” Jess smiled, “I think we all would.” She took his hand and they led everyone to Rosie’s room. Benny stood close as Dean talked about all the things they had chosen and why. He cried at points, but they all did. And maybe in sharing this together, just maybe they bonded a little more as a family.

The rest of the night was spent cleaning up dinner. Dean said they should watch a movie, so they did. They laughed through Eloise at the Plaza, eating pie, also Dean’s suggestion. It was the first thing Dean had eaten easily since Rosie had passed and Benny thought that healing a broken heart happened just like this, one small moment at a time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should be he worst of the sadness. Nobody gets over loss in one night, but Benny will see his Dean return to him slowly over time from here on out. There will be moments where they still lose it, but it gets better. 
> 
> Love to hear thoughts, they morph into inspiration...


	7. Bridge Over Troubled Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean isn't doing as well as he lets everyone believe. Benny intervenes, but Cas actually provides what Dean needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to get past the sad parts and on to the next part of their lives, but it is just not that simple. Hang in there, fun times are coming...

Dean and Benny spent the next few days alone together in their home. Dean slept a lot and Benny made him all his favorite foods trying to get him to eat better. Some things worked, some did not, but Benny kept trying.  Every time Dean got up there was another meal or snack and Dean gave it his best, but mostly he was living on ritz crackers and coke.  On the fourth day home from the hospital, Dean had a talk with Benny.

“I think you should go back to work,” Dean confided in Benny. “I want to start back to normal a little, maybe visit you downstairs for lunch and maybe have Bobby bring me by the shop for a change of scenery.”

 Benny looked kinda like Dean had slapped him.

“Is that not okay with you? Benny?” Dean searched in Benny’s eyes for his response.

“It’s fine darlin’, ‘f that’s what you want to do,” Benny conceded. “I just thought we’d have more time at home?”

“I’m not talking about going back to work for me any time soon, and if you don’t want to go back yet, just say so. But I can’t just stay up here and hide as much as I love being with you all day. I just can’t be this still and isolated,” Dean blurted out his thoughts and began opening and closing his fists anxiously.

Benny gently took Dean’s hands in his and pulled Dean closer to him on the couch. “Come here Dean, relax.” He snuggled Dean into his shoulder tucking his head under his chin. “I love that you can always let me know what you need.”

“But you seem not so okay with it.” Dean said lifting his head to look at Benny.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t okay with it, you just knocked me for a loop, there for a minute,” Benny corrected gently. “If I had my way, I’d keep you here forever and never let you hurt again, but that ain’t real now is it?”

“Nope, but it’s good you love me that much.” Dean responded.

“I do. I love you so much and I want to make sure you are ready to face the reality that is comin’ your way, ya know,” Benny conveyed more with his eyes than with his words. “You seem to have thought about this more than me, so why don’t you tell me a little more.”

“Well, I feel better physically, and you know I don’t sit still well,” Dean replied as Benny smiled. “I just want to have more to do than be sad and sleep. I mean, I’m still sad, and I am not ready to work on cars yet, but I feel like I need to get up and make the bed. I know that you could have all the time you want from the diner, but what are we really doing here all day?” Dean began to cry as he spoke. “I’m hurting your feelings, I can tell, fuck Benny, I’m trying-“

“Dean, Dean, love, please, it’s okay. Tell me what you need, don’t hold it in. We can’t hide from each other in this one, we need to stick together,” Benny took Dean’s face in his hands. “You are not hurting my feelings. Spill it! Tell me everything.”

Dean explained to Benny that he felt well enough to get up and get dressed and to make short visits, like the diner, the shop, or even the grocery store, anywhere just to feel normal for a while.  He confessed that if he had to stay in the apartment without leaving until his check up that he would begin to resent their home and he didn’t want that because he loved their home together.

He also told Benny that he wanted to begin to put away some of Rosie’s things.  He wanted to leave the nursery decorated, because if they decided to try again, and they had a girl, he would honor Rosie by using the room he planned for her. It didn’t bother Dean to use the clothes and things if they were to have another child, but he couldn’t know they were just hanging in the closet, unused.

Benny told Dean that he understood what he had told him and was comfortable with most of it. He would leave it up to Dean how much got put away in the baby’s room and he was comfortable with Dean wanting to go out as long as he called Cas to see if it was healthy for Dean.  He also told Dean that he wasn’t quite ready to go back to work yet, and when he did, he wanted to alter his hours for a while.

Dean apologized for not considering Benny’s feelings about the baby and assuming he would just go back. Benny understood and said that he would go back to work on Friday and work breakfast and lunch. He said he would ask Rufus to work dinner for a few weeks because Benny felt like he needed to have dinner with Dean and spend the evenings with him if that was alright with Dean.

They talked for a bit more and then Dean made a suggestion. “Wanna go for a drive?”

“Yeah, let’s go. Let’s go to that little ice cream stand over by KU that you love,” Benny added.

Dean showered and slipped on a pair of maternity jeans and one of Benny’s t shirts and flannels. He still had quite a tummy, but it was less obvious with Benny’s clothes. They drove with the windows down on the highway and AC/DC blasting. For a while, Dean almost felt back to normal.

When they went to bed that night, Dean felt lighter and he slept soundly in Benny’s arms for the first time in over a week.

Benny returned to work that Friday and Dean developed a daily routine for himself. Cas had cleared him for short trips and things like doing the dishes, but no driving or lifting anything heavier than five pounds. Benny had gotten Dean a few large tubs to pack away the items in Rosie’s room.  It was hard, but he wanted to begin the transition.  Benny worked breakfast and lunch and was home by four every afternoon. Dean made a simple dinner for them on the weekend and he liked the feeling of accomplishment.

Monday came and Benny kissed Dean goodbye as he left for work. “Monday’s aren’t too busy. Maybe I’ll come for lunch today, ‘s that okay?”Dean asked.

“Sure darlin, you can sit at the counter or if it’s real quiet we can eat together in the dining room,” Benny answered with a smile. “See you at lunch, maybe.”

“See ya Benny,” Dean answered.

Just like he said, Dean showed up about eleven thirty, coming through the kitchen to avoid the lunch crowd. When Benny saw him, he wiped his hands on a towel and wrapped Dean in a huge hug and kissed him sweetly.  Dean held on to Benny and took some deep breaths. Seeing people was going to be harder than he thought.

Rufus and his crew were prepping for dinner and he came over to say hi and tell Dean he was glad to see him out and doing so well.  Dean managed to find the words he needed to thank Rufus for all his help and said he was glad to be out and about.

Benny had time to eat with Dean so they went out to find a seat in the dining room. There were a few regulars there and they waved and gave sympathetic smiles, but they all seemed to understand the couple’s need for a quiet lunch. Dean ordered a bowl of corn chowder and crackers with a coke and Benny had a cheeseburger. They ate and talked quietly, holding hands across the table at times, when they needed to touch. Dean managed a few bites of the soup and drank the coke. Benny had the waitress bring a piece of wild berry pie with ice cream and he fed dean little bites between his bigger ones. Dean enjoyed it, but still really had no appetite.

Benny was a little concerned about Dean’s not eating and had called Cas a couple of days ago. Cas told him that as long as he drank and ate a little something every day, he was fine.  Cas told Benny that truthfully he couldn’t imagine being able to eat after what had happened, so Benny didn’t push it.  But then the nightmares began.

The first one happened one evening when Dean fell asleep on the couch while he and Benny were watching Jurassic Park.  Dean twitched a little in his sleep with his head on Benny’s shoulder and then mumbled incoherently.  Benny moved his arm from under Dean to put it around his shoulders. Dean mumbled again but it sounded more like a whimper, so Benny gave his shoulders a squeeze. Dean jumped a sat up quickly, confused about where he was for a second. 

“Hey, darlin’,” Benny whispered. “Bad dream?”

“No…yes…I don’t know,” Dean frowned, not really sure of what had happened. 

Benny leaned in and gave him a kiss and suggested they go to bed, since Dean was falling asleep anyway. Dean struggled to fall asleep and when he did, it was fitful and littered with dreams that woke him. That continued for a week, sometimes Dean woke crying softly, sometimes he shouted himself awake. Each time, Benny was there to calm and comfort him, but the dreams continued. Benny was past concerned about Dean, who never seemed to be able to talk about the episodes he was having.

Benny spent a week finding Dean pacing the length of the apartment in the middle of the night, or feeling sick in the bathroom, but one night Benny hit his limit.  He woke to an empty bed again and went in search of Dean.  He found him in the nursery sitting in the corner of the room with Rosie’s quilt around his shoulders.  He was rocking and crying and looked like death warmed over.  Benny picked him up, realizing he weighed a lot less than he should have, and brought him back to their bed.  It was two thirty in the morning, but Benny didn’t care, he called Cas anyway.

Cas offered to come right over, but Benny just wanted an appointment first thing in the morning. Cas told him to bring Dean to his office at eight and he and Balthazar would meet them. The morning could not come fast enough for Benny, but he had a hard time convincing Dean he needed to go see Cas.  Finally, Benny just told him he didn’t care. He could go as he was or  after a shower and dressed in clean clothes, but he was going either way. Dean gave in, showering which scared Benny all the more.

They arrived at the office at eight, and Balthazar was at the door waiting for them.  Benny realized they were seeing him an hour before the office opened. He walked Dean to the door and Balthazar helped him get Dean into an exam room.  Cas came in the room and was clearly shocked at Deans appearance. He asked several questions of Dean and Benny when Dean would not answer.  He examined Dean by taking his weight and blood pressure. He did a finger stick for Dean’s blood sugar and another one for a simple hematocrit to determine if more involved tests were needed.  They were all worried when Dean did not put up a lot of objections.  Balthazar left the room at one point and returned with an armful of supplies.

“Thanks, Balth,” Cas said. He and Balthazar conferred about the finger stick strips and gloved up and got the supplies ready for an IV.  

“Dean, you need an IV so I can give you some fluids.  You are nearly dehydrated. I think your finger sticks are okay. Balthazar is going to do you IV for me, okay?” Cas informed Dean.

“Benny!” Dean tried to sit up and find his husband. Benny grabbed Dean by the shoulders and laid him back down. “Here I am Dean. Lay back down darlin’.”

“No needles, Benny.” Dean said as he started to become upset. It was as if he finally realized something was going on and it involved him. Benny combed his fingers through Dean’s hair trying to calm and soothe him.

“Dean, you need fluids and if you don’t get them, I am going to have to admit you to the hospital.  Let Balthazar start it and help you feel better.” Cas intervened in the conversation.

“Listen to Cas, Dean, listen to Cas,” Benny whispered as his level of concern climbed with every second. 

Balthazar was from London and was an OBGyn just like Cas. They had met when Cas attended special training for Male Carrier deliveries after medical training.  The two had fallen in love and Cas asked Balthazar to come back with him and establish a practice which would accept male carriers as well as female patients. He had become part of the extended family very easily and was a wonderful husband to Cas.  He asked Benny to help him get Dean undressed and in a gown.

Benny slipped Dean’s shirt off and Balthazar replaced it with a gown quickly. Benny tied it in the back and Dean laid back down. Benny took off Dean’s boots, unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans, slipping them down off his hips and then the rest of the way off. Dean whimpered but Balthazar was there with a blanket to cover him. 

“Dean, my love, hold Benny’s hand while I get your IV going,” Balthazar directed Dean to hold still and relax. He tied the rubber band around Dean’s forearm to start an IV in the back of his hand.  He changed his gloves for a fresh pair and felt around on Dean’s hand for a vein.  He wiped with an alcohol swab and prepared Dean, “Little stick love, hold still.” Then he inserted the needle into Dean’s vein. “Good boy, Dean. Almost done.” He removed something leaving the IV in place and taped everything down securely.  He attached the IV tubing and ran the line with fluids, connecting it to Dean’s hand. He brushed his hand over Dean’s forehead and gently told him he would feel better as he got the fluids.

Once the IV was going, Cas began a physical exam on Dean.  He asked Dean if his chest hurt and unsnapped the gown to examine each of Dean’s breasts to be sure he didn’t have an infection or inflamed breast tissue.  Next he felt Dean’s abdomen for tenderness, but found none out of the ordinary for a post partum carrier.  He covered Dean with the blanket and told Dean and Benny he wanted to do an internal exam and an ultrasound to be sure there wasn’t an infection in Dean’s uterus.  Dean who still had a hold of Benny’s hand, reached his breaking point and tears began to flow.

Benny leaned over and held Dean as he cried into the crook of his neck.  He slipped his arm under Dean’s head and held him against his chest, speaking to him in a soothing tone as Balthazar slipped of Dean’s boxers and Cas pushed Dean’s heels to his bottom and told him to let his knees fall open.

“Just a quick two finger check okay Dean? Lots of pressure, I’m gonna go slow.” Cas told Dean. Dean jumped anyway and hissed mostly out of apprehension more than pain. “Little pressure on you tummy, Dean. Sorry,” Cas apologized for Dean’s discomfort. Balthazar brought Benny a warm wet cloth to clean the gel off of Dean so he could put his boxers back on. Together he and Benny got Dean back together and covered him with the blanket up to his chin. Dean shivered, so Balthazar got a second blanket.

Cas talked to Dean about what was going on but he got the feeling Dean wasn’t really answering the question, but was holding back.  He asked to speak to Dean alone, which Benny didn’t really like but Cas kind of insisted. Balthazar walked out with Benny and asked if there was anyone he wanted to call. Benny called Bobby and Sam to let them know what was going on and where Dean was. He called Rufus to check on the diner, but Rufus said not to worry about them.

He nearly jumped clear out of his skin when he heard Dean shout and start sobbing. Balthazar stood in front of him and reassured him that Cas would call if Dean asked for Benny and he suggested that they let the two carriers have a chat. He indicated to Benny that he thought Dean’s problem was more in his heart and mind than his body.  It took everything Benny had in him not to go to Dean. Hearing him cry and not being there to comfort him was horrendous. Just when Benny couldn’t take anymore, they heard the front door open and Bobby and Ellen came in.  Benny let go and Bobby grabbed him into a tight embrace, releasing everything he had held in when he was taking care of Dean.  Ellen rubbed his back and Balthazar offered them his office for some privacy. Balthazar explained what was happening with Dean and Cas. Benny let go of Bobby and covered his face with his hands, trying to get himself under control.

“Sometimes it’s better to let that shit out, Benny,” Bobby said encouraging Benny not to suppress his feelings. Benny cried off and on while he waited to see Dean.  Balthazar left the room after his phone went off and Cas came into the office.

“Balthazar is with Dean. I wanted to explain why I wanted to see Dean alone.” Cas told them.  He told them that he though Dean’s struggle was not medical in the sense of illness, but that Dean was struggling mentally and emotionally, which was to be expected.  He talked with Dean as his doctor and also a fellow carrier.

During their talk, Dean broke down and admitted that he was unable to accept that he did not know what Rosie looked like. He was having nightmares about what she looked like and it frightened him. He also had nightmares that she was alive and lost and he could not find her because he had never seen her.  Cas admitted that he had something he thought might help Dean. They had a photographer on staff at the hospital that was trained to take pictures of babies that had passed away. Usually it was still born infants or later term infants.  He asked Benny of he remembered when Cas had asked for their wedding bands. He told them they had been used by the photographer who had been able to get one photo of Rosie that Cas felt would be appropriate to show Dean.  He had not mentioned it before now because it had just been sent to him by the photographer a few days ago.  Cas was going to present it to them at Dean’s check up as a momento.

He had offered it to Dean and he wanted to see it but wanted Benny to be there. Cas explained that it was a black and white photo of the baby’s perfect little right foot with their wedding bands around her ankle. He explained that the focus was on the foot and the bands and the rest of the photo was blurred out tastefully.  He  made it clear that it was a lovely photo and that the purpose of the photo was to show parents how small the baby was and why she may not have survived. She was just too young. He hoped the photo would reassure Dean and not upset him further, but he did not know until they tried.  He asked Benny if he was willing to see the picture with Dean.

Benny wanted to see the photo and wanted to see Dean. So Cas brought them back to the room with Dean where he was sitting with Balthazar. Benny was surprised how much better Dean looked already since having the IV.  He hugged and kissed Dean telling him he looked better already.  Dean asked Benny of Cas had told him about the photo and Dean’s face actually lit up when he talked about it. 

When they were ready, Cas brought the picture of their baby and stepped back as they looked at it. Benny cried immediately, but Dean smiled, with tears, but smiled nonetheless. Dean held the picture to his chest and sighed such a relieved sound that Cas had to clear his throat and Balthazar put his arm around his husband in support. It had been hard on Cas that Dean had lost his baby and he couldn’t help her. He hoped this would bring Dean some sort of closure. 

They left Dean and Benny alone for a while as his IV ran its course.  Dean looked better by the minute and they removed the IV when the bag was empty.  Cas wanted a call every afternoon with a report of what Dean was eating and drinking or he might need another IV. Benny assured Cas that they would call and Dean assured him he would eat. 

When they left the office, Dean was clutching the photo and he showed it happily to Bobby and Ellen. He called Sam and told him to come by the house after work so he could show him as well.  Dean wanted to stop by the diner before they went upstairs and he ordered a mint chocolate chip milkshake and drank the whole thing.  When they went upstairs, Dean went right to the fridge and put Rosie’s picture right next to the picture of Dean with his belly standing in the newly finished nursery. He told Benny he was tired, happy but tired. They laid down together and Dean slept so soundly he snored. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are most appreciated...


	8. A Rose by Any Other Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unfortunate incident ends up helping Dean realize something he was't sure of and in the end becomes a positive moment for Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this title is not a song but came to me with the idea, so there you go! This was one of the first things that came to me when this fic hit me. These thought possess me until I write them. I really wanted to move on to smut, but this impeded that, so I had to get it out of my brain. God that made me sound like a complete weirdo...any way, next chapter smut. Smut I tell you!

A few weeks passed in relative calm for Dean and Benny.  Dean had been eating fairly well, so he had gotten his coloring back and evened out his weight.  He woke up every morning when Benny went to work at five to say goodbye and then went back to bed until about eight.  He got up eagerly most days and had breakfast before working around the loft cleaning or planning dinner for him and Benny.  About three mornings a week, Bobby came by and picked him up to spend the morning at the shop.  He still wasn’t cleared to work on cars, but could consult with the crew on whether or not to accept new projects or what to do with current cars being renovated.  He enjoyed being busy and was ready to get back to work.

He went to lunch at the diner nearly every day to see Benny. Sometimes Benny sat with him at a booth, but most days Benny was busy and Dean ate at the counter where he could see his husband through the window pass into the kitchen. Benny would wink at him and Dean would smile back as he ate his turkey club. Benny always brought Dean his pie personally so he could give Dean a kiss. Nothing thrilled Benny more than Dean’s lunch visits. He knew they meant that Dean was feeling better and on his way to moving forward. 

Nothing would undo what happened to them when Rosie passed, but they were starting to see some light at the end of a dark tunnel.  They would forever be changed and they were different people in some senses, but they were still together, in love and keeping each other supported. They had been getting out in public more and they had a few tough moments, times when Dean saw something that triggered a little sadness or running into someone who had not heard what had happened to them.  All in all they dealt well with them and they began to have less sad moments and many more happy ones.

Benny’s favorite part of getting better was hearing Dean laugh again. He was making ruebens on the grill and thinking of how much Dean had laughed during Guardians of the Galaxy the night before when his cell phone rang. He had never been tied to his phone, but since Rosie, Benny kept it in his cooks coat pocket on the loudest setting in case Dean ever needed him.  He pulled his ringing phone out and it was Dean, so he picked it up, “Hey darlin, what’s up?”

Benny heard nothing but tight fast breathing and his stomach dropped, “Dean? Sweetheart, are you alright?"  When Dean didn’t answer, Benny fought the panic rising in his chest. “Dean, darlin’ can you answer me?”

“Benny…” Dean said weekly, voice breaking into soft sobs. Benny recognized the tone, Dean was somewhere in public, panicking.

“Where are you Dean? Tell me where you are, I’ll come,” Benny assured Dean in a calm voice. “I’ll come darlin’”  Benny made a motion to Rufus who was prepping for the dinner shift.  He mouthed that he needed to go get Dean. Rufus nodded giving the thumbs up and Benny shed his apron and headed out back to the loft elevator, still talking to Dean on the phone. Dean wasn’t home but Benny grabbed the keys to the impala and the house phone. Dean was not supposed to drive yet, so Benny called Bobby on the house phone to see if he had driven Dean anywhere. Turns out Bobby was picking up parts across town and Dean had asked to be dropped at the grocery store while he ran his errands. 

Benny told Dean he was on his way and took off in the impala to rescue his husband.  Shit, Benny thought Dean had been doing so well, lately. Benny didn’t even remember driving to the store. He parked in a handicap space and ran inside.  He looked for Dean up and down the aisles and was about to find the manager when he saw the sign for the restroom. “Christ almighty,” he groaned as he pushed open the door, the strong smell of vomit hitting his nose hard.

“Dean?” he called softly. He hung up the phone when he saw dean’s jeans and boots kneeling in the middle stall. He pushed on the door but it was locked. “Dean, open the door darlin’”, Benny soothed. He heard Dean shuffle and then the door slowly opened. Dean’s eyes were red and puffy from crying and his shirt was covered in his own vomit.  He pulled Dean to him, puke and all and held him tight. “What happened, Dean? What the hell happened?” Benny asked cradling Dean’s head in the palm of his hand. Benny called Bobby and told him what was going on and asked him to bring dean a clean shirt or a blanket.

Bobby was there in lightening speed and they put on the flannel shirt Bobby had brought to get Dean out of the story quietly. Benny took off his cooks coat, now spotted with the vomit and wore just his t shirt and jeans. When they left the bathroom, the manager was there and said he had seen Dean get upset and said he would show them out through  the back of the store so Dean didn’t have to walk through the whole store.  He didn’t know exactly what had happened and Dean would not talk to him. He was actually going to call the police for help when one of the checkers told him who Dean was and that he would probably call Benny. 

Benny got Dean home and in the shower.  He climbed in with him and washed his hair and the rest of him and dried him off. He walked him to the bedroom and gave him boxers and a t shirt. He put Dean in bed and stepped out to tell Bobby that they were going to bed for a while and he could go.  Bobby said he would stay for a while in case they needed anything if Benny didn’t mind. “Thank you Bobby,” Benny said and went back to Dean.

Dean slept for an hour or so and then told Benny what happened.  He had been at the store picking up a few items for dinner and a bottle of Mr. Clean while Bobby picked up some parts. He had gotten in line when a woman with a baby got in line behind him. She only had two items so he let her go ahead. The baby was a girl, a little blonde girl with curls and Dean innocently asked the woman what her name was. Dean buried his face in Benny’s neck and cried. Benny guessed what the woman must have told Dean the baby’s name was.

“I’m sorry Dean, that must have been a shock,” Benny rubbed his hand up and down Dean’s back. 

“I never even met another one and I never thought…” Dean began to cry again.

“You never thought in a million years when you asked that she would say Rose,” Benny finished and Dean nodded.

“I panicked and barely made it to the bathroom before I puked.” Dean choked out. “She must think I’m nuts.”

Benny’s phone rang, it was Rufus. He was calling to say there was an upset woman with a baby in the diner looking for him. Benny couldn’t believe the fucking timing and told Dean he thought the woman might be downstairs in the diner.  He reassured Dean that he would go down and explain to her what had upset Dean and send her on her way to spare Dean revisiting the whole event.  Then Dean surprised him.

“Maybe I should go and explain to her what happened. I feel like I need to get past shit like this. I can’t do that having you do all my explaining. But I would love it if you would come with me,” Dean said looking to Benny to see his reaction.

“Alright, Darlin’, if you’re sure it won’t make it worse,” Benny answered supportively.

They threw on some clothes and told Bobby what was going down and headed off to the diner, Bobby in tow.  The entered through the kitchen and Benny spoke to Rufus who pointed out a woman who looked stressed and a little sad, sitting in a booth.  Benny relayed the info to Dean who took Benny’s hand and led them to the dining room. The woman recognized Dean right away and looked a little nervous as her eyes flicked back and forth between Benny and Dean.  Benny smiled and waved trying to look like the two large men approaching in jeans, t shirts and boots were not a menace to her or her little girl.

Benny noticed Dean grip his hand a little tighter as they got close enough to see the beautiful baby. She must have been about 6 months old and she was as happy as any baby could be, smiling and chewing on her gooey wet fingers. The thought of Dean being alone when the mother told him the baby was named Rose made his heart ache to the point he thought it might stop beating.

“Hello,” Benny said quietly offering his hand. “My name is Benny Lafitte and this is my husband Dean.”

“Hello, she answered shaking Benny’s hand. “My name is Nora and…” and Benny saw her physically catch herself before repeating the introduction that had gotten her into this situation. “I came to apologize for what happened in the store today. I feel terrible, I hope I am not upsetting you further by coming here,” she turned her gaze to Dean as she spoke. 

Benny let go of Dean’s hand and wrapped his arm around his husband’s shoulders. Dean looked up from his boots and made eye contact, “You don’t need to apologize to me, I should be the one apologizing here. I’m very sorry, I was just completely caught off guard and I panicked. We…I lost our baby named Rosie Grace a few weeks ago, and-“

“We did not lose her Dean, she passed on,” Benny softly corrected turning to Nora and continuing, “I try to tell him, you lose things you don’t take care of, like shoes and pens. Dean took very good care of our baby and they don’t know why she passed, she just did.”

Dean smiled at Benny and then looked back to Nora, ”I am sorry for my reaction and I hope I did not upset you or your Rose, I did not mean to.”

“The girl at the checkout counter told me who you were and what had happened and I felt just awful.  I bought your groceries and asked her where I could bring them and she told me about you owning the diner. My husband and I eat here all the time.  I won’t come back if it’s too much for you to bear, seeing my Rose when you don’t have your Rosie-“

“No, no don’t feel that way. It was very nice of you to buy the groceries and bring them here. You come any time and let me pay you back,” Dean said reaching in his back pocket for his wallet.

“You don’t have to do that,” Nora objected waving her free hand at him.

Benny piped in, “You better let him or I won’t hear the end of it. He’s pretty stubborn.”

Nora laughed nervously and accepted the money, handing over two bags from the grocery store. “Well, I am really sorry and I hope you get the chance to try again, you seem like you’d be really great parents. I’ll go now, good luck to you both.”

“Nora, why don’t you stay for a little while, my Benny makes great pie…and I was wondering if maybe I could hold her for a minute,” Dean inquired flicking his eyes to the little girl and back.

“Sure Dean, that sounds fine,” she answered with a sweet smile.

Benny held his breath as Dean put his hands out to the baby who immediately grabbed one of his fingers and pulled herself towards him.  Dean placed his hands gingerly around her middle and picked her up resting her against his shoulder. Benny had to cover his mouth with his hand when the baby melted into him, snuggling into the crook of Dean’s neck. Dean rocked her back and forth before turning to Benny and commenting on how sweet she was. The three adults sat down to pie and coffee, though Dean’s was untouched as he played with the little girl until her mother had to go.

“Thank you for the pie,” Nora said as she took Rose back from Dean.

“Thank you for bringing the groceries and for sharing Rose with us. And for what it’s worth, I am really glad I ran into you today. It turned out better than I could have imagined.”

Benny slipped an arm around Dean’s waist as the young mother left with her baby. Dean turned to Benny and kissed him soundly declaring, “I hope Cas clears me next week. I’m ready to try again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know how I'm doing as far as you are concerned...if you comment i will write smut...


	9. Leaving On a Jet Plane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean begins to heal in his heart and his body and Benny presents him with a fabulous surprise. Prepare for happy times and lovely smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John Denver's song from the title is not at all about this chapter but captures a sweetness in feeling that inspired this chapter. Just so you know in case you go listen to it and thin I'm nuts.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sorry I had to edit..I realized the last part had been left off the chapter. I must have copied and pasted wrong...sorry

Six weeks, it had been six weeks since he felt roundness in his belly and Dean could not believe it had been that long. It was already the end of September. He had never thought of time in such a valuable way before Rosie had gone.  Now he thought of times when six weeks had made all the difference in the world. He thought of the six weeks after his mother had died, and how quickly his father had deteriorated. He thought of the hell he had been in six weeks before Bobby and Ellen had taken him and Sammy in permanently.  Before the adoption, their life had been nothing but fear and migrant moves wherever their father could find a job, a job that he could hold until he drank again.  He thought of the six weeks following the day he had met Benny, the feeling of another person needing, wanting all of you and wanting them in return. Mostly he thought of the incredible loss he felt when he ran his hands across his stomach just six short weeks after it had been so full of life. What a difference six weeks could make.

“You okay Dean?” Benny asked brushing the back of his hand on Dean’s cheek as they drove in the impala to Cas’ office for his post partum check up.  “Yep,” Dean answered, smiling at Benny and lacing their fingers together on the seat between them

“Nothing’s wrong, just a little worried about the appointment. It’ll be fine I’m sure. You just know how I hate the doctor stuff,” Dean admitted raising Benny’s hand to kiss it. Dean had hated being a carrier before Ellen and Bobby had helped him realize that his father had filled his head full of hateful nonsense about not being a real man.

Dean had never liked girls…never. But his father had him so fucked up about liking guys that Dean just chose to like nobody. It wasn’t until Bobby and Ellen had set him straight that he would even let himself look at a guy, and he had never acted upon any attraction until Benny.  Benny’s genuine personality and affection for Dean and his appreciation of Dean’s carrier status is what finally helped Dean embrace and accept his ability to have children. Now he loved that he had a choice and had almost had the fruits of that choice. He knew what it felt like to carry a life and to have the man you love look at you with reverence and respect at your ability and willingness to do that so the two of you could become three.

The only thing he could never get past was his hate of going to see an Ob/Gyn for exams.  It seemed silly that it would bother him, but it just was so humiliating to him. He felt out of control with someone who wasn’t Benny having access to the most private areas of his body and he just dreaded it. It had been better when he was pregnant, more purposeful, less degrading, but then he thought women and men probably felt equally embarrassed with their feet in stirrups and their ass hanging in the wind.

He felt Benny squeeze his hand a little harder and he jolted back into the present with Benny.

“Here we are darlin’,” Benny said as he pulled into the parking lot of Cas’ office. Dean groaned, “I’m glad to be getting cleared for work and especially for sex, but I fucking hate this.”

“I know you do, Dean. I appreciate you for going through this, you know that. You’re a great husband and a brave man. I…” Benny paused mid sentence looking at Dean eyes a little wet and almost sad.

“What Benny? It’s alright, don’t be upset,” Dean comforted Benny with a kiss.

“Me don’t be upset? Jesus Dean you’ve got a set of steel balls. After all you’ve been through with trying for three years, then Rosie passing and you still willingly come back? I don’t think I could do it Dean, that’s part of what makes you so special to me. You are a kind and brave soul and I’m not sure what I did to deserve you,” Benny choked a little on the last words before clearing his throat.

“Quit it you jackass, you’re making me turn beet red and we have to go in now,” Dean teased Benny to lighten the mood. “I love you , my big bear, that’s why I can come back, ‘cause I love you so damn much.” He planted a firm chaste kiss on Benny’s lips while he held his face in his hands. “Now let’s get this shit over with.”

They signed in and sat in the waiting room half full of expectant women. A few times when they had come before, there were other carriers, just not today. They got a few smiles and it was a little hard for Dean to wait there with so many bellies to see, but Benny, being Benny, grabbed Dean’s hand and held it tight. 

Cas himself came out to get Dean but stopped at the desk to say something quietly to the receptionist before calling his name. He shook Benny’s hand and hugged Dean apologizing for Dean having to wait with all the expectant mothers. He explained that he had told the receptionist to call him immediately when they arrived, but he had been with a patient so she didn’t disturb him.

“It’s fine Cas, can’t avoid it forever, right?” Dean asked trying to reassure him that it hadn’t been that bad, and it really hadn’t been as bad as Dean expected.

Balthazar met them in the hall and they all went into the exam room Cas showed them.  Dean was normally greeted and assessed by a nurse, then seen by Cas. He did not normally see Balthazar except in passing, so he was curious, “What’s with the star treatment today, no nurse and two doctors? Did I win something?”

Cas had Dean sit on the exam table in his street clothes and offered Benny a chair while he sat on a stool and Balthazar stood behind Cas. “We wanted you to be comfortable today Dean. We knew that this might be a difficult visit and we both wanted to be here to help you through it,” Cas indicated and Balthazar nodded.

“Oh, I appreciate that,” Dean told them. “It’s been a rough few weeks but with Benny here, I’m doing alright. I’m kind of eager to see if I can go back to the shop and…well I’m sure you know what else,” Dean chuckled face reddening.

“I’m sure, I’m sure,” Cas laughed along with Dean. “We’ll get to all that, but before we begin with the exam, we have the results of the lab results on your miscarriage.”

“Oh,” Dean said soberly, reaching for Benny who came to stand next to him at the table. “Alright, let’s hear what you found out then.”

“The results reinforce what we told you in the hospital. There were no uterine or cervical abnormalities, you have no immunologic issues, you do not have thyroid issues or diabetes that was untreated, you do not experience ovarian cysts, and there was no sign of bacterial infection of any kind.  You were not engaging in inappropriate lifestyle choices such as drinking or smoking, and the lab tests confirm no abnormal chromosomal results. Your miscarriage falls into the unexplained category. We see no need to be worried about it happening again, as in cases where one of the things I listed occurs. It is our belief that it was a medical anomaly and for lack of a better way to describe it, a fluke.” Cas explained carefully. “Do you understand? Do you have any questions?”

Dean was relieved that Cas didn’t think it would happen again, but worried that there was no cause. Cas explained further that it wasn’t uncommon for male carriers to miscarry once but that recurring miscarries usually had a physical problem or underlying medical condition that affected their pregnancies.  Dean asked if Cas honestly thought it would happen again and his answer was no, he didn’t, but it wasn’t a guarantee. 

Cas continued with the exam by getting Dean’s weight and blood pressure.  He and Balthazar left the room while Dean changed into the gown Cas gave him.  Benny flipped the infamous light switch so that Cas would know Dean was ready and the exam continued. Cas examined Dean’s chest and breast tissue for abnormalities or issues and then completed an internal manual exam. When Cas had finished, he told Dean things looked great and he was released from all restrictions.  He could now drive, go back to work and was no longer on pelvic rest. 

Benny asked Cas about an appropriate time to start trying to get pregnant. Dean wanted to start right away, but Benny wanted confirmation that it would be safe for Dean to be pregnant so soon.  Cas reassured Benny that it would be fine and that’s why Dean had just had six weeks of pelvic inactivity, to allow his body to heal. Cas saw no reason to wait unless Dean was not ready, physically or mentally. Benny looked at Dean and then Cas and said they thought Dean was handling things well and they really wanted to try again.  Cas told them he was happy for them and Dean could get dressed.

They left the office with a new prescription for prenatal vitamins and smiles on their faces.  Benny especially smiled because he had been laying the groundwork on a surprise for Dean and now could finish his plans. 

***

Dean returned to work on Monday. He and Benny had not had sex yet, Benny said he was just not quite ready and wanted to give Dean an extra week to feel better. He said maybe they would go to dinner and a movie next weekend and then ease back into sexy times. Dean of course wanted to jump right back in, but Benny sweetly explained that he was the one who had watched Dean so be weak and so sad and he asked for a little more time. Little did Dean know what his husband had planned for them.

Thursday morning the alarm went off and Dean woke reaching for Benny, but all he found was a cold empty bed. He sat up and called for him, they always snuggled in the morning and he didn’t think Benny was going to the diner early. “Benny? Babe?”

“Out here Dean,” Benny answered from the kitchen. “I need to talk to you.”

Dean got up and thumped his way to the kitchen, annoyed that Benny was messing with their normal routine.  He found his husband standing in the kitchen fully dressed with suitcases at his feet. “What the hell is going on, Benny?” Dean asked, rubbing his eyes. Then it hit him and he looked up in panic. “Benny…” Dean whispered softly. “Where are you going?” he asked forehead wrinkled with concern.

“Hey now,” Benny said walking over and holding Dean’s face in his hands. “Not me…we. We are going on a little trip, just you and me.” Dean’s face relaxed and he leaned into Benny’s hands. “Now you didn’t think I would be goin’ anywhere without you did ya?” He leaned in and kissed Dean sweetly at first and then intensified it pulling him closer, lips asking for more. Dean responded with a hand around Benny’s waist and the other on the back of his neck, opening his mouth to his husband. They stood in the kitchen sharing wet messy kisses until Dean needed to breathe.

He pulled back from Benny’s mouth but held onto him, “You are so sneaky. It’s been almost a week and you haven’t even touched me. I should have known you had something up your sleeve. Where the fuck are we going?”

“I thought maybe we’d go see Wicked again, you liked it so much on our honeymoon,” Benny said.

Dean leaned in to rest his forehead against Benny’s, “The Plaza?”

“The Plaza,” Benny answered. “Go get in the shower. Our flight leaves at noon and we everyone knows we are going. All we gotta do is leave. We don’t come back til Monday.”

Dean looked over his shoulder as he walked towards their bedroom, “You’re just taking me to New York City because you think you’re gonna get a little somethin’, like the first time we went.”

“Countin’ on it,” Benny snickered.

***

Their flight was smooth and they landed at JFK and went to baggage claim. There was a driver holding a Plaza sign that said Dean and Benny, so they approached him. He waited with them as they got their suitcases and they headed to the car outside. It was nearly October and the air was starting to cool down a little. Dean was practically vibrating with the excitement of spending four nights in New York City with Benny. The driver stowed the luggage and held the door for Dean and Benny to get in. Dean couldn’t help himself and rested his head on Benny’s shoulder. They had so many happy memories of the city and it was time for Dean and Benny to make some more together. They had been through enough; it was time to have some fun. Benny rested his hand on Dean’s thigh as they made their way out of the congested airport to the expressway and through the tunnel to the Plaza. He could feel the tension leave Dean as his head rested on his shoulder and he looked forward to the next few days they had together.

When they arrived at the Plaza they were greeted by the doorman and bell boys took the luggage from the driver as Benny took Dean’s hand and they walked into the lobby. They approached the desk and the man working there asked if they had a reservation.

“Yes, it should be under Lafitte,” Benny answered confidently, then turned to kiss Dean on the cheek.

The man typed away into the computer and smiled brightly, “Yes, Mr. Lafitte and good afternoon to you as well, Mr. Lafitte,” he said looking from Benny to Dean.  “You are staying in our Edwardian Fifth Avenue Suite overlooking the Pulitzer Fountain and Fifth Avenue itself.  Welcome, I see you have a very busy stay planned and we are so happy to help you enjoy that as much as we can.  You have butler service while you are with us and he will check in with you shortly after the bellboys help you upstairs.” He handed two room keys to Benny and they headed to their suite. Benny tipped the bellboys and suddenly he and Dean were alone for four whole nights in New York City and it felt good.

Benny grabbed Dean by the hips and pulled them together kissing him fiercely. Dean kissed back equally powerfully his hands fisted in Benny’s shirt holding him close. Dean was just considering rocking his hips against his husbands, for more friction when the suite phone rang sharply and they both jumped.  It was their butler calling to see how they were doing on checking in.  He had offered to come and unpack their suitcases and check to see if the private bar contained everything they needed.  Benny said he could come to the room which earned him a glare from Dean who had flopped onto the king size bed in hopes of luring Benny in as well.

Off the phone Benny explained that they couldn’t have finished what they started because they had reservations for Bobby Flay’s Bar Americain at eight pm anyway and if the butler would unpack and press all of their clothing, why not let him.  Benny wanted Dean to be pampered this weekend, not that Dean was the type to easily let that happen, but he would do his best to see that Dean relaxed and enjoyed himself completely. 

The butler, Samandriel, came and introduced himself and walked them through the suite explaining how all of the amenities available to them. He showed them the bar and asked if they needed any other choices to be made available.  Benny explained that Dean was not drinking as they were trying to have a baby and he asked if there could be ingredients for non alcoholic drinks as well.  Samandriel assured them that he would take care of it and he had a solid repertoire of alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks should they desire him to make some for them.   He proceeded to unpack their suitcases when the phone rang again.  He answered it for them, and asked if Benny wished to talk with the concierge on duty, Fergus Crowley.

Benny had made lots of plans for he and dean with Mr. Crowley and he was eager to talk with him.  He told Dean to lay down for a few minutes which Dean found weird with the butler walking around the room unpacking their personal shit, but Benny had gone to a lot of trouble and Dean wanted to show Benny how much he appreciated it, so he did. The butler brought Dean two button down shirts and said he would press them for their dinner reservations and that their jeans and boots would be fine, if that was okay with him.  Dean was thrilled to not have to iron and thanked him.

A short while later, Benny came back and said their plans were all set and they were going to have a great weekend. Samandriel brought the pressed shirts asked if Dean or Benny wanted to shower, if so he would start it for them and put all of their personal items . They did and while they showered, he efficiently hung all for their clothes or put them in drawers. They were truly ready to relax and enjoy their time in the city.

Crowley called when their car had arrived to bring them to Bar Americain. When they arrived in the lobby, Crowley approached them both and specifically greeted Dean, “I am so glad to see you again Mr. Lafitte. It has been a few years since your first trip and I am so sorry to hear about your Rosie Grace. I hope that we can help you have a relaxing time this weekend, your Benny has many wonderful things planned for you. If you should need anything, please do not hesitate to ask. Have a lovely dinner, Bobby’s expecting you both.”

Dean was kind of shocked and kind of touched by Crowley’s kind words, and laughed when he said that Bobby was expecting them.  He thought it would bother him more that he had mentioned Rosie, but it actually made him feel better like someone other than family was acknowledging that she was a member of their family and not just a medical case or procedure.  He was really looking forward to eating dinner, he looked online to see what  the restaurant had on its menu and it sounded great.

They pulled up at the restaurant and the driver let them out. Benny gave their name to the hostess and she greeted them warmly. Dean grabbed Benny’s hand and squeezed he was so excited. They were immediately shown to a table in a quiet area of the restaurant and told that Bobby would be there to see them shortly. A waiter came and introduced himself and took their drink order. Benny ordered a beer that would go with steak and Dean ordered cranberry juice and club soda. Their drinks arrived along with one very dynamic Bobby Flay. Dean turned three shades of red he was so thrilled, he had always watched all of Bobby’s shows on food network.

 “Hey, Benny and Dean, is it? I’m Bobby, my man Crowley at the Plaza says you’re good people. It’s nice to meet you.” He turned to Benny and said that Crowley told him Benny rand his own diner and then to Dean and said he heard Dean was a fan and restored cars as well. He was funny and easy to talk to and asked them if they had read the menu or minded if he did something special for them. Dean said they were open to whatever he wanted to do. He asked if there were any dietary restrictions and Benny said none except trying to get Dean pregnant. Bobby said that was great and he was sorry to hear that it hadn’t worked out the first time. He wished them luck and offered to make them a double smoked bacon grilled pizza with caramelized onions and toasted garlic to start and a rib eye with sweet potato gratin for Benny and steamed lobster with grilled lemon butter and fries Americain for Dean but that they should really share and taste each others as well.

The meal was fantastic and romantic and Dean felt himself melt when Benny looked at him across the table. Bobby brought out espresso and cocoa nib crème Brule and pistachio profiteroles for dessert and offered Benny a tour of the kitchen. Benny was in his glory with all of the cooks and Bobby showing him how they worked and Dean was so proud to be walking arm in arm with him. It was a wonderful night and Dean could not thank Bobby enough. He walked Dean and Benny to the door of the restaurant and actually hugged them both. He said he should come see the diner sometime to try some of Benny’s Cajun Creole recipes and patted Dean as he told him good luck with the attempt at another baby and Dean thought he really meant it. The ride back to the Plaza was like coming back from the moon.

Crowley smiled and nodded as they made their way to the elevator and Samandriel met them at their room to see if they needed anything else for the night. Benny said they were all set and suddenly they found themselves alone for the night.

They were tired, but it was a good tired and they wrapped each other in a tight hug. Dean initiated the kissing and Benny happily reciprocated. They started out tender and sweet but increased in intensity as they continued. Dean was unbuttoning Benny’s shirt and Benny was pulling Dean toward the bed.

“Darlin’, we don’t have to do anything tonight if you’re tired or not-“ Benny started.

Dean interrupted, “Shut up Benny. I love you, but shut up. I want you…I need you and I hope you fucking feel the same.” Benny kissed Dean in a frenzy from that point on. Soon they were breaking apart to remove boots and socks, grappling at each others jeans trying to get them off quickly. Dean moaned when Benny’s hands made it down the back of his jeans to grip his ass and pull him forward against Benny’s hardening erection. The slid each other’s jeans and boxers off and climbed into the turned down bed. They laughed, embarrassed when Benny found the lube under one of the pillows knowing that Samandriel the Butler had unpacked it and put it there for them to find.

They laid down on their sides facing each other, kissing and grinding their hips together. Benny began to kiss down Dean’s neck and Dean moaned ungodly noises as he licked and nipped all the right places. Dean reached for Benny’s hard cock and stroked it slowly. He startled as Benny’s mouth reached his chest and found a nipple. Dean howled as Benny gently sucked and bit his nipples moving back and forth between the two of them.  Dean loved this part of sex, but would never admit it to anyone but Benny. His hands on Benny’s head encouraged his lips and tongue to continue where they were while he scooted himself under Benny to grind upwards for friction between their cocks. He moved one hand from Benny’s head and grabbed Benny’s ass to grind harder. “Oh Benny, please…Benny please,” Dean moaned in rhythm with their grinding. “Please what, darlin’…what do you want…tell me… anything you want and I’ll give it to you,” Benny answered him, voice gravely with want.

Dean hunted for the lube and handed it to Benny then reached for Benny stroking his hardness again. “This, Benny…I want this…you inside me…”

“You sure sweetheart? I want you too, but I want you to be sure,” Benny said softly. “Never been more sure in my life, you big bear,” Dean responded urging Benny with his hips. Benny slid a pillow under Dean’s hips and squeezed some of the lube onto his fingers. He came up alongside Dean and continued kissing him on the lips, the neck and the chest, especially his sensitive nipples. He wanted Dean to be as relaxed as possible this first time since the baby.  Benny moved slow and Dean focused on relaxing as Benny pushed his fingers in one by one, slowly, circling and scissoring searching for Dean’s sweet spot. As Benny worked him open, Dean began to really relax and his knees dropped open wider and he cried out when Benny found the spot he was searching for. It had been a good twenty minutes and Dean’s cock was throbbing and leaking against his stomach. He was groggy with desire and way past ready and began to urge Benny for more. “Come on Benny…’m ready. Baby please…”

Benny wanted Dean more than he ever had but he was terrified in his heart that he would hurt Dean and he could not bear to cause his husband any more pain than he had already endured, so he prepped him for what seemed like forever.  Now Benny found himself on his elbows, framing Dean’s face and lined up to press inside his slicked up and warm body.  He inched his rock hard cock, gently, little by little watching Dean’s face for the slightest sign of pain and held on for dear life. When he was as far as he could be inside Dean with his legs wrapped around Benny’s middle, he asked, “Okay darlin?”

“Better than okay,” Dean answered. “Fucking awesome. You can move Benny…please move…”

Benny began short easy thrusts into and out of Dean’s tight, wet heat. It felt better than anything Benny had ever felt including their wedding night and that was saying something. Dean began to moan to the thrusting and Benny moved in and out deeper and faster. He leaned down to share filthy kisses and pulled Dean’s knees higher thrusting deeper and deeper into his wonderful husband.  

 Dean could feel Benny’s hips stutter as he got closer and he reached for his own cock only to have Benny fist it instead. Benny gave tight even pressure and Dean was caught between thrusting into Benny’s hand and rocking his hips to accept Benny’s cock deeper. “ Dean, so close Dean, I love you, Dean…” Benny moaned at Dean.

“It’s okay Benny, I love you, I love you my Benny…faster Benny, harder..” Dean begged thrusting into Benny’s fist. They could both feel it building and with a shift of his hips Benny nailed Dean’s prostate perfectly and they both groaned and cried out as they came for the first time ever at exactly the same time. Blinded by the pleasure, they just rocked their hips through their orgasms until Benny lost it and began to cry. Dean was rather surprised at Benny’s tears. Dean had cried a few times during sex, don’t tell Sam, but Benny not so much. He was sobbing now, clutching at Dean holding him close and just sobbing long pitiful cries and Dean let him. He held Benny wrapping his legs around him as well as his arms and rocked him back and forth, reassuring him that everything was okay, because it was. Benny kept trying to apologize and Dean shushed him stroking his hand down his head and back.

Dean knew the origin of those tears. There was no need to name it, no need to do anything but let Benny get it all out. Benny planned this trip for Dean, but in truth they both needed it. Benny had finally let himself feel what he had held in since Rosie had come and gone and Dean helped him through it. He kissed Benny and whispered sweetly to him. They were together and as whole as they could be and it was the beginning of something new for them. It was a chance to try again.

As Benny settled into his arms, Dean sang to him...

Once there was away to get back homeward

Once there was a way to get back home

Sleep pretty darling to not cry

And I will sing a lullabye...

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think????


	10. Thinking Out Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Benny spend the rest of their fabulous weekend together, fluff ensues...  
> It feels so good getting to the fluffy stuff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I’m a little slow on the uptake and just found Ed Sheeran’s official video for Thinking Out Loud and if you have not, you should go right now to YouTube to watch it. It is the perfect song for this chapter and actually plays a little more of a role than the title usually does. Enjoy!
> 
> 2\. I have been to NYC all of 1 time and I have no idea if anything I am writing about the city is anywhere near accurate. I don't care. I am pretending to know everything...that's why its called fan fiction, isn't it???

They woke to the sound of the suite phone, still tangled together and rather sticky and messy, but also very happy. Samandriel called to say that breakfast would be up in an hour if that was still what Benny wanted. Dean nodded when Benny conveyed the phone call and that gave them a short amount of time to clean up.

They started the shower and climbed in soaping each other up and exchanging slow, deliberate hand jobs. There was a visceral need in the languid strokes that built into toe curling orgasms in the steamy shower. It was if they were relearning each other making subtle adjustments to their intimacy that had been involuntarily changed since the miscarriage. There was an underlying difference and it was as if they were mapping a new way to each other and it would all be okay.

They came to the living area of the suite in luxurious white robes as Samandriel was setting up their room service breakfast.  It was a southern breakfast with eggs, hash browns and biscuits with sausage gravy. There were also sticky buns and juice and coffee. They ate slowly relaxing and enjoying quiet conversation and soft touches.

They got dressed after eating to spend the day on one of the double decker tour busses travelling the city  and visiting all the major sites. They went by Central Park, through Greenwich Village, to Rockefeller Center, by Broadway and Times Square as well. It was not in depth visits, but a great overview so they could talk about what they really wanted to visit together. They had lunch at a little pizza parlor with some of the best pizza they had ever had, thin and crisp with lots of basil.

They took a short nap before heading off to see Wicked that night. Dean loved the musical and found it hard to control his excitement as they entered the theatre. Benny loved to see the childlike look on Dean’s face while he chatted with the people sitting around them all equally eager for the show. They sat holding hands, leaning their heads together during the love song, _As Long as You’re Mine_ as the couple singing longed for nothing but being together, something to which Dean and Benny could so totally relate. Dean could feel Benny’s emotions getting the better of him and he squeezed his hand willing his support through the grip.  Dean could not help the tears he shed during Glinda and Elphaba’s farewell song _For Good._ Benny handed him a package of tissues, he came prepared, and rubbed his thigh while the friends on stage sang goodbye to one another.  He mouthed every word of the song to Benny with his head on his shoulder. When the lights went up, Benny and Dean received sweet smiles from those around them who seemed to realize that this evening had a deeper meaning for the couple.

The next few days went by in a blur of day trips and fabulous dinners, including a horse drawn carriage ride through Central Park with a picnic lunch and the tasting menu at Tom Colicchio’s Craft.

They were riding the ferry back from Ellis Island on Sunday afternoon, sun blazing down on them and Benny noticed Dean was extremely quiet. He wrapped himself around Dean resting his head on his shoulder, Benny may have been older but Dean beat him in the height department by a few inches. Benny whispered in his ear, “Everything alright Darlin’? You’re kinda quiet.”

“Just thinking,” Dean answered nuzzling at Benny’s scruff. The trip had drawn Dean’s mind to family history  which was never really good.

“You should try thinking out loud once in a while,” Benny said, “A fella could get paranoid somethin’s wrong you thinkin’ all quiet like that.”

That snapped Dean back into the present and he changed the subject on Benny, “You know there’s a song about that.”

“A song about what?” Benny asked thoughtfully.

“Thinking out loud, there’s a song called that actually.  It’s a British guy with kinda red hair, dancing with a girl and they are dancing in this beautiful ballroom. It’s got cool shots with light coming in and you can tell she’s an awesome dancer and he’s not, but it’s a great song, really great. You should look at it on YouTube sometime.

“Sure thing, I’ll do that sometime,” Benny told Dean as he kissed him and continued, “Let’s go inside out of this sun before you get too much, it’s been a long day.”

They returned to find outfits hung on valet stands for their final dinner of the trip.  Benny had really organized this well and every detail had been planned. Dean had no idea when Benny had packed all of their clothes and personal items without Dean knowing about it. He wasn’t sure if he should be grateful for or concerned about Benny’s stealth capabilities. Regardless, they were in the shower and cleaning up for dinner when Dean’s thoughts from the ferry ride accidentally slipped out of his mouth, “Man I hope I’m a better dad than my old man.”

“What?” Benny asked his stepping out from under the spray in the massive steamy shower. “You don’t really think you have to hope for that do you?”

“’m always worried about that, Benny. Don’t you worry that you won’t be better than the guy who didn’t treat you decent as a kid?”

“Dean Winchester-Lafitte, you are so much better than him in everything you do every day that you never have to worry about that again…ever. Do you hear me?”

Dean smiled and kissed his husband, “I hear you, sometimes I just forget how good we are together. God I hope you get me pregnant soon so we can be the best dads ever.”

“Me too, darlin’, me too.  I’d try to fix that this very instant but we have a reservation for dinner downstairs,” Benny teased Dean, shutting off the shower.

They emerged from the elevator dressed and Crowley greeted them with a low whistle when no one was listening. “My, my they do produce nice things in Kansas and New Orleans, now don’t they?” Benny had on black slacks with a white linen shirt and grey suspenders showing off his muscular chest, and broad shoulders. Dean had on black slacks, a light green dress shirt, grey vest and dark green tie. The vest showed off his build with broad shoulders and narrow waist. Crowley was right; they were a handsome couple. 

The dining room was beautifully ornate and soft lights accentuated the gold and dark wood walls and large central dance floor. There was a DJ playing romantic music from bygone eras and  the feel of the evening was intimate despite the large room.  They enjoyed a wonderful meal and spent the evening dancing whenever a meaningful song played. Benny excused himself to the men’s room and then stopped by the DJ before returning to their table.  A few songs played before the DJ’s voice broke the seamless music playing, “This next song is for Dean from his Benny.”

As Dean smiled and blushed, Benny stood and offered Dean his hand, guiding him to the dance floor. When the music began, Dean could not hide his shock and his emotion as Ed Sheeran’s voice began to sing the very song Dean had been telling Benny about on the ferry. Neither of them were fantastic dancers, but together they melted into each other and floated around on the dance floor.

_When your legs don't work like they used to before_  
_And I can't sweep you off of your feet_  
_Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?_  
_Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?_  
_And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70_  
_And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23_  
_And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways_  
_Maybe just the touch of a hand_  
_Well, me I fall in love with you every single day_  
_And I just wanna tell you I am_

Dean cupped the back of Benny’s neck with his hand and rested his head on his shoulder as the chorus began. He had heard this song on the radio at the diner and occasionally in the store, but it suited them just perfectly. The world just slipped away and Dean was sure by the look in Benny’s eyes that he felt the song as much as Dean.

  
_So honey now_  
_Take me into your loving arms_  
_Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_  
_Place your head on my beating heart_  
_I'm thinking out loud_  
_That maybe we found love right where we are_  
  
_When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades_  
_And the crowds don't remember my name_  
_When my hands don't play the strings the same way_  
_I know you will still love me the same_

_'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen_  
_And baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory_  
_I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways_  
_Maybe it's all part of a plan_  
_Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes_  
_Hoping that you'll understand_  
_But baby now_  
  
_Take me into your loving arms_  
_Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_  
_Place your head on my beating heart_  
_Thinking out loud_  
_That maybe we found love right where we are_  
  
_So baby now_  
_Take me into your loving arms_  
_Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_  
_Oh darling, place your head on my beating heart_  
_I'm thinking out loud_  
_That maybe we found love right where we are_  
_Oh baby we found love right where we are_  
  
_And we found love right where we are_

By the final chorus they were tangled together, eyes shining and singing softly to each other.  They kissed chastely as the music came to a stop. And if the fancy people that frequented the Plaza clapped for the silent love story of two men from the Midwest, so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome and treasured...


	11. Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween comes but I'm not quite sure that was what Disney intended...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a little smut. I know where I am going, but I am having a hard time getting there. Struggling a little here...let me know what you think.

The month of October seemed to fly by with both Dean and Benny back at work. Dean had jumped back into the swing of things, helping with the engine installation in a classic mustang and Benny resumed his later shifts at the diner. Rufus was glad to be back on his simple breakfast shift and Benny and Dean had the mornings together again.

After their trip to New York City, they settled into a comfortable rhythm with each other, not they had ever really been out of rhythm. There was, however, a comfort in the moving on a little, but still remembering what they loved and didn’t get to have in their Rosie Grace. The door of her room remained open, but there was laughter in their home again on a regular basis, and it was good.  

There was also a lot of sex and that was good as well.  Dean was a little concerned that Benny didn’t initiate the sex but he was always eager and responsive when Dean did so, for the most part it just stayed in the back of his mind. They didn’t talk a lot about trying to get pregnant again, but they both knew that they were.  It had taken three years the first time, so Dean hunkered down for the long haul.

Halloween was upon them before they knew it and Benny always had a post trick or treat party at the diner. They served pumpkin desserts and coffee and apple cider for a flat fee per family. It wasn’t so much about making money as it was the fellowship of the community. Dean and Benny looked forward to the event every year and always had great costumes. They had planned on Dean being a pumpkin this year, since he would have been seven months pregnant, but he had given that costume to Cas who was due a couple of weeks after Halloween.  Dean had convinced Benny that he would be a great Buzz Light Year and Dean would be Woody.  They loved the kids that came in and always chose costumes they knew would be readily recognized and appreciated by them. 

So they stood in the diner on Halloween as the town trick or treating time wound down, dressed at Buzz and Woody, waiting for the families to start arriving.  The first family to show was Cas and Balthazar.  Cas filled out the pumpkin costume more than Dean thought physically possible and Balthazar made a hysterical black cat, ears and all. 

“Geez Cas, you look like you might be a little over ripe there and who is your cute little kitty friend?” Dean commented.

“I’d keep my thought to myself there, ‘pardner’.” Cas said looking very tired but happy. 

“Feeling okay with everything?” Dean asked as he hugged Cas and then Balthazar.

“I feel great actually, very tired and very large but great. I certainly can’t complain,” Cas said looking right at Dean and squeezing his arm. Benny came out of kitchen at that moment carrying trays of goodies for the table and Balthazar beat them all to a very snarky, “Come in Star Command…to infinity and beyond!”

Benny shot back, “Very funny coming from a grown man wearing ears and a tail there, Balth.”

As Dean helped him set up the dessert table, Balthazar helped Cas to find a comfortable seat. The families began to pour in and they loved Woody and Buzz, parents asking to take pictures with their children. Ellen and Bobby stopped by as American Gothic, pitchfork and all. Sam and Jess came as Cinderella and Prince Charming and Dean would not let go of the tights. Dean did his best to speak to every family and comment on all the adorable costumes. It was really fun, and only somewhat difficult if there was a small baby in the family. He made sure that all the kids had plenty of treats and cleaned up spills when they occurred.

It was a great night and Benny was close to Dean all night, touching and kissing him chastely. Dean wasn’t sure if Benny was just happy or if he was worried about him.  Dean knew he was not especially talented at hiding his feelings around the little babies, but he really did look forward to this holiday and could not wait until they had a little one of their own to dress up. 

As families began to go home for the night, Dean and Benny began to pick up.  Cas and Balthazar left when Dean insisted they not clean. Cas waddled slowly and Dean made him promise to call when he went into labor. The clean up went very quickly and before they knew it, they were headed up to the loft. 

When they got into the elevator, Benny grabbed Dean around the waist and growled at him low in his throat, “I have been waiting to get my hands on you all fucking night, you know that?” He kissed Dean dirty and messy pressing him back against the wall nudging an intergalactic thigh between Dean’s chap encased legs. The intensity of Benny’s lips and tongue had Dean grinding down on Benny’s thigh unashamedly.  “Fuck, Benny,” Dean groaned into his husbands mouth nearly jelly already and the elevator hadn’t even reached the loft yet.

As they got to their loft, Benny flung the freight doors open man handled a very aroused Dean into the apartment hands roaming and teeth biting whatever they hit. “You are gonna fucking wear that costume every god damn day until I tell you not to and I will never, ever be able to watch Toy Story with our kids…EVER!”

“Benny, you never said a word you horny little space man,” Dean laughed as he let Benny usher him straight to the couch.

Benny pulled back from kissing and biting Dean’s neck to look incredulously at his husband, “What would I have said in front of all those families? Hey Dean why don’t you come in the back with me so I can fuck you on the counter while the children eat our pumpkin pie?”

Dean laughed right out loud at that and then the picture of the counter and Benny fucking him on it flashed through his mind. He turned as feral as Benny at that point.  He threw his hat across the room and wrapped his legs around Benny’s waist, pulling him closer as Benny ground their arousals together and said to Dean, “You have no fucking clue what you do to me, do you?”

“Christ, maybe you should show me,” Dean teased as he rocked his hips down against Benny.

“Oh, I’m gonna show you a few things darlin’. But first you are gonna get undressed, and leave on those chaps,” Benny told Dean, voice low and rough.  Dean’s head snapped up when he heard Benny’s command. This is what Dean had been missing and he intended to enjoy every second. 

Benny was removing his wings and costume while still planting filthy kisses on Dean wherever he could reach.  Dean struggled to keep focused as Benny drugged him with kisses and his progressive nakedness. Benny finally took over for Dean’s fumbling fingers and the next thing he knew, Dean was naked except for a pair of cheap costume chaps.  It took Dean a second to realize that the shout he heard had come from his own body and Benny’s mouth took his cock down all at once.  Benny bobbed his head up and down a few times, Dean writhing and moaning, hands buried in Benny’s short hair, clinging for dear life.  He pulled off with a pop and announced, “Bed…now.”

Dean stood on wobbly legs, Benny’s hand on his waist from behind ushering him to the bedroom.  He fumbled in the bed side table for the lube, flinging it up by the pillows and wrapped his arms around Dean. He stopped his freight train of a mission for only one moment to simply ask, “This okay darlin’?”

“Fuck yeah,” Dean smiled as he kissed Benny. “God, I fucking love you Bear!” Dean moaned as Benny pressed him down into the bed. He loved to feel the weight of Benny, the breadth of his shoulders, the scratch of his beard, and the hardness of his muscles as his husband rolled his hips bringing their bodies together. That hardness of body was all he had ever desired or thought about when he was alone, which was what confused him so much about his father telling him it was unacceptable and not masculine  when he was young and his carrier status was established. Dean was grateful for Ellen and Bobby, and of course Benny who showed Dean that his masculinity was not tied to his sexual preference or his carrier status.  He realized that he had many characteristics and being feminine wasn’t one of them.  Not that he would judge anyone for that, it just wasn’t him. 

Benny pushing his knee between Dean’s snapped him back into the present.  He cupped Benny’s face in his hands and kissed him, opening his knees to accommodate Benny as pushed their hardened cocks together sliding them beautifully. Dean’s knee lifted as Benny arranged him carefully to gain access with slicked up fingers. Benny continued to kiss Dean and leaned over his husband to slowly begin opening him.  He sucked tiny marks on Deans neck and shoulders, making his way to his chest. Benny loved the sounds that mouthing at Dean’s nipples pulled out of Dean. He smiled almost evilly as he licked and sucked and watched Dean’s head thrash back and forth on the pillow while his fingers scissored his beautiful husband’s ass open.

When he was poised to line up and slide into Dean, his husband made a desire filled plea, “Turn me over Benny…”

Benny half groaned, half growled as he flipped Dean onto his stomach and ran his hands from his shoulders down to his round muscular ass. Dean rocked back onto his knees keening for his husband as he Benny grabbed his hips, still wrapped in the chaps and slid home into Dean’s tight heat. He hesitated for a moment until Dean leaned back into him letting Benny know he was ready.  Dean gripped fistfuls of the sheets as Benny drove into him. “Fuck, Dean! So tight…so tight!”

“Benny, Christ! Fuck me…harder, babe…harder,” Dean cried out encouraging the pounding Benny was giving him.  Dean loved a little roughness once in a while and usually Benny did as well, but this was the first time in a long time that they really let go and Dean knew they would not last. Benny adjusted his thrusts and began to nail Dean’s prostate every time he entered him at the same time holding onto one hip and with the other hand he stroked Dean’s cock. Dean felt Benny’s rhythm falter and as Dean cried out in orgasm, Benny followed right behind, rocking them through the aftershocks and finally falling to rest on top of Dean.

The two of them, stunned in the silence, began to laugh at the silliness that was their motivation for fantastic sex, Dean’s cheap costume store chaps, slightly worse for the wear. “God damn Benny! I fucking love you,” Dean said reaching back for Benny, “But you gotta get off me.  I can’t breathe anymore.”

As Benny rolled off to the side of Dean, he answered, “That was so hot I’m almost embarrassed. I just fucked the hell out of you in a Disney costume!” He and Benny really laughed then and Dean turned towards his husband and threw an arm over his waist.  They lay still for a few minutes before Benny suggested a bath. They soaked in the hot water Dean pensive and leaning back into Benny.

Benny finally broke the quiet asking, “You alright? You’re kinda quiet.”

“Can I ask you something?” Dean said turning to his side and nuzzling at Benny’s neck.

“Sure you can,” Benny responded, growing slightly concerned. He knew that when Dean asked if he could ask it was because he was nervous about something. He adjusted them so that they were more comfortable and Dean was nestled against him better.

“Tonight was great, like it used to be…before…” Dean started softly. “Yeah, it was nice..better than nice,” Benny agreed.

“Why all of a sudden tonight? You haven’t come at me first for a while, it’s always me making the first move, “ Dean asked. “You never say no, but you never start it.”

Benny thought for a long time, clearing his throat a few times and stroking Dean’s arm. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I wanted you to feel like you held the cards, like you were in control. I watched you...at the hospital... when you had no control and the look in your eyes…” Benny stopped and coughed. “It was hard to see that look and I didn’t want to see it again, so I figured if I let you be in charge of when we made love, I wouldn't get that look ever again.”

“So you still want me as much as before?” Dean looked down as he asked.

“Oh Christ, Dean. Darlin’ is that what you thought? That I didn’t want you as much?” Dean shrugged his shoulders. “Well that plan fucking backfired. Dean, I’m sorry,” Benny said holding Dean tighter.

“Dean Winchester-Lafitte, I want you all the time. I wake up wanting you and I go to bed wanting you and every moment in between. Sometimes I can’t think of anything else. I could spend every minute of the rest of my life pleasing you in bed and it would never be enough to begin to satisfy my want for you…never. Understand? I love you.”

Dean smiled, a little sheepishly, a little smugly, “I know.”

“Did you just Han Solo me?” Benny asked feigning offense.

“Well you were my spaceman lover tonight, weren’t you?”

“You got me on that one,” Benny chuckled as he pulled the plug on the tub.

They dried each other off and climbed into bed.  They slept wrapped in each other’s arms wings still thrown haplessly on the couch, and dirty chaps at the foot of the bed. Maybe next Halloween would bring the need for an additional costume…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome...


	12. You've Got a Friend in Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean get a phone call from a very anxious Balthazar...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my mind, male carriers share a bond, a profound bond, a platonic profound bond.

Dean was bent over the hood of a 1970 Chevelle he had restored a few years ago that had been brought in for a tune up.  He was just about finished with the final adjustments when his cell went off.  Figuring it was Benny, Dean took his time wiping his hands well before reaching in his pocket to fish the phone out. He missed the call and intended to dial his husband, but when he hit the home button, it was Cas’ number. He had told Cas to call when he went into labor, and the timing was right, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to call back. He went into his office and sat for a minute preparing himself for the call. He needed to make it, after all he and Cas were friends and even more so, carrier friends.

Dean and Cas had been friends longer than Dean had known Benny.  They had balanced their relationship well when Cas went off to medical school, finished his training and spent his time in the Navy. He was thrilled for Cas when he returned with Balthazar and opened a practice that included carriers. Dean was the first to sign up for all of his checkups, though he was not involved with anyone and certainly wasn’t ready to have a child.  Though carriers were by no means rare, there were not a lot in Lawrence and each was the only carrier friend the other had. Cas had been both his friend and his doctor when his pregnancy ended and Dean was truly grateful.  He could not imagine not being there for Cas if he needed him so he needed to cowboy up, no pun intended there Benny, and call his friend.

Dean closed the office door and hit Cas’ number to redial, hoping everything was okay. Balthazar answered with a worried tone, “Dean, love, thank you for calling back, Cassie is labor and he promised to call you and let you know.”

“I’m sorry I missed the call, I was in an engine. How’s he doing?” he asked hoping Balthazar could hear his code language for please god tell me everything alright.

“He is doing well, his brother Gabriel has flown in to be here and he is helping, but…God help me he asked me not to, but Dean I know he wants to see you. He thinks you’ll be upset so he told me not to ask you over, but I know he’d like to see you. I think there is a connection you have that neither Gabriel nor myself can give him. He’s gonna bloody kill me,” Balthazar heaved the words out fast enough that Dean almost needed a bucket to catch them.

Dean tried to weigh through the hurried message, “Hang on here Balthazar. Cas is going to kill you for what?”

Balthazar’s speech was much slower as he explained, “I’m going to be very selfish on behalf of my husband and tell you that he would probably benefit from seeing you, as a friend but also as someone, the only one, who can really understand what he is going through. I can comfort him, Gabriel can comfort him, but you can relate to him in a way that we can’t and he’s struggling a little being the patient, and-”

“And he thinks it would be unfair to ask for my help because of Rosie,” stupid self sacrificing idiot. “Well Balthazar, how about I invite myself over to see how he is doing? Then you didn’t ask me, and you were afraid _you_ would upset me if you said no.”

“You’re a saint, Dean, really…thank you so much,” Balthazar sounded so relieved Dean forgot to even think about his own concerns. He was just focused on getting to Cas.

Dean called Benny to tell him about Cas and the fact that he was going to go see him. Benny was prepping for dinner and couldn’t leave the diner. He promised to try to get someone to take the dinner service and come as soon as he could. “Darlin’, you gonna be okay by yourself?” Benny asked Dean, worry dripping from his words.

“I won’t be alone, Benny. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine,” Dean reassured his husband. “I love you Benny, concentrate on dinner, Benny. No burns or cuts, okay?”

“I love you too, Dean. Call me if you need me, we can at least talk. I’m gonna give Rufus a call. Maybe he’ll come in after the rush,” Dean knew by the sound of Benny’s voice he was upset, but Dean needed to be there for Cas and he needed to handle this.

Driving to Cas and Balthazar’s house had been nerve-wracking. It was traffic time and Dean was in a hurry to get there, mainly to see if his friend was alright, but he was also worried that he may not be able to hold himself together for Cas. When Balthazar opened the door to let Dean in, all of his worries fell away. The concern on Balthazar’s face was enough to send Dean in to caretaker mode. 

“Dean, love, thank God you’re here,” Balthazar, looking uncharacteristically frazzled, greeted Dean with a big hug.

“Hey, man. You look a little like you might be a new dad soon,” Dean teased Balthazar.

“We’ve got a ways to go yet, but yeah, thanks. Dean if this is too much, just tell me, promise.”

“Balth, I would not have come here if I couldn’t, now where’s that husband of yours?” Dean reassured him.

Balthazar walked Dean upstairs to a bedroom which Dean assumed was their master and into an en suite bathroom. The blinds were drawn, the room was filled with soft candlelight and classical music played in the background. Dean was struck by the calmness of the situation. It was the complete opposite of what happened when Rosie passed. As his eyes swept the room, they fell to a large claw foot tub that held one very large bellied and in labor Cas. Gabriel, whom Dean had met a few times over the years, was sitting on a short stool, holding Cas’ hand as he breathed through a contraction, eyes closed. Balthazar approached the tub, kneeling to kiss his husband as Cas reached up to cup his face.

“Darling, I called Dean and he came right over to see you, alright,” Balthazar spoke softly to Cas.

Cas seemed to come back to himself and look around before saying, “I told you not to ask him to come, it’s too much too soon.”

Dean piped in from the doorway, “I invited myself, Cas. Don’t worry, I wanted to see you.”

“C’mere you dummy. You remember my brother Gabriel, don’t you?”

“Nice to see you again, Gabe,” Dean said as they shook hands. He turned his focus back to Cas. “Hey Cas, how’s it going?”

“I can assure you it is a very different experience on this side of the stirrups,” he chuckled.

“I can imagine,” Dean said as he stood awkwardly by the tub. Cas was covered with a towel below the waist under the water, but naked from the waist up. Dean tried desperately to be diplomatic about where to look so he stayed focused on Cas’ face. Gabriel offered Dean the stool siting his need for a cup of coffee and something to eat. Dean found talking to Cas much easier when he was sitting as opposed to looking down on him in the tub. 

Gabriel sweetly kissed Cas on the forehead and instructed Dean  as he left, “When a contraction hits, don’t give him your whole hand, he’ll break it. Just two fingers, remember that.” 

Balthazar knelt on the other side of the tub that was situated so that it stood out from the wall into the room. It was great for someone in labor because someone could be on either side of the tub to support them.  Cas began to breathe very slowly but deliberately and Dean assumed a contraction was beginning.

“That’s it Cassie,” Balthazar encouraged him, running his fingers through Cas’ hair and counting as Cas breathed.  Dean sat quietly waiting for it to pass but suddenly Cas reached out for something and Dean instinctively offered his hand. Cas gripped it tightly, whimpering a little at what must have been the height of the pain and breathing through the rest of the contraction, keeping hold of Dean’s hand.  When he opened his eyes, Dean swore they were a little glassy with tears. Balthazar kissed Cas, who whispered in his ear and then he got up and left Cas and Dean alone.

“Dean,” Cas barely choked out.  “What’s the matter Cas? Are you alright?  Can I get you something?” Dean asked his friend softly.

“I was going to have the baby here and Balthazar was going to deliver her, but this whole thing is worse than I thought and now I think I’m afraid to do it at home,” Cas whispered to Dean.

“Oh Cas, I’m sure it’s overwhelming.  What does Balthazar say?”

Cas explained that Balthazar said he would be fine no matter what Cas wanted to do and Victor Henrickson was their back up doctor for any emergencies. Cas got another contraction during their conversation and he gripped Dean’s hand again. When it was over, Cas got emotional and cried so Dean called for Balthazar and he came to comfort his husband.  Dean felt just awful, and didn’t quite know why Balthazar had invited him. He felt somewhat out of place until Cas spoke to him again.

“Thank you for coming Dean. I’m sorry for asking you, but I just knew you would understand me.  Not that Balthazar hasn’t been wonderful, but…” Cas hesitated.

“What Cassie is trying to say is that as much as I love him, I’m not a carrier but you are and he needs to talk to you in ways he cannot talk to me. It’s alright Cassie, I love you darling and I understand completely. Talk to Dean and see if he can help you decide what to do, but you mustn’t wait too much longer, alright love?” Balthazar cupped Cas’ face as he spoke tenderly to him.

Dean never realized how important his and Cas’ relationship was until this moment. He and Cas had been friends, but Rosie and this were the first times that their status was a pivotal point in their friendship. He knew it meant something more to him when Cas comforted him and told his he was sorry about Rosie, so this was his chance to help Cas.  

He listened to Cas tell him how they had planned to deliver at home in the very tub Cas was in now. They were prepared and thought they were ready, but Cas had not counted on labor taking his confidence. He was used to being in control and being in charge, but as the contractions worsened over the day, he was less and less in control of his emotions let alone the delivery.  Balthazar was willing to deliver at home if Cas still wanted to and with Gabriel he thought they would be fine, but Cas had sort of lost his nerve. He also feared the hospital experience, so he felt quite stuck.

Dean helped Cas weigh the pros and cons of delivering both at home and at the hospital, not as a doctor, but as a friend and fellow carrier. By the end of the conversation Dean had really helped Cas decide that for his first delivery, maybe home was a stretch. He reassured Cas that he had gotten great help from the nurses when he was in the hospital and that Victor delivering the baby would let both he and Balthazar enjoy the experience of their first child being born. He also reminded him that if there were any complications, they wouldn’t want to be trying to get an ambulance to the hospital, not that Dean thought there would be any, but first deliveries could be tough.  

In the end, Cas and Balthazar decided to go to the hospital and Benny showed up just as they were leaving. They thanked Dean profusely and asked them to come to the hospital if he was comfortable doing so.  The look on Cas’ face when he asked him left little doubt in Dean’s mind that he would indeed go even if just to sit in the waiting room in support. As they got into baby to drive to the hospital Benny asked Dean a question. “Dean, you sure you’re going to be okay if we go to the hospital today?”

“I’m going, Benny. You can’t tell me not to,” Dean gave in short reply.

“Now hold on darlin’, hold on. Pull over for a minute…please pull over Dean,” Benny pleaded. Dean did as Benny asked and pulled the impala over to the side of the road. He kept his hands on the wheel and looked down at his lap. Benny unbuckled his seat belt to scoot towards his husband. “Dean. When have I _ever_ told you that you couldn’t do something? Hmm?”  He put his finger under Dean’s chin and leveled their eyes. “I wasn’t telling you what to do or not do, Dean. I was stating my concern for you because I love you and it’s my job to make sure you are okay. If you had let me continue, you would have seen that I was offering my support. And I am offering it now. If you need anything, let me know and I will be there for you.”

“Fuck Benny, you’re right. I’m sorry…’m jittery I think…mostly for Cas…a little for me.” Dean admitted softly.  

Benny kissed him softly on the mouth.  “Take a few deep breaths and cowboy up darlin’. I’m right behind you the whole way.”

Cas was actually quite close to delivery when he and Balthazar arrived. Dean and Benny were not far behind and stood in the corner of the room snapping photos for their friends. Balthazar and Gabriel coached Cas through the delivery of a healthy baby girl. All of them cried when she did and when they were both cleaned up, Cas and Balthazar invited Dean over to meet their daughter, Clare Rose. When Benny joined him, Dean was able to hold her and tell her that she shared her name with a very special angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby Clare Rose...I couldn't resist.


	13. The Waiting is the Hardest Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Thanksgiving and Dean and Benny may have something to be thankful for...

Dean took the last of the Thanksgiving pies out of the oven and placed it with the others on the granite island to cool.  He turned off the oven and walked over to the sofa and face planted, hoping to catch a nap before Benny finished up at the diner and came home. He had been busy all day, cleaning the loft, prepping what he could ahead of time and of course baking his pies. Everyone would be here tomorrow for Thanksgiving dinner.  Benny would be home all day, he closed the diner to spend the day with Dean when he found out how important it was to him when they began dating. Ellen and Bobby, Sam and Jess, Rufus, and possibly Gabe, Cas, Balthazar and baby Clare would be coming over as well. Dean couldn’t wait, but he was exhausted from the nonstop work he had done since this morning. He had not worked at the garage, taking the day was a tradition for him and Bobby never complained when he was eating all the pie. 

Dean was about to doze off when he heard the elevator start up and come to a stop at the loft.

“Heya Dean? Darlin’ I’m home,” Benny called out as the door opened.  “Gabe’s closing up tonight, said to come and help you,” Gabe had been here since Cas had the baby and was so smitten with her he decided to stay a while and eventually move back to Lawrence permanently to be a good Uncle Gabe.  He spent his days with Cas and Clare and his evenings at the diner. He had moved to Colorado years ago and worked his way up in the restaurant business where currently he was the executive chef at a high end resort.  He had talked quite a bit with Benny in the two weeks he had been here and was already working shifts to get familiar with how the diner ran so he could fill in whenever Benny or Rufus needed time off.  

The Novaks had lost their parents like the Winchesters, but under completely different circumstances.  Their parents left them both with trust funds, so neither had to work, but both had the luxury of working jobs they loved. So even though Gabe didn’t need to work at the diner, he loved it and was a welcome member of the team.  Dean waved his arm in the air to indicate where he was on the couch and soon he had two large hands kneading the tight muscles of his shoulders. “It smells wonderful in here, sweetie. You get all the pies done or do ya need some help?”

“Nope, all done, last one’s just out of the oven now,” Dean answered turning over into his husbands arms.

“Well then, looks like I’m just in time,” Benny leaned in to give Dean a kiss. Dean wrapped his arm around Benny’s neck and kissed him back. The broke for air and Dean leaned into Benny’s neck.

“You alright, Dean. Big circles under those pretty green eyes. You’ve been runnin’ like a madman the last two weeks, what with working all day and then getting dinner for Cas and Balthazar every night. Now all the pies for tomorrow…” Benny asked concerned.

“I’m fine Benny, and helping Cas with dinner and the baby’s been nice actually. I’m just a little tired today and you and Ellen will help tomorrow. I’m glad you’re home early for once,” Dean explained.

“Me too,” Benny offered as he leaned in for another kiss, pressing Dean back on the couch. Dean moaned and cupped Benny’s face as he returned the kiss deeply. They had not had much time together in the past two weeks with Dean volunteering to help Cas and Benny working with Gabe.

Dean opened his legs and Benny settled into the slot Dean made for him and stroked his hands through Dean’s hair and down his neck as he continue to press sweet open mouth kisses onto Dean’s lips.  He held his weight off on Dean by leaning on his elbow framing Dean’s face. His lips drifted down Dean’s neck and down his chest over his t shirt to find Dean’s hardened nipples. He nuzzled at them with his nose drawing circles around each one, teasing Dean into whimpers as he arched his back off the couch eager for more than Benny was giving. He began to nibble through the shirt, driving Dean madder with the ache of wanting Benny’s hot mouth on his skin. 

Benny began to roll his hips down as his hardened in his pants, continuing the gentle torture of his husband’s pebbled nipples. Dean finally got his shirt off and the sound he made when Benny’s mouth finally hit his bare skin caused his husband to increase the friction of their hips. Dean winced however when Benny did anything but kiss at his chest, “Careful Ben, “ he sucked in a breath as Benny bit a little too hard. “Sorry, darlin’,” Benny had said and moved on to unbuttoning Dean’s jeans. Dean began to pull at Benny’s clothes as well and soon they were naked on the couch grinding into each other’s hard cocks moaning at each rough pass. Dean fumbled for the lube they kept in the bottom of the coffee table drawer and Benny grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch spreading it out beneath them so they didn’t have to explain any stains at Thanksgiving dinner.

Dean fell back on the couch and hooked a leg over the back of the couch to give Benny the access he needed. He sighed as he felt his husband’s finger gently enter him and he held onto his shoulders, gazing into the blue grey eyes he loved. “Yeeeeeesssss,” he moaned rocking his hips and urging Benny on. He felt another finger when Benny slid back into him and then the scissoring of those thick but tender digits as they stretched him oh so carefully.  “Please, Benny Bear…more…” Dean keened, squeezing Benny’s shoulder with one hand and reaching for his hard cock with the other. Benny moaned as Dean stroked him lightly. He entered a third finger on the next pass and Dean ground down on those fingers beggin for more with his hips. 

“Jesus, Dean, so ready for me, so eager,” Benny whispered to Dean as he reached for the lube and slicked his aching cock. Benny grabbed Dean’s hips raising then nearly onto his lap, looking to Dean for a signal before going on. Dean nodded and Benny slid himself carefully into his husband inch by inch.  A few times Dean pushed back with his hands on Benny’s hip before guiding him back further into his opening. Finally when Benny was fully seated and Dean had adjusted, Benny leaned over Dean and lowered him to the couch. He raised Dean’s knees back and began to thrust into Dean’s heat, rolling his hips and biting his lip as he stared lovingly into Dean’s tires eyes. Dean wrapped his legs around Benny’s waist hooking his ankles and grabbing his ass to encourage his thrusts.

“’s nice Benny, so big, I love you, my Benny,” Dean said softly as Benny built a steady rhythm, snapping his hips as Dean responded when Benny changed his the angle of his efforts. “Aaaahhh , that’s good…yes…right there…again, Benny again,” Dean pulled Benny into a kiss and then gripped him tight, grinding his hips downward.

“Christ Dean, I never get tired of this…fuck you are so beautiful…” Benny told Dean, lips against his ear. “Dean…Dean…babe…”

“I’m close too, Benny, so close,” Dean cried. “Please Benny…please…” He cried out as Benny took his cock in his hand and stroked but a few times before they both cried out to each other as their orgasms washed over them. 

Benny fell onto Dean and nuzzled into his neck as they both shuddered through the waves of pleasure they brought each other. Suddenly Dean felt overwhelmingly hot and Benny’s weight which he normally relished, was too much and Dean felt the signs and he knew he was going to puke. “Benny…Benny let me up, Christ, get off me.”

Benny was alarmed at the tone of Dean’s voice when he called out his name and then began to push him up and off of him.  He jumped back as Dean yelled for him to get off, pulling out of Dean and sitting up, shocked and worried. Dean stumbled off the couch and ran towards the bedroom, hand over his mouth.

Benny got up and threw his jeans on when he heard Dean vomit in the bathroom. He winced at the intensity of the heaving he heard and ran to get Dean a washcloth and find out what was going on.

In his mind, Benny began to piece together some things; things he remembered from a few months ago that happened but that Benny dare not give credence to lest his heart get broken.

He rushed to Dean, kneeling down on the floor, rubbing Dean’s back as he lay with his head resting on his arm on the seat of the toilet.  When he thought Dean was done, he got up and got a cold washcloth and put it on the back of Dean’s neck. When Dean picked up his head, Benny wiped his face with the cloth and gave Dean some toilet paper to blow his nose, just like he used to before…

“I’m so sorry, Benny,” Dean said eyes red and skin pale covered with a sheen of sweat.

“It’s alright darlin, feel better?” Benny asked face clearly concerned.

“I think I just got too hot or something. I was fine and then all of a sudden I was so hot and sick,” Dean explained, clearly thinking and putting some things together in his mind, too.

“Dean…sweetheart, do-“

“Don’t Benny. Please don’t ask me anything…it’s too soon. Don’t jinx us by talking about it, please. It took three years of trying last time. It hasn’t even been three months,” Dean looked at Benny, eyes filling and tipping over, falling down his cheeks. He leaned into Benny, confused and scared and cried.

Benny held Dean and didn’t talk about anything else. He flushed the toilet and started the tub filling with warm water. He helped Dean up and to the sink to rinse out his mouth. He sat Dean in the water and left him for just a minute to get him a coke from the fridge. He turned the majority of the lights in the bathroom hoping to help Dean relax. He took off his jeans and climbed in the tub behind Dean who leaned into him and sipped the coke. He turned onto his side and Benny cradled him in his arms, humming to him soothingly. They stayed that way until the water was cold and then they dried off and went to their bedroom to pull on boxers and climb into bed together.

“Do you need me to do anything in the kitchen before we sleep, Dean?” Benny asked as he tucked Dean in.

“No, but set the alarm for six so I can get the turkey in the oven. Then we can go back to bed until Ellen comes at nine. Everyone is coming for appetizers and the game at noon, dinner is at two, okay?” Dean asked quietly.

“Sounds great Dean, are you sure you’re okay?” Benny asked kissing his forehead.

“Yeah, I feel better now, just tired…Benny, can we not talk about this until after the holiday?” Dean hesitantly spoke.

“You bet, long as you’re okay,” Benny said as he slid into bed with Dean and set the alarm. Dean turned over scooting back into Benny’s arms as his husband spooned around him and held him carefully. Benny knew Dean was just as hopeful as he was, that was clear from his comments in the bathroom. The two of them lay close wrapped in each other not daring to acknowledge it, not just yet.

******

The alarm went off at six as planned and the two men got up threw on some t shirts and got busy in the kitchen. They made the stuffing and put it in the turkey before loading the huge bird in the roasting pan into the oven.  They washed their hands and Dean grabbed Benny wrapping his arms around his husband and planting a playful smooch on his lips. He smiled and said, “Let’s go back to bed for an hour or so, I’m still sleepy and the parade doesn’t start till nine when Ellen comes.”

“Sounds good to me,” Benny responded, rubbing his hands up and down Dean’s back.

“Good, we’ll shower at eight thirty.” Dean said leading Benny back to bed.

Eight thirty came sooner than they thought but they were eager to get up and get ready for their day.  They showered quickly and got dressed in jeans and Henleys and Benny made Dean eat a banana even though he said he wasn’t hungry. Ellen and Bobby Arrived at nine as Dean turned the TV on to the parade. Ellen and Benny worked in the kitchen and Bobby and Dean moved the pies to the side board cabinet in the dining room. Dean pulled linens from the drawers of the sideboard and he and Bobby began to set the table.  He got a text on his phone from Cas saying they were definitely coming and Dean called out to Benny to let he and Ellen know. They set enough places at the table with the dishes and silverware from the china cabinet.  The dishes were Benny’s grandmother’s china and they always used it at the holidays. 

With the table set, Dean asked Bobby to help him with a few things for when Cas and Balthazar came with the baby.  They moved the basinet and the extra changing table out into the living room so that Cas could use them when he needed to change Clare or lay her down.  He snatched the evidence of last night’s fun off the couch quick with a blush as he realized he and Benny had forgotten about it. Bobby pretended he didn’t notice and suddenly became very interested in the bassinet.

It wasn’t long before Sam and Jess came over and then the Novaks arrived in force. Everyone was so glad to see Cas out and about, but the star of the show was Clare Rose.  Dean sat of the couch with Cas and Clare while Balthazar and Gabe grabbed beers with Sam and talked with Jess and Bobby. Ellen and Benny were about finished in the kitchen until the turkey was done in another hour.  Benny leaned over the back of the couch and kissed Dean as he held the baby. Cas had objected to using the new baby things, stating that Dean should save them, but Dean assured him they had brought them out especially for little Clare to use. 

Cas changed the baby’s diaper and then sat back down to nurse her. Dean let him and Balthazar have a little privacy and got up to grab a drink. Benny came up behind him at the sink and enveloped Dean in a huge bear hug. “Love you, darlin’, everything okay?” he asked Dean as he kissed the back of his neck, really wanting to finish their discussion from last night, but respecting Dean’s request to wait. “Just needed a drink,” Dean answered and turned in Benny’s arms to snuggle down into his embrace. He took Benny’s hand and they joined everyone to watch a little of the game before dinner.  He squeezed Benny’s hand and smiled, genuinely happy that everyone could be here today.

Ellen took the turkey out to rest on the counter and Benny and Dean began to pull the rest of the side dishes from the oven and the fridge to bring to the table.  With everyone’s help it was soon time to eat and Benny stood at the end of the table with the beautiful browned turkey and the carving knife. Dean sat to his right next to Sam and Jess. Ellen sat next to Jess and Bobby sat at the other end of the table opposite Benny. Cas, Balthazar and Gabe sat on the other side and Rufus who called to say he was running late finally arrived and sat next to Bobby.

“Dean and I want to thank everyone for coming today, but more importantly for all of your support this year. We are truly thankful for all of you. I am especially thankful for my wonderful husband,” Benny said, clearing his throat. Dean smiled and reached out to touch Benny.

“Well,” Cas broke the silence. “I’m thankful for my wonderful husband as well, and my brother who has become such a wonderful uncle, and for Dean who has been such a supportive friend these last few weeks.”

After such touching thoughts, the air was heavy with a serious tone, until Bobby spoke, “Well, how bout Benny cuts that turkey so we can all be thankful we aren’t hungry anymore,”  Everyone laughed at Bobby’s gruffness, grateful for the humor and knowing he was such a softie under all that.  They passed the dishes around and ate until they couldn’t anymore and smiled at the grumpy old faces of Rufus and Bobby as they held the fussing baby so Cas and Balthazar could eat. They cleared the table and watched the game for a while before returning to the table to eat Dean’s wonderful pies. 

It was a wonderful holiday dinner but Benny could see Dean struggling a little. He didn’t over eat like he usually did and Benny could see him looking tired and needing a nap.  Benny dragged Dean over to the couch and pulled him down next to him, tucking him under his arm giving him the excuse to snooze on his shoulder.  They definitely needed to talk and the wait was killing Benny for sure.

When everyone began to pack up and leave, Benny and Dean invited them all back for leftover the next day.  As the last of their family left, Benny turned Dean to him and kissed him firmly. “I waited… it killed me but I waited and I cannot any longer, Dean.”

“I know it Benny. I appreciate that you did. I know you see it, my chest is sore, I’m tired all the time and I’m starting to get nauseous out of the blue. Just like last time.  I am just afraid that I’m creating it in my head, you know? I keep thinking that spending time with Cas is making me reach for it,” Dean confided in Benny.

“C’mere my sweet Dean. I love you so damn much. What’s the plan, have you thought about what you want to do next?” Benny asked. Dean had experienced three false positives on home tests the first time they tried to get pregnant which was a problem some male carriers experienced, so home tests were not an option.

“I’m gonna call Cas in a few minutes and ask what he thinks. That alright with you?”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Benny answered and pulled Dean in for a hug.

Dean placed his call to Cas and he wanted Dean and Benny to meet him at the office in the morning. The office was closed for the holiday to give the staff a long weekend so he and Balthazar would meet them and do a blood test to answer their concerns. Dean paced around the loft most of the evening, pretending to clean and straighten things, but Benny knew better. Finally he convinced Dean to go to bed and they both spent a fitful night tossing and turning.

The ride to the office seemed to take forever, even though it was just across town.  Cas and Balthazar were there as well as Gabe to take care of Clare in the waiting room . They assured Dean that they had sworn him to secrecy and by the soft look on his face, he understood completely.  Dean explained his situation and what he was feeling and Cas took notes in his chart.

Balthazar took his blood pressure and temperature and then asked Dean to roll up his sleeve. He drew a blood sample while Dean leaned into Benny. His anxiety was increasing by the second and Benny tried to comfort him without letting on how anxious he was as well.  Balthazar had a buddy in the lab at the hospital and he ran the sample over by hand.  He came back and told that there were no samples ahead of Dean’s and he had given his cell number to his lab friend.

They waited a painful few minutes and then they all jumped when Balth’s cell rang. He answered it and handed the phone to Cas, who asked for the levels, noting it in the chart and then hung up. He turned to Dean and Benny who clung to each other. Dean buried his face in Benny’s neck and Benny cradled his head as he nodded to Cas to tell them the results.

“You’re levels are very high Dean. You’re definitely pregnant,” Cas smiled broadly as he shared the news.

“Fuck yeah!” Dean shouted into Benny’s neck, clinging tighter and Benny rocked Dean back and forth smiling and whispering to Dean. “Yes, yes, my sweet Dean, you did it.”

Dean pulled back whooping loudly and grabbed Benny kissing him wet and messy before turning to Cas smiling. He hugged Cas and Balthazar who congratulated him sincerely.  Benny joined in and hugged them as well.

Benny turned back to Dean and that’s when it hit them both, they had done it. Benny pulled Dean into his arms and Dean released all the tension he had been holding. He choked back the first sob, but the others followed so quickly he couldn’t and Benny held him as he let go in a dichotomy of emotion. He was wracked with huge sad sounding sobs, but with the hugest smile on his face. Benny cried right along with him at the relief that their wait, while shorter than last time, was finally over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up all night trying to finish this...hope you liked it!


	14. What a Wonderful World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Benny share their news and Dean is feeling it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this Louis Armstrong song. It speaks of hope and a positive outlook, at least it does to me. Dean and Cas feel this way at this point...
> 
> I made up some medical stuff here, so bear with me...

Balthazar handed Benny and Dean tissues and waited as they had their moment together. Cas wanted to give Dean an initial exam and had him lay back on the exam table.  He told Benny to help Dean shimmy his pants just past his hips and pull up his shirt. Cas felt Dean’s abdomen, hoping to estimate when he had conceived. He felt for Dean’s pubic bone and placed the end of the tape measure there. He moved his other hand up from there to find the top of his uterus and was surprised that Dean measured at 8 centimeters. “Dean when did you and Benny resume having intercourse?” Cas asked, thoughtful look on his face.

“Geez Cas!” Dean squeaked feeling his face heat up. Benny answered for them, “October 2, when we went to New York.”

Cas turned to Balthazar, “Balth, you measure and tell me what you find.” Balthazar placed the tape on Dean’s stomach and told Cas he got eight for the measurement.

“I wasn’t planning on any other exams today, but I want to do an internal and an ultrasound based on how you measure,” Cas told a nervous Dean and Benny with a smile.  “Don’t worry, nothing is wrong, I just want to verify something.”

Benny took off Dean’s boots and then his jeans and boxers while Balthazar covered him with a sheet and Cas put on a glove. Cas did a quick pelvic exam, applying pressure to Dean’s abdomen. Cas removed his glove, pulling out the extension of the table to support Dean’s legs and Balthazar stepped out and returned with a portable ultrasound machine on a cart. Cas pulled Dean’s shirt up and tucked the sheet down low and squirted gel on his lower belly.  He used the wand to look at Dean’s uterus.  He was having trouble seeing so he had Balthazar bring Dean a large glass of juice to drink.  They waited about twenty minutes and then tried the ultrasound again. Dean’s bladder was full and Cas got a good view into his uterus. He clicked some keys and pressed a little harder on Dean’s stomach trying to get the right view. “Everything looks great Dean, hang on one more minute and I’ll get the heartbeat…it’s kind of tricky at this point…there,” Cas said as the whoosh, whoosh, whoosh of the heartbeat filled the room.

Benny leaned over and kissed Dean firmly, while both men had tears in their eyes for their new baby nestled safely inside Dean. Still they were both curious about Cas’ concerns and all the exams.  “What did you find out, Cas? We’re kinda hangin’ here,” Benny asked cautiously.

Cas wiped the gel from Dean’s stomach and answered “Well, I measured Dean not expecting to register a full measurement on my tape, but I got eight centimeters, so I had Balthazar double check. I wanted to confirm that measurement, because it could mean one of two things. Either you were more pregnant than I thought or you might be having a multiple pregnancy.  Now I know that you are approximately eight weeks pregnant and I am fairly certain it is just one fetus from the ultrasound, but we will confirm that at 20 weeks. Looks like you conceived on your trip to the city.”

“Wow, eight weeks and I didn’t have a clue until a couple of days ago when I bumped my chest on a car at work, then yesterday I threw up for the first time,” Dean thought out loud.

“You are almost through your first trimester, Dean,” Balthazar congratulated him and then shook Benny’s hand.

“Get dressed, and meet us in the lobby. I hear Miss Fussy Britches out there giving Gabe a hard time. She’s ready to eat.  Keep taking your vitamins and watch your fluid intake. If morning sickness is setting in, I’m more concerned about fluids than food. I remember you being jealous when I ate,” Cas laughed. “We’ll have you come back in four weeks, that’s the week of Christmas. I’ll make a note for the appointment clerk to call you next week to set it up.”  Then he and Balthazar left while Dean got dressed and they all met in the lobby.

Cas was sitting in one of the chairs nursing Clare when they came out of the exam room and Benny thanked them for seeing Dean so quickly. Gabe congratulated them and so did Balthazar again. Cas called Dean over to him and pulled him in for a final hug and said, “I’m really happy for you both. Try not to worry too much and call me if you sneeze funny or anything, I don’t care. I’m home with her for a while and we will come and check on you, okay?”

“Thanks Cas, now I have to pee really bad from all that juice you made me drink. Is there a bathroom nearby,” Dean said as he shuffled his feet. Cas pointed him in the right direction and then soon they were in the impala and on their way home.

Dean slid over to the middle of the front seat, snapped on the seat belt and then laid his head on Benny’s shoulder. “I love you Benny. Thanks for knocking me up again,” Dean teased his husband.  “No sweat, that’s what I’m here for,” snorted Benny, leaning down to peck Dean on the lips.

“I don’t want to wait to tell everyone, I want to tell them tonight at dinner,” Dean told Benny.

“Last time we waited till you were twelve weeks, darlin’, just to be sure.” Benny reminded him.

“I just…I …” Dean cleared his throat and took a few breaths. “I just want this baby to know that we love him or her and that they’re wanted for as long as we have them, from the moment we knew.”

Benny gripped Dean’s thigh and Dean continued, “I want to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy and hopefully we make it this time.” Dean sniffed as he confided in Benny.

Benny slipped his arm around Dean and kissed his temple as he drove.  “We’ll tell everyone tonight then and they can all enjoy the pregnancy with us, all the way until you have the baby this time, darlin.”

“Thanks Benny,” Dean hiccupped and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

“How about we take a little nap before I have to go to work, huh?” Benny asked, stroking Dean’s arm.

Dean nodded, not trusting himself to talk without crying again.

They snuggled into their bed and dozed off after Benny set the alarm on his phone. Benny spooned behind Dean clasping their hands together on his belly and sang:

_Sleep pretty darlin do not cry_

_And I will sing a lullabye_

                                                           

******

 

Dean woke from their nap completely consumed by nausea. He had suffered from it last pregnancy, but took for granted that it meant he _was_ pregnant. He had wished it away every time he was sick and this time he welcomed it with open arms, so glad that he had a second chance.  He wrote crackers and ginger ale on the magnetic grocery pad on the refrigerator, not that the nausea would let him forget needing them. Benny had gotten a call from Gabriel telling him he would work the dinner shift at the diner so that Benny could be home with Dean today.

Dean was currently on his knees in the bathroom, rocking back and forth waiting for the wave of nausea to pass.  Benny ran his hand up and down Dean’s spine under his t shirt, lightly scratching his back.  There wasn’t much left in his stomach so mostly Dean had the dry heaves and after a pretty nasty set where nothing came up, Benny was concerned. “Dean darlin’, I’m so sorry, this is just awful,”

Dean wiped his face with the wash cloth in his hand and actually smiled at Benny, “Don’t be…’m alright Benny…not sorry at all. I’m pregnant Benny, I’m so happy to be pregnant.”

Benny helped Dean get up and pulled him in for a hug, “Damn I love you. I’m glad you’re pregnant, you know that, but I hate to see you suffer. I wish we could take turns being sick or something.”

“Well that sure as hell would come in handy,” Dean laughed as he threw the wash cloth in the hamper and rinsed his mouth at the sink. “Let’s try to get me outta the bathroom for a while.”

It was getting close to the time that everyone would arrive for leftovers, so they started pulling things out of the fridge and heating them up. Dean pulled out a big bowl of stuffing and nearly dropped it before calling it quits, “Jesus Benny, you’re gonna have to handle dinner or I’m gonna end up in the bathroom again, sorry babe.”

Benny walked Dean over to the couch after grabbing him a coke to settle his stomach and took Dean’s jeans off of him. He laid him down of the couch and covered him with a blanket.  “Try to rest darlin’ here’s the remote. I can take care of dinner and the table.”

Benny was just about done with the dinner and thought that Dean was watching whatever was on tv, but when he went over to the couch, Dean was asleep and making cute little snoring sounds. He decided to leave him there despite the fact that their family was due any time. He just hated to wake him, he needed the sleep. 

*****

Dean felt lips on his forehead and blinked his eyes open to find Benny smiling at him. “Hey there Sleeping Beauty. Now lay still till you’re awake, don’t try to get right up…remember how we had to do this last time?” Benny brought a straw full of coke to Dean’s lips and when Dean was ready, Benny took his finger off the end letting the coke drain into his mouth. “I’m just gonna slip these sweats on you while you lay there and get your bearings. Ellen and Bobby are on their way up. Are we telling everyone at once or as they come?”

“Let’s wait till Sam and Jess get here, too. That okay with you?” Dean asked lifting his hips so Benny could slip the pants up. Benny was always wonderful about knowing what helped Dean’s morning sickness. What a joke, morning sickness…should be sick all the fucking time sickness, though Dean refused to complain. He would take anything that came his way, so long as he delivered a full term baby this time. This time he would let Benny baby him with no complaints whatsoever.

“Fine with me, though if you aren’t better than before your nap, it’s gonna be hard to hide the truth from Ellen or Bobby. They should work for the FBI,” Benny laughed as he offered Dean more coke. “Let’s get you on your feet there, Daddy,”

Dean stood up with Benny’s help and leaned his head on his shoulder taking shallow breaths to see if he felt any better. He was definitely feeling less sick than before his second nap and made his way towards the kitchen.  Yep, he could be in the kitchen, so definitely better.

Bobby and Ellen came in and not long after, Sam and Jess arrived and everyone was glad that Benny was there for leftovers. Cas and Balthazar came just as they were sitting down to eat. Dean offered to take the baby while they ate, only Cas, Balthazar and Benny knew it was a ploy to avoid food. 

Benny watched Ellen watch Dean.  She had eyeballed his sweats when she came in earlier and poor Dean did look like someone had punched him hard in the stomach. He saw her eyes flick back and forth from person to person as she laughed and ate, but they always settled back on Dean.  Benny put little bits of different foods on Dean’s palate as a cover, but he knew Ellen was on to them. Finally, she looked at Bobby and cleared her throat, “You feelin alright tonight Dean?”

A little caught off guard Dean blushed and answered, “Yeah, I’m fine thanks Ellen.”

Cas and Balthazar had their plated filled, so Balthazar took Clare back and Cas nursed her as he ate. Suspecting the cat was soon to be out of the bag, neither Cas, not Balthazar looked up from their plates, but they could not contain their grins.

With no baby, Dean was forced to try to eat, though he knew he could not eat this rich dinner without paying for it later. He ate a few bites and when it tasted good, he began to make up for not eating most of the day. Benny squeezed his leg under the table and when Dean jumped and looked at him, Benny nodded to his plate as if to say slow down. But Dean was pregnant and hungry and not nauseous, so that wasn’t going to happen. Dean just needed to make it to dessert and then they were going to announce their news.

Soon everyone had eaten their fill of dinner and plates were cleared, though Cas gave Dean the baby while he and Balthazar helped in the kitchen so Dean just sat and held her.

They played boards games in teams of two as was the tradition with the Singer/Winchesters and now the Lafittes. After Ellen and Bobby won Clue, they put the games away and brought out the leftover pie. Dean had made apple, pumpkin, pecan and cherry this year. Benny had fresh whipped cream and ice cream to go with the delicious desserts. Gabe had shown up with the bulk of the small dinner crowd having come and gone at the diner. Dean and Benny made eye contact and Dean knew it was time to share their good news. 

“So Benny and I wanted to tell you all something that may come as a surprise. We know that it has only been a few months since Rosie, but…” Dean’s voice began to waver as he tried to tell his family about their pregnancy.

Benny stepped in, “What Dean is trying to say is-“

“We think it’s wonderful that you want to try again,” Ellen piped in eyes wide showing her excitement. “It’s not too early to try, if you and Benny feel ready, right Bobby?” She put her hand on Dean’s cheek and smiled at him sweetly.

“Well I hope to hell you don’t mind because Benny already knocked me up again!” Dean chuckled through his happy tears.

It was like a scene out of The Office with everyone staring at Dean like he was the camera. When it finally sunk into their brains they all jumped up and hugged Dean and Benny congratulating them. Bobby hooted out, “That’s my boys!” Sam held Dean tight a little too tight and Benny had to whisper to Sam that Dean’s chest was sore. There was laughter and tears and chastising from Ellen for telling them so crudely, but there was no real bite to her words. She admitted suspecting something because Dean wasn’t eating much and Thanksgiving was his favorite dinner.

They all asked Cas why it had taken three years last time and only three months this time. They were shocked into silence again when Cas shared that Dean was already two months along. He told them he didn’t know why but he was certainly glad for them.

Thanksgiving was pretty much everyone’s favorite holiday after Dean and Benny’s announcement this year. It was still Dean’s favorite dinner even though after everyone left he lost every bite he had consumed earlier. There was certainly still plenty to be thankful for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts are welcome...


	15. Miss You Most (At Christmas Time)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny works on helping Dean's nausea and the family spends time together on Rosie Grace's original due date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that how they handled Rosie's due date was more important to the fic than how Dean and Benny actually spend Christmas. Hope you don't mind...  
> (Oh and gentle smut!)

Getting ready for Christmas had been interesting through Dean’s morning sickness. He had muscled through it of course, with a very dutiful and loving Benny by his side. Unfortunately for the couple, they had been through the same thing with Dean’s first pregnancy. Apparently Dean was one of those carriers who was lucky enough to experience hyperemesis gravidarum, aka severe morning sickness. Benny liked to tease Dean that it was one of the many things he had in common with Kate Middleton.

Benny had a finger on the pulse of Dean’s nausea almost better than Dean.  Dean’s natural instinct was to power through, but that usually ended with him in Balthazar’s office with an IV, so Dean gave the controls to Benny.  With a little research and recommendations from Cas and Balth, Benny had Dean on a plan that kept him on his feet and for the most part feeling good. They had their moments, but nothing could dull the shine on Dean’s joy at a second chance. 

Dean woke each morning to his alarm set at eight, he was still going to work, but a shortened day until the severe nausea passed. Benny would get up and get Dean Nilla wafers or dry cereal. Dean would slowly sit up in bed and eat what Benny brought him.  They had learned the hard way that Dean could not eat and drink during in the same sitting. If he kept the dry food down for an hour, he would drink something like ginger ale or lemonade, weird but it worked. On really bad days when Dean started his day on his knees in the bathroom, Benny would give him coke, but they were trying to avoid caffeine as it added to the dehydration.

Dean ate better if Benny was with him, so they were glued to each other at meal times. Benny left the kitchen faithfully every day at eleven to have lunch with Dean at the garage.  Dean still worked on cars, he found it distracted him most days, to the point that he and Benny had an intricate phone alarm system to remind him when to eat or drink.  He alternated each hour and if he kept a little something in his stomach at all times, he could function. He was never free from the nausea but with Benny’s guidance and dedication, they were surviving. 

They had decorated their home for the holidays and the diner as well. Dean loved Christmas almost as much as Thanksgiving and luckily, Benny shared that sentiment. There was a massive Christmas tree in the living room with all of the ornaments they had collected in just over three years of marriage. Heavily adorned garland with large plaid bows decorated the fireplace mantle. The dining room table was covered in festive linens with a large candle filled centerpiece.  There were kitchen towels in red and green and a Santa Claus cookie jar on the counter. Benny and Dean’s bed even had flannel Christmas sheets and a duvet cover.  They may as well have been one of the Bloomingdales windows in New York for all of the decorations. 

The one adornment they were not going to have this year was the one they had so long awaited for, Rosie Grace.  Benny thought Dean was doing quite well considering she was to be born on the fifteenth. They had not really talked about what they wanted to do on that day, mostly because Dean’s nausea consumed most of their free time.  He knew he needed to approach Dean beforehand, he didn’t think surprising him would be the best way to handle the day, but he only had a week left. Luckily for (and unbeknownst to) Benny, Dean had already taken care of most of the leg work.

******

Dean came home from work on December eighth and went straight to Benny downstairs in the diner. He sat at the counter and waited for his husband to notice he was out there. It didn’t take long til it was time for Benny to send an order through the pass and call out the waitress’s name. Benny was about to turn back to the line when Dean could tell the cook had seen him. He came out through the swinging kitchen door with his sweet southern charm written into the smile on his face. Dean stood to greet him and they kissed _on the mouth_ and even _used a little tongue_ , both a complete rarity during morning sickness for Dean.

“Well hello darlin’, you seem to feel good tonight,” Benny said as he held Dean, grateful for the affection, but even more grateful that Dean felt well enough to gift him with it.

Dean placed a few kisses along the scruff on Benny’s beard, “Yeah, I feel pretty good for the moment, but don’t jinx me by talking about it.” Benny chuckled at Dean’s superstition .

“I thought I would get a bowl of soup for dinner and eat down here so you can chat with me, if you’re not too busy,” Dean said a little apprehensively as if Benny wouldn’t be thrilled with the idea.

“Never too busy for you, love,” Benny whispered in Dean’s ear as he rubbed his belly. “We’ve got chicken noodle, cream of broccoli, and southwestern corn chowder, what would you like?”

“I’d love the corn chowder but I am going with chicken noodle, because mostly I want the broth,” Dean said. He had been craving chicken soup all day, and had hoped the diner had some left.

Benny kissed Dean one more time and got an almost naughty kiss before going in the back and bringing Dean a bowl of the soup he wanted, mostly just broth. He watched  as Dean ate the soup and stayed for an hour visiting with other diners at the counter and Benny when he could pop out from the kitchen.  He walked his husband out to the elevator to their loft and gave him a final kiss, telling him he would be home soon.  

*******

Dean heard the elevator and walked to greet Benny as he came home from work.  “I want to talk about what’s coming up next week,” Dean said rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sure darlin, I’ve been wantin’ to talk to you about it too. I was just never sure how to get there,” Benny answered pulling Dean into his arms.  “Let me shower quick and then I’ll be ready, alright?”

Dean waited on the couch, notebook in hand, for Benny to join him. He hoped that his husband would like what he was going to suggest. He willed his nerves away, fearing they would bring on his nausea and he had been having such a good day.  He had even felt a little frisky and was hoping to at least make out with Benny like horny teenagers.

Benny emerged from the shower, smelling clean and well, Benny-like and making Dean feel just a little friskier.  He had things to discuss first, so he patted the couch next to him and confessed his plans. “The fifteenth is coming up and I was trying to think of a way to spend the day. I don’t want us to just go to work like it wasn’t supposed to be a special day, but I also don’t want to sit home and feel sorry for myself. I know that would happen easily for me, so I thought of something we might do that I think Rosie would have liked.” He took several deep breaths and reached out for Benny’s hand to calm himself.

“It’s a Monday and I know everyone is supposed to work, but I want to invite Ellen and Bobbby, Sam and Jess, Cas and Balthazar and even Gabe if he wants to come. I want us all to spend the day together doing Christmas things. I found a Christmas Village that’s open all week long out near KU. It’s out by the outlets malls, so there is a yankee candle store and a Christmas Tree Shoppe, but they set up a craft fair with really good vendors and food booths, and a Santa Claus Village…” Dean looked up at Benny who’s silvery blue eyes were fastened on Dean’s face. He wasn’t saying much and looked rather surprised so Dean backpedalled, quickly, gathering his notebook and pamphlets.  “Never mind, sounds silly I guess, we don’t have to do that I just wanted to hmmpf-“ Dean was interrupted by a firm but chaste kiss on the lips.

“Dean Winchester-Lafitte, I would love for our family to spend the day doing Christmas things together. I think it’s a great idea and I think Rosie would have loved to come along with us. In fact, I think she might just tow along with us in spirit,” Benny declared with a quivering lip and watery eyes.

Benny’s face was all Dean needed to let out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding. “Can we call everyone tonight, so we’ll know? I need to know what’s gonna happen that day. I think it will help me relax a little.”

Pulling out his phone, Benny asked, “You want to do the honors, or should I do the talking?”

“How about speaker and we do it together?” Dean offered with a small smile.

“Perfect,” responded Benny and tapped his phone to make the first call.

Needless to say, they all loved the idea. What Dean and Benny didn’t know was that the family had been talking and was concerned about Dean’s current pregnancy when Rosie’s due date rolled around. They were all secretly thrilled that it was Dean who had thought up the plan, grateful that he could be proactive and not just reactive to what could easily have turned in to a sad, depressing day. They figured there may still be some sad moments, but they would handle those as they came, and would surround them with happy moments and fun, new memories.

After all the phone calls were made, Dean took Benny’s hand and led him to the bedroom. “I don’t know how long I’m gonna feel this good, but I don’t want to waste it, so as unromantic as my proposition is, take me to bed and have your way with me Lafitte.”

Benny laughed and then he cried and he held Dean close for a few minutes. It never ceased to amaze him how strong a man he had married. He had been through so much and yet he didn’t wallow in it, didn’t let it hold him down. Still Dean’s ability to let himself experience his emotions and work through them made Benny love him even more.

He slowly undressed Dean and laid him on the bed. He covered Dean with kisses, only placing soft sweet ones on his lips. He didn’t want Dean to think he didn’t want to kiss his mouth, but he knew Dean was sensitive to gagging, so he was careful.  He kissed down Dean’s neck and chest, spending time sweetly kissing, and sucking at his sore nipples, drawing out moans and making Dean pant until he was a shaky mess, but a good shaky mess. “Benny…please, oh yes…fuck that’s gooood…” Dean groaned.

“I’ve got you Dean, just sit back and relax,” he breathed onto Dean’s hardened nipple. He kissed Dean’s belly as he dragged a slicked up finger across Dean’s opening.

“Oh fuck, Benny, I want you…please…” Dean called out as Benny circled and teased Dean’s tight pucker.

“You sure this is okay darlin’?” he asked before continuing. Dean nodded and tried to roll his hips down to fuck on Benny’s finger.

“Patience  love, patience,” Benny cooed as he worked his way into his husband’s body.  Dean let his knees fall open wide and relaxed under Benny’s loving hands so that when Benny finally lined himself up and pushed his way into Dean, they both shook and moaned in pleasure.

“Jesus Dean, you are so warm and so tight. You feel incredible,” He panted into his ear, careful to keep his weight of Dean’s stomach so as not to make him nauseous. He slowly rolled his hips and rocked into Dean, building the heat and desire. He did not speed up or snap his hips roughly, which they both often enjoyed. This night was not about fucking fast and furious, this night was about slowing down and showing their love and support for each other. Every gentle return to Dean’s warm heat and cant of hips, greeting the thrust was an admiration, an appreciation for the love of the other.

When they both came, silent and open mouthed through the waves of pleasure, they held each other and kissed whatever they could reach, speaking volumes with silent affections, happy for the reprieve in the temporary symptoms that had for the last few weeks kept them apart.

*******

The fifteenth of December came and went in a day of remembrance and love, with Dean and Benny steadfastly together and surrounded by family. At times it had been an easy day, other times, very difficult, but they had all come through it together. Dean’s nausea had been bad a first and he threw up several times on the car ride, with Benny pulling the impala over and Sam helping Dean wipe his mouth, but as the day went on they were able to enjoy lunch and the smells of the yankee candle store with no further issues. Clare Rose had her first photo with Santa at Dean’ insistence, he assured Cas that Rosie would have wanted it that way. 

When they returned home, they all admired the sweet angel ornament on the tree that bore Rosie’s name across the wings. Benny hung a wreath on the nursery door. It had a beautiful full bow at the top with the ends cascading down. It was decorated with one pink ornament personalized to read Rosie Grace and her birthday of August 12th  and plenty more room for additional ornaments for years to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome as usual. I'm wondering what you are thinking of how the story is progressing...


	16. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family celebrates Christmas and Dean experiences a setback.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry it has taken so long for me to update. This chapter needed to happen, but I had trouble writing it. You didn't think it would be smooth sailing the whole way, did you?

Christmas came and the family all had their own celebrations in the morning, but met at Dean and Benny’s for dinner. Normally Ellen and Bobby hosted dinner, but Dean was struggling with not feeling well still and Benny insisted that Dean have his own bed to lie in if he needed it. No one argued of course, wanting the best for Dean.

Dean and Benny had homemade cinnamon buns for breakfast with juice and then opened presents.  They were up fairly early, with Benny needing to pull the prime rib out of the fridge so it could rest before being cooked. It needed three hours on the counter so Benny finished the cinnamon buns while Dean tried to keep from getting nauseous.

When the buns were iced and ready to eat, Dean and Benny sat of the floor by their beautifully decorated douglas fir and opened presents, just the two of them. Dean was thrilled with the surround sound system that Benny got him for the TV in the living room. The loft, being open floor plan, swallowed the sounds when you watched movies, according to Dean.

Benny also got Dean a pair of pregnancy jeans. He could tell Dean had become uncomfortable in his regular jeans, because he had begun to wear pajama pants whenever they weren’t going out. He was still wearing his own shirts and flannels, and he wasn’t showing at all, but he needed pregnancy pants for sure.  It was the one thing that Dean couldn’t keep after Rosie. For some reason, the clothes he had worn while carrying her were too raw a reminder and he had donated them all to a male carrier center in Kansas City.

Benny also gave Dean new underwear.  Dean blushed furiously at the underwear which was tiny because it had to rest below his belly. They discovered last time that his boxers would not stay up on his belly after a certain point. It reminded Dean of the panties he pulled out of the back of his top drawer once in a while when he and Benny felt particularly kinky.   

Benny even got him a jacket because they still had to go through the majority of the Kansas winter.  Dean would be at his biggest in the summer, but Benny had given him a start for winter and spring. There were other gifts as well: a few baby items like pacifiers with the rock on symbol and even a couple of little onesies with band logos.

Dean had not been able to shop much with the morning sickness, but he did manage to get Benny a few things. He got a t shirt for the baby that read My Poppa can really cook! He found a t shirt for Benny that said, Worlds Best Poppa, and got Benny a new chef’s knife with a steel handle engraved with the same sentiment. Benny was thrilled and told Dean not to worry, his best present was sitting in Dean’s belly. Of course that made Dean well up and then Benny welled up.

“Fuck, Benny we are not gonna cry like girls on Christmas,” Dean said trying to change the subject. “Let’s eat some of these cinnamon buns.”

“Crying doesn’t mean we’re girly Dean,” Benny said sensing Dean’s discomfort. He lifted Dean’s chin so their eyes met. “There is nothing wrong with crying, it just means something’s important to you.”

Dean felt the color creep into his face, “I know, it’s just…” Dean closed his eyes and Benny saw Dean trying to hold back more tears.  “Benny, I don’t want to do this on Christmas.” He stopped the tears but looked up at Benny with pleading eyes.

“Alright Dean, but you know I didn’t fall in love with you because you were a masculine mechanic, though you are. I surely don’t see anything girly about you, so you know that’s not what made me love you.  I fell in love with you because when I look into your pretty green eyes, I know I’ve met my match, my equal in all accounts except one. You have the gift of being a carrier and even that can’t make you girly. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to care for things.  It just makes me love you all the more, darlin,” Benny explained softly and pulled Dean into a hug. He felt Dean relax into his arms so he let the topic go for now, promising himself he would work on getting to the bottom of it later.

They spent the rest of the early morning with Dean leaning back in Benny’s lap as he fed him little bites of cinnamon bun and they enjoyed the tree together before the ruckus began. 

The rest of the day went just as they had thought, beautiful but noisy and somewhat chaotic. They exchanged gifts while dinner cooked and then all helped with the last minute items.  Dean had to lay down a few times and spent some time in the bathroom, but all in all he ate some dinner and enjoyed the best moment of all when Sam asked Jess to marry him. It was a romantic finish to a lovely day.

When the couple told everyone to save the second Saturday in June for the wedding, Dean got the feeling that maybe their plans had been in place for a while and they held off because of what happened with Rosie. 

The look on Sam’s face when Dean hugged him told Dean all he needed to know, Sam was a thoughtful brother, maybe too thoughtful. Dean certainly didn’t want Sam and Jess not to celebrate and start their life because Dean and Benny’s had hit a rough spot with Rosie passing.  Still, he hugged Sam and let him know how happy he was for them to be getting married so that his new baby would have cousins to grow up with. And that might have been just enough to make them both a little teary.

*******

The Tuesday after Christmas, December thirtieth, Dean was due to go in for his twelve week checkup. Dean had not eaten well since Christmas. He had little or no appetite and lacked energy as well. It was really all he could do to crawl out of bed and keep down water or ginger ale, forget work. What little food he could keep down went straight through him and left him weaker than if he hadn’t eaten it at all. He had to be helped to shower and Benny made sure someone was with Dean when he went to his shift at the diner.  When he got home Monday night, he found Dean on the couch, his head in Ellen’s lap, garbage can by his side. Ellen was stroking her fingers through Dean’s hair, but from the sounds coming from his husband, Benny could tell Dean was really suffering.

“Hey, Dean,” Benny soothed as he approached him. He got down on his knees and met Dean’s eyes, “Darlin’, why didn’t you call me if you were feeling this bad?”

“Hhnnng, Ben…,” Dean moaned as he reached for the garbage can. Benny and Ellen helped him lean over and Dean dry heaved loudly and violently into the plastic bag lined can.  Benny used a wipe from the box on the coffee table to wipe Dean’s face and then looked at Ellen silently wondering how long he had been this bad.

As if she could read his mind, she answered, “He’s been bad for a couple of hours, but insisted on waiting for you to get home.”

“Dean, what’s goin’ on sweetheart?” Benny kissed Dean’s forehead as he waited for an answer.

“’m bad Benny, hmmm,” he groaned again. “Not gonna make it til tomorrow. Gotta go now.”

“Alright Dean, it’s okay. Did you call yet?” Benny asked knowing that the procedure was to call the office and speak to the doctor on call to let them know they were going to the hospital. Ellen shook her head and Benny said he would change quick and call the doctor’s office.

Dean grabbed his wrist and looked into his husband’s eyes, “Take a shower, babe, probly gonna be there a while-“ he choked out as he got emotional. He covered his face with his arm and sunk back into Ellen’s lap.

“Hey, hey, now…” Benny lifted Dean’s arm and kissed his cheek, whispering in his ear, “I love you darlin’…it’s gonna be okay, now. I’ll take a real quick shower and pack us a bag just in case. You stay here with Ellen and I’ll help you get ready in minute, alright?”

Dean nodded but said, “Gotta go to the bathroom…” as he started to push up of the couch. Benny wrapped as arm around his waist and got him to the toilet just in time. Ellen explained that Dean had been vomiting and had the runs most of the evening, which Benny knew was not a good sign. He looked pale and sweaty and was very shaky. At the very least, Benny knew he needed an IV, but suspected Dean would be in the hospital for a couple of days. 

He helped Dean clean up and change into comfortable sweats, a henley and one of Benny’s flannels.  He laid Dean down on the bed and left him with Ellen while he showered and threw on his jeans and a henley and flannel shirt. He put on his boots, but didn’t bother with Dean’s, he planned on carrying his husband.

Ellen had called Bobby, who arrived to drive them in the impala.

Benny was ready and had packed a bag with extra clothes for himself, and some comfort items for Dean. He had Deans ipad and headphones, his cell and both chargers, and he tucked in Rosie’s quilt which had become a nightly necessity. He threw in Dean’s boots and asked Dean if he wanted anything in particular in case he had to stay. Dean wanted Benny’s pillow so it smelled like home, so Benny handed the bag and pillow to Ellen.

Taking a blanket from the linen closet, Benny wrapped Dean in it and picked him up with an arm under his legs and one around his shoulders. Dean was taller than Benny, but he had lost so much weight, it wasn’t a struggle for Benny to heft him up and nestle Dean into his neck. Dean’s green eyes looked tired and a little scared as he let his head fall onto Benny’s shoulder.

Benny settled Dean in the back seat and went around to climb in the passenger side as Bobby held Dean’s hand. He jogged around just as Ellen reached her door and he instinctively moved to open it for her. She shooed him to the back seat grabbing her door handle and barking, “We haven’t got time for manners, get in with Dean.”

“Yes Ma’am,” Benny replied and reached for his own door and sliding in to sit with his husband. Luckily Ellen had thought of it and he had the plastic bag lined garbage bag at his ready. Dean curled into Benny and Benny engulfed him in his arms, trying to sooth the hurt from him. If only it were that easy, he thought as Dean moaned and clung to him. He was either clinging to him or Benny had to hang on tight or Dean would fall over, and Benny officially began to worry. He kept asking Dean if his belly hurt and Dean kept telling him he was just really sick, so Benny hoped. 

Benny was explaining to Dean that they were going to meet Dr. Henrickson as Bobby pulled into the circle in front of the emergency room. Dean nodded his understanding, eyes closed, head resting on Benny’s shoulder. The staff must have been expecting them because they were ushered right through swinging doors and into an exam room. The nurses had Benny lay Dean on the stretcher but Dean stayed balled up on his side, held fast onto Benny’s jacket and wouldn’t let go. Benny stroked his hair and spoke sweetly to him telling him he wasn’t going anywhere. A nurse with a computer on a cart began to ask all kinds of questions. She tried to ask Dean and he tried to answer, but he moaned every time he opened his eyes, so she patted his shoulder still wrapped in the blanket from home and directed her questions to Benny.

Another nurse was putting on gloves and gathering an armful of supplies from the cupboards around them. She had a gown, towels, what looked like IV bags and tubing, and a bunch of items sealed in plastic. She piled them all on a tray on wheels and while she waited for the other nurse to finish, she pulled a stand over that had a blood pressure cuff and a digital thermometer.

Benny recognized Victor Henrickson from Dean’s office visits and he would be the one who examined Dean if Balthazar wasn’t available until Cas went back to work. He had also delivered Cas and Balthazar’s baby.  He came in serious and business like and spoke with the nurses. Benny expected his voice to be stern like his face, but instead the warmth and kindness surprised him as he approached them and said, “Hi Dean, I’m Victor Henrickson. I’ve seen you and Benny at the practice, but we have not officially met yet.” He turned and shook Benny’s hand before placing his hand back on Dean shoulder and looking directly at him. “I’ve told the nurses we are going to go right upstairs to the OB floor instead of triaging you down here. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well, but we are going to help you make sure you and your baby stay healthy and strong.  How’s that sound?”

Dean nodded through closed eyes and Dr. Henrickson gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze and told Benny, “I’m gonna run ahead and make sure things are ready, but a couple of Dean’s fans will be right here to get him. Hang in there, from how he looks even before examining him, it looks like his hyperemisis is bad but not causing serious threat to the pregnancy. He’d be a lot sicker looking to us if it was.”

“Thank you, Dr. Henrickson.” Benny was glad, but he didn’t know how Dean could look much sicker than he did right now.

“You’re welcome and it’s Victor. I’ll see you both upstairs, Dean’s ride is here,” Victor smiled as he left.

Benny turned to see who was coming in and he let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding when Sarah and Tessa came through the door. Sarah stopped to hug Benny but Tessa went right to Dean.

“Dean?...Dean it’s Tessa,” she said softly as she placed her cool hand on his forehead. Dean opened his eyes slowly, blinking fearing the worst when he heard the familiar voice. Then he heard, “You’re gonna be alright there Daddy. We are here to take you upstairs and help you on your road to feeling better.” Dean felt for his belly under all the blankets and reassured himself before closing his eyes and relaxing just a little.

Sarah and Tessa worked like an oiled machine getting Dean upstairs through the busy hallways. They kept Benny right by Dean’s side, hand on his cocooned chest, face close when Dean’s frightened eyes opened to a slight bump or turn. They had a room set up, not the same room thank God, and wheeled the stretcher next to the bed.

Looking at Benny, Tessa let him know what the plan was, “We’re going to clean him up on the stretcher and then move him to the bed. You’re welcome to stay or you can wait outside and we’ll call you when we’re done.”

“Not going anywhere, no offense ladies,” Benny replied gently.

“Good, you can help us lift him, he’s a big guy,” Sarah smiled as she began to unwrap the blanket.

Dean’s panicked eyes opened and he gripped at the blanket. “Hey, hey, darlin,” Benny soothed, “What’s the matter?” He stroked Dean’s hair as Dean struggled to open his eyes and find him. Benny put a finger under Dean’s chin, “Right here, Dean… here I am.”

“Went t’the bathroom in the car,” Dean whispered as his eyes filled with tears. Benny kissed his forehead, not sure what to do or say to his husband’s feelings of embarrassment.

Tessa chimed right in, “Don’t you worry about that, now Dean. We’ve helped you through worse than that.” She chatted on as the two women unpackaged Dean and removed his clothes, “You know, my mom told me something when I was little and I’ve always remembered it. She said embarrassing things are only as embarrassing as you let them be.”

“That’s true, Dean… lift your hips so I can slip your sweats off...We’re not here for you to feel ashamed of anything.  We just want to help you feel better, “ Sarah added as she bagged up Dean’s dirty pants. Tessa was covering Dean with a sheet and slipping his flannel and Henley off. She had Benny lift Dean so she could pull the dirty blanket out from under him and give it to Sarah to bag as well. Sarah began to take Dean’s vitals while Tessa gave Dean a quick wash up. When she was finished, Tessa put a clean gown on him and asked Benny to lift him to the bed.

Benny laid his husband on the clean sheets of the bed and ran his finders soothingly through Dean’s hair. “That’s my sweet boy, Dean…just try to relax…that’s it,” Benny cooed at Dean as he felt Dean relax under his touch.

Sarah came to the side of the bed to switch out Benny’s pillow from home, to pull the blankets up over him and to get Dean’s blood pressure, “I get a kick out of you calling him your sweet boy. He got a few inches on you in height, you know.” Benny thought he saw Dean smirk ever so slightly at the nurse’s comment as he settled into Benny’s pillow.

“Doesn’t matter. He’s taller, I’m broader…he’s mine, I’m his,” Benny said as he smiled down at Dean.

Tessa brought a face mask looking item attached to a bag which Benny recognized as a barf bag from when Dean came out of surgery last summer. “Dean, this bag is for if you need to get sick, okay? If you need to go to the bathroom, just go. We have absorbent pads on the bed and we’ll change them.  When you start to feel better, Dr. H. will let you out of bed to go, so until then, don’t worry, we’re here to help you. Dr. H is coming in now to take a look at you.”

As if on cue, Victor appeared through the doorway and approached the bed. He read the computer screen that Sarah showed him and began to talk to Dean, “Well Dean, you have no temperature, but your pressure is a little high. I think that is the dehydration.” He looked at Benny and then back at Dean, “I’m gonna do a quick internal to make sure everything is just like I think it is, which is fine and then we will get you an IV and do some blood work. I think once we get some fluid into you and some calories, you will feel much better and then we will talk about long term with the nausea.”

Benny nodded and kissed Dean on the forehead. “Okay darlin’? Did you hear Victor? He’s gonna take a quick look.” Dean put a hand up to cup Benny’s cheek but didn’t open his eyes. He started to moan softly and Benny knew that sound meant he was going to be sick, so he turned Dean onto his side and offered him the masked bag. Dean objected to being turned but was really too weak to fight it and was soon dry heaving into the bag. The third time he wretched, thin yellow bile came up and Dean began to cry softly. Benny could tell the bile must have burned as it came up and out. It seemed to cause Dean to puke again.

“Tessa, get me a sterile glove and some gel, we need to get this man feeling better soon,” Victor said and then he looked down at Dean and touched his belly, “Any cramping down here?” Dean shook his head. “That’s good Dean, that’s a good sign. Listen, just let it come up when you feel the urge. It takes more energy to fight it than to just let yourself throw up, so just let it come, alright?”

Victor and Tessa turned Dean onto his back again and told Benny to take his hand. Tessa opened the sterile glove and Victor slipped it on carefully. Tessa squeezed a little gel on Victor’s first two fingers and then she freed the blankets and sheet from the end of the bed. Victor sat on the edge of the bed and then said, “Dean, pull you heels back to your bottom and let your knees fall open. I’m just gonna check your cervix with two fingers to make sure you’re not dilating. Here we go, Dean, gentle pressure.”

Dean jumped no matter how gentle Victor was. Benny leaned over and squeezed Dean’s hand tighter, and placed his other hand on Dean’s upper chest, patting in a soothing manner.

“Beautiful Dean, just beautiful. Couldn’t ask for a more closed cervix, just what I wanted to find,” Victor said, smiling at Dean, then Benny. “Tessa, you and Sarah get an IV with glucose going just in the first bag. After that, just normal saline drip. Nothing by mouth until the first bag is in. If his mouth is dry, one ice chip at a time. We do not want to aggravate his stomach with fluids right now. Also, I want you to give him a dose of Benadryl, it should help him sleep and it won’t hurt the baby.”  He turned to Dean, “We are giving you fluids and a little sugar to even out your blood sugar and give your body some fuel. I’m also giving you an allergy medication because it will help you sleep. You look exhausted and I know you can’t sleep with the severe nausea. Try to get some rest and I’ll check in on you later.”

Benny held Dean’s hand through the IV, worrying when Dean’s eye flew open at the needle insertion. Soon the fluids were flowing and they injected a dose of Benadryl. Dean began to calm down and his heart to beat normally as the fluids and medicine began to take their effect.  Dean opened his eyes a few times and looked for Benny who stroked his cheek and soothed him with soft whispers. Without Benny’s love and support Dean did not know if he would have made it this far with this pregnancy. It certainly seemed worse this time around.

Tessa helped Dean adjust in bed and made room for Benny to crawl in next to him, on top of the blankets but spooning behind him for reassurance. Once they were settled, Bobby and Ellen came in to say hello and Sam and Jess, too. They all kissed Dean and gave Benny’s arm a squeeze, asking if he needed anything. He told them all he needed was in the bed with him.  With the couple settled, their family left for the night with the promise of checking back in shifts starting in the morning.

Benny watched as Dean’s eyelids grew heavy and his body relaxed. He hoped that the IV and the medicine were enough to help Dean feel better and get some sleep. Dean hadn’t slept properly in a couple of weeks.

Tessa came in and turned off the light, “Get some sleep Benny, looks like Dean will sleep for a while. We’ll come in and check on you both every half hour or so.”

Benny knew Tessa would take good care of Dean and as he let himself give into the exhaustion, he hoped that their story would have a happy ending this time. He needed it to and more importantly, so did Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up medical shit again, though I was told Benedryl was a sleep aid option for me when I was breastfeeding and had a tragedy in my life. So I went with it here...
> 
> Comments are food for my writing soul...


	17. Help is on the Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets worse and his team of doctors suggest a path he won't take, but Tessa brings in a secret weapon that just may save the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Little River Band and the chorus of this song just hit me for this chapter. Hang on for more angst, but help IS on the way...fluff will come soon...i promise.

Dean felt Benny spooned behind him, but felt pinned by the blanket. His pillow smelled like home but nothing else fit. Why couldn’t he feel Benny’s legs behind his knees or his arm around his waist. He heard someone enter the room and the rolling of a cart and he blinked his eyes open to see Sarah approach the bed. As he got his bearings the nausea made itself known and Dean remembered where he was. The movement behind him let him know that Benny was awake and he rolled onto his back to find Benny sitting on the edge of the bed. He wrapped his arm around Benny’s waist and his husband turned to kiss him on the forehead.

“How you feeling today darlin’?” Benny asked cupping Dean’s cheek in his hand. 

Dean shook his head, “Still feel sick…but I slept good.”

“Morning boys! I hate to interrupt, but I need to get Dean’s vitals and check his IV site,” Sarah said as she rolled her cart over to the bedside. She asked Dean how he was feeling, completed her tasks by logging her notes in the computer and told Dean that breakfast would be there in half an hour and Tessa would be in to help him get cleaned up any minute.  She took her cart and smiled as she left the couple to finish waking. 

Tessa came in with a pile of fabric that Dean assumed was towels.  “Good morning, Dean. Hey Benny. Feeling any better this morning?”

“I slept, but I’m still queasy,” Dean answered. 

“Feel good enough for a shower? Benny can get in with you and I’ll just wait outside the bathroom till you’re ready to get dressed. Sound good?” Tessa offered.

“I don’t know, maybe I’ll just stay in bed for a while,” Dean said apprehensively.

Tessa shot a quick look over to Benny with a quick shake of her head while Dean rubbed his hand over his face. Benny, seeing Tessa’s face, chimed in, “It’ll probably feel good, Dean. Come on, I’ll help you and then we’ll try some breakfast, alright?”

Turning back into the blankets, Dean hid his face, “Don’t want any breakfast…or a shower.”

Benny came around the bed and leaned over whispering to his husband while Tessa smiled and got things ready.

“Jesus, fine! I’ll take a damn shower!” Dean conceded, with more defeat than malice in his voice. He was worried that he would feel worse after the shower, but he would do just about anything for Benny and his husband had asked him so sweetly.

Benny got his clothes and set them in the bathroom before going back to help Dean. Tessa had capped his IV for the shower to make it easier.  Tessa started the water and left Benny with the towels, showing him the soap and shampoo in the shower.

Benny removed his clothes and then tenderly removed Dean’s gown to help him into the shower.  Dean leaned against his husband as Benny washed his hair and rinsed all the sweat and yuck of the past night off of him. He had to admit it did feel good to be clean and in the warm water, but he hurried Benny along so he wouldn’t get worn out. If he tried to do too much he found it kicked the nausea up a notch.

Turning off  the water, Benny sat Dean on the toilet and wrapped a towel around him while he dried off and got dressed. Then he helped Dean dry off and wrapped a towel around his waist. He opened the bathroom door and Tessa came in and put a new gown on Dean, tying it in the back. She then slipped him into a robe that tied in the front and got him into the reclining chair in the room.  Tessa put non slip socks on his feet and reattached his IV tubing, telling him breakfast would be coming soon and not to worry, he only had a clear liquid tray, not food yet.

Dean leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, willing away the nausea. Breakfast came and Dean did his best with Benny’s encouragement, but he could swallow very little. He sat up for an hour, was checked on by Victor and then pretty much begged to be able to lay down and try to sleep. He did manage a nap before Sam came to see him.

He barely held it together, the sickness wearing him down over time. Sam hugged him and sat next to the bed, holding his hand. Benny made an excuse about coffee to give them a chance to talk, but Dean asked him not to be gone long. By noon he was vomiting and using the bathroom regularly and he ate nothing at lunch.

New nurses were there during the day and they were nice, but Dean became overwhelmed by the nausea and retreated to bed. Sometime in the afternoon, Cas and Balthazar blew into the room rushing to Dean apologizing for not being there sooner. Balthazar had been off and they did not know he had been brought in. Cas stayed at Dean’s side and Balthazar went off to read the chart to get them up to speed.

Dean’s breathing was erratic again and the waves of nausea just kept coming with no end in sight. Benny was feeding him ice chips and small sips of ginger ale, but Dean was clearly hurting. He didn’t talk and panicked if Benny go out of his line of sight. It was bad, and Benny did not know what to do.

Balthazar, Victor, and Cas conferred in the hall outside the room. Tessa, who was not due in until eleven that night, approached them and Benny could tell they were truly listening to her as well. It was several minutes before the team came in the room and talked with him and Dean.

Cas started voice laced with concern, “Dean, we are becoming worried about the effects of the nausea on you and the baby.  You are losing weight every day, you lost half a pound over night and I don’t need to tell you that you are keeping nothing down.”

The IV should have helped significantly over night and it really didn’t help much at all,” Victor added softly.

Dean whispered into Benny’s ear and at their request Benny repeated his husband’s weak words. “Thanks Captain Obvious.”

They all smiled, knowing Dean was weak, but showing his feistiness. 

Dean, we want you to consider taking the anti nausea medicine, just for a few days…Just to get some weight back-“ Balthazar spoke quickly seeing that Dean was gearing up to cut him off.

“NO!”, Dean barked out and then dropped his head back on the pillow. Benny knew he would fight the medicine. They had been offered the same stuff last pregnancy, but Dean heard about the side effects and refused it. It was particularly threatening to male carriers, and only offered as a last resort, so Benny knew they were in trouble now.

“Dean…” Benny pleaded with him, “Just listen to what they have to say before you decide.”

The look Dean gave Benny as the tears spilled from his eyes cut to the core of his heart. “Benny, ‘m not taking anything that can hurt the baby no matter what they tell me.” Dean sniffed in a deep sob before he said calmly and quietly, “you’re s’possed to be on my side and…an…” Dean turned away from them without finishing and they watched his shoulders shake as he broke down.

Benny felt his face flush and the tears prick at the back of his eyes as Dean turned away, “Darlin’, there’s no sides here. I just want you to feel better and the baby to be okay, that’s all. Dean…” Benny climbed onto the bed and wrapped himself around Dean. He put his lips right to Dean’s ear and whispered, “I love you my sweet Dean, I love you. I’m sorry.”

“I’m afraid, Benny…’m so afraid. I can’t do that again…I can’t leave here without a baby again. I want to hold our baby…I want to look down and see big eyes stare up at me while I feed ‘em… I need that Benny…I need it,” Dean choked out as he began to cry in earnest.

“Jesus Dean, I want that, too,” Benny said. “We’ll find a way Dean, I’ll find a way, alright?”

Dean nodded and Benny could see him trying to stop crying. Crying always made Dean puke more and he was clearly fighting it now.

Benny turned to the crew of medical professionals and stated, “Dean says no meds. What’s your plan B?”

Cas turned to Tessa and nodded. She approached the bed and addressed Dean. She had a way of connecting with him that always impressed Benny. “Dean, I have a friend, a good friend who helps people get through hard times with hypnosis, self hypnosis.”

“Not going to a shrink, don’t need one.” Dean retorted. Dean had refused to see anyone after Rosie and Tessa had offered then as well.

“Just hear me out, please Dean?” Tessa nearly begged. Benny new she was a good nurse who suffered right along with her patients and especially with Dean. “She is a therapist, yes, but she also teaches self hypnosis as a birthing class, so she is not just a shrink as you call it. She has been very successful with people suffering from severe pain after injuries and accidents and she helps people with nausea like you have. It certainly doesn’t have side effects like the meds and if it doesn’t work, what have you lost?”

Dean looked at Tessa and then the doctors at the end of his bed and then Benny. He laid his head down and Benny could tell he was at least considering it.

“Dean, I have never pressured you into doing anything you didn’t want to do, but I am begging you to try this. There is a chance this might work and you might feel better. I know you, Dean. If you don’t try it and something happens, you will wonder forever…what if,” Benny pleaded with Dean emotions on his sleeve.

“Just meet her, Dean. You will love her, I just know it,” Tessa proposed as Dean began to vomit into the bag he kept by the head of the bed.

After several minutes of severe heaving, Dean looked up, sunken red rimmed eyes, pasty, sweaty skin, and conceded, “I’ll meet her…for the baby…”

The whole room let out the breath they had been holding and Tessa left saying she would call her right away.

“Thank you, Dean, thank you,” Benny said as he took the bag and wiped Dean’s face with a cold washcloth. He put one ice chip on the end of a spoon and fed it tenderly to Dean. “You’re a brave man Dean and I love you.” Dean’s only answer was to sink back down into the pillow and put Benny’s fingers in his hair. Benny lovingly obliged his husband’s silent wish and softly scratched his scalp as Dean sighed at the sensation.

“We’ll go make the arrangements, Benny. Ring the bell if you need anything,” Cas said and the doctors left the room.

Benny curled back around Dean as he soothed him with his fingers and sang,

_Once there was a way to get back homeward,_

_Once there was a way to get back home,_

_Sleep pretty darlin’ do not cry_

_And I will sing a lulabye_

********

Dean woke to Benny’s voice, “Dean, darlin’ Tessa’s friend is here to meet you. I thought I’d clean you up a little and sit you up for a while. Sound okay?”

Dean nodded somewhat begrudgingly and rolled onto his back as Benny raised the head of the bed so Dean was sitting fairly upright. He took a hot soapy washcloth and washed Dean’s face and neck and even under his arms. He took a clean washcloth and rinsed him off and put a new gown on him. Dean couldn’t brush his teeth, but Benny offered him a cup of the mild mouth wash he had been using lately and then he combed his hair. He still looked awful, he knew it. But he felt much better and offered Benny a smile of gratitude. “I love you, Benny. You’re so good to me.”

Benny pressed a firm kiss to his forehead and asked, “Ready?”

“Guess so,” Dean answered apprehensively. Benny just adjusted the pillows so the cool side touched Dean and he loved Benny just a little more for the gesture.

Tessa approached the bed with a slim, dark haired woman in jeans, an AC/DC shirt and black leather jacket. She came right to the bed and sat down on the edge right in Dean’s space. “What don’t you like about morning sickness?”

“What?” Dean asked, taken aback by the question, almost offended really.

“Morning sickness, right? If you had to tell me one thing you hated about it, what would you say?” She asked.

Dean thought for a while, he knew he was a little loopy from the nausea, but this seemed nuts, coming from a therapist. He answered sincerely raising his chin boldly, “I hate that it keeps me from kissing Benny on the mouth.”

“Fair. What ‘s one thing you love about it?” She asked her second question.

“What’s to like…” Dean answered smugly.

“I don’t know. Never been pregnant, you tell me,” she sassed right back.

“At least I know I’m still pregnant,” Dean said and he lowered his head sadly resting both hands on his belly.

The woman hooked her finger under his chin and said with a sincere but devious smile, “Good answers. My name is Pamela Barnes. You and I are gonna get along just fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought she was perfect to help our Dean...
> 
> Comments are most welcome and truly appreciated...


	18. Winnie the Pooh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is on the mend and Benny gets to take him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not have a chapter song/title in mind until I wrote the last line and it hit me. It's a little frivolous, but I couldn't help myself. I beg your forgiveness...
> 
> Also, I know hypnotherapy is real and works, but I made all the details up...sorry!

True to her word, Pam and Dean got along famously; mostly because they were so similar in their tastes of music, whiskey(not that Dean drank while pregnant), and classic cars. However, the fact that Pamela helped Dean in the very first session she had with him sealed the deal. She taught Dean two very basic things. First, choose your happy place, and hadn’t Dean snarked at that. Second, real breathing takes concentration and effort but is worth it in the end.

She included Benny in the process and the three of them spent half an hour helping Dean find his happy place. They tried the nursery, their bed at home, his room at Ellen and Bobby’s, the impala and many others before it finally fell into place.  The room they had honeymooned in at the Plaza was where Dean finally found his happy place.  It seemed strange, but he could relax and do most of the exercises that Pam tried with him if he pictured himself curled up in that room in bed with Benny. Pam told Dean that he might find his happy place change but that he should stick with what worked not what he thought should work.

The shallow breaths Dean had been taking when he was feeling nauseous had probably added to his feeling poorly and actually not helped at all, according to Pam. She taught him to breathe deeply and to relax his muscles sort of zone by zone to achieve the state of hypnosis that really relieved his symptoms by seventy five percent. Benny learned right along with him, so that if Dean got bad to the point that he couldn’t help himself, Benny could guide him through his exercises as well.

Dean was scheduled to see Pam every day until they got him back on track and eating and then weekly throughout the pregnancy. She also encouraged them to enroll in her birthing class when Dean was in the last eight weeks of pregnancy.

Dean felt so much better from one session that right after Pam left, he and Benny used his ipad to go to the internet to read whatever they could find on her. By the end of their search, they were on her office website enrolling in the very birthing class she recommended, which wouldn’t even start for another few months.

Dean was ecstatic about how well he felt. He called Ellen and Bobby and Sam and Jess to let them know and they all promised to stop by later. He texted Cas to let him know as well and thanked him for stopping by earlier. It was almost too good to be true. There was still that little seed of doubt in the back of his mind, but he pushed it away for now.

It wasn’t long before dinner came and Dean received his clear liquid tray. He was surprised that the smell of the broth actually triggered a pleasant response as opposed to the usual nausea.  First, he and Benny completed the pre-eating breathing exercises that Pam had left them. She had actually given them a whole set of cards with exercises on a key ring for them to reference for different situations.

When Dean finished his hypnosis, and he snorted every time he thought about that, he sat in bed and let Benny feed him spoonfuls of chicken broth and Jell-O, though only to allow Benny to feel like he was helping, not because he enjoyed being taken care of, not at all. He also took sips of ginger ale and apple juice, because Pam had told them if the breathing worked, he would probably not need to separate eating and drinking. He still had to sit up for an hour after eating for the first few days until his body was used to food again and even then Pam told him there may be days he would have to fight a little nausea and not lay down for a while after a meal.

Everyone was extremely pleased with what Dean ate for dinner and Victor even came through on evening rounds with a look of relief on his face replacing the wrinkle of concern in his brow. He wanted Dean to eat clear liquid snacks every two hours until he went to bed as long as they were tolerated.  He talked with Dean about how the baby was probably getting everything he or she needed by robbing Dean of any nutrients he ate. They needed to get Dean back up to speed but didn’t want to push his limits, so this would be a slow process in the scheme of things. If Dean tolerated the clear liquids all evening, they would move him to a full liquid diet in the morning.

Dean had a great evening, eating everything they gave him and sitting up in a chair to visit with everyone who came by to see them.  As he talked with his family and friends, he ate the snacks the nurses brought him and the looks of happiness and relief on the faces around him brought a realization that Dean didn’t know how bad he had gotten before his trip to the hospital. Of course the fact that Benny kept sniffing and wiping his nose as he talked and laughed was a pretty big clue, but it was sinking in that he was in a good place now but had been in a very bad one just a few hours ago.

Benny helped Dean clean up and get ready for bed after everyone left at nine, a little past visiting hours, but not one nurse asked them to leave. It was Bobby who pointed out that they should let these two “Idjits” get some sleep. His hug of course told Dean what he knew Bobby really meant and then everyone else followed suit and left the couple on their own. Dean even brushed his teeth, actually brushed the back ones this time too, and then let Benny tuck him in bed. He was tired, but the good kind of tired not the _oh God I feel so shitty let me hide in my bed tired._

Benny sat on the edge of the bed and stroked his fingers through Dean’s hair and sang their song to him with a smile on his face. Dean closed his eyes until he realized that Benny wasn’t singing and as he looked up at his husband, he saw tears and realized why he had stopped.

“Don’t cry Benny,” he soothed as he used his thumb to wipe away the tears on his cheek.

“I’m alright, Dean. I’m just so glad you are starting to feel better and for the first time since you’ve been sick I feel like we have a little bit of control back. I just hated not being able to help you, but now I can help you help yourself, and that makes me happy,” Benny explained to Dean as he kissed his forehead and squeezed his hand.

Dean pushed himself up and touched his lips to Benny’s, softly at first. When none of the usual negative, morning sickness reactions came, he kissed him a little deeper and felt Benny startle a little as he asserted his tongue. Benny recovered and responded ever so gently back, touching his tongue to taste Dean’s lips and then further into his mouth touching Dean’s  tongue, something they had very much missed when the morning sickness began. It was sensual and comforting and everything they needed.

Dean broke the kiss to take a breath hand still gripping a fistful of henley. Benny smiled warmly and pulled the blankets up to Dean’s shoulders as he whispered, “Good night my darlin’ Dean, sleep well.”  He stepped around to the other side of the bed and Dean felt the bed sink a little as Benny cuddled in behind him. The only time either of them moved all night was when Tessa or Sarah came in to check Dean’s IV. It was the best rest they had enjoyed in months.

Dean spent a total of two weeks in the hospital and gained a total of eight pounds.  He went from a full liquid diet to eating regular food in just three days of Pam’s therapy sessions.  Dean made Benny go back to work at the diner after the first week.  Benny spent every night with Dean and they had breakfast together before Benny left at eleven to go to work for the dinner prep and service.  Dean reassured Benny that he would much rather have them be together  all the time, but that he needed to be able to complete the breathing exercises and eat on his own at home and needed to start ahead of time at the hospital.  Benny had said he would go back to work only if Dean promised to call him immediately if there were any issues. Dean respected that and there was one day when had a relapse into severe nausea and called Benny who immediately came to his side to see him through it.

Dean was discharged Tuesday morning, January twelfth still experiencing mild nausea, but feeling free of the hyperemesis he had suffered from so severely. Victor had come by on rounds to make sure Dean didn’t have any questions about his discharge. He had gone through the instructions which he was to strictly follow upon his return home.  Dean needed to keep weekly appointments with Pam to continue the hypnotherapy sessions. He had to chart his daily caloric intake to be sure it was increasing to his first trimester goal of two thousand calories.  Victor wanted the practice notified if Dean was sick enough to not eat of if he vomited after eating. Daily weight checks on the home scale should show a weight gain at least every other day until Dean was back to his before pregnancy weight of one hundred sixty five pounds. Dean was not to exercise other than casual walking such as an evening walk or light shopping until he was seen for a follow up at his regular monthly appointment in two weeks, and he was to lay down for at least an hour every morning and every afternoon. Other than that there were no restrictions.

When Victor asked Dean if he understood his instructions, Dean asked a clarifying question. “Do you consider sex exercise?”

“Dean!” Benny turned three shades of red when Dean asked his casual question.

“What? I finally feel good enough to have sex since the middle of last month. I wanna know if it’s okay, that’s all,” Dean said matter of factly to his husband and doctor.

Victor couldn’t help but smile at the interaction between the two men and as he answered, “Yes Dean, you can resume your physical relationship with your husband if you don’t find it affecting the other instructions I gave you. Take it easy and you’ll be fine. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

Tessa arrived with a wheel chair as Dean was teasing Benny, “Don’t tell me you weren’t wondering yourself Benny! I know you were.”

Benny’s crimson complexion returned in earnest and Dean kissed Benny smack on the lips before he sat in the waiting chair and said, “Come on, take me home you silly ol’ bear”!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you all wish you had your own Pooh Bear? Maybe your one of the lucky ones who does...


	19. Simple Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is making positive progress in his physical and mental health with Pamela's help. Benny takes him shopping for pregnancy clothing and Dean ends up with more than just clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating, work is busy... Fluff and smut, plain and simple and I threw in my first attempt at a tiny bit of kink! I hope you enjoy as we move closer to the main event!!

Dean was not possessive of his Baby with Benny; he’d rather ride in his car than Benny’s beater truck any day, no matter who was doing the driving. Benny had refused to sell the truck Dean had sold him, insisting it was the lucky charm that brought them together. But as he sat in the passenger seat of the impala on the way home from the hospital feeling good for the first time in what seemed like forever, he had the itch to be in control of his destiny again. Thanksgiving to New Years may fly by under normal circumstances, but when you are suffering from severe nausea, it drags on for an eternity and not an enjoyable one.

His sessions with Pamela in the hospital had been helpful and in more ways than just alleviating the morning sickness. Pam was sneaky and clever and managed to get Dean talking before he had even realized it was happening. He was slowly, carefully chipping away at issues he had buried long ago. It wasn’t like she had him in long sessions of crying chick flick moments either. She asked questions and he answered them and by the end of their simple conversations he had sometimes come to realizations that he had not been able to before, that was all.

There was a feeling of freedom within himself that he had never felt before. Part of it, he had verbalized to Pam, was a relief from constantly feeling awful. But another part of it was confronting his poor self image, and yes he could call it that now. Though Benny had always valued him and downplayed his lack of self worth, Pam had exposed it and brought it out in the open to let Dean look at it from all angles. Occasionally when she did that, Dean could see how thin and weak those images were and could take them down himself, removing another piece of negativity from his life. For the first time, he wanted those feelings dredged up and brought out and taken down. It was a single question from Pam when Dean was on a particularly self deprecating roll that had started his quest.  “Do you want your baby to be like you, to have the feelings you have about yourself about his or herself?” Pam had asked.

That one question opened his eyes. He never intended to do anything but love his child and make sure they heard positive things come out of his mouth about them and who they were. But Pam helped him to understand that his internalized feelings would bleed into every interaction he had with the baby no matter what he thought he was able to control. So up and out they came and soon they were like a volcano, erupting whenever they felt like it. Dean knew Benny was aware of his talks with Pam, and would ask how things were going, but he let Dean work through them with her unless he was invited into a session. With a single look or a small touch, Dean could feel Benny’s pride in what he was accomplishing and it was almost as nice as the pride he felt in himself.

Now on the way home from the hospital with a lightness in his heart, Dean was ready for what lay ahead in the coming months. He was also ready for what needed to come next in the immediate future in regards to his wardrobe.  He left the hospital in pajama pants because his one pair of pregnancy jeans had been forgotten in the laundry bag with the blanket from the car ride to the hospital and by the time Ellen discovered them, they just needed to be tossed out. He and Benny had talked about taking it easy for the week and then going shopping on the weekend. But for now, Dean was happy to let Benny fuss over him and tuck him into their bed and insist that he nap while he made them some lunch. Benny didn’t need to know that Dean had already planned to take that nap.

 

*******

 

 

Saturday morning Dean and Benny were up and out of bed by eight, unusual for them as of late. Benny made scrambled eggs and toast while Dean sat in the living room and worked through his morning breathing exercises. He finished, feeling pretty good and joined Benny at the table as he set down the plates. Benny pulled Dean into his arms and kissed him on the lips, a treat they were both getting used to in the past couple of weeks. Every time they kissed they both mentally thanked Pam for her sessions with Dean.

The couple had big plans for the mall and getting Dean some pregnancy clothes. Benny had the whole day off and they had planned to make a day of it, barring any issues with Dean’s nausea.  Dean had put on quite a bit of weight since working with Pam and was not able to wear any of his jeans at all. He was not quite up to his pre-pregnancy weight, but his shape was definitely different and he could not bear anything snug around his middle. He had planned to wear sweat pants until Benny suggested he try on a pair of his jeans. Though Dean was taller, Benny was definitely bulkier and the jeans would do until Dean could get to the first store. 

Benny’s breakfasts were devoured quickly and after cleaning up in the kitchen, the couple headed out in the impala to the mall, a thirty minute drive. Benny packed a small cooler with frozen water bottles and a couple of cans of coke in case Dean ran into any issues with his stomach while on the road. As the car roared down the highway, music blaring and Benny holding Dean’s hand, it kind of felt like they were back on top of the world.   Dean glanced up at Benny now and then enjoying the ride and actually looking forward to shopping.

The mall was busy and warm, thank goodness Dean and Benny had the sense to leave their jackets in the car. Benny had grabbed one of the water bottles for Dean who was already drinking it. They stopped in the first department store at the end of the wing they came into and found the carrier section fairly easily.

Dean had heard stories when he was younger about carriers having to wear just bigger sizes of men’s clothes or suffer and wear feminine maternity clothes. Luckily for him the world had come to its senses and there were very appropriate and readily available male carrier items available. They started with jeans and Dean found the brand he liked and the size he thought he needed and went to try them on. They fit well, snug and loose in all the right places. Benny grinned a naughty smile as Dean emerged from the fitting room for his approval.  They were somewhat alone, so Benny gave Dean a kiss and showed him all the places he thought they fit perfectly. Dean had to escape to the safety of the dressing room, but he definitely did not giggle when he closed the door.  Dean got three pairs of the jeans but did not find anything else he wanted so they went to find another store.

Dean and Benny ended up visiting two more anchor stores and one specialty maternity store with a fantastic carrier section.  Dean left the mall with a full wardrobe including the jeans he got at the first store plus a pair of khakis and one pair of black dress slacks. He also found henleys, one white and one green dress shirt, and a sport coat. He knew there would be dinners and events coming up with Sam’s wedding and he wanted to have dress clothes without having to struggle to get them quickly. He broke down and purchased nursing bras like he had worn with Rosie, they were tank style, not feminine ones with cups, but they did the job.  He didn’t really need them yet, but he remembered needing them last time. The best find of the day had been at the specialty store with a catalog full of vintage look rock band t-shirts.  They had Dean’s favorite bands, and he ordered ten in all.  Dean found out the hard way that wearing shirts that were just bigger in size was fine at home, but was sloppy looking and not as comfortable as a t-shirt cut in his size but also cut to accommodate his growing belly. Bigger shirts were too big in the neck and arms to be able to make room for the baby.

Dean also left the mall with a terrific set of marks thanks to Benny who, after seeing Dean in the jeans at the first store, had told the store clerks that Dean had been suffering from morning sickness and should not go in the dressing rooms alone.  The sweet looks he had gotten from the employees and shoppers were comical to Dean as Benny spent most of the time planting filthy kisses, groping his husband and marking him up good, not that it bothered Dean, not at all.

 

*******

 

The winter seemed to fly by as Dean’s health continued to improve and his belly grew. Benny grumbled but didn’t fight to much as Dean expressed a desire to return to work.  He was definitely beginning to look pregnant but felt better and better, needed to be busy again and was certainly able to complete the work.  Bobby secretly assured Benny he would keep an eye on him and not let him do anything dangerous, well extra dangerous.

So their lives returned to somewhat normal as they made progress in building their little family.

Dean worked at the garage most days from nine to six, taking an hour lunch and frequent breaks, and Benny worked the diner from noon to nine. There were weekly sessions with Pam and monthly appointments with Cas who had recently returned to work as well.  The next big milestone for Dean was his twenty week ultrasound in the beginning of March.  It would also mark an important mental passage for the couple as they reached to stage of Dean’s pregnancy where they had lost Rosie Grace.

Benny thought Dean was handling it well and as the appointment grew closer he began to talk about it more to gauge if his assumptions were correct. Dean’s exam and ultrasound were scheduled for Friday March sixth. The week before, Dean began to come to the diner for dinner instead of eating upstairs.  Benny took it as a sign that Dean didn’t like so much time alone. He would pop into the diner kitchen after his shift to say hi and then head up to shower before coming in to sit at the counter and order his dinner. Some nights, Benny would be able to move Dean to a booth and eat with him. 

One night after a particularly long and quiet greeting hug from Dean, Benny told his staff that he wanted to have dinner with his husband. When he returned after his shower, Dean was glad to see Benny sitting at a table.

Benny stood and kissed his husband, “Long day, darlin’?”

“Not really, pretty good actually. Can’t get under a car any more though,” Dean laughed as he confided in Benny and patted his belly affectionately.

“Well, that’s a good thing now isn’t it?” Benny chuckled back.

“Yeah, it really is,” Dean answered looking at Benny. “Just…” Dean’s comment stopped abruptly as his head dropped a little and he fiddled with the paper from his straw.

“Just what love?” Benny reached for Dean’s hand as he tried to coax Dean to finish.

“I’m getting close to where I made it to with Rosie and I’m…I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little worried,” Dean said softly.

Benny got up and went around to Dean’s side of the booth pulling Dean into his arms.. Dean laid his head on Benny’s shoulder as Benny whispered in his ear, “I love you Dean. I know you’re worried, but I don’t think we need to be this time. You’re doing so well and I’m so proud of you.”

Dean nuzzled into Benny’s neck and Benny could feel his chin quivering, but Dean held it together. He breathed, mentally getting himself ready to eat, but also relaxing his body from the tension brought by the conversation.

They ordered dinner and enjoyed their meal together, neither speaking of Dean’s new found ability to breathe his way out of emotional turmoil, but appreciating it greatly. Dean went upstairs when they were done, but not before letting Benny know he would be waiting for him to get off his shift.

 

********

Benny found Dean curled up in bed when he got home and showered as quietly as he could. He carefully crawled into bed next to his sleeping husband hoping not to disturb him only to find Dean completely naked. He must have only been dozing though because when Benny lifted the blankets and lowered himself into bed, Dean rolled over to reach for him. That’s when Benny realized that Dean was not completely naked. Benny slid his arms around Dean and he felt something slippery as his hand hit his husband’s ass. It took Benny a moment to register that Dean was wearing the silky panties he kept in the back of his top dresser drawer.

Dean and Benny made eye contact just as Benny’s hand came around to the front and palmed Dean’s perfectly hard cock. He felt the wet tip sticking well out of the waistband as he claimed Dean’s mouth with his. He flicked his thumb over the tip as he kissed his way down from Dean’s mouth stopping at all the best places along the way.

He lavished his attention on Dean’s nipples, knowing it drove him wild. He kissed and sucked each of them moving back and forth as Dean urged him with his hands grasping at what little hair Benny had on his head. Benny growled every time Dean moaned at the sensation of Benny’s tongue and lips on his sensitive chest all the while stroking and petting the head of Dean’s now rock hard cock. By the time he reached Dean’s baby belly, his husband was a writhing sweaty mess calling his name and begging for Benny to give him more. Benny gave the baby belly the only chaste kiss of the night before moving down to his real target.

Dean bucked his hips as Benny placed the first filthy kiss on the very tip of his cock tasting the slit with his tongue.

“Jesus Christ, Benny!” Dean called out hoarsely after all the moaning he had been unable to control. Benny just hummed and kissed his way along the length of his husband’s cock through the sexy pink panties. “How dare you, Dean!” Benny scolded between kisses and licks which were causing Dean to wet his panties with desire as his cock dribbled in response. “How dare you lay in this bed in these beautiful pink panties while I was downstairs cleaning that kitchen!” He nuzzled at Dean’s cock as he rocked his hips silently begging for more friction. “We have wasted so much time, you just laying here waiting for me, huh? You were waiting for me weren’t you? Were you touching yourself and thinking about me or were you a patient good boy and waited for me to touch first?”

That last question seemed to send Dean over the edge as he keened out noises he would never normally claim as his own. “Please Benny, I waited…but I can’t wait anymore. Please God, Benny I want you now…”

Benny slipped his finger into the pink panties to brush his finger against Dean’s hole and moved back up to kiss Dean on the mouth. He drove his tongue home tasting Dean and relishing the fact that they could share such intimate kisses. He looked into Dean’s eyes recognizing his husbands consent and silent nod that he was okay an ready for more. Benny reached to the side table for the lube and went to the sweet work of opening up his husband to be ready to accept him. By the time Benny was pulling the crotch of the panties aside and was pressing himself into a yielding Dean, his husband was nearly sobbing with need.

Dean met Benny’s every thrust by rocking his hips downward and pulling Benny in with the legs he had wrapped around his waist. Dean was grunting and groaning and grabbing Benny anywhere he could reach.  He pinched Benny’s nipples causing more growls to erupt and his hips to roll faster and deeper.

“Fuck, Dean! So fucking hot in these panties…I miss fucking you dirty…so sexy, my Dean, so sexy…”

Dean fired back, “Come on Benny…fuck me good my sweet bear…so fucking good…’sbeen so long…”

Benny’s hips began to stutter as he got closer and closer to the ecstasy of his orgasm and he knew Dean could tell, so he reached down and stroked Dean through the panties. Dean’s eyes locked with Benny’s and he panted into Benny’s mouth as he spoke, “s’okay Benny, come for me bear…come on…let go…” and with those final words from Dean, they both tumbled over the edge crying out the other’s name with the power of their orgasms.

They stayed tightly wrapped in each other’s arms panting into open mouths or on sweaty necks as they came down from the high of their climaxes. Benny gently pulled out of Dean and slipped the messy panties off as he suggested they shower before they went to sleep. Benny rocked back and forth in the hot water, holding Dean against his chest as Dean rested his head on Benny’s shoulder. “I did tell you I’d be waiting for you ya know! It’s not my fault you took so long to get home,” Dean teased remembering Benny’s dirty talk.

“If I’d known you were waiting in those panties, I would have had the gang close without me,” Benny chuckled as he snuggled Dean into him even closer. As he held Dean he realized that their life, this wonderful life was all he ever needed, after all he was just a simple man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really love to hear from you! Please let me know how you are feeling and what you want to see happen in this story as we move toward the baby coming or even after...


	20. Here Comes the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been a long, cold winter of doubt for Dean Winchester-Lafitte. Only with Benny's love and patience has he made it through the morning sickness and self doubt. It's time for Dean's March appointment and 20 week ultrasound. Will what they find out and not find out be enough to help Dean move on to a happy spring?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When choosing a title for this chapter, I was driving in my car and this song came on the radio. Perfection for what I was trying to convey. I hope you enjoy the turn into happiness and fluff. Jusssssst a bit more angst here until the end of the chapter, but then...on to fluff.

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter  
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here  
  
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun  
And I say it's all right  
  
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces  
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here   
  
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun  
And I say it's all right

 

Dean was leaning over the hood of a sweet vintage pick up, adjusting the timing when it happened the first time. It startled him and he nearly went into panic mode, but he caught himself in time and made himself breathe and calm down.  It was nothing, his imagination maybe, and he felt no pain so he ignored the niggling voice in the back of his mind. He continued to work and about thirty minutes later, it happened again and he was sure he felt something. Panic began to well up into his chest and he had to stop again and breathe for a few minutes. There was still no pain, but he definitely felt something in his belly and he was worried. 

Dean put his tools down and went to Bobby’s office to tell him he had to stop the job for a few minutes, but he must have underestimated how he looked in the beginning stage of panic.  The next thing he knew, Bobby leapt from the chair behind his desk and had an arm around Dean. He guided his pregnant son to his desk chair and got him a bottle of water. “Sit down Dean. Somethin’ wrong, son? Are you feeling sick?” Bobby rattled of questions, concern bleeding into his words.

Sitting in the chair Bobby gave him, he reached out for his hand and answered calmly surprising himself, “I’m not in pain, but I feel something in my belly and I’m sort of panicking…” His voice caught on the last few words and Bobby soothed him with his hand, rubbing up and down his back.

“Breathe, Dean and try to relax. I’ll call Benny for you and you can talk to him and if we need to we will go to the hospital, okay?” Bobby spoke in a steady voice. Bobby was trying to reassure him, Dean knew that in his heart but only heard hospital and began to panic again.

“Dad, just drive me to Benny…please?” Dean asked Bobby softly.

“Alright, Dean…Can you stand up and walk, son?” Bobby asked as he looked for his truck keys on his desk.

Dean walked with Bobby to his truck and sat in the passenger seat quietly, hands protectively on his belly while they drove to the diner. Dean thought about calling Benny, but didn’t want his husband to be worried for nothing. Dean still wasn’t having any pain, but he wanted Benny. He continued to breathe, trying to keep the panic at bay as Bobby pulled into the parking lot and around back. Bobby helped Dean into the diner and called for Benny.

As his husband came around the corner answering to his name, Dean saw the puzzled look on his face turn to one of fear. Benny was on him before Dean could blink. He was crushed in a massive hug and Benny was asking Dean what was wrong as he slowly began to look him over and touch his belly.

Bobby and Dean explained what had happened at work and Benny was dialing Cas and holding Dean against him, rubbing up and down his back as Dean buried his face in the crook of his husband’s neck.

Dean was on the phone with Cas when Benny walked him out and around to the elevator. When he was settled on the sofa nestled in Benny’s arms, he finished with Cas, thanking him and handing the phone to Benny. His husband listened and continued to sooth Dean with his touch. Dean heard Benny say, “Thanks Cas, I appreciate it…yep, I understand what you mean. Thanks again, man.” He hung up the phone and Dean was once again enveloped in Benny’s burly arms, surrounded by comfort. 

To say that Dean felt stupid was probably the biggest understatement ever.  He didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry or both. He felt the heat creep up his neck into his face and then he felt Benny’s hands on his cheeks guiding his face so their eyes met. “Benny…I…”

“Dean, don’t even start. How would you know, darlin’? You never felt this last time and the timing would give you reason to be concerned. It would have worried me too,” Benny comforted him.

“What kind of carrier doesn’t recognize-“

“Stop right there and listen to me, Dean Winchester Lafitte!  We just had some exciting news and you are not going to beat yourself up over not recognizing it.”

Benny pushed himself up of the couch and Dean wondered where he was going until his husband settled on the floor between his knees. Dean felt Benny grab his hands and place them on his belly. Benny kissed his tummy and then leaned up to kiss Dean firmly on the lips. “Tell me when you feel it Dean.”

The two of them waited there on the couch, staring at Dean’s belly until Dean felt the flutter of their child moving inside him. “There! I felt it…,” Dean said as he smiled from ear to ear. “There it is again! Benny I can feel the baby…” Dean felt the tears coming and tried to squeeze his eyes shut. He wanted to have one milestone pass in this pregnancy without crying like he was the baby, not the one carrying the baby.

He felt Benny press in further until their bodies met and Benny was kissing him insistently. “I want to know when you feel it! I can’t wait until I can feel it!” Between more fervent kisses he said, “I am so happy, Dean! We never got to experience this with Rosie. That means we made it further and I am so proud of you!”

Dean felt Benny’s lips begin to tremble and then Benny was the one hiding in Dean’s neck. “I’m so sorry Dean, I didn’t mean to get so emotional, but I just am so grateful for all you are going through…”

Surprisingly, Dean was the one comforting his husband and it felt good. He snuggled Benny and spoke, sweetly to him, “It’s alright Benny…I’m alright and the baby’s alright because you take such good care of us. We love you and you’re right…we are further along than last time. I never felt Rosie, but I can feel this little guy. Damn, Benny I think we’re gonna make it this time!”

“We are darlin’, of course we are! I love you so much!” Benny leaned his cheek into Dean’s burgeoning belly and laughed. They both seemed to relax and they stayed snuggling on the sofa until Dean insisted that Benny go back to work. As he was entering the elevator, Benny looked as if a light bulb had gone off in his mind, “Wait! You said little _guy_!” He came trotting back to the couch as he spoke.

“Just a feeling I have this time, that’s all,” Dean said as he kissed Benny and sent him back to the elevator with a stupidly wide grin on his face.

He called Bobby and sheepishly informed his worried dad that he had mistaken his baby moving for something being wrong.He heard Bobby’s voice on the other end of the phone relieved and thanking him for calling, but as he hung up he swore he heard Bobby chuckle out something that sounded affectionate and yet pretty close to “idjit”.

******

Just three days until his March appointment and the ultrasound that would let them see their baby and Dean woke up with a start as Benny reached around from behind to pull him in and snuggle more before they had to get up. Benny was still mostly asleep and his hand was on Dean’s chest snuggling him in protectively. Dean hissed at both a sharp and dull pain in his chest as Benny’s palm braced against it. It was enough that Dean felt compelled to gently remove Benny’s hand from its resting place without waking his husband. Dean had slept fitfully at best the past few nights and Benny was up with him faithfully, comforting Dean as his nerves about the upcoming appointment and ultrasound increased.

Dean scooted away from his husbands grasp, not that he didn’t enjoy cuddling, but he could not stand to have Benny grab his sore chest again.  As he sat up and palmed his own chest gently, he thought about the extra layer of worry the pain brought with it. He didn’t usually look forward to his monthly appointments for dislike of the exams, but he was experiencing things he hadn’t last time and had some questions for Cas.

His chest had been sore earlier in the pregnancy and last pregnancy as well, but he was further along now and didn’t expect the soreness of his chest, he did not have breasts thank you very much, and his nipples as well. There was an achiness, almost muscle like, to his chest and a more sharp soreness to his nipples. When his shirt rubbed them or the air hit them in his first trimester, he would cringe, and it felt the same again. It was embarrassing really, but a fact of his pregnancy.

He pulled off his shirt, relieved to have nothing touching his chest and padded out in only his pajama pants to the kitchen to start the coffee pot. As he waited for the decafe to brew, he zoned out the kitchen window at the sun shining. He never even heard Benny come up behind him but jumped when his hands came around his belly. He stiffened against his husband’s touch, and reflexively pushed his hands away. Benny clearly didn’t understand and he drew his hands back like he had been burned, “Darlin? You okay?”

“’m fine, just couldn’t sleep, sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you again,” Dean apologized, feeling tears prick behind his eyes. He fought them, tired of crying, tired of the roller coaster of emotion but afraid to speak it for fear of fate hearing anything and acting against this baby. He had talked about this with Pam, and it was the one thing that still caused him internal struggle. He feared his feelings and emotions, if negative, would impact his child and so he still tried to suppress them. Pam even had Benny come to a few sessions where they had discussed the issue.

Benny spoke softly and calmly, but Dean could hear the hurt his rejection had caused, “I’m sure you are fine, Dean. Thing is, you haven’t walked around shirtless in a couple of months and when I touched you, you acted like you were a little afraid of me, so maybe not so fine, huh sweetheart?”

Dean took some deep breaths and thought for a minute or two before turning towards his patient husband. He fought to keep control of his emotions as he explained, “I’m sorry, Benny and you know I’m not afraid of you. I really am fine, it’s just my chest is sore and I thought you were gonna grab me again.” His hands went to his chest as just the mere thought of being touched by anyone made him cringe.

Benny was leaning with his back against the counter across the kitchen giving Dean his space. He smiled softly, and a little sadly, at Dean when their eyes met, “Can I hug you, darlin’? I’ll be careful…of your chest.” Dean shuffled over and leaned his head onto Benny’s shoulder bracing his arms against his husband’s chest. He felt Benny kiss his head and gently hold him in his arms. “How’s this…feel okay?”

Dean leaned into the scratch of Benny’s scruff and the firmness of his chest. Benny seemed to ooze comfort and Dean soaked it in like a sponge. He whispered, “Feels good, Benny, always so good.”

“Can I take a look at you? See if everything looks okay? Then we can do a little reading about it. How’s that sound?” Benny ran his hands up and down Dean’s back scratching, starting up at his scalp and ending at the waistband of his pants.

 Dean nodded and pushed off Benny’s chest to reveal his own and glance down at himself. His nipples looked a tiny bit larger than normal and a little darker, but nothing drastic or abnormal. Benny thought the same thing, so they read some of the carrier books and looked online for more information. What they found reassured them that this was just a symptom of Dean’s body readying for the baby. They read that the discomfort usually ends after the first trimester, but can continue into the second. It recommended a good bra for support, which Dean had but had not been wearing consistently, to reduce the pain and to “be careful during lovemaking”, which made them both laugh.

After a little breakfast and cuddling, they also learned that gentle, slow, open mouth kisses from Benny on the tender area also helped, but they didn’t find that idea in any of their books.

******

The morning of their appointment, Benny did everything he could to help Dean stay calm, but he was not very successful. He could see Dean struggling to hold himself together and nothing he did seemed to relieve Dean of the look of apprehension that draped his face. “It is what it is Benny. I appreciate you trying to help, but I think it will just be better to leave it alone until it’s over,” Dean asserted. So Benny stopped trying to help and waited for Dean to indicate what he needed.  He spent his time making breakfast for them instead, and though Dean ate very little, he did eat some. 

Benny watched Dean pace back and forth the last hour before they had to go and ached to help him relax. When Dean went into the nursery, Benny drew the line. He followed Dean in and found him sitting in the rocker, head in his hands.  He knelt in front of Dean and wrapped him in his arms. Dean melted into him and whimpered. Benny’s breath caught in his throat at the sound.

“Dean, what is it?” Benny’s nearly begged as he spoke, “Is something wrong?”

Dean took a deep breath and puffed it out against Benny’s neck, “I’m just worried Benny…what if everything isn’t alright…I just can’t…not again.” He lifted his eyes to meet Benny’s.

Benny’s heart just felt crushed when he saw Dean’s eyes and he pulled Dean out of the chair and into his lap on the floor. He held Dean against his chest and rocked him while he sang their song. He knew he could tell Dean everything was alright til he was blue in the face, but Dean would need to see for himself at the appointment. Instead of telling Dean things he wasn’t ready to hear, he encouraged him to breathe and relax and just sang. They passed the hour together, on the floor, holding each other and not talking until it was time to go.

********

A nurse called Dean and Benny from the waiting room and they followed her to an exam room.  She took Dean’s weight and blood pressure. Dean had gained back to his pre-pregnancy weight plus five pounds, he now weighed one hundred seventy and he and Benny were thrilled.  His blood pressure was good despite his apprehension of the appointment. The nurse asked Dean for a urine sample, so he took the cup and went to the bathroom. He returned with his sealed cup and gave it to the nurse.  She asked how things were going and Dean talked about feeling the baby move and his sore chest.  Other than that, he had been doing well and told her so.  She made notes in her computer and told them Dr. Novak would be in shortly. Benny stood close to Dean and held him as they waited for Cas.  A knock at the door caused them both to jump and they laughed as Cas entered.  Cas hugged them both and told them he was pleased with Dean’s vitals and weight.  He asked Dean to lay back on the table and he measured Dean’s belly. 

“Perfect, Dean. You measure at 20 centimeters for 20 weeks.  You look really good, like you’re gaining some of your muscle back. How’ve you been feeling?” Cas asked genuinely.

“I feel really good, been eating well and you know I can feel the baby move,” Dean answered as his face reddened at the memory of his panic.

“Dean, I am an OB and I didn’t know what that feeling was for the first two weeks I had it. I thought it was all the burritos I was craving,” Cas laughed as he shared his memory. “You’re not the only pregnant person to not recognize quickening.  Dean and Benny looked puzzled and Cas explained that they call it quickening when the pregnant person can feel the baby move on the inside but not externally yet.

They discussed Dean’s improving morning sickness, and other symptoms like frequent trips to the bathroom and his painful chest. Dean was not scheduled to have an internal exam, but Cas wanted to take a look at his chest to be sure everything was “normal.”  He had Dean lay down on the table and just lift his shirt and unclip the flap on both sides of his bra.

Cas carefully examined each side in a circular fashion and apologized as he gave each sore nipple a gentle pinch to be sure there was no abnormal discharge. Dean winced both times and was glad when it was over, but was even more glad that Cas thought it just discomfort from normal breast tissue expansion.

Benny, ever the doting husband, helped Dean fasten his bra and smoothed his Led Zepplin pregnancy t-shirt over the swell of his belly. The way Benny looked so softly at him always made Dean warm and gooey inside regardless of the fact that both of them were tall and burly.

“It is an awfully cute belly Dean, and that’s just how Balth used to look at me and how he still does when I nurse Clare now,” Cas commented at the way the couple interacted.

“Hey, I wanted to ask you something about nursing, if that’s okay,” Dean said a little uneasily.

“Sure, Dean. Ask anything you want to know,” Cas said as he leaned back against the counter and waited for his friend to continue.

“Do you like it or is it not what you thought? I mean are you glad you did it?” Dean asked and felt the flush creeping up his neck. This kind of talk always made Dean feel embarrassed, but he was learning to deal with it better with Pam and he wanted to know from a carrier, not a woman or a nurse.

Cas smiled immediately and answered in a way that gave Dean goose pimples on his arms. “I love it and I am so glad I did it. But it was so much more than I ever expected it to be. I only ever intended to nurse for my paternity leave, but I wouldn’t give it up now for anything.”

“Really?” Dean asked pleasantly surprised. “What do you like about it?”

“Most definitely. I think at first I decided to do it because I felt it was best for the baby and I would have felt guilty for not at least trying it. Part of me always thought I would nurse for about six weeks and then wean to bottles after I went back to work. There was just something magical about holding her to my body and knowing I was feeding her, keeping her alive and sharing moments that no one else could that got me through the tough spots and still keeps me nursing her now. I wouldn’t trade it for anything,” Cas explained. “Are you thinking about your options, Dean?”

“I’ve been thinking about nursing, but didn’t know if it was weird in public and at friends houses, you know?” Dean confided.

“I do know. Do you think it’s weird when I am at you and Benny’s or at the diner?” Cas asked.

Dean had never thought about it like that and answered quickly, “No! I think it’s great and you don’t have to carry around bottles and keep them cold or heat them up, right?”

“Exactly, and when its night time and she wakes up all I have to do is grab her or have Balth grab her and snuggle her in my bed to feed her. We all get lots more sleep than if I had to go downstairs and make her a bottle- and then there is the clean up and the expense of formula,” Cas offered as if he had triggered another whole line of thought about the subject.

“Yeah, that’s true,” Dean agreed as he looked from Cas over to Benny. He reached for his hand and Benny threaded their fingers together and kissed the back of Dean’s hand. “I think Benny and I are gonna try nursing, too.” Benny smiled but not nearly as wide as Dean.

“Well, it’s worth a go, I say anyway,” Cas said patting Dean on the shoulder. “Let’s get you over to the ultrasound so you can get a good look at the baby you’re going to be nursing.  Oh and by the way, before we get started are you going to want to find out the gender?”

Dean and Benny hadn’t discussed finding out the gender this time around. With Rosie, one of the techs had accidentally blurted out  a she so they had known, but it wasn’t a conscious decision. Dean looked at Benny now and Benny responded, “Your call there, darlin’. I’ll be happy either way.”

“I kinda think it might be nice to have a surprise this time, what do you think? And I read once that finding out the gender is a good motivator in labor and delivery…We we won’t know if the nursery is right, but we have the other spare room and we could do that for a boy just in case…though maybe you want to know I won’t care if you do, that would be fine…I don’t have to have a surprise-mmmphf” Dean was quieted by Benny’s tender kiss in the middle of his nervous spouting.

“Sounds like you want a surprise and if you want one, so do I,” he turned to Cas and grinned as he said, “My little darlin’ wants a surprise, so you tell your people not to spill the beans, got it.”

Cas laughed and reassured them that all would be secret and laughed again as Dean, red faced, insisted, “I am not little, Benny!”

Benny just kissed him again and insisted right back, “No you’re not little at all, but you’ll always be my little darlin’!” The tone of his answer and the affection in his voice only caused Dean to blush more furiously.

The ultrasound took longer than any Dean had had in the past, but Cas wanted to see everything he could to be sure that all was indeed as well as it seemed to be.  Dean and Benny teared up and cried through most of it, the tech left the heartbeat on the entire time for them to hear. After a few initial passes of the paddle, Dean assumed a general check for anomalies, he began to show them in earnest what their child looked like at this point. They saw, all in a black and white haze of course, the face, the torso, little legs and arms and the heartbeat. He took multiple snapshots and printed them out for Dean and Benny to take home. Dean stared at the shot of the little face, seeing where they eyes and nose and mouth were and Benny had to hold him for a while as he cried. At least, he thought I am crying because I am happy this time and he let his feelings out.

Past the point of being shown their child the tech turned the screen and got to serious work.  He moved the paddle, sometime pressing quite firmly and apologizing as Dean winced or hissed and even had Dean empty his bladder and refill it so he could get even more pictures. Cas told them he had every organ that the tech could see documented and that everything looked really well developed and typical at this point. He also explained, because though they had multiple ultrasounds last time they had never had a twenty week one for the unspoken reason, that this was the ultrasound where most developmental problems and issues were discovered.  Cas looked right at Dean as he told him that he had a strong well placed and attached placenta, and a healthy, strong baby.

The pictures, combined with Cas’ reassuring words and the fact that Dean could feel the baby move gave him a feeling of comfort and confidence and he felt the clouds of doubt lift from his horizon and the warmth of  springtime sun shine down on them. For the first time since finding out he was pregnant again, Dean felt mostly joy and hope and very little apprehension or fear.  As Benny took the towel the tech offered and wiped at Dean’s belly to remove the gel, Dean couldn’t help but grab him and kiss him clashing their mouths together, surprising Benny. “Benjamin Lafitte…I love you and we are gonna be daddies. The best fucking Daddies ever!” Benny’s answer was simple and pure, “Yes, I know we are… little darlin’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out I hope you have your toothbrushes ready. I will give you heavily pregnant Dean being doted on by his big teddy bear Benny. For suffering through all I that I have done before you will get a time jump to the good stuff and great pregnancy smut, decorating the nursery and then I will place a baby in your arms vicariously through our little darlin' Dean. Hang on for the fluffy ride!


	21. Let's Get It On...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Benny enjoy one of the perks of Dean being happily pregnant...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tongue in cheek song title this time! I couldn't help myself. It was either this one or Sexual Healing, but it was going to be cheesy, sexy Marvin Gaye either way(no pun intended.)
> 
> This is a gift for anarchycox. I was strictly Destiel until I read her Dean/Benny work. In my opinion she is the best at Dean/Benny and I hope she enjoys this. It is certainly nothing like her incredible work, but I do owe my love of Dean/Benny to her works. 
> 
> I do not know how to make this an official gift and would love if someone could tell me how to make it that way. Some one gifted me porn once, so I know it can be done...

To say that Dean was obsessed with sex was an understatement, probably the understatement of the century as far as Benny was concerned. Of course, Benny didn’t mind, not one bit. At first it had brought tears to Benny’s eyes to watch Dean bloom right before his eyes. That’s right, he said bloom. As Dean passed through the second trimester and into the third, he relaxed and became comfortable with everything about his pregnancy. Gone was the constant worry about every twinge and ache. Gone as well was the fear and waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Dean seemed to revel in the growth of his body and the changes he experienced. At first Benny had become the one waiting on pins and needles for Dean’s next break down or bad patch, but he soon threw caution to the wind and they two of them felt back to normal only better. He knew in his heart he owed much of that to Dean’s continued work with Pam, but he didn’t care how it happened and he couldn’t be prouder of his brave and beautiful husband.

When Dean first hit the awakening of his sexy times, Benny mostly came home from the diner at night to find a naked Dean in bed, a naked Dean who was already achingly hard for his bear. They would tumble into whatever position Dean wanted and Benny would lovingly and gently pull sounds and faces out of Dean that even Dean didn’t know he could make.

As time progressed and Dean’s belly got even bigger, Benny became as obsessed as Dean and they got more adventurous. Once Benny found Dean waiting for him in the walk in fridge of the diner, thank God everyone was gone and there were empty shelves for a delivery the next day. He didn’t even mind the effort it took afterward to make sure the walk in met cleanliness standards after Dean went back upstairs, still naked. Another time Dean met him in the elevator and it was amazing what the elevator tummy feeling could do for standing sex. Hopefully no one downstairs could tell how many times the elevator went up and down at lunchtime on a Saturday. Not even the impala was off limits and that was saying something with Dean as pregnant as he was. 

Today was no different, it was Friday and Benny’s day off. Dean had cut his schedule back to Monday through Thursday since he could no longer work on the cars in his current state of being seven months pregnant. Bobby had been great and while Dean could help with planning restorations and waist level or higher work, he was out of the day to day grind of auto repairs until after the baby came.  He did lots of the office work at a desk and then had a three day weekend. It was really the best of both worlds. They had every Friday off together and they used those days to tackle projects such as planning the new nursery.

They had decided to decorate the second guest room as a nursery for a boy, and then they would be ready no matter what when the baby came. They were expecting a furniture delivery today but first Dean had other ideas. Benny had made a big breakfast and Dean was doing the dishes while Benny finished a little paperwork on the laptop from his seat on the couch.

Dean had finished the dishes and came to the couch where Benny was working. He was wearing only underwear and one of Benny’s flannel shirts open in the front. Benny looked up when Dean approached and the view made his mouth dry instantly. He swallowed thickly and snapped the laptop shut, who cared what his vegetable farmer had emailed was in season, who needed vegetables at all when he had Dean in front of him in his flannel and almost nothing else. With Dean standing in front of him, Benny could appreciate the curve of his growing belly, his thick thighs, and muscular shoulders.

Pregnancy underwear, (panties…who are we trying to fool here) were a benefit Benny had never expected. They had been through this when they bought them, but he thanked every creator of every culture ever for the fact that boxers would not stay up on Dean’s belly when he was this pregnant. Hence the lovely, yet manly, pregnancy panties(underwear at Dean’s insistence) and Benny’s own open flannel sealed the deal. He was hard and Dean hadn’t even touched him yet.

The flannel open in the front was Benny’s warning that Dean was in the mood for savoring one, make that a pair of his favorite parts of their bodies.  If Dean was obsessed with sex in general, he was even more infatuated with his and Benny’s chests, more specifically their nipples and lavishing attention on them. Benny recognized the look in Dean’s eyes and his breath hitched.

As Dean moved to join him on the couch, Benny offered his husband a hand to help steady him. He ended up with a lap full of Dean and baby belly. Dean kissed Benny deep and filthy and nestled his hips so his groin pressed into Benny’s already hard length, eliciting a groan from his husband, “Dean, Jesus. You are so beautiful…made me hard before you even kissed me.”

Dean didn’t answer except to smile against Benny’s mouth as he took his husband's hands and placed them on his chest. Dean sucked in a breath as Benny’s fingers brushed his nipples and his head fell back at the feeling, “Fuck Benny…so good.” Benny continued teasing at Dean and he kissed at his neck and jaw until Dean’s head tilted back down joining their mouths in soft, wet, deep kisses. Dean reached down to the hem of Benny’s shirt and lifted it over his head whining when Benny’s hands momentarily left his chest.

With Benny’s shirt gone, Dean began to return the favor and ran his hands up and down Benny‘s chest. He continued to kiss Benny and fuck his tongue into Benny’s mouth as he lightly pinched and teased his hardening nipples. Benny’s hands found Dean again and he nearly yelped at the feel of thumbs brushing circles around his nipples. Benny kissed his way down Dean’s neck and whispered, “So sensitive Dean, love to hear you…” He kissed even further until his mouth found a dark pebbly nub which he promptly sucked into his mouth. The sound Dean made when Benny’s mouth found his nipple caused Benny to buck his hips up into Dean’s groin. Dean answered by threading his fingers in Benny’s hair and grinding his hips back down into his lap.

When Benny had spent time on both of his husband’s nipples, Dean lifted his head and scooted down off his lap onto his knees between Benny’s legs. Benny felt Dean’s lips and tongue as they made their way down his firm, hairy chest and jumped at the sensation of Dean’s hand palming his erection. Dean rubbed at Benny and sucked back and forth, nuzzling between his nipples. Benny loved to watch Dean kiss and suck at his chest as much as he liked the feel of it because he knew how much Dean enjoyed it. The wet suckling sounds were erotic and Dean’s moans and whimpers were enough to make Benny come untouched. He withstood the sensation as long as he could, resisting the urge to fuck Dean into the sofa until he couldn’t wait any longer.

“Need you Dean…need to fuck you…please…” Benny begged as he stroked his fingers through Dean’s hair and up and down his back.

‘Yeah, babe…need you too, just can’t get enough of your sexy chest…love it so much,” Dean panted between kisses and sucks to his chest.

Benny pulled Dean up and onto the couch, “Please tell me you brought lube.” Benny licked back into Dean’s mouth and lightly pinched at Dean’s nipples again. He could tell Dean was having trouble concentrating, but he somehow produced a tube of lube from somewhere on the couch.

He slipped off those wonderful panties and worked the first finger in slowly as Dean keened at the feel, “Yessss Benny, yes open me up.” He continued to moan and whimper as Benny worked him open carefully, “I’ve got you darlin’…easy now.” Dean begged and rocked his hips, but Benny was careful and dedicated about making sure his husband was open and relaxed and ready to take him in.  Finally when he thought Dean was properly prepared, he arranged Dean, slipped off his boxers and lined up to enter him. “No, Benny. On your lap, want to sit on your lap,” Dean cried out.

Benny smiled and kissed Dean as he sat back on the couch and helped Dean climb onto his lap again. “You alright darlin’? Now be careful, sweetheart,” Benny cradled his belly and cooed as Dean sat on his lap and rubbed their erections together. “I’m good Benny, I’m good, now line the fuck up and get in me…hurry!”

“Lift up a little, darlin’…aaahhhh, Dean…so tight…” Benny said as he lifted Dean’s hips and then lowered him slowly onto his cock. Dean moaned and his head dropped back as he took Benny inside him. “Yesss, oh Jesus…yesss…please,” Dean begged though he was already getting what he begged for. He raised himself up and forward off of Benny’s cock and then rocked back down groaning and growling at the feel of Benny’s thick cock sliding in and out of his body. It was awkward at best with his belly in the way, but Benny helped him and they laughed at times when they lost the rhythm and then concentrated to find it again.  

Dean was panting and sweaty and begging Benny to help him finish before long, “Benny…my legs are tired…come on babe..fuck into me…” He moaned as Benny grabbed his hips and sought leverage to raise his hips off the couch to thrust up into his tightness, nailing his sweet spot each and every thrust. .

“It’s alright, Dean. I’ve got you, sweetheart. Jesus…fuck you feel incredible…Dean…so tight…hang on…so close…”

“Don’t stop Benny…please god… fuck me harder…right there…ooohhhhh!” Dean growled as he fell over the edge, thighs shaking, head thrown back in ecstasy as he panted through his orgasm.

Benny felt Dean spasm around him and he groaned, grabbing Dean’s hips and thrusting deep once…twice…before falling over the edge as his orgasm hit him like a freight train. His back arched lifting both of them right off the couch with the strength of his final thrust. They collapsed back down on the couch together and Benny pulled Dean’s head onto his shoulder and rubbed his thighs as they relaxed and came back to their surroundings.

“Oh my God Dean…that was …are you alright, my darlin’ boy?” Benny asked, having trouble finishing a thought as he held Dean to his chest.

“Fuck…I’m good Bear. My legs though and I can’t get up,” Dean answered with a chuckle.

Benny felt himself slip out of Dean, lifted Dean with what little strength he had left and laid him on the couch, straightening his legs and rubbing the tired muscles. He kissed their baby in Dean’s belly and was rewarded with a tiny kick or punch back from inside. Dean smiled warmly at Benny and leaned up to kiss him sweetly, “Love you Benny.”

*****

They showered and dressed for the day, Benny doting on Dean, concerned about the amount of energy put out in their romp on the couch. Dean straightened up the living room while Benny made sure the second nursery was ready for when the truck arrived. So Dean waddled and Benny fussed a little more than usual, the delivery driver certainly didn’t know.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, feelings...comments make me giddy!


	22. So What

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny bears the brunt of what happens when Dean gets a little grumpy, but ever the loving husband he handles it like the loving teddy bear he is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short piece for someone who wanted to see a little grumpy Dean. I turned it into a little more with Benny having hurt feelings.
> 
> I chose So What by Pink because she expresses he desire to pick a fight and I kind of wrote Dean feeling the same way in this chapter. I have been there and felt that way myself...

It was bound to happen, eventually. No one can be that happy consistently forever. Dean knew he was riding a hormone high but he just went along in hopes of it never ending. The hypnosis was keeping him on the ball as far as the morning sickness and the aches and pains, they had finished the nursery, Jess and Sam’s wedding was all set to happen and he knew Ellen and Jess had something in the works for a baby shower, he could sense sneaky a mile away. So why now? Maybe it was the never ending previews on TV for that Alexander’s terrible, horrible shitty day movie, but something turned the tides.

One day he was “happily eight months pregnant and glowing” and the next he woke up feeling as big as a house and pissed at the world. He made every effort the first day to be pleasant and spare people of his foul mood, but by the next morning he was in rare form. He could feel it, hell he could see the train heading down the tracks, he just couldn’t stop it.

Benny was his first victim. He tried to get frisky with Dean, and rightfully so as Dean had practically mauled him every morning before they got out of bed. Dean stiffened when Benny put a hand on his hip. Benny must have thought he had just startled Dean because he continued and pressed himself up against Dean presenting his morning self right where he thought he belonged, which was pressed to  Dean’s normally receptive rear end.

“Jesus, Benny! I said NO!” Dean barked and then tried to haul himself in a huff out of bed. The only problem was that he forgot he was eight months pregnant and needed a little help sometimes in the morning, so his huff and dramatic exit was cut short. “A little help here would be nice,” he snarked as he struggled to stand. Benny, ever the patient and understanding husband simply got his saintly self out of bed, erection and all and helped Dean up. He even had the audacity to look sympathetic and concerned.

Dean marched(read waddled) off to the bathroom and showered not even thanking Benny or kissing him good morning. He let the hot water hit his sore lower back for a while and then dried off and went to get dressed. He put on jeans and a t shirt for work, he was really filling out his paternity tees now.

He smelled breakfast, he thought French toast, and went out to the kitchen where Benny had set two places on the breakfast bar. It was bacon eggs and toast, not mapley, syrupy French toast. “Eggs? I thought you made French toast!” Dean said with no regard for Benny’s effort. Looking like a hurt kitten, Benny explained that it was special maple bacon that he had bought because he knew Dean liked it. He ate like it was a chore answering Benny’s attempts to talk with grunts and exasperated huffs. He was ready for work and almost out the door before Benny had even put the dishes in the dishwasher. He heard Benny’s feet as he padded quickly over to the door with a bag in his hand.

“I made you a lunch today, I thought it might help a little,” Benny said as he pulled Dean in for a hug.

Dean hugged him back, but not like he usually did and said, “Help with what?”

Benny tried to hide his look of disbelief, but Dean saw it as Benny answered him, “Oh you know, to help you feel- I mean have a great day.”

“I’m fine Benny. I’m just going to work,” Dean shot back like a tween heading off to high school.

“Alright, I love you Dean,” Benny said soothingly as he leaned in to kiss Dean.

He turned his cheek just as Benny was going to hit his lips and said, “I know, I know.” Benny’s lips barely grazed his cheek as he stomped into the elevator.

*****

Benny knew it was going to be a rough day for Dean. He had woken up grumpy yesterday and had done his best not to act on it. Benny had given him space so that he could work through it but it wasn’t any better this morning. He had reached out for Dean affectionately like he did most mornings only to get the cold shoulder instead of a warm lap of morning fun. He was surprised but assumed Dean was playing and leaned so his hard cock pressed behind Dean’s ass. Dean had bitched him out and then tried to make a smooth exit to the shower, only he couldn’t get up without Benny’s help, much to Benny’s amusement. He wanted to laugh right out loud but knowing Dean was probably achy and emotional, he just helped him up. It was hard to watch Dean struggle with his grumpy side like this. He knew Dean would really regret it later and be upset about all the things he said, so Benny gave him a wide berth and hoped Dean would even out soon.

It didn’t end by the time Dean went to work so Benny called Bobby with a friendly warning. Bobby called at lunchtime and said that Dean had spent the morning in his office going through invoices and ordering parts, but that he’d checked on him occasionally. Other than getting grumped at by Dean as well, Bobby didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, so Benny let it go and got back to the kitchen.

By evening Benny had been on the receiving end of a few more grousings about what was going on at work and how his back hurt and _no Benny couldn’t help him and Jesus why didn’t everyone just leave him alone._

Bobby called about six to say that he was taking Dean home with him to see Ellen. Dean had gotten into an verbal argument and the customer had asked to speak with Bobby when Dean swore at him. Bobby took him down a peg and Dean got a little teary eyed so Bobby backpedalled and apologized while Dean went on about how the guy was an ass and they didn’t need his business.

Benny said he would be right over, he was getting worried that Dean’s grumpiness might be more than just grumpiness. “Hey Bobby, do me a favor and don’t let him drive.”

“Easier said than done on that one, son,” Bobby laughed at Benny. “But, I’ll do my best.”

When Benny arrived at Bobby and Ellen’s, they were all eating dinner at the dining room table and Dean looked like a little boy as Ellen ran her fingers through his hair, fussing over him. Benny thought maybe his husband was just tired and needed his mom for a while. He was pregnant and if he were a woman, no one would question him needing her, so Benny didn’t. He smiled as Dean leaned into Ellen’s touch and so he came in quietly not wanting to disturb the scene. Then Dean looked up and saw Benny.

“Hey darlin’, feeling better?” Benny asked quietly, though if the face Dean made meant what he thought it meant, he already knew the answer.

“I’m fine! Why aren’t you at work?”

“Dean,” Ellen chastised. “Benny came to have dinner too. He’s worried about you honey.”

“But we were having a family night and we were gonna watch Jurassic Park,” Dean answered back almost whining. “And there’s nothing to be worried about!”

“Dean Winchester! Benny is welcome at family night and the way you’re talking to him I think he needs to be worried.”

Benny had had enough. He had been understanding when Dean didn’t feel like returning Benny’s affections in bed, and when he complained about what breakfast he made and when he didn’t kiss him goodbye, but this was just unkind. He hadn’t done anything to upset Dean and he was fine with him wanting to spend time with his mom, but it hurt to hear the disappointment in Dean’s voice when he had seen Benny. But it was his Dean, his tired and heavily pregnant Dean.

“Actually Ellen, that’s Dean Winchester Lafitte last time I checked. I can see you are having a nice evening with your mom and dad. I don’t have a problem with that, you’ve been feeling tired lately and I think you might just need your momma. But-“ and then he got a little choked up and took a minute to gather himself before continuing. “But I would ask you to talk to me a little nicer. I’m gonna go home now, not because you want me to, or because I don’t feel welcome, both of which are probably true. I’m leaving because at some point you are going to come out of this mood and feel bad about how you treated me and I love you too much to let you dig yourself any further into the massive hole you have already dug. If I leave now, you won’t have said anything else to feel bad about. Know that I love you and you’re my world. I don’t now nor will I ever love you any less and I will be happy to come get you if you change your mind and want to come home in a bit. Good night darlin’ and please tell the baby I said good night.”

Benny left a very stunned Dean at  Ellen’s dining room table and went out and climbed in his truck to drive home. 

Benny hadn’t cried for sadness since Rosie, and it had been many years before that since he had felt low enough to cry, really cry. By the time he showered and climbed into his bed, alone, that was exactly what he did. He felt silly, really, crying for a few grumpy words from Dean, but Dean was all he had. He was working hard at the diner and sleeping poorly with Dean up several times in the night, concerned about him as he approached the end of the pregnancy and he was tired. He cried hard and fell asleep, not expecting Dean anytime soon.

*****

He felt a hand on his shoulder and startled awake. “Benny? Are you awake?”

It was Dean and Benny turned over to see that it was just after midnight. “Dean…darlin’ what are you doing?’

“I’m coming home to my bear. I’m coming to say I’m sorry. Can I come in your bed?”

Benny pulled Dean into his chest, “It’s our bed Dean and you belong here. It’s lonely without you.”

“I’m sorry I was so grumpy to you. You didn’t deserve it. You’ve-“

“Don’t Dean, don’t worry about it. I know you’re tired and it’s hard work being pregnant. Come to bed now, come to bed.”

Benny smiled as he held Dean closely. He knew Dean would figure it out, but he was glad it was sooner rather than later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel about grumpy Dean??? Comments welcome.


	23. A Pirate's Life For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Benny finish the nursery and Benny is sneaky...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KInda short, sorry but I bake of the side and I have a shit ton of cakes coming up!! I'm gonna have to write short chapters to get anything out!

Dean and Benny were in the nursery putting out the last few pieces that had been delivered. They had chosen a pirate theme based on both Dean and Benny’s love of Disney’s Peter Pan. They did not go completely cliché with the actual Disney characters, but captured the concept of the pirate side of Neverland with the bedding and wall decorations.

They had chosen dark wood furniture for the changing table, dresser and large sleigh crib. The wall behind the crib was painted to be an oceanic scene and fastened to the wall was a mast and rigging, making the crib resemble a pirate ship.  The opposite wall was covered in a wall mural of a treasure map of the loft with an X on the nursery. They had received the lamps resembling old fashioned lanterns that were the final touch.

Benny smiled to himself as he plugged in the lamps, watching Dean run his hands over the curves in the sleigh crib and smooth the quilt that lay on the bed. “You did a great job again, Darlin’, you happy with how it came out?”

“It is a great room isn’t it?” Dean stated more than asked as he turned full circle, admiring the rigging and then the map wall until he found Benny and their eyes met.

Benny joined him and wrapped Dean in his arms, kissing him firmly but sweetly. “You need anything else in here?”

Dean buried his face in Benny’s neck and whispered, “Just a baby Benny…just our baby.”

He cradled Dean’s head in one hand and rubbed circles on his back with the other trying to convey his support and understanding at those heartfelt words, “Soon, sweetheart, soon. We just have to get through the wedding and then it’s just the three of us, darlin’.” Dean lifted his head and kissed along Benny’s scruffy jaw till he reached his lips and kissed him. Benny felt Dean’s silent appreciation and kissed back tenderly until Dean broke for a breath. He turned in Benny’s arms leaning back against his husband and placed Benny’s hands on his belly.

“Moving around a lot today, Poppa, “ Dean said moving Benny’s hands to find the movements and Benny laughed as he felt little arms or legs reaching out in the confined space that was Dean’s belly.

“Gonna be out of space soon, little one, but we’ve got two spaces here just for you,” Benny spoke to the baby and the two of them took one final look around at the finished nursery.

The curtains, throw rugs and bedding were denim and red, with a quilt covered in friendly looking pirates, parrots, coconut trees and pirate ships. They had purchased some little boy basics, which were folded away in the dresser in case they indeed had a little boy, and the walk in closet held extra linens, receiving blankets and several outfits.  They stood arm in arm and looked around proudly at the room they had put such love into together. They had also freshened up the beautiful nursery they had decorated for Rosie in case they had a girl.

Dean had been to his latest appointment a few days ago and now would be going weekly instead of monthly. Things looked good and Cas would start checking Dean next week to see if he was dilating. . Dean talked with Cas about his moody days and Cas told him he had been there as well and honestly it was just part of the process. He had told them that they should be ready for the baby any time so they had rushed to finish the nurseries. It felt good to be so close to meeting their baby and so ready.

It was Saturday but Benny was off because he had asked Gabriel to work for him so he could help Dean finish the nursery. Benny suggested they go downstairs for lunch and Dean said that was fine. He also reminded Dean that they had fittings for their suits for Sam and Jess’ wedding and suggested they wear something decent so they didn’t embarrass Jess. Dean found his nicest jeans and put on a short sleeve, lightweight green Henley. Benny smoothed his hands over Dean’s belly from behind and whispered in his ear, “You look nice darlin’, Jess will appreciate it.”

They headed down to lunch, Dean a little slower each day closer to his due date, but happy and holding Benny’s hand. He had experienced grumpy days now and then after the little trouble they had, but Dean had learned to verbalize to Benny what he needed and they had been able to handle it together.  They walked into the kitchen and Gabe told them he had set aside a booth after Benny’s call. Dean didn’t remember Benny calling, but his concentration was not always good right now so he just headed towards the dining room. As he walked through the swinging doors he was met by all of their friends and family shouting ,”Surprise!”, and thought he just might have the baby today.

The pirate themed baby shower was just perfect and Ellen and Jess had done a fabulous job. The first visual Dean saw was what must have been the invitation but poster sized. It was red, navy and white and read:

Yo,Ho,Ho and Ship Ahoy!

Be it a Girl or Be it a Boy,

They’re Sure to Bring a Treasure Chest of Joy!

Join us as we welcome the newest member of the Winchester-Lafitte crew!

May, 30th at noon

Cast Iron Diner

Deserted Tropical Island Themed Buffet Lunch

Please bring a children’s book for the new Daddies to read to their little pirate

 

Benny smiled as he held Dean who was truly surprised and a little emotional. “You alright there Daddy?” he asked as Dean took deep breaths and fought back tears.

“This is just unbelievable! They totally got me! How did they totally get me?” The light bulb seemed to go off as he turned to face Benny and poke him in the chest, “Hey, you helped them get me didn’t you?”

“Guilty as charged, darlin,” Benny answered and kissed Dean a little naughty. Benny was so glad to see Dean get to celebrate and to be there to celebrate with him.

“I ought to make all of you walk the plank,” Dean laughted as he hugged and greeted his family and friends.

There was a buffet with tropical island themed foods like coconut shrimp and pineapple glazed chicken skewers with rice. There was grog, which was actually really good fruit punch. The cake was the best Dean had ever seen, a standing pirate ship. It didn’t hurt that it was chocolate either. Dean continued to laugh and talk with everyone at the party as they ate and opened presents.

As the invitation requested, everyone had brought a children’s book as part of their gift and Bobby had built a bookshelf made of what appeared to be driftwood that fit in with the pirate theme as his and Ellen’s gift. There were little boy and little girl outfits and lots of neutral outfits as well. Sam and Jess got them a great stroller and Cas and Balthazar got them an entire baby bathtub set with towels, washcloths and baby shampoo and body wash.  Gabriel’s gift was an awesome leather diaper bag. It was a wonderful celebration and by the end there was not a dry eye in the place.

As things were winding down, Dean hugged Benny and Sam approached with his book for the baby. It was a copy of Are _You My Mother?_ By P.D. Eastman.  “I know that the mother thing might be confusing, but I couldn’t think of any other book that could replace it, you know?” Sam asked nervously shifting his feet back and forth. Dean held the book to his chest and nodded at Sam unable to talk. Sam sighed in relief and pulled Dean into a hug that only the two brothers could understand.

Sam explained to Benny that the book he had given them was one that their mother used to read to Dean. When she died, their father didn’t read to him but Dean had memorized that particular book and when he started Kindergarten he took it from the library without checking it out. Dean had read it to Sam every night so he could remember and tell Sam about their mother.

Benny hugged Dean, “You’re an amazing man, Dean. You’re going to be an amazing father.”

Sam looked at Benny, with an intensity that caused him to go still, “He’s been an amazing father since he was four years old.”

Benny had no reply for Sam but he did have an even deeper love and respect for his husband.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you love the theme!!!! I couldn't resist what with Benny being a vampirate and all...
> 
> Also my son's favorite book was Are You My Mother...


	24. You Are So Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Benny go to have their suit fittings for Sam's wedding and run into a snag, but a very interesting person comes to Dean's aid. Oh and they get hair cuts which I have never read in a fic before but strangely does something for me...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hadn't given you much smut for a while and I don;t know about you but I always want to scritch and scratch the back of Dean's neck when I think he has had a hair cut. You know that closely shorn hair feeling when you touch it...so I did it through Benny...

It had been a week since the shower and they had another week until Sam and Jess were married. Though the simple but elegant wedding was organized and ready, Benny and Dean had to get themselves ready. They had their final fittings for their rented suits in Kansas City due to that fact that no one nearby carried paternity suits, they both needed haircuts, and Benny also wanted to have his beard professionally cleaned up.  They had to squeeze all of their errands in between Dean’s weekly doctor’s appointment with Cas, his monthly meeting with Pam, and their next childbirth class.

It was not terribly busy for them normally, but Dean was beginning to really feel his pregnancy. He had only three weeks until his June 30th due date and there were days Benny though they might not make it that far. Dean was more and more excited as he got closer and Benny was just beside himself as the proud Poppa. The two of them had permanent jaw aches from smiling about their coming arrival.

They were at the suit fittings when Benny truly realized how pregnant Dean really appeared. Benny and Dean were both big guys, not overly muscular, but in shape and both had good muscle tone due to the nature of being active all day and using their upper bodies for their jobs. You certainly wouldn’t describe them as slight. You really couldn’t tell Dean was pregnant from behind, except for his prominent waddle, but when he turned around it was quite a shock if you weren’t expecting it. He was beginning to get a tad sensitive to the looks when they went out but Benny would usually just squeeze his hand and pat his belly and anyone around them staring would end up with a puddle for a heart.

Benny was proud of Dean. He shared that with him all the time often causing Dean to blush in public and wave off the compliments. He was a closet, ‘Look what I did!’ husband. He would never say that to Dean but seeing his husband pregnant was satisfying in ways he never knew possible in and out of the bedroom. He had always wanted children, but assumed he and whomever he married would adopt because he assumed he would just marry another gay man. He never specifically sought out carriers to date so when Dean had confessed his status, it was like Christmas and his birthday all rolled into one!

Now, standing here with all the other guys from the wedding fitting their suits, he realized how uncomfortable Dean must be and he really wasn’t even complaining. He had the occasional back ache, which always sent Benny into a panic that he might be in early labor, but he was less and less grumpy and more excited every day. The two salesmen were helping Sam and Dean into dressing rooms with their bagged suits when Bobby leaned over and whispered to Benny, “Geez, always thought you two were big guys, but Dean is getting’ to be a big boy right about now. He still feeling good?”

Benny chuckled and answered, “I know it Bobby, but don’t let him hear you. He feels pretty good, but people stare sometimes and he gets embarrassed.”

“Well you two don’t really fit the stereotype. People assume the carrier is always the smaller wimpy guy, has to be a little girly to want to have a baby. Ain’t that so far from the truth you might get lost.”

“I guess so. Maybe that’s why we get so many stares,” Benny said, looking at Bobby and shrugging his shoulders.

“Or maybe people stare because the two of you make those damn googoo eyes at each other all the time! Last time I checked neither of you hung the moon but both thinks the other did,” Bobby laughed.

“He may as well have, Bobby, he may as well have,” Benny was a little choked up on the last few words and a little glassy eyed when Dean came out of his dressing room and motioned to Benny, he was still wearing his paternity clothes.

Benny walked over to Dean. “Everything alright, darlin’?”

“Yeah, just need a little help and I don’t want it to be the sales guy ‘til I get the clothes on,” Dean said sheepishly. Benny wasn’t surprised, Dean’s belly was becoming cumbersome even for simply getting dressed.

“Oh, let’s go then,” and the two husbands went into the dressing room. Dean had brought a form fitting white pregnancy tee to wear under his dress shirt and Benny helped him out of his loose tee and shorts and into both shirts. Dean had to sit to put his legs in the pants. He stood with his hands on Benny’s shoulders as he pulled the pants up on Dean. they fastened, but there was no way they were going to stay up, there was no elastic. Dean held them while Benny tried to button the dress shirt and they both realized it wasn’t going to close.

Benny watched as Dean’s demeanor changed right in front of him. He got red faced and nervous looking, still holding onto the pants so they wouldn’t fall. He let go of one side to balance as he sat on the dressing room bench, and Benny grabbed his arm to help him. Knowing what he was probably thinking, he tried to reassure Dean, “It’s alright Dean, that’s why they call them fittings. I’ll go speak to someone,” and he kissed him soundly before stepping out.

When he returned with the salesperson, he found Dean wiping tears and a little sweaty. “Dean, it’s okay honey, it’s okay,” he said sweetly as he leaned over to comfort him. He put his hand on Dean’s back and could tell he was warm.

Dean’s embarrassment got the better of him and he began to cry, “I’m sorry Benny, I’m sorry. I wanna go home. I don’t want  a suit, I just want my own clothes, get me the fuck out of here,” Dean sobbed into Benny’s neck.

“It’s hot…I’m too hot…take me home,” he continued to cry as Benny held him and tried to soothe him.

The salesperson stepped in and said, “Pardon me for interrupting, but may I suggest that we move Mr. Lafitte out into the main room so he doesn’t become ill?” Both Dean and Benny looked up and found a very sympathetic looking set of eyes and a hand pointing the way out of the dressing room. “My name is Fergus and I own Crowley’s. I’ve had them turn the closed sign and pull the front shades so we can fit you in the main room. It’s far too small and warm in there for us to have the space to get you looking as handsome in that suit as you do in your own clothes. Please…come with me?”

Benny took the box of kleenex offered and helped Dean get cleaned up and slightly calmed down. Fergus led them to the main room where other sales people had put up screens and moved over a comfortable chair for Dean. He helped Dean sit and then pulled over a chair for Benny and one for himself. Someone handed him a bottle of water and Benny a glass of champagne and they placed a tray of fruit and cheese on the table in front of them. Dean began to look much better after drinking some water and eating a few berries and some watermelon. Sam and Bobby came over to make sure he was alright but then were called back to their dressing rooms.

“Feeling better Mr. Lafitte?,” Fergus asked.

“Yeah, thanks. I hate that I made a fucking scene, I’m sorry about that,” Dean apologized. “It’s not really me, but with this…” he rubbed his hand over his belly and looked up at the man who was helping him.

“We took your measurements a few months ago, Mr. Lafitte. We had to estimate your sizes. Of course we will need to make some adjustments. It’s really no problem.”

“Dean, call me Dean please and honest, I’m not usually so freaked out-“

“Let me stop you right there and show you a little something that might make this all go a little smoother, bear with me a moment?” Fergus got up and went into the back. He was gone a few minutes and Benny fussed over Dean getting him to drink more and eat some more fruit and a little cheese.

When he returned, he handed Dean a framed photograph. Dean glanced down and couldn’t quite believe his eyes. It was clearly a wedding photo of two men, one as heavily pregnant as Dean. He looked up at Fergus and smiled, almost laughed. He showed it to Benny as Fergus said, “That, my darlings, is a photo of me on my wedding day. I married the love of my life Michael, and yes, I am almost nine months pregnant…with twins.”  Dean looked a Benny who smiled back at Dean, knowing his husband felt much more at ease now.

“The thing you really ought to know is that we did not even know I was a carrier until he got me in a delicate way, if you understand. I couldn’t find a decent tailor anywhere and what you see around you was born of my hurt and frustrations. At least you have your height to spread that pregnancy around. Imagine me,  at my height carrying twins. It was almost comical. The boys are twelve now and their sisters are eight.  That’s right, twins…twice!”

“I don’t know how you carried twins, one at a time is enough for me,” Dean smirked down at his stomach.

“Well, now that I have told you my sob story and you’ve had some water, how about I get you looking dapper for your brother’s impending nuptials, sound good?” Fergus stood and offered Dean his hand.

Dean hoisted himself off the chair and commented, “And to think, I told Benny I thought you were going to be an uppity schmuck!”

Benny’s face heated but Fergus just shot back, “I bet you say that to all the gentlemen you meet.”  The rest of the appointment was a relaxed and almost amusing experience. Dean had on the t shirt which Fergus had him tuck into the pants. The pants were not elastic because they were held up with suspenders which were adjusted comfortably to accommodate his belly. Fergus had larger shirts brought and they found one that fit Dean with a little room for a week’s growth. The suit jacket fit nearly perfectly and they had wide shoes which Dean found quite comfortable.

After all of their suits were fitted, Fergus thanked them all for their business and the group went to a local deli to get sandwiches for lunch. Dean and Benny personally thanked Fergus for his help and left hand in hand each remembering how gorgeous the other had looked in their suits.

******

Benny laid Dean down in their bed for a nap before their late afternoon haircuts. Every hour Dean spent on his left side kept the swelling in his ankles down to a minimum, and power naps kept his energy level up when he was awake.

When Dean emerged from the bedroom, they headed over to see their barber, Garth Fitzgerald. Benny made Dean drink more water on the way, concerned that getting overheated earlier might lead to dehydration and against his better judgment, he had not objected when Dean ordered a fancy bottle soda instead of water at lunch.

Garth was a tall, lanky guy with a really quirky personality and everyone loved him. He was kind and good natured and a carrier father to three girls. The interesting thing was that Garth was not gay and was married to a woman named Bess. When they found out she could not carry children, they had gone through the process of fertilizing her egg with Garth’s sperm and successfully implanted the embryos into Garth, three times.

Benny helped Dean into Garth’s chair and listened affectionately as the two carriers chatted back and forth about Dean’s pregnancy. When Dean was done, Benny took the chair and Garth cut his hair and trimmed up his beard neatly.  They paid and thanked him before heading up the street to the impala.

Before they reached their car, Dean suggested they walk up and down the main street and window shop for a bit. Benny was glad Dean felt well enough to walk around and took him up on his offer. It was warm, so they stopped for fresh fruit smoothies instead of a cooking a heavy dinner when they got home. They walked and kissed each other stealing little touches and caresses without making a scene, but building just enough  tension to keep them on edge.

There was a little children’s boutique and they went in to look around. They got a few interesting looks until Dean’s belly was spotted and then they got warm smiles and soft looks. They walked through and looked around at all the little clothing and room décor. Benny couldn’t help but occasionally run his hands up the back of Dean’s neck feeling his freshly cut hair and soon they both needed to leave the store and Dean groped Benny all the way home in the car.

Benny was pressed against the elevator wall, pinned by Dean’s belly and ravaged by his mouth. Between kisses, Dean growled in frustration at what Benny assumed was not being able to make their groins meet. Benny slid his hand up the back of Dean’s neck, kissing him deeply and stroking the back of Dean’s freshly shorn head. He was pretty sure the elevator door opened twice before either of them remembered to get out. Finally, Dean gave up his elevator efforts and dragged Benny out into the loft and across to their bedroom.

“You were so sexy in that fucking fitted suit, bear,” Dean growled out against Benny’s mouth.

“You’re one to talk with that tight white t-shirt and this tight haircut, you know the back of your neck drives me crazy…” Benny groaned as he licked into Dean’s mouth. They kissed for what seemed like hours until one of them needed to breathe and Benny scratched the back of Dean’s neck with his fingernails. “I’m gonna undress you and then kiss every inch of you. Some parts more than others…and then I want to fuck you slow and gentle and stroke you til you come in my hand. Sound okay to you sweetheart?” Benny  kissed up and down Dean’s neck while he spoke.

“Why are you still talking?” Dean asked and kissed Benny deep and filthy, dragging his teeth over Benny’s bottom lip.

Benny whimpered and pulled Dean’s shirt off over his head. He unclipped Dean’s nursing bra and removed it kissing his way down Dean’s chest to place sweet, wet kisses to each of his hard nipples. Dean moaned and grasped at Benny’s head as his mouth wandered back and forth across his chest teasing and taunting Dean with licks, kisses and sucking.

Dean’s breaths were shaky at best and when he thought he could no longer stand, Benny slid his hands down the back of Dean’s khaki shorts, slipping them into his underwear and forcing them down over his hips and down to the floor. He squeezed one of Dean’s cheeks and brought the other hand around to stroke Dean’s newly freed and hard cock. “Ohhhh, Benny! Fuck me that feels so good!”

“That’s my plan, darlin’,” Benny said as he slowly dropped to his knees in front of Dean’s belly to kiss the beautiful head of his husband’s cock. He stroked it slowly, firm languid strokes and tongue kissed the head, tasting the drops that his strokes created. Dean’s head dropped back and he made soft wanton noises as his hands found Benny’s head and encouraged his mouth to take more of his cock. Benny understood Dean’s suggestions, but he had plans and he laughed softly as he ignored Dean’s silent pleas and continued to explore with his tongue. He licked and sucked all around the head, nipping and kissing the ridge. He kissed his way down the underside of his shaft, pulling moans and huffs from Dean and causing him to thrust his hips forward in a search for more. “Benny, Jesus…more, fuck more, please, babe, please,” Dean cried out.

Benny rose to his feet, continuing his attention to Dean’s cock, now occasionally flicking his thumb over the head. He kissed Dean and looked into his eyes speaking between kisses, “You know how beautiful you are to me, darlin’?... Everywhere we go, people look at you and think how beautiful you are…but you’re mine and this is our bed…sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky…why you love me like you do…you’re everything I’ll ever need…everything, darlin’… everything I ever hoped for and more…”

“Benny, Christ…,” Dean carefully lowered himself onto the bed and pulled Benny down with him.

Carefully Benny scooted and arranged his husband onto his side and raised one knee to access Dean’s opening with his lube covered fingers. He slipped in one finger, working the lube around so he wouldn’t hurt Dean when he entered him. He inserted another finger when Dean begged for it and reached for the spot that made Dean cry out and pull his knee up and out to give Benny more room. When he had worked Dean open with three fingers and Dean was reaching back to grab his ass and pushing back against his erection, Benny moved closer and lined himself up.

He held Dean with one arm under his head, stroking his hair and the other hand on Dean’s hip, gripping firmly. The tip of his cock was caught on Dean’s rim and he whispered to Dean as he pushed his head into Dean and pulled back on his hip.  Dean cried out as Benny breached him and thrust backwards aching for his husband to give him more.

“Slow darlin’, I said slow and gentle tonight,” Benny cooed to Dean as he inched his way forward. Dean gave in and let go, allowing himself to feel what Benny gave him. He sighed and fucking whimpered as Benny made a slow rolling motion with his hips. True to his word, Benny fucked him slowly, thoroughly but slowly and stroked his cock in the same manner until they were both shaking and covered in a sheen of sweat.

“Benny, so close…so close…more..” Dean nearly whispered. In response, he stilled his hips and Dean nearly cried at the lack of friction. Benny waited  for Dean to relax and then began to move his hips again, causing Dean to shove his hips back onto his cock. He fucked Dean, sweetly and slowly taking him to the edge several times until he could no longer hold on himself.

“Ready, sweet darlin’? Benny asked as he increased his thrusts fucking into Dean faster and harder as Dean cried out, “Yes, Benny fuck…yes..I want to come…let me come…please…please…”

Benny fucked into Dean leaning forward lifting Dean’s leg and stoking his cock furiously, “Come, Dean. Come on, now…come for me…”

Deans cock pulsed into Benny’s hand and he cried out as his orgasm overtook him. He shuddered as he felt Benny come inside him and cry out into the back of his neck, “Dean! Fuck yes…yes…yes..aahhhhh!”

They lay in bed together catching their breath, kissing and touching each other until Benny thought it time to clean up. He started the tub, not too hot and helped Dean up and into the bathroom. He used a washcloth to clean Dean up a little before they climbed into the tub. As Dean leaned back into his chest, Benny snuggled him and sang…

_You are so beautiful to me,_

_You are so beautiful to me,_

_Can’t you see_

_You’re everything I hoped for_

_You’re everything I need_

_You are so beautiful to me…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this thing for Crowley. I don't find myself very attracted to him, but I want him to be loved...his almost being human did me in...so I humanized him for myself here.


	25. You Are My Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has his weekly visit at the Doctors office and he gets a reward for being good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had a little vision of this happening before i could write my childbirth class chapter. Sorry this needed to be written for whatever reason. Also I waved a magic wand over the medical info and the calendar to make Dean's due date line up right. Just go with it...

It was a wet rainy day for June as Dean sat on the exam table with his gown open in the front and his waist covered with a sheet. Benny held the sheet closed behind Dean who was very achy due to the weather. It was Wednesday and the wedding was Saturday so the two soon to be daddies were hoping they wouldn’t be daddies too soon. Dean had been pretty good natured about the appointment so far considering he hated to be examined. He had chatted and laughed  with the nurse while she weighed and measured him and gave the instructions for changing into the gown. He didn’t even seem too upset now that the exam was eminent.

“You seem okay with all this today, not that I’m not happy for you. I’m just surprised you’re not bothered by it all,” Benny commented and then tried to back pedal.

“It’s alright Benny, I know what you meant. Just getting more excited than bothered at this point. I’m curious to see if anything is happening, being all achy and everything,” Dean responded kissing the palm of Benny’s hand that wasn’t holding the sheet. “And I’ve got my bear to help me, so not gonna worry or stress,” Dean added with a smile.

Just then Cas knocked on the door and entered, “Hello, Dean, Benny. How are you feeling today?” He asked as he hugged his friend and patient.

“I feel good, but the rain makes me a little achy,” Dean answered honestly.

“The rain will do funny things to a body. I have to admit it’s been seven months and my pelvis still gets achy in the rain or even the snow,” Cas laughed as he commiserated with Dean. “Lay back for me so I can take a quick peek.” He pulled out an extension from the end of the table to support his legs while Benny helped Dean lay back on the table. “Hold your top shut for me while I measure,” Cas directed as he opened the gown exposing Dean’s belly but keeping the sheet over his lap. He felt for the top of Dean’s uterus and placed the end of his tape there and pulled it snugly down over his belly pressing in slightly to feel Dean’s pelvis as his end point.  “Well, you still measure perfectly at thirty seven weeks. Your blood pressure is still good and the urine sample you gave had not protein or sugar in it so you are doing as well as I’d like to see.  Now for the not so fun part, I need to take a peek at your breasts and inside to see how that cervix is doing, alright?”

Benny snickered a little and Dean scolded him good naturedly, “Oh stop Benny.”

“What? Inside joke,” Cas said as he pulled the sheet up over Dean’s belly and opened the top of the gown to expose the right side of Dean’s chest. He palpated the breast in a circular motion going up into Dean’s armpit and up by his collarr bone. He ended by gently squeezing Dean’s nipple and closing the gown.

“No its nothing but you’re the only one who gets to call them breasts. It’s his pet peeve. At home we all have to say chest,” Benny explained his laughter.

Cas laughed in return saying, “I get it, but the correct term for both men and women is breast and what are you going to call it when you feed the baby…chest feeding?”

Dean was about to answer when Benny jumped in , “Oh no, that is called nursing, right Dean?”

Cas had opened the left side of the gown and was examining Dean when he said, “Well you seem to have all of your bases covered and I totally get it. I will let you in on a secret, though. We lucked out, you and I, we have many carrier patients who did develop actual larger breasts. Balthazar’s theory is that men with muscular chests to begin with seem to develop their breast tissue behind the muscle or the muscle holds it back from looking fuller.” Cas completed palpating Dean’s left breast and gently checked hi nipple for discharge before closing the gown.

“Now you’re ganging up on me and it’s not fair,” Dean  smirked as he complained.  “I’m the patient here, neither of you is in a gown, so shut your mouths.”

“I love you darlin’, I’m not picking on you, but you have a huge belly for all to see and you’re concerned about getting boobs! You make me laugh,” Benny soothed.

“Alright, let’s change the subject and move a little lower,” Cas interjected. He told Dean he was going to do a cervical check for dilation. “Dean, I’m going to have you put your heels to your bottom and let your knees drop open so I can do an internal check to see if your cervix has thinned or dilated.” Cas put on a sterile glove and squeezed gel onto two of his fingers. Gently and slowly, he inserted his fingers and sought to check Dean’s cervix. Dean hissed as Cas began his examination but he squeezed Benny’s hand and took deep breaths to relax himself. He winced as Cas seemed to rotate his fingers and continue the exam.

“I’m sorry, Dean, you cervix seems intent on escaping my fingers. You’re doing a great job, just keep taking those deep breaths,” Cas explained as he continued to reposition his fingers.

Dean tried to keep breathing but he tensed his body as it got more painful. He brought his knees together and Cas put his free hand on them. “Dean, I’m going to stop for a minute and get Balth to help me. Relax and let me remove my hand.” Cas slid his fingers out of Dean and removed his glove. He covered Dean with the sheets but left his knees up so his lower back wouldn’t hurt.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked looking from Cas to Benny.

“Hang on Dean, let’s wait to see,” Benny reassured him.

Cas put a hand on Dean’s belly and one on his forehead, speaking very calmly, “Dean, listen to me. There is nothing wrong. Sometimes when you get close to the end, the baby positions him or herself so that the cervix is hard to reach, that’s all. I just want Balth here to assist me, hang on for me okay?”

Dean nodded and placed his hands on his belly. Cas stepped out and Benny leaned over a hugged Dean.

“Why the fuck is everything about me being pregnant so fucking complicated?” Dean snapped. “I don’t get it.”

“Hang on now, Dean,” Benny said as he ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. “It’s gonna be fine.”

Dean covered his face with his arm and held Benny’s hand  to his belly with the other. He took deep breaths and willed himself to relax. When he thought he might lose it completely, despite Benny’s support, he felt their baby firmly kick his hand. He grabbed Benny’s hand and the two of them smiled and waited for the next kick. They didn’t have to wait long before he or she kicked again and then rolled some body part across Dean’s belly so they could visibly see it move. When Cas returned with Balthazar, he found the parents smiling and laughing at the movements in Dean’s stomach.

“Alright Dean, we are going to take a look at your baby’s position. Balthazar and I think the way baby is sitting is causing your cervix to lay so that I can’t quite reach it. So bear with us and we will get this figured out, check that cervix and have you on your way,” Cas informed Dean of their plan.

Balthazar and Cas both took turns feeling the position of the baby from the outside and came to the conclusion that the baby was comfortable in just the wrong position for checking to see if Dean was dilating at all. “Why do you have to check that this week?” Benny asked. “Why can’t you just let it go and check next week/”

Balthazar answered for them both, saying, “At this point we don’t want Dean walking around not knowing if he is dilated. He could go into labor and deliver before he realized what was going on. Also, history comes into play and we want all the information we can have to make our decisions for Dean and the baby’s health. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, it does. Thanks for explaining that, it’s hard for me to see him hurt. If I know there is a good reason, it helps,” Benny said somewhat apologetically.

“Anytime, now let’s get Dean onto his left side and see if we can get this baby to change positions,” Balthazar instructed.  Dean rolled onto his side and Cas told him to rock back and forth a few times. He did and then he felt the baby moving a little more. He told Cas and then Balthazar lifted his right knee opening his pelvis while cas slipped on a glove and squeezed gel on his two fingers. He eased his fingers back in and Dean tried to stay relaxed as Cas pressed on his lower belly and pressed in to find his cervix.

“Bingo!” Cas called when he finally reached what he was searching for. “Feels healthy and no dilation, but about twenty five percent effaced,” Cas reported.

“Thank Christ!” Dean called out. Cas slowly removed his fingers and Balthazar lowered his knee.

“Good job, Dean that was not fun.” Balthazar sympathized. He pulled Dean into a sitting position and he immediately reached for Benny, who pulled him into his chest for a hug.

“So you should be good to go for another week, Dean. I don’t think you’ll go into labor before the wedding, but never say never,” Cas told him as he typed notes into the computer. He asked a few questions as he typed. “All set with the nursery and car seat? Taking childbirth classes? Feel prepared to handle the baby?” He typed in their answers and smiled fondly at the couple as they explained their preparations.

“Well if you don’t have any more questions, we will see you next Wednesday,” Cas stated.

“Actually,” Dean reminded him,” We’ll see you Saturday at the wedding.”

“Yes, that’s right,” Balthazar chimed in. “Dean here is a towel to clean up before you get dressed. Call if you have too much discomfort, we put you through the ringer today I’m afraid. Take Tylenol and a nap. Take it easy in general today. You’ll be fine, but probably a little sore.” Dean nodded and Cas and Balthazar left the room.

Benny used the sink to wet the end of the towel with warm water before coming over to gingerly clean between Dean’s legs. He wiped away all the gel and then dried Dean carefully. He helped him put on his bra and t shirt and then stand to put on his underwear and jeans. Dean hissed as he stood, definitely feeling the repercussions of the difficult exam. Benny slid on his underwear and jeans before pulling his husband in for a hug. “I’m sorry darlin’. You okay to head on home?”

“I’m fine, thanks Benny. I’m okay, just a little raw feeling,” Dean told his husband.

Benny slipped his arm around Deans waist and led him to the checkout counter. He paid their copay and walked Dean through the waiting room to the door. Dean’s ginger steps received sympathetic looks from fellow patients but he made it out and to the impala. Benny eased him into the passenger seat and shut the door.  Benny started the car and they were pulling onto the main drag as Benny commented, “I was planning on taking you to lunch, but I think I’ll take you home and crawl in bed with you if that’s okay. I texted Gabe and he said he would run my shift at the diner today.”

Dean nodded and patted Benny’s thigh. He turned his face to the window unable to hold his tears back any longer. He was so lucky to have Benny, loving sympathetic Benny. He always understood just what Dean needed. He didn’t want to cry but he couldn’t help it. He just wanted to hold their baby and see Benny hold the baby as well.

“Dean, sweetheart, I’ll pull over. Don’t cry my darlin’.”

“No Benny, don’t pull over, I’m fine. I just want to go home. I’m fine, really. You’re just so fucking good to me and I love you so much,” Dean explained his tears. “Just drive. A nap sounds great…” he sniffed. “And a peanut buster parfait from Dairy Queen. That sounds good, too. Do you mind, it’s right there.”

“I don’t mind one little bit. You just hang on there, Extra peanuts?”

“You’re fucking perfect, Benny,” Dean said, smiling through his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra peanuts...good ole Benny! And Dean is doing better with his coping, don't you think??


	26. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny and Dean get a reality check at Pam's hypnobirth class. Maybe they shouldn't have been the class clowns...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need the boys to be prepared for childbirth. It scares me when people don't educate themselves about what will happen to their bodies. That being said, I distinctly remember being hugely pregnant for my daughter and panicking at birth class when we saw what was going to happen...

Dean and Benny should probably plan on not finishing childbirth class. Based on the rate that she is giving them the hairy eyeball, Pam will probably kick them out and they will have to complete their lessons on their own and hope for the best. They have not really had to pay too close attention to the first several classes, because they are all about breathing technique and of course due to Dean’s hyperemesis gravidarum, they know all that already. The only thing worse than Dean and Benny at childbirth class is the two of them at class not needing to pay attention.

Pam had shot them a few dirty looks in the past weeks, but Benny assured her they will behave from now on and they are finally getting into things they haven’t covered with her in their personal sessions. They are in a carrier birth class based on the carrier placing himself in a state of self hypnosis with the support of their significant other, aka their coach. 

This week’s topic was the actual labor and delivery process and next week is birth plan development.  Dean was actually a little nervous because he had tried to research carrier delivery online to prepare himself, but what came up always scared the living shit out of him and he decided to wait for class, or maybe just wing it and hope for the best. Benny wouldn’t let Dean wing it, insisting on some sort of education class, and when Pam had helped Dean through his nausea, she was the natural choice. 

So here they sat with three other carriers and their coaches, looking in horror at still photos of a carrier cervix and how it enlarges throughout labor.  Each stage Pam described had a breathing technique attached to it as a guide or starting place, but Pam reminded them to use the breathing that worked for them. Dean and Benny made no cracks or smart remarks tonight. Dean’s eyes were as big as dinner plates and Benny’s palms were so sweaty he kept wiping them on Dean’s pillowcase. Dean leaned further and further back into the v of Benny’s legs and Benny kept tightening his grip around Dean’s belly until Dean squawked in protest.

 

After the break, Pam showed them the film of the carrier births. The first scenario was a typical hippie, love child birth which made it seem like a weekend at Woodstock to have a baby. The carrier maybe whimpered once and the couple went home after six hours in the birthing center. The second birth was a hospital birth and the carrier was coached well and in pretty good control until the actual delivery and then got pretty noisy. The nurses helped the coach and it ended pretty well, but was intense.  The third carrier delivered at home and seemed to suffer. He was very verbal and even swore and was angry at times. He screamed at the delivery and then was happy when the baby was handed to him.

Pam explained that it was important for them to see different personalities and how they reacted in labor so that the class would understand that there was no wrong or right way to behave in labor and delivery. After the third delivery there was not a sound in the room, and Dean wasn’t sure which group was paler, the carriers or the partners.  Dean took the breathing process much more seriously and Benny must have understood, because he never cracked a joke for the closing exercises.   

Pam ended the night asking for final questions, stating, “You guys were awful quiet tonight. We just went over the whole birthing process and no questions? Are you sure you don’t want to ask anything/”

Dean’s mind starts to race and he thinks he has a shit ton of questions like how in the name of all that is pure and holy is his body gonna stretch big enough to squeeze out a big ole baby head when it takes Benny fifteen minutes to open him enough for his hard dick? Or maybe how when he practically cries during a simple exam because it hurts is he gonna tolerate possibly twelve hours if intense contractions? Or how about are you sure everything goes back to normal and he can poop or Jesus, control his pooping and not poop himself with everything down there all stretched to hell and back??? How about those questions??? But Dean can only manage to swallow thickly and lean a little more into Benny who doesn’t seem to have much more confidence than he does at this point.

No one else in class speaks up either, so Pam breaks the tension by saying, “I know you are all thinking, how the hell is this going to happen and then go back to normal afterwards? Am I right?”

That seems to help and the students all laugh, nervously though, and nod at her. “Listen fellas, your bodies are built to do this and you all seem to be in healthy, loving relationships. Your partners all seem to really take good care of you, when you need it, and they will be able to support you. The nurses at the hospital will help your coaches if they lose their way and it’s going to be fine. I would not send you out to a natural hypnobirth if I didn’t think you could do it. Go home and practice your breathing faithfully. Next week…birth plans. Alright? Goodnight,”

Benny and Dean were quiet all the way home and stayed close as they finished the dishes from their dinner before class. They brushed hands passing dishes and shared sweet touches and snuggles as they worked. Benny kissed Dean’s belly at least five times and finally pulled Dean into his arms, “I’m going down to the diner to get a huge ass piece of pie with ice cream. We are going to fill the tub with warm water, throw in one of those Lush bath bombs you like so much, eat that pie together and try to burn some of those images from class out of our brains, sound good?”

“Yep,” was all Dean answered.

“Going with the big guns tonight, chocolate chip bourbon pecan. Be right back,” he kissed Dean as he walked to the bathroom to start the tub and then jogged across the loft to the elevator. Dean stood, still a little stunned, in the kitchen right where Benny left him. “Come on darlin’, let’s get comfy for a while,” Benny said as he took Dean’s hand and led him to the bathroom. He put the warm pie on the counter and quickly stripped out of his clothes. He helped Dean do the same, quickly and chastely. Benny stepped in the tub first, holding the pie and then helped Dean balance as he climbed in as well. They had chosen to install a huge tub when they built their apartment and they were certainly glad they had as Dean grew throughout the pregnancy.

They nestled together and Dean opened the Lush bath bomb called a dragon’s egg and they eat pie as it foamed and fizzled around the tub, thank you Jess for the Lush basket at the baby shower. Dean had found Lush on the internet when he followed a self help link for morning sickness.  It had indeed been helpful and he was hooked. This one smelled like citrus and he relaxed and let Benny feed him. When the pie was gone Dean turned in to Benny and wrapped his arms around him.

Benny kissed Dean’s temple and held Dean firmly, “You okay darlin’?”

“You really want to know that answer?” Dean laughs and then his breath catches and his lower lip trembles. “Benny, I know you’re gonna help me and all and I trust you and I know the breathing works…” Tears start coming from the corners of his eyes and dripping but he’s not lost it completely, yet, “I’m gonna be fine, _we’re_ gonna be fine,” Dean continued. “But my belly is huge and it’s overwhelming and I’m gonna cry for a minute, can I just cry for a minute without being a wimp?”

“C’mere sweetheart,” Benny says as he snuggles Dean more comfortably into his body. It’s not easy, because Dean is both taller and at this point larger around the middle at this point. “Get comfy and let it out, and no it’s not wimpy at all,” Benny reassures him.

Dean feels Benny’s support and lets the tension that has been building leak out of his body through his tears. He doesn’t sob or get loud, just softly cries on Benny’s shoulder as his husband rocks him gently. It takes Dean a minute to realize that Benny is crying right along with him. They stay like that for a few minutes and he can’t help but notice the looseness of their muscles as they relax through their release of emotion. They both settle as they sniff and hiccup through the end of their tears.

“Well, the upside is we made it Benny. Three weeks and we’ll be holding this one. It’s a lot to take in let alone to think about getting out, ya know?” Dean thinks aloud.

“I’m so excited, Dean. Are you excited? Sometimes I’m cooking at the diner and I can hardly stop myself from running into the dining room and screaming: _Dean’s having our baby soon! We are gonna be dads!_ ” Benny spoke as he softly stroked Dean’s arm with his hand.

“I totally get that, Benny, totally,” Dean laughed as he thought about Benny at the diner.

They climbed out of the tub and dried off before getting dressed in pajama pants and t shirts.  Benny was turning down the bed when Dean addressed him, “What the fuck are you doing?”

Stunned, Benny answered, “I thought we were going to bed?”

“Bullshit, get your ass in the living room. We are practicing our breathing so I can be the wacky hippie dude who didn’t embarrass himself and not the screaming homebirth guy!”

“Benny followed his husband out to the couch, laughing and winced at Dean’s punch when he teased, “What’s the big deal? All you have to do is breathe…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean is hitting the emotional homestretch but the boys are letting themselves be excited! Next up, Sam and Jess' wedding...


	27. He Ain't Heavy, He's my Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny helps Dean deal with the aches and pains of being near term in his pregnancy and the brothers spend the day together before Sam and Jess get married. Lots of fluff and a little smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter of two covering the wedding. It's Sam and Jess' wedding, but in a Dean and Benny fic, so it's from their perspective. I am not so much telling a blow by blow of the wedding, but the wedding via Dean and Benny's experiences.
> 
> Also the song title I have chosen is mostly for the feeling the song gives me. It speaks about brothers, but also a long road and I feel like that covers how Dean feels about raising Sam and how far Dean and Benny have come in this pregnancy. It's by the Hollies in case you are wondering.

There wasn’t a lot of time to dwell on the frightening but true facts from childbirth class because when Dean and Benny woke, it was Friday and the day before Sam and Jess’ wedding. The expectant couple had little or nothing to do with the preparations; everyone had the foresight to remember what condition Dean would be in at the time of the wedding. Dean had objected at first, but he was so glad he had listened to Benny and Ellen. He pushed himself to sitting on the edge of the bed and winced as his spine tried to catch up with the rest of his body. Along with his back, his belly and his hips were really achy today.

He would have just lain in bed a little longer, but he really needed to pee. The little guy or girl inside him was relentless on his bladder and he had held out as long as he could. There were a few mornings he had to change the sheets because he waited just a little too long and didn’t make it in time. Dean hoped that never happened again and so he left the comfort of Benny’s embrace and the soft breaths on the back of his neck to retain his dignity.

It took him three tries to build enough momentum to launch himself to his feet. He groaned in protest as the muscles in his belly adjusted to the change in position. He heard Benny stir behind him, “Mornin’ babe, why don’t you wake me to help you? Don’t want you to strain something, strugglin’ like that.”

“I’m alright Benny, just really sore,” Dean said as he waddled to the bathroom.

“Where you hurtin’ hon,” Benny asked sympathetically. “Back, belly and hips, same ol’ same ol’,” Dean shot over his shoulder. Benny got up and followed Dean into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth as Dean relieved himself and started the shower. Benny was not big on letting Dean shower alone anymore and Dean was secretly pleased to be doted over.

They showered together quickly, washing each other’s hair and Benny worshipping Dean’s baby belly and sensitive chest. Dean was a little softer in his chest, but not really any larger. He loved that while the attention was intimate, it was not sexual. Benny always knew when Dean was too achy and sore to feel sexy. He led Dean back to bed naked with one hand and brought the lavender lotion with them.

Benny folded the quilt back neatly on the end of the bed and helped Dean lie down and get comfortable. Using the two giant body pillows he had bought for Dean, Benny got him onto his belly counter balancing the enormity of it with the firm pillows. He warmed the lotion in his hands and started at Dean’s shoulders, gently but firmly massaging all of his sore and tense muscles. He worked down each arm drawing moans and groans from his aching husband. Using his thumbs, he rubbed his way down Dean’s back pulling back when Dean whimpered and really working out the kinks when Dean groaned in pleasure. He lower back was the most painful and he slowed down and began lightly increasing the pressure when Dean could handle it. By the time Benny kneaded his ass and reached his legs, Dean was a drooling relaxed mess, making sounds that should be most closely associated with incredible sex.

Ever so carefully, Benny turned Dean onto his back and spread lotion on his enormous belly. Dean’s skin was getting so many stretch marks that Benny was worried about it actually tearing. He had, unfortunately, read an article on the internet about a carrier who had skin so thin that it had split in the weakest places and Benny had been diligent about lotioning Dean’s stomach every day. He spent a few minutes on Dean’s hips, working all the tendons and ligaments that were stretched beyond normal. Benny finished his massage and snuggled up to Dean pressing the length of his body against Dean’s side. Dean turned to Benny, eyes closed but sporting a soft smile.

He reached a hand up to the back of Benny’s head and pulled him in for a mellow, wet kiss. “Thanks Benny, that was nice.”

“You bet darlin’,” Benny said nosing along Dean’s jaw and behind his ear. “Feeling less, sore?” he asked sweetly. Dean nodded, eyes still closed. They lay there together, eyes closed sharing tender kisses and Benny still giving an occasional touch or rub to Dean’s muscles. Dean’s breath started to come in short pants and he began to kiss Benny more earnestly and his moans and whimpers took a turn to the naughty side. Benny stroked his fingers lightly all over Dean’s body feeling as his skin responded in goose bumps and his eyes opened as he brushed below Dean’s belly to feel his hardened cock. He moved his hand to leave the area reminding himself that this was about Dean’s achy muscles and not about sex. When Dean pushed his hand back down and rocked his hips, Benny said, “Let me make you feel good, baby…help you really relax, alright?” Again Dean nodded and closed his eyes letting Benny take over.

Benny began by kissing down Dean’s neck and pushing his legs open at his knees. Very lightly he ran his fingers up and down the inside of Dean’s thighs, occasionally brushing across his erection and causing Dean to keen and raise his hips. He whispered in his husband’s ear, “Just lay back and let me help you darlin’,  just feel it, Dean.” He squeezed lotion onto his hand and warmed it before circling his hand around Dean’s cock and stroking. Dean answered the sensation by widening his legs and calling out to his husband, “Benny! Please…”

“You still good, sweetheart?” Benny asked as he kissed Dean’s collarbone and down his chest. He accepted Dean nodding as permission to keep going. He gave slow languid pulls and pushes up and down Dean’s cock as he kissed Dean’s pecs and made his way towards his first nipple.  He placed wet kisses on each of Dean’s nipples and Dean brought his hand up to Benny’s head holding his husband’s mouth on the nipple he was kissing. Benny could take a hint and lolled the nipple around in his mouth with his tongue and gently nibbling at it with his teeth before taking it in his mouth and sucking. Dean moaned, releasing a filthy sound raising his hips and fucking into Benny’s fist.

Benny moved to the other side of Dean’s chest and gave the same tender treatment to the nipple beneath his warm mouth, all the while increasing his ministrations to Dean’s cock. Dean begins to shudder at the sensation teased forth by Benny’s mouth and hand and his breath came in harsh choppy rasps. He reached for anything to grab onto and found purchase with one hand in the sheets and the other back on Benny’s hip.

Sensing Dean’s enjoyment he switched back and forth between each side of his chest, loving that his kisses and sucking were driving Dean wild. He alternated between tightening his fist for short strokes of the head of Dean’s cock and long strokes moving from the tip to the base of the rock hard length. With each pass of the upward stroke, he would flick his thumb over the head, gathering the precome that dribbled out in spurts. It was so much smoother than any lotion and increased Dean’s pleasure as he worked towards his orgasm.

By now Dean cried out nonsensically, stringing together words that made no sense, “Jesus, fuck…hard…babe..Christ…tighter…” He never even noticed that Benny himself was now hard as a rock and humping into his hip.

When Benny tried to talk to Dean or whisper reassuring words of encouragement, he felt Dean’s fingers slip into his hair and harshly pull his mouth back to one of his nipples. He would tease Dean by talking over the nipple in question and he knew Dean could feel his breath as he spoke. Dean would arch his back trying to get his nipple into Benny’s mouth and would be rewarded with a lick from Benny’s tongue until he growled and Benny would relent and kiss or suckle the dark nub.

Benny could feel Dean’s hips stutter as he drew closer and closer to climax. He tightened his fist and stroked with purpose, “Come on Dean,” he said between kisses, “that’s it Dean, let go darlin’.”

“Benny…please, Benny…feels so good…fuuuuck!” Dean cried out as Benny’s final sucks and strokes sent him over the edge and he came with thick white ropes all over Benny’s hand and his belly. He stilled, open mouthed as Benny pumped him through his orgasm, and he buried his face in Benny’s neck breathing like he had run a marathon. Watching Dean work through his orgasm was all Benny needed to tumble over the edge himself, quietly grinding into his husbands thigh as he came.

Benny gave him a few moments before he slipped off the bed and returned with a warm washcloth to clean Dean up. When he was finished, he turned Dean on his side, placing one of the body pillows under the side of his belly and placing the second one between his legs to prop his leg up off his belly and keeping his hips in proper alignment. He went to the kitchen and got some juice for Dean. He made sure Dean drank quite a bit before telling him, “Go back to sleep, Dean. It’s early and you’ll be tired after this weekend. I’ll wake you when you if I need to, alright?” Dean reached for Benny and he gave Dean a warm kiss as he dozed off.

*****

Dean was the most relaxed he had been in days and everyone at the rehearsal commented on how good he looked. Dean and Benny smiled to themselves as they learned what they had to do for the wedding. They laughed and talked with friends and family who were at the rehearsal dinner and might have cried a little when Sam thanked Dean for being the fabulous big brother that he was. It was a very casual evening because the wedding was really very simple and Dean had told Sam and Jess he only wanted to speak once, at the wedding. The bride and groom had chosen not to have a formal program until the actual wedding and so the dinner was just an enjoyable, shared meal after they had practiced a run through of the ceremony.

 *****

Saturday morning Dean woke to the smell of bacon and an empty bed. He pushed himself awkwardly out of bed and into the bathroom to relieve his poor bladder. He headed out to the kitchen to find Benny plating the breakfast of french toast and bacon. They ate in mutual silence but touched and smiled at each other frequently. “Prettier every day, darlin’,” Benny said, breaking the silence. Dean blushed a little and smiled around his bite of food.

Sam arrived shortly after they ate and Benny made him a bowl of oatmeal the way Dean had taught him.  Benny knew that Dean kept many of Sam’s favorites around even if he had not been coming over as often as he and Jess got closer. For instance, he always had oatmeal and kept dried berries and nuts in the freezer just in case Sam wanted them when he came over or on the odd chance he stayed the night. Dean was happy that Sam was getting married, he loved Jess and they were great together, but there was something final about the brother he had raised growing up that pulled at his heart.

Benny must have noticed something because he came up behind Dean and snuggled into his neck, smooching noisy kisses on his neck. “Baby’s all grown up there Dean! You did a good job, and lucky for you we are about to have another one,” Benny said as he rubbed circles on Dean’s firm, full belly.

“Don’t be a sap,” Dean said but he had to sniff as he waddled away from Benny and towards Sam seated on a stool at the counter.

“Well Sammy, today’s the big day, huh?” Dean squeezed Sam’s shoulders as he spoke to his little brother. “You ready for this?”

“Yeah, Dean, I’m ready. I’m ready to have what you and Benny have. You guys have been great and Jess really likes you both, she can’t wait for the baby,” Sam laughed away a little escaping emotion, “neither can I.” He turned from his empty bowl and rested his hand on his brother’s stomach. “How’s my niece or nephew doing?” He leaned down so his face was close and spoke, “Hey are you ready to come out yet? Just don’t come today, we’re busy.”

“Hey, now!” Dean covered his belly protectively. “You come whenever you’re healthy and ready, right Poppa?”

“Yes, but if you don’t mind waiting, we do have a busy day scheduled,” Benny answered towards Dean and the baby, approaching and kissing Dean on the top of his belly, then softly on the lips.

The two brothers spent the day together breaking out the old video games and even watched Jurassic park. Benny made lunch and let the two of them spend their day just being brothers. Occasionally, he saw Sam place his hand on Dean’s belly and then the two would laugh at whatever they had felt. It left Benny a little teary eyed to watch them interact, it reminded him of when he and Dean had first met and Sam had been so much younger.

The wedding was about thirty minutes away on the outskirts of Kansas City. The ceremony was at a pretty church, a denomination that Jess’ parents belonged to in their hometown. The reception was at a very nice steakhouse that had a banquet room for private parties. Jess’ family was staying in a hotel nearby the venues, but Sam wanted to get ready with Dean and Dean wanted to be home. They would drive together in the impala to the wedding and Jess’ parents would help her get Sam’s car to the restaurant for after the reception. 

Eventually it was time to get ready and Sam went to the guest bedroom to shower and dress. Benny and Dean showered together, but Benny had to scold Dean and make him keep his frisky hands to himself. Dean shaved, but not too closely, leaving a slight scruff. Benny checked his beard, but it had been trimmed when they got their haircuts, so he just cleaned up his neck for the photos. Benny insisted on rubbing at least Dean’s belly with lotion, so Dean let him, enjoying his husbands touch.

Benny quickly dressed in his slacks and dress shirt, tucking it neatly before pulling up his suspenders. Dean loved Benny in suspenders and his kiss told Benny just that. After slipping on his sock and shoes, Benny helped Dean dress.

For the past few days, Dean had given up trying to get dressed on his own, he usually ended up stretching something too far when he did, so he just let Benny help.  He lifted his feet as Benny offered him his underwear. Dean pulled them up when they got to his thighs, and then he put on the bra Benny offered him. He would skip it if he could, but his chest had begun to leak once in a while and he didn’t want to chance it in his suit. Next Benny handed him the white t shirt and Dean slipped in on over his head. He held onto Benny’s shoulders and he put each foot into the pants held out for him. He pulled the suspenders over the t shirt and tucked it in neatly. Benny fastened the pants closed and the dress shirt was buttoned neatly and flowed nicely as Dean moved, relieved that it still fit after a week of  his belly getting bigger. They both put of their ties, green, and joined Sam in the living room.

Benny brought their jackets and helped Dean to get his on. The jacket was in a pregnancy style but the same color grey as the wedding party. It was tailored nicely through the shoulders, with the same lapels, but buttoned only once right at the apex of Dean’s baby belly. The rest of the jacket was cut to allow for the fabric to fall away from the wearer’s expanding belly. You could compare it to those fancy wedding coats that the royals wore, morning suits, Dean thought they were called though the hem of the jacket fell just like a normal hem.  Benny interrupted Dean’s thoughts when he smoothed his hands lovingly over Dean’s exposed belly in the suit and kissed him soundly and warmly, despite his brother being right next to them. “You look stunning, darlin, I couldn’t resist.”  He turned to Sam expecting a mockingly disgusted look, but found glassy eyes.

“I hope one day Jess and I have half of what you two have found together,” Sam choked out and embraced his brother and brother in law in a sincere show of emotion. He rubbed his hands up and down their backs, lingering for just a moment and then broke the tension, “Yeah Dean, you do look good. They managed to put you in a grey suit without making you look like an elephant!”

“Bitch,” Dean barked back.

“Jerk,” was Sam’s standard response.

“Thank God! You two cry babies almost had me going,” Benny teased, sniffing once or twice himself. “Let’s go get Sam hitched.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been updating sporadically due to my recent schedule but would appreciate your comments! Comments motivate me to write in ways you can't imagine...


	28. Wonderful Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Jess are married and Dean and Benny surprise them with a gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a peek into the wedding from Dean's viewpoint, not a complete look at the wedding.

They arrived at the church to find Ellen and Bobby, who hugged them and said that Jess was safely hidden away for the ceremony. Cas and Balthazar were seated with the baby and a few of Dean and Sam’s friends and some family were on the sparsely populated Winchester side. Jess’ side was quite full and they were fairly conservative according to her, so Dean got a little nervous. He hoped none of her family ruined their day because of him and Benny and their baby bump. Benny came up behind him and whispered, “Our side is not as full, but we know and love every one of them. Remember that, darlin’.”

Soon the wedding coordinator was sending Bobby and Ellen down to their seats to some classical piece of music. Then it was time for Sam to take his place and one of the girls in the wedding handed Dean a program with a note from Jess. She had circled something at the bottom of the program that read: The bride has chosen the color green for her wedding party in honor of the groom’s brother, Dean Winchester-Lafitte, in gratitude for all he has done to help Sam become who he is today and for so willingly accepting her into their family. Next to the statement in her own writing, Jess had written: Thank you Dean, I love you and whenever I see this color green, I think of you and your generous spirit. Jess.

Dean was flooded with emotion and showed Benny, who pulled Dean in for a crushing hug and kiss. He was about to reach into his pocket for a tissue when the coordinator told them it was their turn to walk down the aisle. Benny wouldn’t let Dean walk alone, knowing how he got tense in public situations and how pregnant he was, so that’s how Benny ended up in a suit matching the wedding party. They stood at the back of the door as the music began and _Thinking Out Loud_ began to play. Dean and Benny grinned at each other; Jess was good, really good. When the first verse began, Benny and Dean, holding hands began to walk slowly down towards the altar, each smiling and occasionally wiping a tear away. Benny surprised Dean half way down the aisle by stopping them and dancing for a few lines, before continuing down to the warm, smiles and looks from both sides of pews. Benny helped Dean up the two steps to stand next to Sam and kissed him sweetly, handing him a tissue and nodding at Sam, who patted Dean gently on the back. The guests laughed gently at Benny’s loving gesture and then Benny turned to walk to his seat with Bobby and Ellen.

The rest of the party came in and soon the bridal march was playing and Jess, a vision in white, came down the aisle with her father to meet Sam. Most of the wedding was a blur to Dean who was overwhelmed with emotion and remembering his wedding to Benny. He was so lucky Benny had moved here and answered his ad for the truck and his hand moved to his belly in response. Jess and Sam had recited the traditional vows and before Dean knew it, he had given Sam the rings and  the recessional march was playing while he and Benny were following Sam and Jess back down the aisle and out the door of the church. Dean was waddling a little more and was slower than on the way in, his back stiff from standing so long. Benny offered him his arm for support and he took it willingly.

They stood in the receiving line greeting their friends and family warmly and doing their best when meeting the bride’s guests. One little woman was brought over by Jess’ mom and introduced as her great grandmother. She reached up and Dean felt an obligation to bend over and hug her. Then she silently hugged Benny and took one of each of their hands and joined them saying, “I came to see my great granddaughter get married and she was beautiful, but the two of you stole the show! Good luck with your baby!”  She pulled Dean close and looked him in the eye and whispered, “You’re the prettiest pregnant person I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot.” With that, she winked and moved down the line. Dean blushed profusely and Jess’ mother gave them both apologetic looks but Benny reassured her, “I agree with great grandma completely!”

Dean’s back began to tighten the longer he stood and finally all the guests had made their way through the line. Benny had to help Dean to a seat in the pew as the photographer started with Sam and Jess. Benny rubbed Dean’s back and even laid him down in the pew with his head in his lap after the first half hour.  Eventually it was time for family photos and wedding party photos. Dean put on a brave face and Benny was not far away with a supportive hand or back rub.  They both received a sigh of relief when the photos were finished and Benny and Dean headed for the reception in the impala. 

You would never have know the restaurant was a steakhouse by the way it had been decorated. The banquest room looked like a fairytale wedding reception with candlelight and beautiful flowers. There was a cocktail  hour with an open bar and passed hors d’oeuvres.  Benny stayed close to Dean and much to his dismay got him a shirley temple from the bartender.

“Really, Benny I appreciate the effort but I’m not a seven year old girl,” Dean nearly whined.

“I thought it was more festive than a plain sprite, darlin’,” Benny soothed as he drank his beer and made sure to get Dean some of the passed snacks so that he wouldn’t get lightheaded from not eating. It had been a long time since lunch and dinner wouldn’t be served until seven. Cas and Balthazar came by to speak with Dean and Benny, but Dean figured he was charged by Benny with making sure Dean was alright as well.

It wasn’t long before the wedding party was announced and seated. Dean waited nervously with Benny,  he didn’t like being the center of attention. Benny kissed his temple sweetly as Jess’ bridesmaids and Sam’s groomsmen made their way up to the head table. Sam and Jess appeared behind them as the DJ proclaimed, “Now, for the best man, Dean Winchester-Lafitte and his escort, his husband Benny Lafitte!”

Sam hooted and Jess kissed Dean on the cheek just before Benny grabbed his hand in support and walked Dean across the banquet room to their seats as the wedding guests cheered for the couple. Finally Sam and Jess were announced as Mr. and Mrs. Winchester and the room erupted into applause and shouts of congratulations.

Dinner was served and it was an enjoyable surf and turf plate with mashed potatoes and asparagus. Dean ate every bite of his meal and then began to get in the right mindset to make his speech. The couple had their first dance and chose _At Last_ sung by Etta James, leaving not one dry eye in the room. Benny handed Dean the envelope containing their gift for Sam and Jess. Dean was getting more nervous by the minute, but Benny told him just to talk to Sam and Jess and forget about everyone else. He helped his nervous husband breathe for the last part of the couple’s song and Dean could feel himself relax.

It was finally time for Dean to give his toast, so he began, albeit apprehensively, “Hello everyone, I’m Dean, Sam’s big brother, no pun intended.” He patted his belly for emphasis as the room laughed with him at his joke. “Sam and I grew up under what you might call nontraditional circumstances and luckily for us, we had each other and eventually our Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen, who were really like parents to us. Eventually, I found my Benny and we are about to have a little one, but I was worried about Sam. We’ve always been together, Sam and I, but Benny here helped me finish raising Sam before he went off to KU and then Stanford.” The aaaaws in the room were audible as Dean spoke about Benny. “Then Sam became the lucky one, because he found Jess, who is way too good for him, but is just the spitfire he needs to keep him in line.” The room clapped and laughed again with Dean.  “I’ve always been…” Dean began to get emotional, damn the pregnancy hormones. Clearing his throat and feeling Benny’s hand on his lower back, he began again, “I’ve always been very proud of Sam, his whole life…nothing made me prouder than each time he accomplished one of his goals. I saved for him to go to college and he got a full ride to KU, so by then Benny and I saved for him to attend Stanford, but he got a full ride there as well, smart little shit- ‘scuse my language. Anyway, I am happy for the new Mr. and Mrs. Winchester and Benny and I wanted you to have this to start off your married lives with a little less worry. So here’s to Sam and Jess, may you always feel as loved as I do!” He glanced at Benny as he said the last words.

Sam and Jess opened the card from Dean and Benny and their jaws dropped. “We can’t take this!” Sam announced to the whole room. Jess had tears in her eyes and nodded at what Sam said. Benny answered for the couple saying, “Yes you can and you will, it’s what your brother wants and what he will get. Believe me when I say that I see to it that he gets what he wants.” The crowd giggled at Benny’s affectionate statement.   Sam announced to the family and friends present, “Dean and Benny made the down payment on the house we wanted but couldn’t afford,” he looked at Dean and Benny helped Dean to his feet. Sam took a step towards Dean and the brothers hugged, forgetting they were at the head table in a banquet hall. The DJ started to play dance music as everyone recovered from the emotional moment.

“Thanks, Dean. I love you. Thanks for always being there, for everything, for this,” Sam choked out. Jess hugged Benny and Dean and then Dean told the couple to go have fun at their party.

Dean was drooping by the minute and  they danced a little but it was becoming evident they were going to have to go soon. It had been a long and wonderful day and Dean was glad for his brother. He was sitting with Benny when Jess’ great grandma came over and asked Benny if she could dance with Dean. “You’ll have to ask him ma’am,” Benny said referring her to Dean. He looked exhausted but like he didn't want to disappoint her so Dean accepted and left a snickering Benny to dance with the tiny woman.  When the music switched to a new song, she kept him on the dance floor, but when Benny realized it was Eric Clapton’s _Wonderful Tonight_ , he couldn't help but interrupt. “Mind if I cut in now, ma’am?” Benny asked politely. She smiled and left the couple to dance. “I think this is it for us darlin’. You look like you need to go to bed…to sleep in bed,” Benny corrected himself as he kissed Dean sweetly on the lips. It was a warm, gentle but loving kiss that Dean felt deep in his heart. As they danced and swayed to the music, Dean’s back and legs aching, Benny sang to him:

 _I feel wonderful because I see_  
_The love light in your eyes._  
 _And the wonder of it all_  
 _Is that you just don't realize how much I love you._

Dean laid his head down on Benny’s shoulder and melted into him as they danced and Benny sang into his ear:

_I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight._

_Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now all we have to do is have a baby!!! Comments welcome and invited...


	29. I'm Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny and Dean make big decisions regarding their impending baby arrival...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tying up loose ends before baby comes...sorry! Also, shout out to Lynx22281 for the concept of Benny paws...   
> Title is from Bryan Adams, just the first verse and chorus is so fitting...

It took Dean a few days to recover from the wedding. Benny was worried about him, but Dean insisted he was fine, just tired and feeling like he had overdone it. There was no way Benny would let Dean go to work and he knew his husband had called Bobby to make sure Dean did not find his way to the shop after Benny himself went to work. Dean’s lack of objection to all the fuss Benny made was a statement about how Dean really felt. Benny let him sleep in every day and came upstairs every two hours to check on his heavily pregnant husband.  He cooked him healthy but comforting meals and gave him lots of snuggles. By Wednesday, the day of his weekly OB appointment with Cas, Dean was feeling much more like himself, Benny told him he looked less tired as well.

Benny hummed happily to himself as they both got ready to go to Cas’ office. Dean knew Benny was so thrilled that he was so close to delivering their baby. He helped him get showered and dressed and eating some breakfast while Benny got ready. They had slept in and now were in a bit of a rush, which with Dean’s reduced mobility could be a problem.  Soon Benny had Dean waddling in his shorts and t shirt towards the impala. They made it exactly on time for their appointment, but Cas was running a few minutes behind so it was perfect timing. 

The nurse called Dean back to the exam room and took his vitals and checked his weight. She asked if he had any issues or questions and this appointment they had none. She gave Dean a sheet saying, “Nothing on the bottom, here’s a sheet for covering up, Doctor will be right in.”

Cas joined them and told Dean he weighed one hundred and eighty eight pounds, which was not a problem. He added, “Just remember that from here on out the baby gains half a pound a week and you don’t want to put on too much weight for delivery purposes and FYI it’s harder than you think to lose the baby weight.”

“Benny’s feeding me healthy and we are going for walks every day. I’m trying not to gain too much, because my hips can’t take the pressure,” Dean asserted, setting his chin.

Cas put one hand on Dean’s arm and reassured him, “Dean, I’m not criticizing you. You’ve gained a healthy amount of weight and you are having a great pregnancy. I just don’t want you to go on autopilot and eat without thinking these last two weeks. It’s the time when a lot of people put on the 10 pounds that affects their comfort level to the end, that’s all.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Dean said a little sharply. He felt the heat rise in his face, knowing he had been harsh in his tone, “I’m sorry Cas, I’m just tired and I feel enormous. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“I’ve been there, Dean. Don’t worry about it. I think  I cried the entire last two weeks and then you saw me in labor. I was not exactly always nice to Balth, either. He should have been knighted by the queen for what he went through, so I understand completely. Let’s take a look and see how your cervix looks.”

Cas checked Dean and found that he was not yet dilated, but was fifty percent effaced. Cas helped Dean sit up as he discussed his progress. “You were only twenty five percent effaced last week Dean, so you are moving along nicely. You could actually go into labor any time. You are due Wednesday after next, but you never know.”

“Do you think I’ll go into labor soon?” Dean asked hopefully. Benny rubbed his back, knowing Dean was reaching his limit in the pregnancy.

“I can’t really predict when you might go into labor, but the effacement is progress in the right direction,” Cas replied. “Hang in there, Dean. You’re doing very well. I’ll let you get dressed and then we’ll talk about some signs of labor and things you are doing to get ready, okay?”

Dean nodded and Cas stepped out of the exam room while Benny helped him get dressed. Once he was back in his shorts, Dean leaned into Benny resting his head on his husbands shoulder. Benny rubbed circles on Dean’s back, knowing Dean was seeking comfort from him. “I thought for sure I’d be a little dilated at least,” Dean confided. Benny pulled back so their eyes met. Dean loved Benny’s blue eyes. They were so beautiful and kind and when Benny looked at Dean he felt so incredibly loved. “The time will come soon darlin’, just hang on a little longer. Pretty soon we’ll be holding our little one and it will all have been worth it.”

There was a knock and the door and Cas came into the exam room. “So, let’s talk about labor. You might start having Braxton hicks. They are the precursor to actual labor and will feel more like a tightness, rather than pain. When you start having real contractions, they will start shorter and just be uncomfortable.  I felt crampy and achy in a way I had never felt before. Over time, the contractions get longer and more uncomfortable, and you can actually see your stomach change shape as your uterus contracts.  Your birth classes will help you with keeping track of things as they progress, but I want you at the hospital when the contractions are between eight and five minutes apart, alright?”

“Yeah we’ve gone over this with Pam in class, but we’ll be sure to come in when you want us to. Not gonna lie, I can’t wait to have the baby but I’m nervous as hell,” Dean laughed uneasily.

They discussed Dean’s preferred method of pain relief, carriers had to rely on birthing methods because epidurals and other pain medications often did not take well, and if he had set his birth plan yet.  Cas encouraged Dean about the hypnobirth techniques, stating that he would be going with that for his next labor and delivery. He had their appointment time for the next Wednesday and hugged Dean before he left. The couple left the office hopeful that Dean would go into labor soon, but not counting on it.

*****

The next day was their hypnobirth class with Pamela and they were going to spend part of the time writing their birth plan. Dean and Benny had looked at some birth plan samples online and Dean was not about to have some flowery chick flick moment document. He and Benny made a short list of things they were sure they wanted: no medical intervention unless necessary, Benny as his coach, a calm environment. “We don’t need to write anything else Benny, I’m not a flower child.” Benny persuaded Dean to keep an open mind and promised him pie if he did just that.  Dean wouldn’t skip a chance to have pie, so he decided he would hear Pamela out at class.

When they arrived at class, Pam reminded them of the three birth scenarios they had seen last week. “Last week we saw three carriers give birth using breathing techniques that we have discussed in class. We have also gone over self hypnosis as a way to labor and this week I want to show you three carriers labor and deliver using hypnobirth techniques and tools, such as exercise balls, relaxation recordings and light massages and touching by the coach. Everyone get comfortable and we’ll get started.”

Benny settled back against the wall and pulled a snickering Dean back in between his legs. He shushed Dean and propped pillows under Dean’s knees to relieve the pressure on his lower back as they nervously awaited the start of the movies. Benny stroked Dean’s belly and pressed a kiss to his temple in hopes of reassuring his husband’s fears. “Try to relax, love. I’ve gotcha darlin’,” He whispered in Dean’s ear as the movie started.

They watched in awe as each of the carriers in their birth videos breathed through their contractions, relaxed, quiet and in complete control. They had the lights dimmed, played music or relaxation cds and seemed to not be in pain at all. These fathers were not writhing in pain or struggling to deal with the pain as they breathed, they stood and swayed in place, rocked or bounced on large birthing balls, or sat straight up with their legs crossed and tucked up like a yoga position. Towards the end of the end of the labors, they quietly hummed or almost cooed through the pains and they even helped deliver their own babies. Two were in birthing tubs, one was in his bed at home. The coaches stroked their fingers lightly down the carriers’ arms, through their hair, along their bellies, backs and legs, helping them through every contraction. The babies themselves seemed happy and relaxed as well, crying but not wailing and quieting quickly as their fathers held them.  There was an overall feeling of peace and calm throughout the entire process.

Dean was sold on the entire idea and was even moved to tears as each of the babies was born. Pamela turned on the lights and discussed the videos with the class. “Why did you wait to show us that until today? I’ve been shitting bricks over labor and those movies scared me last week. I want that,” Dean pointed at the now dark screen. He turned into Benny, burying his face in Benny’s neck, “I want that Benny, I want it to be like that when the baby comes.”  “Me too, darlin’, me too,” Benny soothed and reassured his husband.

“We are going over all the methods of delivery, Dean,” Pam answered his questions calmly. “This is a childbirth class, and I prefer hypnobirth, but I am showing you all of your options. Everyone has to find what works for them. Self hypnosis works for you, you found out during your morning sickness, and it will be a fantastic birth plan for you, but may not be for others. I’m not trying to scare anyone, understand?”

Dean nodded and declared, “Let’s go over the hypnobirthing more, can we? I don’t want to be yelling and swearing when the baby comes.” The other carriers chimed in agreeing, nodding enthusiastically.

“That’s the plan for tonight and then you will write your birth plans with your spouse for homework. Next week we will discuss water births, which we saw a bit of in the hypnobirths. Let’s practice the steps and listen to a CD with relaxation exercises,” Pam stated as she put a DVD in the player.

The rest of the night Dean was a sponge, soaking up all the information they were presented. He whispered to Benny and practiced the techniques, showing Benny what he liked. He was a man on a mission and he felt the worry of giving birth float away as he took ownership of his body through the breathing and relaxation.

*****

The last days before Dean’s due date passed quickly, or more quickly than Benny thought they would. Dean was a dedicated expectant father, practicing every morning with Benny and then twice more a day on his own, to be sure he knew the hypnobirth method very thoroughly. Dean had worked his last day at the garage, simply because Benny was too worried to be so far from him and Dean didn’t want Benny to hurt himself in the kitchen because he was distracted, thinking about Dean at the garage. Ellen came over most days and she and Dean were making sure the Winchester Lafitte house was ready for a new baby. Dean made sure to include Benny in their preparations as well, having learned the hard way that doing everything with Ellen while Benny was at the diner did terribly sad things to Benny’s baby blues. Dean couldn’t stand to see that look ever again.  Ellen and Dean would make lists of things the couple still needed to get and before Benny went to work, he would take Dean to the store to pick everything out.

Dean had one particularly huge energy burst on June 29th, the day before his due date. Benny woke to an empty bed and found Dean sitting in the living room on the carpet with his legs crossed underneath him, ear buds in and practicing breathing. He swore he smelled the Mr. Clean lemon cleaner they used in the air like someone had been scrubbing something. Benny walked around in front of Dean who smiled and removed his ear buds. “Well good morning soon to be Poppa,” Dean said as he leaned forward and kissed Benny who had knelt down to sit across from Dean.

“Good morning, beautiful Daddy, and sweet baby,” Benny returned leaning down to kiss Dean’s baby belly. “You clean something in here? I smell Mr. Clean,” he added.

“I cleaned everything, it was all dirty, too dirty to have a baby in, so I cleaned it,” Dean declared. “And I just did two relaxation cds, so that’s done for today and I have our shopping list for this morning and then we are all mmmph”

Benny stopped Dean with a warm, sweet kiss leaning him back against the couch. “I read about this, you know, in one of the baby books. This is called nesting Dean, when you have a big energy surge and get things ready. This might mean the baby will come soon, do you feel alright? Are you having any contractions?” Benny asked eagerly.

“No, just the tightening from those damn Braxton’s Hicks. I don’t think I’m nesting Benny, just getting ready for the baby. I’m excited, that’s all,” Dean corrected his husband.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Dean but you have had no energy lately and last night before we went to bed you made me get the new toothpaste out of the bottom drawer because it was soooooo far away. Now you tell me this morning that you cleaned the whole loft because it was too dirty for the baby? Oh, yeah honey, that’s nesting, “ Benny chuckled as he snuggled up close to Dean. “Maybe today or tomorrow, huh?” Benny could spend all day rubbing circles into Dean’s belly, waiting to feel their baby kick, or lean his ear against Dean’s belly to listen to whatever he heard. He could hardly contain his excitement about the upcoming birth. “Are we ready, darlin’? Are you ready to see our baby and know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“I am Benny, and we have to finalize our names soon as well,” Dean reminded his husband in almost a scolding tone. They had been battling names for months now but Benny said that he needed to meet the little person before he could choose a final name. Dean had agreed to create a short list and Benny had not even done that very well. Dean didn’t want to push Benny, but he needed to feel like they were prepared to name the baby, so the baby wasn’t born feeling like they didn’t have a name for him or her. It was silly and Dean knew that, but the thought left him unsettled. Benny promised that when they went to the store they would finalize their list and have a very short list for the birth.

They did just that and a weight was lifted from Dean as they picked up several packages of diapers and wipes for the baby and post partum pads for Dean. They made one final stop at the baby boutique on Main Street to pick out going home outfits. Dean had gotten a yellow outfit early on and packed it in the baby bag, but the closer he got the more he wanted a pink outfit and a blue outfit instead. He made a beeline for the newborn racks, dragging Benny along with him. They looked through the tiny clothes and every time Benny laid one in the palm of his big bear paws, Dean had to clear his throat to get rid of the prickly tears in his eyes.

Dean wanted specific items, one set girly and one set boyish. They needed to pick out a nightgown; he had read in Carrier Monthly that nightgowns were easier for changing the baby and more comfortable, a t-shirt, socks, a knit cap, and a receiving blanket that more or less matched. They found a pink onsie t-shirt with a daisy on the front and a nightie with little tiny daisies all over it. There were soft little pink sock and a tiny knit cap with a bumble bee that Dean couldn’t resist. Benny found the first item for the boy, a light blue nightgown with tiny anchors all over it, matching the pirate theme nicely, so he said. They found a onsie, itty bitty blue socks with a white anchor, and a blue knit cap with a sailboat. “Just like Poppa, a navy boy,” Dean commented and was enveloped in Benny’s arms for a few minutes. “You alright there, Benny?”

“’m fine, Dean. I just can’t wait…just want you to be healthy and happy and holding our little bug,” Benny answered sniffling a few times.

As they checked out the store owner questioned them somewhat arrogantly, “Do you have everything else you need? Is your nursery finished or do you need bottles and sterilizer? You look close to your due date.”

“We’re well prepared. We just came in for a going home outfit, thank you. And Dean will be nursing, so we don’t need more bottles. We already have a pump and a couple of bottles just in case,” Benny replied proudly. He took the bags and kissed Dean, “Ready, darlin’?” He wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist, thanked the snooty clerk and helped Dean to the car. They had everything they needed at home, names picked, the breathing down to a science and now going home outfits that satisfied his pregnant husband. Dean was due tomorrow, and they were officially ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already working on the next chapter...thoughts..comments are treasured...


	30. Turn! Turn! Turn!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is disappointed at his next appointment, the boys make a rescue and then finalize their birth plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot get into the frame of mind I need to write the birth chapter. But this was partially blocking the way, maybe writing this will help... Send telepathic encouragement quickly!

Dean rubbed his hand down his face, hoping to hide any evidence of his feelings. He was on his side, Benny’s hand on his knee holding his leg up so that Cas could check his cervix. Dean had come to the appointment on his due date sure in the thought of his body beginning the process of birth because he had been doing the relaxation and readiness cds twice a day. The cds were mediations to prepare your body to accept the beginning of labor and Dean had been faithful to the process, twice a day, not just once.

“Not yet Dean, but your due date was just today and your blood pressure is great, so there is nothing to worry about,” Cas had told him as he and Benny returned Dean to a sitting position on the table.  Dean used the sheet to wipe his eyes as nonchalantly as he could but it didn’t get past Benny.

“Darlin’, don’t be upset,” Benny clucked as he pulled Dean in for a hug.

“Don’t Benny, I’m alright. Don’t shush me like I’m a kid, I’m just disappointed is all. I’m fine,” Dean chided, but kissed his husband gratefully. “I know you mean well, but you can’t make this better, okay? Just let it be what it is.”

“Alright, but I know you’re tired and I am sorry,” Benny acknowledged, rubbing Dean’s back right between his shoulder blades just where he liked it. Dean almost purred like a kitten when he felt it.

“I just want to move forward in some way. I feel like I’m stuck in Groundhog Day or something. I thought for sure I would be like one centimeter,” Dean confided in both men.

“It will happen when it’s time, Dean,” Benny soothed. “Everything has it’s time, alright?”

“This is the hard part, Dean. Tom Petty was right about the waiting,” Cas reassured his patient.

“That’s what you said about morning sickness,” Dean quipped. “This is the other hard part,” Cas said sheepishly.

“Like the sore chest, the achy hips, the swollen ankles…do I need to remind you of the other things you told me were the hard part? Dean teased.

“None of it is a walk in the park, Dean. But I can promise you this, when you look at that baby and hold him or her, it will all fade away and you’ll forget everything ugly about your pregnancy,” Cas said softly.

Dean looked at Cas and then stroked his belly lovingly, “I’m sure. Thanks Cas, sorry to kill the messenger.”

“No problem, call with questions, get some rest and remember, when in doubt it’s Benny’s fault,” Cas chuckled as he left them to let Dean get dressed.

As they headed out to the car, Dean asked Benny, “Hey, you wanna go for a walk to the park when we get home? Bring a blanket, have a little picnic?”

“I’d love to sweetheart, but Gabe is coming in early. He says he has a proposition for me about taking time off from the diner when the baby comes,” Benny said, disappointment weighing in his voice. “You just want me to keep the bugs off you while you sleep in the shade under the trees and hear the kids playing anyway.”

“You cut me to the core, Benny. And here I am trying to spend out last few hours alone before the baby comes and you imply-“

‘I call bullshit, darlin’, you know you hate the bugs…” Benny laughed. “Plus you think I’m going to buy you ice cream.”

“Well, aren’t you? It would be a shame to walk home and faint due to hunger or low blood sugar,” Dean jested.

“Yes, yes it would. Let me see what I can do to make it up to you, alright. Everyone is coming over tonight anyway for your due date dinner, what kind of pie do you want?” Benny asked.  
“Strawberry rhubarb?” Dean suggested. “Just got a shipment of rhubarb, so I will make it myself,” Benny assured his husband, kissing his temple, only to be drawn in for a full on deep kiss in the middle of the parking lot. Only the honk of a horn stopped them from continuing.

*****

Benny hurried out of the elevator, excited to tell Dean about what Gabriel had offered him.  He found Dean on the couch and knelt down to place a sloppy kiss on his husband’s lips, his pouty lips. “Hey babe, I’ve got good news for you, for us really. My meeting with Gabe was very productive and I get to stay home and keep you company until the baby is born.”

“Really? Why? How is that going to happen?” Dean asked, excitement building in his voice.

“Gabe came with two friends that worked with him in Colorado at the same resort. Here’s the thing, their busy season is the winter and spring, not the summer. So he suggested that he and his friends run the diner this summer and we can have the whole summer with the baby! Isn’t that great?” Benny said grabbing Dean’s face in his hands and pressing their foreheads together.

Dean tried to sit up and Benny helped him, “Can you do that? Do you want to do that? I mean-I want you to do that, but will the diner be okay?”

“Yes, it will all be fine. Gabe will run the diner and his two friends will cook. They are all capable and they want to work in an environment that is not a resort full of picky vacationers, to cook for small town people for a break,” Benny reassured him.

“Benny, I would really like that. I want to spend time together so I am not just sitting here getting fatter and going nuts waiting for the baby. We can go for walks and go to the farmers’ market everyday and…and…Benny this is fucking awesome,” Dean said as he erupted into laughter and tears simultaneously. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m really happy…I just…”

“It’s alright, Dean. You’ve been so brave this whole pregnancy and now with whatever time we have left before the baby you are going to have my undivided attention. I’m only going to go to the diner when you are napping or unless there is an emergency. It’s just me and you until it’s me and you and the baby,” Benny kissed Dean and wiped the tears from his face, brushing his thumbs across his cheeks.

Benny laid Dean back down on the couch and rearranged the pillows so that he was very comfortable and told Dean that Gabe was taking the dinner shift and showing his friends the ropes. There wasn’t really time to make dinner before everyone came over, they had planned to eat at the diner, but Benny decided to surprise Dean and order from the little Thai place across town. He ordered spring rolls with peanut sauce and the pad Thai that Dean loved as well as a few other dishes to share.

A few minutes after ordering the food, everyone arrived and they spent the evening eating the take out and playing board games. Benny knew that Dean wanted to be in labor, but at least his family was able to distract him and keep him busy as his due date slipped past him.

*****

The next morning there was no alarm to wake the two husbands. Dean was awake early and had to ask Benny to help him get up to use the bathroom, but then they crawled back in bed and snuggled for another hour before actually getting up for the day. Dean was happy to have Benny home with them and they had made plans to go grocery shopping to stock the fridge and cupboards before the baby came and then spend the day writing their birth plan for class that night. They showered and dressed, and stopped in at the diner for a quick breakfast before heading to the store.

Dean struggled to get out of the impala now and Benny had to pull Dean to his feet. They laughed as they made their way into the store, Dean waddling and Benny holding his hand to his lips for a kiss. The slower Dean got the more patient Benny was with him. He never rushed him or pulled him along. He let Dean set the pace and accommodated his needs. Benny grabbed the cart, but Dean told him he wanted to lean on it so he took over the pushing.

They made their way up and down the aisles to soft looks and warm smiles from the other customers. Benny filled their cart with lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, and picked up other things that would be easy to whip up with a new baby in the house. “How about spaghetti and meatballs with salad?” Benny asked Dean as they headed to the meat department. “Sure, I love your meatballs,” Dean said in a suggestive tone. Benny patted Dean on the belly and gave him a peck on the lips saying, “I guess you do, darlin’.” Benny picked up the ground meet, some chicken breasts, and a pot roast he could throw in the crock pot with veggies. “That should do it here, let’s move on,” Benny said with an arm around Dean’s waist. They got some snacks for the hospital bag, sliced sandwich meat form the deli for their picnic tomorrow and the rest of the cart was filled with staples like eggs, butter, bread and milk.

They were on their way to the checkout when they heard a baby crying in one of the lines, a little baby. Dean and Benny looked at each other and couldn’t resist going to where they knew they would find the baby. They tried to be casual, but when they found the source of the cry, what they saw was heartbreaking. It was a young mother with a toddler and a screaming newborn. The mother looked exhausted and the toddler, a sweet blonde thing, must have knocked a glass bottle of juice onto the floor, it was everywhere. The baby was in meltdown mode and the mother wasn’t far behind. To top it all off the woman was explaining to the clerk that she had forgotten to put her wallet in her baby bag and couldn’t pay for the two hundred something dollars worth of groceries and diapers she had rung through the register.

Benny looked and Dean and Dean nodded, eyes warm and a little emotional at his husband’s silent request for permission to get involved with this family. “Excuse me, ma’am? You seem to be strugglin’ a bit, can we help you?” Benny offered cautiously.

The woman looked at Benny and simple nodded saying, “But I think it’s too late,” and burst into tears, as if she had reached her limit.

“Oh now, don’t cry ma’am, it’s alright. My name is Benny Lafitte and this is my husband Dean. Why don’t you hand me the baby so Dean can hold him a minute while we get this straightened out, okay?” Benny reached for the baby and the woman looked past him to Dean who was clearly hugely pregnant, in his jeans and AC/DC t shirt that was getting a bit snug. She seemed relieved with what she saw and passed the baby to him, telling Benny his name was Timothy. Dean took the wailing baby carefully and tucked him onto his shoulder bouncing him gently and patting his back. He shushed and cooed and waddled back and forth as the baby slowly quieted. There was a pacifier clipped to his shirt so Dean popped it in his mouth and Timothy began to suck on it vigorously.

Dean watched as his husband carefully pushed the cart through the mess of juice and glass, helping the woman safely to the other side of the puddle and then pulled out his wallet and used their credit card to buy her groceries. Dean found himself sniffling against the baby’s sweet smelling hair at the kindness of Benny, his big old bear of a husband. Benny shook his head and seemed to be insisting and put an arm around her shoulders and they waited for the transaction to go through. Workers arrived to clean up the mess and the groceries were bagged in the cart while Benny signed the credit slip. A manager motioned for Dean to come around through a closed register with the baby and they pushed his cart there as well so the floor could be mopped. They walked the woman to her car, Benny pushing the full cart with the little girl and Dean carried the settled baby. Benny lifted the toddler and put her in the car seat thought he did not know how to work the buckles, so the mother took care of them. Next he took the baby from Dean, who gave him up reluctantly, and handed him to the mom who buckled him into his car seat.

“I just can’t thank you enough for your help today. It took everything I had to get here today and then it slowly fell apart while I shopped. I would have gone home, but we needed diapers for both babies and the fridge was nearly empty. You are both very kind and what a lucky baby you will have to be loved by you. I’ll pay you back for the groceries and make it up to you somehow.”

“Now Hael, I told you that won’t be necessary. It’s nice to pay it forward sometimes,” Benny said grabbing Dean’s hand. “We are very lucky. We own the Cast Iron Diner ad we have a little one on the way, and we only hope if that had been either of us that someone would stop and help, so that’s all, no more talk about paying back. Go home and put everyone down for a nap, even yourself.”

“I knew I recognized you from somewhere. We eat there a lot and I thought you were the cook, I didn’t realize you were the owner. That place is always busy, it must be a little gold mine-I mean…I wasn’t saying…” Hael tried to pack pedal when she thought she had been offensive.

“We do alright. Don’t worry, we knew what you meant. Take care, now. Be sure to say hi when you stop in next time,” Benny laughed as he spoke to her.

“You have beautiful children,” Dean complimented, making her smile. “Thank you. I do, don’t I.” she stated more that asked and then she slid into the driver’s seat and started her engine.

Benny and Dean went back into the store hand in hand and bought their groceries. Everyone who had seen them help her commented on how nice it was to see good people help others. A young clerk brought their groceries out and whistled at the impala, “Whoa, sweet ride Mister,” he directed at Benny.

“It’s my husband’s car, he just can’t drive it right now because of the baby belly,” Benny informed him.

“Really? I didn’t think guys that could have kids liked stuff like this, no offense meant, “ the kid said honestly.

“Well, I’m a mechanic and the lead restorer at Singer Auto and Restorations and I’ve rebuilt baby here at least twice, so now you know,” Dean answered back proudly. “And he’s the cook, go figure, huh kid?”

“Learn something new every day! Good luck with your baby and you know, not enough people are nice anymore. You guys were really cool to that lady today and well you made me realize that what I assumed about pregnant guys was way wrong, so thanks.”

“You’re welcome, I think,” Dean laughed as Benny opened his door for him and helped him sink into his seat. They smiled and held hands all the way home, talking about how good it felt to hold a sweet baby.

Later that night, they attended their final birthing class where they went over their birth plan with Pam. The gist of it was that they planned a hospital birth, with only medically necessary interventions and they planned to use self hypnosis as Dean’s method of birthing, including the relaxations tapes, birthing ball, freedom to move about during the hours before the birth. They asked that Benny be allowed to coach Dean, that only positive comments be made to Dean by the staff and that language such as pain and labor, which had negative connotations, be avoided as much as possible. They also wanted to avoid an IV and have Dean eat and drink as needed during birth. They would however accept any medical interventions necessary if either the baby or father needed them.

After they all shared their birth plans and made any changes necessary after the discussion, they had a final practice session with the hypnobirth techniques. Their final lesson was on the signals and signs of early labor. Pam wished them well and asked for a call when each of them had given birth. 

Dean waited until the other couples had left and then approached Pam, “I’m not much for chick flick moments, but lately it seems like I’m whining and crying all the time, so here goes! I need to tell you how grateful I am to you-“

“Dean You don’t have to-“ Pam interrupted him.

“I do, Pam…please let me finish. I’m grateful to you for helping me. I don’t think Benny and I would be waiting for this baby to come if it hadn’t been for you teaching me all of the breathing and relaxation stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I know that Benny is my rock and I worked hard to get here, but if you hadn’t come in both barrels blazing and given me what for like you did…I’m just saying that you’re good, really good at what you do and a huge part of my happy ending will because of you, that’s all,” Dean expressed his gratitude and hugged Pam sincerely. He pulled away when he heard Benny snuffling behind him.

“Pam, I don’t know where we’d be without you…” Benny said, voice shaking, placing his hand over his heart. “Thank you for being so good to my Dean.” For once, Dean found he wasn’t the only one shedding tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Dean is tiring quickly but having Benny will help...


	31. Just the Way You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Benny have a busy day! They have a scare, go on a picnic and do a little educating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get a glimpse into Benny thoughts about parenthood through Dean's perspective. I also couldn't resist having a realistic child encounter.

Dean could feel Benny’s breath on the back of his neck, warm and comforting. It was still dark, but something kept waking Dean. He wasn’t sure what was really happening, but he would find his eyes opening every so often. It occurred to him that he needed to go to the bathroom, but he was so happy snuggled in Benny’s arms that he decided not to disturb them. He laid in their bed, Benny’s chest pressed up against his back, half awake and then something happened. He became aware of a sensation building is his …where was it really…his stomach or belly?…it was hard to tell. Eventually it stopped and he settled back down, maybe the Thai food had bothered his stomach. At this point in his pregnancy just taking a crap everyday was an athletic event, so he actually hoped the take out would get everything moving well anyway. He was just about back to sleep when it happened again, startling him a little this time.

It was low in his belly and stronger this time, enough to make him reach a hand to try and rub it away. He didn’t think it was from the Thai food, but he still wasn’t sure what it was, so he decided to wait it out a bit. When it started to come back, he thought crampy and remembered that he had felt his way before. He didn’t actually hurt so much as not feel well and suddenly he flashed back to last August when Rosie had been born too early.

Feeling the panic rise in his chest, he jostled Benny to wake him, “Benny, babe, I don’t feel good.” Unfortunately Dean could only get his voice up to a whisper so Benny hardly budged. His breathing became ragged as he tried desperately to calm himself, but the events of last summer were robbing him of all oxygen despite his rapid breathing. He tried again, taking as deep a breath as he could, “Benny! Benny, please…I don’t feel good, something’s not right,”

Benny must have registered what Dean said because he bolted straight up in bed, “Dean, darlin’, I’m here. What is it?” He ripped the blankets back and looked Dean over, reaching between his legs and under his bottom.

“I don’t know but it’s the same feeling as last time and I’m…I can’t…I can’t breathe…Benny!” Dean’s panic was nearly in full force when Benny grabbed his face and looked right into his eyes.

“Dean, I’m here. It’s alright, Dean, breathe, just breathe…innnnnn and ooooooout…breathe…” Benny calmly encouraged him, breathing with Dean until his ragged breathing began to slow and regulate. “That’s it sweetheart, that’s good. Now tell me what’s happening, okay. You’re not bleeding Dean and your water hasn’t broken, do you think you’ve started honey, is that it?” Benny reassured Dean that he was fine as he tried to sort out what was going on with his husband.

“I’m crampy and sore down low in my belly and I don’t feel good when it comes,” Dean told Benny.

“Do you think it’s your contractions starting or still Braxton’s hicks? Is your tummy moving when it happens?”

“I’m not sure, I was asleep and I didn’t know what kept waking me up, but it must have been this,” Dean answered. “I’m scared Benny, help me…I’m scared.”

“I’m right here darlin’,” Benny kissed Dean on the forehead. “I am right here and we are together and it’s alright, okay? Let’s just wait a minute and see what happens. If something is wrong, we’ll call Cas and Balth , but for now, you still look fine, just scared. Come on, let’s get you on your left side and comfortable.”

Benny helped Dean turn onto his left side and used pillows to support his back, and tummy and one between his legs to keep his hips comfy. He talked to Dean softly, reassuring him that everything was fine and they waited to see if Dean had begun to have contractions.  When the sensation retuned to Dean’s belly, he rubbed it and told Benny who covered his hand over Dean’s and they rubbed his belly together. When it passed, Benny went to get their binder from birth class and he reread Dean the parts they had studied about starting the birthing process.

They decided that Dean was having intense Braxton’s hicks and not contractions. Their theory was supported by the fact that after about forty five minutes, Dean was feeling better and they decided to get up and start their day.  “’m sorry Benny, I didn’t mean to panic…I just…”  Dean leaned into Benny, who tucked him into his neck and rubbed his back, “Don’t you dare apologize for what happened. Please tell me anytime you don’t feel well, that’s why I’m here. I want to help you and comfort you as much as I can, so please make sure you tell me everything, darlin’.”

“Thanks, bear, you’re too good to me, you know that?” Dean could feel the heat in his face, it was still hard not to be embarrassed by his freaking out.

“Not true, now how about a little breakfast? Maybe some toast for your tummy…how’s that sound?” Benny offered as he helped Dean sit up and then stand on wobbly legs.

When Dean was nibbling toast and drinking some ginger ale that Benny found in the cupboard left from the days of nausea, Benny called Cas and brought him up to speed about the morning so far. Cas agreed with them about the Braxton hicks, but told them if Dean started to not feel well again, he would like Benny to bring him in for a check. With a plan in place, they felt more comfortable and decided to shower and dress. They had planned a picnic at the park and both men still wanted to go.

*****

Dean decided that one of the sexiest things he had ever seen was his husband packing a picnic. He handled all the food with gentle hands, like he did Dean in bed. He hummed and made noises that if Dean closed his eyes, he could mistake for sounds he elicited from Benny when he touched him in all his favorite places. He watched Benny as he placed freshly baked hand pies, filled with apples and covered in glaze, into a Rubbermaid container. Then, he precisely cut and wrapped the turkey club sandwiches, and along with the chips, sodas, water and grapes, he packed everything in the cooler.

Dean had gathered their picnic blankets and a few pillows to lay out under the trees at their favorite park.  He also packed a bag with their binder from class, their favorite pregnancy book and some of the stickers and coloring books and crayon packs they gave out at the diner. Dean liked to give them out to any kids that approached them at the park, but mostly he liked to watch Benny, big bear that he was, interact with the little ones. They were all set and Benny came back to help Dean to the car after packing all the goodies in the trunk. Normally they would walk, and pull the cooler behind them, but Benny was nervous about being somewhere without a car, so Dean caved and agreed to take the impala.

Dean was finally feeling himself relax as the impala rumbled down the road to the park. Benny, in cargo shorts and a t shirt, parked and popped open the trunk to remove the cooler and their bags. He opened Dean’s door and offered him a hand to help him to his feet. Dean was dressed for the heat in khaki shorts, a pregnancy Lynyrd Skynyrd tee and much to his dismay, Birkenstock sandals. He needed comfortable shoes at the end of his pregnancy and Benny had forced him to try on crocs and Birks and though he wouldn’t admit it, the Birks were fantastic. They were also incredibly nerdy, but when your feet kept getting fatter, what choice did you have?

Benny sent Dean ahead of him to pick out a spot and refused to let him carry anything. Dean found one of their favorite spots and waved as Benny walked around the playground and across the grass. Benny kissed Dean sweetly and then they laid out the blanket under a huge shade tree. There was a lovely breeze and Benny and Dean set their cooler and bags around the edges of the blanket so it couldn’t blow around much.

It wasn’t time for lunch yet so they decided to take a walk around the natural trail that circled the park. Fingers linked, they enjoyed the wild flowers that grew along the border of the woods, they stopped and watched a tee ball game between two teams of what looked to be five year olds. They laughed with the parents as even with a tee in place, the batter missed the ball. A very patient coach replaced the ball multiple times until the little boy finally hit it. He had to be told to run and pointed in the right direction, but at least he was moving. Dean looked at the warm look Benny cast over the scene of the ball game. He knew Benny hoped for a child who liked sports; boy or girl, it didn’t matter.

“You’d make a great tee ball coach, Benny, you know that?” Dean complimented his yearning husband.

Blushing sheepishly, he answered, “Oh I don’t know about that, now darlin.”

“Well I do, and I know I’m right. I can’t wait to see it, then we can have the end of the season party at the diner, you know?” Dean smiled as he pictured the kids and the noise.

“I’d love that…a lot,” Benny agreed, clearing his throat. Dean realized Benny had gotten emotional, so he stopped and pulled Benny into a firm hug. “We are going to do everything our kids want to do and more. We are going to be great dads, the kind of dads that run all the class parties and movie nights and coach all the teams and run the bake sales and eventually the post prom parties. And you, Mr. Lafitte, are going to be so sexy while we do it all!”

“Jesus, Dean! I love you but you’re makin’ me turn red again. Let’s go sit and relax for a while,” Benny retorted, kissing the back of Dean’s hand as they started to walk again. He let go and wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulders but had to go back to holding hands when Dean kept bumping into him as he waddled. They laughed at themselves and poor Dean’s waddle. Dean always had an interesting gait, but nine months pregnant with bowed legs was quite comical.

When they arrived at the blankets, Benny helped Dean lower himself to the ground and get into a comfortable position with pillows for support. “I’m gonna do my relaxation breathing, okay?” Dean asked. “Yep, let’s do it. I’ll practice my part while you practice yours. I’ve been reading in the binder and brushing up on what I need to do for you, so let me know what you like and don’t like, you won’t hurt my feelings.” Dean laughed at his husband’s businesslike approach to the task.

Before they knew it an hour had gone by and Benny heard Dean’s stomach growl. They stopped and sat up on the blankets. Dean sat up straight with his legs crossed like a pretzel, like he would during the early parts of giving birth. He had been sitting like that a lot lately and it increased the flexibility in his hips. Benny set up the picnic and they ate and talked enjoying the breeze and the sun even though they were in the shade under the tree. It was a beautiful day and they were happy just to spend it together.

After lunch they walked over to the playground to watch the kids play for a while. Benny found them seats on one of the benches. Dean had brought the bag of stickers and coloring books in case the kids recognized them from the diner. Sure enough Dean heard, “Look mommy, there is the man from the pancake place.” He looked up as little feet trotted over and stood in front of Benny. A little red headed boy with freckles wrinkled up his nose and asked, “Hey Mister, why are you here?”

“Well my husband and I are here for a picnic, today,” Benny said as he reached out to hold Dean’s hand.

“My mommy has a husband, why do have one? You’re s’posed to have a wife arn’tcha?” The child asked innocently. His mother’s radar must have kicked in and she came running, “Sean, honey, that’s not polite!” Turning to Dean and Benny, she blushed and apologized.

“He’s just curious,” Benny said and then he addressed the little boy “I fell in love with Dean here and we got married and-“

“He’s fat!” the boy interrupted. Dean laughed, but blushed placing his free hand on his belly. He felt Benny squeeze the hand he was holding, and could tell his husband was apologizing. The mother drew in a sharp breath of surprise.

“Hey, now, that is not a nice way to talk,” Benny gently corrected. “Dean is going to be a daddy and that’s our baby in his tummy, he is not fat.”

“Oh, boys can have babies?” he asked inquisitively, looking at Dean. “Yep, I am having a baby. I was supposed to have him or her two days ago,” Dean answered.

“I’m very sorry he was so rude. He’s never seen…I mean, we’ve never told him…” the mother attempted to explain that they had never told their son about carriers, but realized no matter what she said, she was going to come off  as rude herself.

“Don’t worry about it, ma’am. I understand, but you should probably clear it up when you go home,” Dean advised her, then turned to her son, “Hey how about a coloring book and crayons from the diner, huh?” He took it and looked thrilled as Dean also pulled a sticker out and stuck it on his shirt. “Thanks, Mister!” 

The mother looked warmly at them both but addressed Dean, “You are very kind and understanding, thank you. I hope you have the baby soon, I know how hard it is at the end. You will both make wonderful parents.” The little boy ran off showing his new prizes to his friends.

Soon Dean was handing out several coloring books and stickers to happy kids while mothers and fathers smiled at the expecting couple warmly. Benny chatted with the kids with his arm around Dean’s shoulders and a painfully wide smile on his face. Dean never failed to make Benny feel lucky and proud and today was certainly an example of that.

They finished their day with an afternoon nap and lots of chaste kisses. Dean had shed a few tears back at their blanket, knowing that the little boy was innocent in his comment, but Dean argued that kids don’t lie. How did they say it? Out of the mouths of babes? Benny doted over him, telling him how beautiful he was and how healthy he looked. He sang to Dean and helped him relax until he slept. Later, on the way back to the car, Benny stopped at the ice cream stand and bought Dean a chocolate dipped twist cone and one for himself as well. To show Dean how he felt about how he looked, he kissed the stray chocolate right off of his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Dean and his big tummy! And our charming Bear taking care of him...


	32. I've Got a Crush on You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Three of the wait past Dean's due date and Sam calls with an offer of distraction, which leads to a little late night loving for Benny and Dean and an exciting yet gross development for Dean's pregnancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this old song. My brother was into the Rat Pack, so I heard a lot of Sinatra and his version is good, misogynistic, but pleasant if that is possible. I couldn't resist a nod to Jurassic World, enjoy!

The farmers market was bustling with families beginning their summers and looking for kid friendly activities. It just happened to be kids day and there was face painting, bouncy houses and even pony rides for anyone under the age of twelve.  Benny and Dean were looking to occupy themselves on day three past Dean’s due date. Dean almost wouldn’t come to the market with Benny, but his husband reminded him that it was Dean’s idea to begin with. So they walked through the stands and crowds looking for things that appealed to them or in Benny’s mind that would cheer up his pouting husband. 

One of the first stands had mini pies and they had split a pecan, putting a significant dent in Dean’s frown. Benny didn’t blame Dean for feeling the way he did, hell Benny was tired of waiting and he wasn’t carrying around thirty extra pounds of baby weight in the form of a huge tummy and sway back!  He promised Dean after the first pie that they would eat their way through the market and then go home for a nap. So far they had shared the pie, a fabulous croissant, a decadent brownie and a beef empanada. Dean leaned his head on Benny’s shoulder as they walked and Benny slipped an arm around Dean’s waist trying to convey his sympathy for Dean’s plight.  “I love you darlin’,” Benny said as he kissed Dean’s forehead.  “I know, I love you, too,” Dean returned. “I just want to have the baby, Benny. I’m so ready…”

Benny managed to keep Dean interested enough that it was lunch time before he realized it. They picked up a few baskets of berries so they could eat some as they walked and still have some for home. They found a great cookie lady and tried a few, the peanut butter “rocked” according to Dean.  They stopped at a sandwich vendor and had garden fresh BLTs that made Benny jealous. He left Dean at a picnic table while he grabbed a few more items they needed to make the dishes they were bringing to the fourth of July barbecue at Ellen and Bobby’s tomorrow.  When he returned, he found Dean talking with a few people that sat at the table with him.  Benny said hello and they all chatted for a few minutes until Benny asked Dean if he was ready to go.

“Ready when you are, babe. Just get the crane to get me off this picnic table,” Dean laughed as Benny took his hand and Dean pushed himself as Benny pulled him to his feet. Dean took a minute to adjust to the change in position. His hips were awfully achy and sore and each day they became worse. Sometimes Dean felt like the muscles and ligaments that held his pelvis together were so loose that he might actually fall apart.  Dean brought both hands to rub under his enormous belly, “Ooooh, that smarts…”

“Alright there darlin’,” Benny rubbed circles in the small of Dean’s back. Dean nodded and they made their way back to the car. Dean was ready for a nap, or to have the baby…even better.

*****

Benny was finishing up the salads and shortcakes that he and Dean were bringing to the party when Dean emerged from the bedroom. He had slept hard as evidenced by the creases from the pillowcase on his face and his hair plastered on one side of his head.  “Hey Sleeping Beauty…how’re my babies doing?” Benny greeted him, wiping his hands on the dish towel so he could hug Dean. He kissed Dean firmly on the lips and then kissed a trail down his neck. He snuggled his husband as close as he could with his baby belly and rubbed his lower back gingerly.

“-time is it babe?” Dean asked drowsily. “It’s five thirty. You hungry?  I could make us some dinner, or get us a burger from downstairs…” Benny offered.

“That looks good,” Dean said, pointing at a huge bowl of fruit salad, with berries, melon, peaches, pineapple and plums.

“You’re asking for fruit for dinner? Who are you and what have you done with my husband?” Benny feigned shock.  “Stop…I just don't feel like something heavy like a cheeseburger and you look busy here,” Dean defended his request for healthy food.

“How bout I make you a grilled cheese to go with your fruit?” Benny said rewrapping Dean in his arms.

He smiled at Benny and proclaimed, “Good compromise!” Benny cleared off the counters, covering all the salads and placing them in the fridge before making them both a grilled cheese and big bowls of the fruit salad he had made earlier.

Sammy called while they were eating, a rarity for the newlywed since the wedding. He and Jess had not taken a honeymoon yet for fear of being away when Dean had the baby. That didn’t stop the couple from hiding away and celebrating their newly married status. Tonight, Sam had called to check on Dean and see if they were up for an evening movie.

“Sam wants to know if we want to double date with him and Jess to see Jurassic World. You up for it?” Dean asked Benny.  “Are you?,” Benny countered, raising an eyebrow at Dean.

“Hell yeah! I wanna see it and I need the distraction, not to mention…Chris Pratt…come on,” Dean teased. Benny saw a spark in Dean’s eye that had been missing since his due date had come and gone, so of course he would go but couldn’t resist busting Dean’s chops over his crush on Jurassic World star.

“Oh sure, you’ve got the energy to go see Mr. Raptor Trainer…”

“Benny, you know the vest thing gets me every time…then denim shirt and the vest thing…” Dean sucked in a sharp breath. “But of course he isn’t as sexy as you, babe…Plus there’s buttered popcorn and peanut m&ms.”  Benny smirked at him and nodded.

“We’re in! What time?” Dean listened and then made arrangements for Sam and Jess to come to their house so Benny could drive them all in the impala.

*****

Jess’ face and her greeting confirmed to Dean that he must look like he felt, enormous and tired. She and Sam came off the elevator into the loft and she drew him into her arms, “Oh, Dean, hon…” Dean hugged back but was uneasy with her empathy, with anyone but Benny’s empathy though he found her next comment encouraging, “You’ve really dropped since the wedding! Look how low your belly is,” she announced as she made a fist and placed it on top of his belly. It definitely nestled in an empty spot below his chest. Maybe that was why Dean was so uncomfortable in his hips. Sam joined in the conversation and agreed with Jess. He enveloped Dean in a gentle hug and asked, “You sure you can sit through the whole movie in one of those little seats, man?”

Benny pipes in from the living room, “Oh don’t you worry, he’ll sit in _any_ little seat to see _his_ dinosaur wrangler Chris Praaaaattttt!” 

Sam laughed out loud, a deep belly laugh, “Is _that_ why you answered yes so fast but then had to ask Benny?”

Dean blushed so hard his hair was practically red, “Shut up you two!”

“Leave poor Dean alone,” Jess scolded, “Sounds like Sam’s not the only one jealous of Chris Pratt and his leather vest.”

“I know, right?” Dean agreed.

They left for the movie theatre and when they arrived Dean got his popcorn and m&m’s. Benny helped Dean settle into a seat, on the end in case he had to go to the bathroom. Dean jumped a few times during the movie and gave Benny a hard time when his crush was on the screen but he gave his burly husband a few kisses and may have _accidentally_ slid his hand up and down Benny’s thigh during the dark parts of the film. They all enjoyed the movie and Dean did fairly well keeping his seat.

It was a nice distraction from the waiting and from the looks of the other movie goers; Dean hoped he was going to have the baby soon. He was really having a harder and harder time walking and he was becoming discouraged.

They drove back to the loft and parted ways at Sam and Jess’ car and as their new sister in law shouted something about teaching Sam how to ‘wrangle a raptor’.  Dean and Benny made their way to the elevator and upstairs to their home. Dean took Benny’s hand and walked to each of the nurseries. Silently he ran his hands over the bedding of each crib and then over his stretched belly. Dean broke the silence, “Three days, babe. I’m tired of waiting.” Dean knew Benny could see his trembling bottom lip, but he fought the tears. He was equally tired of bawling over little things as he was of waiting.  “Soon, darlin’…all I can say is it has to be soon,” Benny said in a soothing tone, smoothing Dean’s t shirt over his tight belly before cupping his face and kissing him sweetly, but intensely.

“You know,  they say sex can put you in labor…” Dean spoke hesitantly, softly…gauging Benny’s reaction.

“Oh really, you read that part of the carrier book, too? I wonder if Owen, I mean Chris is around here somewhere to help you out with that,” Benny pretended to look around for another person.

“Benny…that’s just a movie star crush! You mean to tell me that if Sean Connery showed up with his Scottish accent you wouldn’t dump me like a load of laundry and run?”

“The fact that you included a load of laundry and Sean Connery in the same sentence tells me we are way too domestic…and just an FYI…no I wouldn’t, I rather have you dirty laundry and all,” Benny dead panned the first part of his comment, but the warmth of his love came through when he spoke about not leaving Dean.  They came together in a firm heated kiss, Benny pulling Dean in with a hand on the back of his neck. Dean returned the kiss equally and his fingers found Benny’s belt loops.

As they parted, Dean looked down and spoke softly, “I know I’m not as mobile as usual and certainly not as ruggedly handsome, but if you could find a way to look past my awkwardness…”

“Dean? Are you propositioning me,” Benny smirked pulling his chin up so their eyes met.

“We don’t have to, I haven’t looked sexy in a couple of weeks, probably longer…you haven’t touched me and I understand…” Dean felt uncomfortable under Benny’s gaze.

“Dean, I haven’t made a move on you in a few weeks because I thought you weren’t feeling well, not because I wasn’t interested. Do you have any idea how sexy you are to me? What it makes me feel like to look at you so full of life and round in your belly? I just haven’t told you because I feel like such a meat head saying it,” Benny looked pained as he spoke. “It hurts me to think that you would ever believe that I don’t find you beautiful or handsome or sexy, just because you are so pregnant. Hell I almost threw you down in the aisle of the theatre tonight when you had your hand in my lap.” Benny laughed, breaking the tension. “Dean, if you feel well enough, I would love to get you naked and take you to bed. I don’t care if it puts you in labor or not.”

“You had me a naked,” Dean said returning Benny’s laughter as he pressed their mouths together. It took a few failed positions and a lot of giggling, yes giggling, before they settled on the stereotypical Dean on his hands and knees with Benny behind him. Benny gently built a rhythm, one hand gripping firmly onto Dean’s hip, the other gently stroking his cock. Dean needed both hands to support himself so he didn’t put pressure on his belly which in turn bothered his hips. He rocked mellow and slow back on to Benny’s cock, taking the full length of it deeply inside him. Benny tenderly rolled his hips, filling Dean with each movement and stroking him to the rhythm his hips set.  Dean moaned and sighed as the pleasure built and before long he was crying out, “Fuck, Benny…yes, yes…right there…do that again, so good, so good.”

Benny was answering back with every thrust, “That’s it Dean, you like that? How’s that, right there? Fuck that’s good, so tight…you are so fucking hot when you are pregnant…”

 Suddenly they were both closer than they thought and Dean whined as he felt the pressure of his orgasm building. “Benny…Benny…Benny...a little harder, please, just a little harder…more…right there like that…yeeeeeesssss…yeeess, yesss,” Dean came with a shudder and Benny gave a final firm thrust as his orgasm ripped through him. Dean could feel the heat of Benny’s release as it pumped into him and made the last few strokes even sweeter. His soft grunts puffed air onto Dean’s sweaty neck, causing his skin to prickle with sensitivity. Very gingerly Benny pulled out of Dean, soothing him with gentle kisses and eased him onto his side. He disappeared but came back with a warm washcloth and cleaned the mess from between Dean’s cheeks and thighs before settling in behind his husband and whispering endearing words of love and affection, of pride and awe for the things Dean had endured and the love they shared. They drifted off to sleep consumed by their devotion to each other.

Dean woke sometime in the night or early morning, he couldn’t quite tell. He was sweaty from being Benny’s little spoon and felt the discomfort of a little bit of Benny still dripping out of him when he tried to move. He carefully untangled himself from Benny, who stirred, telling him he was just going to the bathroom. When he finally stood, something dripped from him that had to be a little more than Benny so he waddled quickly to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet just in time as something sort of liquidy but thick passed from him. He wiped and found what appeared to be clear mucous with streaks of blood, not a lot, just streaks. He willed himself not to panic and stood to peer into the toilet. He saw a large sort of glop of whitish mucous with a tinge of blood. He used a washcloth to clean up and make sure he wasn’t actually bleeding.

He was surprised at how calm he felt and he almost flushed the toilet when he decided he better have Benny confirm his identification of this thing as the mucous plug from his cervix. “Hey Benny…babe? Can you come here for a minute? I need you to look at something for me.” He guessed that hit a nerve because he thought it sounded like Benny falling out of bed before he arrived in the bathroom, naked and wide eyed. “Everything okay, Dean?”

“I think I lost my mucous plug. Look in the toilet and tell me if you think I’m right. I’ll be right back, I’m gonna get the book.” Dean said over his shoulder. They compared it to what they saw in the book and Benny snapped a photo on his phone, just in case and how gross was that. Then it hit them that it had happened. If it truly was Dean’s mucous plug, then it meant he was starting to dilate and that meant the baby could come, today, the fourth of July! 

They hugged and kissed and smiled and then realized it was only five in the morning and decided to go back to bed. As they settled in each other’s arms, Benny asked, “You okay, darlin’?”

“I’m fine babe, I’m fine.” 

“Okay, just let me know when you need something, anything. I’m here, alright, and I love you.”

They drifted back to sleep in the hope that Dean might start having contractions when they woke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that you are all probably sick and tired of the baby not being born yet, but there is a method to my madness. My plan is to make you all experience what Dean is feeling when he is waiting to go into labor...
> 
> now you officially thinks I am nuts...


	33. Start of Something Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny and Dean go ahead with their holiday plans with family, despite the fact that Dean might be in labor. Dean learns that breathing can do wonders, and the boys work well as a team...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a Daughtry song that is really about love, but Dean and Benny deserve the something good and so it kind of works for me here. They kind of cant believe that this is happening and they are afraid it could still crumble if they talk much about it and that is what Daughtry conveys in the song...
> 
> Art commissioned from the lovely Meldarlin

Benny and Dean were a little disappointed when Dean did not go into full blown labor, but they remained encouraged by the “show” that he had experienced earlier that morning. They decided to go ahead with their plans, but to pack the impala with their hospital bags just in case. When they showered and dressed, Dean decided he had better wear a pad in his underwear because there was still some discharge and he didn’t want it to leak through onto his pants when they were out in public. It was not comfortable as he remembered from Rosie, but a necessary evil.  

While Benny readied the food, Dean checked their bag for when Dean was giving birth, they were trying not to call it a labor bag even though that was what it was. He also rechecked the baby bag to be sure it was set.

The hospital bag for Dean and Benny had extra clothes and a bathing suit for Benny, a going home outfit for Dean, a couple of nursing bras, extra underwear, carrier post delivery pads, lots of snacks, extra phone chargers, and all of Dean’s cds for breathing and relaxing. They had submitted their birth plan to the hospital so they would have all the equipment they would need to work through the contractions, like a CD player, birthing balls and mats, rocking chairs, etc.  The baby bag had the going home outfits they had chosen together, blankets, a pacifier that Dean had researched and ordered online, mittens in case the baby scratched his or her face, a couple of diapers, and their baby book to fill out about the delivery. They both had excellent phone cameras and Benny would have his wallet with their information for checking into the hospital.

Benny ran the bags down and then came back up for the salads and berry shortcake components. He packed it all in thermal bags and then ran those down to the trunk of the impala. His final trip was to go get Dean when Dean appeared out of the elevator and out to the car. “Dean, why did you ride in the elevator without me?” Benny asked, clearly put off by the action.

“What are you talking about, Benny? I didn’t need help,” Dean answered.

“What if it had gotten stuck and you were stuck?”

“Well then I guess I would have been stuck,” Dean deadpanned. “Benny, come on…don’t panic on me. Nothing is happening yet, I’m fine.”

They left for Ellen and Bobby’s after Dean fought to put on his own seatbelt, and Benny pouted in the driver’s seat. “Benny, you’re sexy when you pout,” Dean teased him. “Dean, don’t…please…” Benny pleaded.

“Please, what Benny?” Dean asked after he saw Benny’s blue eyes a little sad.

“I’m worried about you…I can’t help it, I’m a wreck on the inside…please let me help you, promise me you won’t overdo it today.”

“Benny if I was gonna overdo anything it would have been last night,” Dean chuckled.

“Oh my God did we overdo it? Are you alright?” Benny’s eyes got wider and he pulled over in to a gas station. He rested his head on the steering wheel before looking at Dean.

Dean popped his seat belt and slid ungracefully over to Benny. He place his hands on either side of his husband’s face and looked directly into his eyes, “Benny…I’m fine, sweetheart. Last night was fun and fantastic and safe. I’m pregnant and potentially going to have the baby today. I am not injured or handicapped, you silly bear. Annnnd, I love you! SO RELAX!”

Benny smiled, a little smile, at Dean and kissed him. Dean melted into the kiss and told Benny he appreciated his concerns, but they were going to have a great holiday cookout and then fireworks and funnel cakes.  Benny slid the car back into the road after Dean was belted in and they headed off to Bobby and Ellen’s house.

Everyone was excited when Benny shared what had happened that morning with Dean. Sam kept running around like a kid, yelling he was going to be an uncle. He also may have babied Dean for the majority of the afternoon. Cas and Balthazar asked to see the photo and confirmed that it was his mucous plug. They also reminded the excited couple that it didn’t necessarily mean labor, but it was encouraging. Benny got right to work helping Ellen in the kitchen and Dean played with Clare, who was now seven months old.

They had a traditional cookout for late lunch/early dinner with hamburger and hot dogs, the potato and fruit salads that Benny had made, macaroni and salad and coleslaw that Ellen made, corn on the cob that Cas and Balthazar had brought and Bobby had grilled, and a variety of desserts ranging from the berry shortcakes Benny made to cupcakes from Jess and Sam. They ate until the needed to be rolled away from the tables set up in the back yard.

Bobby had set up a couple of tents for shade and he put a hammock out that he knew Dean enjoyed napping in over the length of his pregnancy. While everyone helped with the dishes and cleanup, Bobby took Dean out to the hammock. Benny insisted that he take a nap and truthfully, Dean was too tired to argue. He was also beginning to feel crampy and sore in a way he had not felt before. It sort of came and went and Dean suspected it was early contractions, but had not shared that with Benny…yet. Bobby held the hammock still as he helped Dean lower himself into it. Bobby pulled a chair over as Dean adjusted himself onto his side. “How’s that, Dean? Comfortable?” Bobby asked. “Comfortable is a relative term at this point,” Dean answered, huffing as he settled into a better position.

“You are feeling something ain’tcha?” Bobby continued placing a hand on his son’s belly. “Don’t worry, everyone already knows…you’ve been kinds slow today and you keep rubbin’ your belly in the same spot.” Bobby explained.

“Yeah, nothing painful, but I feel funny and I think I’m having contractions that don’t hurt yet,” Dean confided. He looked up at Bobby, meeting the eyes of the man who raised him when his father couldn’t, or wouldn’t. “Are they freaking out?”

“Why do you think I have been given hammock duty instead of garbage duty?” Bobby snorted. “They’ll be fine, just rest and they won’t hound us.” Bobby grabbed the edge of the hammock and gently rocked it. “Bobby…” Dean began. “I know Dean, I know. I love you too, idjit, now sleep.” Dean wasn’t exactly sleeping but he wasn’t fully awake when Cas approached with a sleeping Clare.

“Got room for one more in there?” he asked as he tucked Clare into Dean’s arms in the hammock. Dean snuggled her in close as Cas asked how he was feeling. They talked for a few minutes and then Dean felt himself dozing off, still cuddling the baby.

Dean woke at dusk, covered with a blanket and feeling the motion of the hammock. He opened his eyes to find Benny in the chair by him, carefully swinging the hammock. “Hey there, darlin’,” Benny stood and placed a kiss on Dean’s lips. “I’m good, babe. Help me up?” Dean asked. Benny hauled Dean out of the hammock and rubbed his belly while Dean stretched his stiff muscles. “I need to go to the bathroom,” Dean said as he leaned into Benny for a hug. “I also think something might be happening. I’m really achy and sore and my stomach was tightening when I was falling asleep.”

Benny walked him to the house and through the living room past a nursing Cas and Clare. Dean greeted them and then went to the bathroom. He felt a twinge in his belly and pulled his shirt up to see his stomach tighten and change shape ever so slightly. It was just like they had talked about in childbirth class, and Dean was suddenly petrified and needed Benny. He used the bathroom and washed his hands quickly, hoping Benny hadn’t gone far.

“Benny…Babe?” his voice cracked on the last word and he looked around for his husband. Cas saw him and got up from the couch, Clare still attached, to come over and help.  “Dean, are you alright? Can I help you?” he asked putting an hand on his back. “I need Benny, have you seen him?” Dean questioned his friend, and rubbing his belly and lower back. “Benny!” Dean called out.

Cas pulled the baby up to his shoulder, saying, “Stay put Dean, I’ll find him.” Just as Cas was heading to the kitchen Benny came dashing over to Dean.

“Benny,” Dean said again as his husband enveloped him in his arms. “What it is, darlin’? It is your belly?” Benny inquired, concern written all over his face. Dean nodded and Benny held him close, reassuring him, “I’m here, Dean. What can I do? How can I help you?”

“I’m alright, I just think I’m having contractions. They aren’t painful yet, but it’s…”

“Scary?” Benny finished for him. “Yes, fucking terrifying,” Dean agreed.

They discussed going to the fireworks downtown versus going home, but Dean felt fine once he calmed down and he wanted to go. Cas said it would be fine and they all got ready to head out. It turned out that Dean’s contractions were still very irregular and Cas and Balthazar called it very early labor. They said that he would probably sleep through the night his contractions would be so erratic.

The fireworks were spectacular and Dean and Benny lay on a blanket arm in arm, eating the funnel cake that Dean had been craving, watching them. They were surrounded by their family and now they were going to be adding to that family.

*****

They were in bed by eleven, having left just after the fireworks ended, and Benny rubbed Dean’s back until he fell asleep. Dean’s night was not as restful as he had hoped, but he did get some sleep. He did indeed have contractions off and on but by morning they had become more consistent and slightly uncomfortable. He left Benny in bed asleep and walked around the apartment beginning at about six thirty in the morning. He would need Benny rested as his contractions increased in intensity so he did not wake him yet.

Dean put one of his relaxation cds in the stereo in the living room, with the volume on low and worked through the exercises for beginning the birth process. Dean found that the more he breathed and relaxed, the less scared he became, despite the fact that he could feel the contractions getting longer and more frequent. By eight thirty he was so in his zone and focused, that he didn’t hear Benny come out of the bedroom. He smiled and leaned back into Benny as he sat and scooted his legs around Dean. With his arms encompassing  their soon to be arriving baby, he asked, “You doing alright? How long have you been out here?”

“I’m fine and I came out about six thirty. This breathing thing is great so far, very relaxing. It really does remove the fear factor,” Dean explained. “I’m hungry, though,” he added, “How about some breakfast?”

“You bet, Daddy. French toast?” Benny suggested. Dean smiled his response as a contraction began. He put Benny’s hand on his belly and watched Benny’s face as his stomach tightened. Benny began to rub as Dean breathed and leaned his head on his shoulder. Dean was sure of one thing, they were going to make a great team. “How far apart darlin’?” Benny asked as he moved toward the kitchen. “Oh inconsistently about 20 minutes or so, we got a long day ahead of us. I’ll feel better about it when they become more regular. Hell, it could even stop at this point, that’s why I’m doing the breathing. I’m hoping to encourage my body to stay contracting. It’s what we learned in class, it’s in the binder,” Dean answered calmly.

They ate breakfast and Dean continued the relaxation cds until Benny suggested a shower. While they were in the bathroom together, Dean was not breathing and he realized the contractions were actually sharper than he originally thought. He told Benny it really reinforced that the breathing was going to work for him. He confided in Benny that he really needed him to be his advocate when it came to their family and the hospital so he could stay in his quiet place and allow the birth to happen. He could tell by the look on Benny’s face that he sounded like hippie dude, but then Benny leaned in and kissed him saying, “Whatever you need, darlin’. My sole job is to let you do your thing. Nothing will get in your way when I’m there, okay? Understand that. You tell me what you need and I will make it happen, I promise.”

*****

By noon Dean had switched to the birthing cds and was having consistent contractions about fifteen minutes apart. He had Benny call their family and Sam, Jess, Bobby and Ellen had come over. Benny met them officially downstairs to give them the birth plan and discuss it’s seriousness like Dean had asked him too. Benny was surprisingly relaxed about the whole process so far, telling Dean he knew he was in control and would ask for help when needed. 

When everyone arrived upstairs at the loft, Dean was walking the perimeter of the dining and living rooms, quietly breathing and rubbing circles on his belly. When Sam went to approach, Dean held out his arm like a stop sign and continued to walk until the contraction ended. When it did, he went right to Sam and gave him a big hug, which Sam gratefully returned, apologizing, “I’m sorry, Dean I wasn’t trying to interrupt you, I just don’t want you to hurt, you know…”

“It’s fine, Sammy. Thanks for listening to me, man. There is a process to this and if I stick with it, I think Im going to be okay with the pain part of it. It is painful, but the hypnosis breathing really works for whatever reason.” He greeted everyone else, and told them all he was glad to have them there, but he asked them to defer to Benny when it came to him and to spend their energy supporting Benny to make sure he ate and drank. He told them that he knew Benny would meet his needs but ignore his own. They all laughed and agreed.

No one seemed to know what to do with themselves, so Dean broke the tension, “Hey guys, just hang out and do what you usually do. I just can’t have the TV on, but I will just do my thing around you and Benny will keep an eye on me. Ellen asked if she could make lunch and then Bobby suggested they play a board game to stay busy and things just fell into place.

Dean felt a contraction coming on but had gotten out of his focus so he was struggling a little when he felt Benny come up behind him and kiss the back of his neck as he stroked his fingers like feathers in a pattern down Dean’s arms and in circles around his belly. He whispered to him, “Breathe iiiiiinnnnn and breathe oooooouttttt, that’s it…just breathe, darlin…you got it…let that muscle do its job…”

When it ended, Dean turned to him and kissed him firmly on the mouth, “Thank you for being fucking perfect, Benny. Stay with me the next few, so I can get back into focus?” “Sure darlin, I love you, Dean. I’m so proud of you for doing so well. Do you want some lunch?” Benny asked as they walked around the path Dean had made for himself.  Dean told him he wanted something light, like fruit or soup, so after helping Dean get back into his zone, he went to tell Ellen what Dean wanted.

About an hour after his family arrived, he was well back into his process, stopping to talk with them occasionally, knowing they were worried, but staying in that fringe of where he needed to be for the contractions. He had begun to feel like he needed to go to the bathroom and now the urge was strong so he made his way to the master bathroom on his next pass. He pooped pretty loosely he thought, but felt better after, so he just kept moving along. When the urge hit him two more times, Benny followed him in to the bathroom. Dean didn’t really like taking a crap in front of Benny, but he figured this kind of stuff was inevitable with birth, so he didn’t object. He told him he was just having loose poop, and Benny left to get the binder. He looked it up and read to Dean that his body would clean itself out and make room for the baby to pass through, so they just took it as part of the process. “I guess better now than later,” Dean said and he cleaned himself up to return to the living room.

The intensity was building and Dean was staying more focused between contractions. Around the three thirty mark, Dean became less mobile and stuck to the living room. Benny had set up a labor area for him with a mat they had purchased for the process as well as a few pillows and a large birthing ball. Mostly Dean rocked on his hands and knees, quietly breathing and sometimes blowing out soft sounds.  Benny stayed close by and did the feather touches wherever Dean wanted them and said positive things to him, reassuring Dean that he was okay. At the point he knew he was going to stay in labor, he told Benny, “I think this is it babe. We’re gonna be parents today.” Benny just kissed him with eyes full of unshed tears and held him tightly.

Dean sat upright, criss cross style as Pam had called it, and was breathing through some fierce contractions. Benny could not go far and Dean knew he wasn’t staying in his happy place very well. He got up and took Benny’s hand as he led them to the nursery. They stopped at Roise’s first and Dean contracted once in there before moving to the pirate nursery they had made. Dean contracted there a few times and leaned into Benny burying his face in his husband’s neck. “Not doin’ so hot right now, Bear. Somethin’s off and I can’t get myself there, where I’m totally focused. Maybe I can’t do it.”

“You can do it, darlin'. I know you can. Let’s go get the binder and see what to do to help you focus better. I know there is a section for me about this, alright…”

Benny got Dean back to the living room and found a section on stalling for the coach. He went through the steps it recommended and they made some adjustments. Dean changed his clothes, removing his underwear and bra, wearing a loose t shirt and a pair of soft pajama pants. He drank some ginger ale and Ellen made his some iced peppermint tea. Benny walked him through the details of his happy place and put in the cd designed for times of struggle like this and stayed with Dean as he contracted. Benny sat on the couch and Dean knelt in front of it with his head in Benny’s lap. He swayed his hips back and forth as Benny pulled up his shirt and did feather touches up and down his back, neck and arms. He encouraged Dean to hum or hoo as he needed to and said positive things to him, “That’s it, Dean. Good boy…let that baby move down and out…every contraction puts that baby closer to your arms…”

At one point Dean sat flat on the mat again and Benny was behind him as Dean circled his hips and blew his breath out making a hmmm sound. He would lean back on Benny’s shoulder between contractions and Benny would sing to him, any song Dean suggested. They stood and sort of slow danced, Dean in Benny’s arms as he sang to him, for a while as well. Benny had put  a nervous Sam on timing duty because you didn’t really time religiously with hypnobirthing but Cas had said between eight and five minutes for the hospital. While they were swaying in the living room, Sam signaled Benny eight fingers. Looking at the clock Benny saw that it was just about five o’clock. 

“Hey, Dean…how do you feel about heading to the hospital now?” Benny asked cautiously. “Nope, not ready yet…fine right here,” Dean answered swaying back and forth gently.

“Well, you’re at eight minutes and Cas said to come in about then, so I’m just suggesting, okay…”

“Yep, I know what he said, but I’ll know when I’m ready…” Dean explained. “Honest, I will go when it’s time, don’t be worried.”

“May as well ask a mosquito not to bite, darlin’,” Benny countered. He looked at their family and shrugged his shoulders. For now Dean knew they would defer to him, just for now.

Dean’s contractions grew in intensity, both lengthening and becoming stronger. He completely zoned in on his breathing and nothing broke his concentration. Benny stayed right by his side, seeming to know what Dean needed before he did himself. Dean was sweating now and Benny was using wet cloths to help him feel cooler. He was humming and hooing with every contraction now and talking occasionally, “Come down, now baby, Daddy’s ready for you, Poppa’s ready.” He had his hands low under his belly, pressing as he contracted.

He sent Benny for clothes from the bedroom and Benny helped him into underwear with a pad in them, a clean bra, shirt and a pair of shorts, right in the living room. His family had turned away for his privacy but now everyone was staring and wondering. “Time is it, Benny?” Dean asked, eyes closed, hands rubbing his belly.  “Six thirty, sweetheart,” Benny answered. “Okay, I’m ready…Let’s go have our baby…” Dean relayed to Benny as he placed himself into his husband’s arms, leaning his forehead on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be mad, it was getting too long...it will be worth it...


	34. Isn't She(or he) Lovely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean makes it through the labor and delivery of their new baby!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like to read about labor and delivery, this is not the chapter for you. I love the details of coaching and breathing, and the beauty of a couple going through that together. It speaks volumes to me how a couple behave towards one another in the birthing process, but of course our Benny and Dean are wonderful together. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The whole loft began to bustle with excitement as the made plans for traveling to the hospital. Benny called Cas on Dean’s cell phone and let him know they were leaving and how far apart the contractions were at this point. The bags were packed, Benny just changed his clothes quickly and made sure he had their wallets and phones. They had preregistered for admissions so there was no paperwork needed. Sam, Jess and Ellen rode together and Bobby drove the impala with Dean and Benny in the back seat.

Dean was breathing and humming all the way there, rocking his hips back and forth as Benny held his hand . Dean turned to Benny for a kiss after everyone and the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. Benny’s face looked worried so Dean smiled and reassured him that he was okay. It was a long twenty minute ride and Dean wanted to settle in the place where he was going to birth so he was getting antsy and the breathing started to get away from him a little.

Bobby pulled into the circle at the front of the hospital and put the car in park to help Benny get Dean to his feet. Dean had other plans and told them he wasn’t getting out just yet. He breathed through a particularly strong contraction and then lay his head on Benny’s shoulder. Each time Benny would encourage him out, Dean would delay until a contraction came and the cycle wouldn’t end. Dean was perfectly happy where he was even though the rest of them were going insane with worry. Sam, Ellen and Jess had been beside the impala for almost fifteen minutes and Dean was still in Benny’s lap inside the car. Finally, Ellen went inside to tell the desk they were there and having trouble convincing Dean to get out of the car. The clerk at the reception desk told her help was on its way. Within five minutes, two hospital employees were coming with a wheelchair and as they got closer Ellen could see it was Cas and a nurse, who looked familiar.

Tessa and Cas approached the car calmly and greeted everyone before sticking their heads into say hello to Dean and Benny. Tess went around to the passenger side as Cas leaned into the driver’s side, “Hello Dean, Benny. How are you doing? Ready to come in and have that baby?”

Benny answered quickly, “I’ve been ready for about twenty minutes, but I’ve got myself a lap full of stubborn determination who won’t quite cooperate.” Cas chuckled at that addressing Dean specifically, “Dean, Tessa and I are here to get you inside. What can we do to make it easier for you?”

Dean hummed through the end of a contraction and whispered, “I’ll come in when I’m ready, honest I will.” Cas looked up at Tessa and the two grinned at the response. Tessa tried next, “Dean, it’s Tessa.” She smiled at Dean as he looked over his knees at her. “I’m so glad to see you here in labor. Looks like your pretty far in, huh? Sarah is upstairs and we have a whole hypnobirthing area set up for you in your room. It’s more comfortable than this seat, for sure. Why don’t you let us help you out and we’ll get you up there quickly, okay.”

Benny added, “Darlin’, I’ll carry you if you want, but we can’t stay out here, it’s hot and it’s getting hotter. Come on, let’s go in.”  Dean looked up at him, tears in his eyes, “I lose my focus when I move and it hurts.”

“We’ll move fast and get you settled quickly, I promise,” Tessa offered when she heard Dean. Nodding Dean turned toward Cas who offered him a hand out of the car. Benny hopped out behind him and helped Dean sit in the chair. Bobby and Sam went to park the impala while Jess and Ellen followed Dean and Benny, carrying their bags.

Dean felt another contraction coming and pulled Benny down to his level as he breathed through it. Somehow Benny kept walking so they could get to the desk and then upstairs. It felt like forever for Dean but eventually they were checking into his birthing room. Sarah greeted everyone and took the bags before showing the family the waiting room to sit in while they settled Dean and Benny in their room.

“I need these clothes off..please…” Dean panted as he pulled at his clothes.

“Alright honey, alright,” Benny soothed as he looked at Tessa and Sarah for guidance.

Sarah brought a gown and a light robe and nonslip socks for Dean and told Benny to help him undress. Once in the gown and robe, Dean felt himself relax a little. “That is so much better, thanks Sarah,” Dean sighed and stroked his own belly, finally free of elastic Tessa helped Benny get Dean on the bed, explaining that they wanted a quick set of vitals, to hear the heartbeat and have Cas check Dean to see how far along he had come. Dean curled onto his side and Benny stroked his fingers through his hair as he breathed through each contraction. “Hnnnngh,,” Dean moaned, “hmmmm…hmmmm…hmmmm.”  “Hang in their darlin’…such a brave man, Dean…so brave. Gonna make us daddies today.” Benny cooed and smiled at him.

The nurses were pretty quick and soon Cas was there, smoothing a hand on Dean’s forehead, saying, “Just a quick check of your cervix and then the girls will show you what they’ve set up for you, okay? Heels to your bottom and let those knees fall open.” Dean sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed Benny’s hand as Cas carefully checked his cervix. “Super, Dean you are at five centimeters already. I’ll let the girls get you settled and be back to see how you are doing in a bit.” Cas removed his glove and pulled Dean’s gown down. Dean couldn’t believe he was only halfway there.

Tessa and Sarah seemed to sense what Dean was thinking and encouraged him that he was doing well to be so far along already. They said one to seven was long, but seven to ten usually happened pretty quickly. They helped Dean up and showed him the birthing area they had set up for him. There was a thick mat on the floor covered with a soft blanket so Dean could kneel or sit on the floor and a birthing ball, a stool, a rocking chair and the built in stereo system for his cds. Sarah asked him which cd he wanted and then put it in to play. Dean leaned into Benny’s arms and started to breathe, asking his husband to help him find his rhythm again. Soon a contraction came and Dean struggled to stay on top of it, but Benny coached him saying, “Breathe down through your chest, to your abdomen, then down and out. In, through your chest, to your abdomen, then down and out, that’s it Dean, you got it…keep going…breathe and relax…let the muscles move the baby down…” He cried out the first few times the pain peaked, but soon Benny had him back on track.

Dean moved away and looked around at the space he had, trying to find somewhere to get comfortable. He told Benny he wanted to kneel down and lean on the birthing ball while Benny sat behind him and rubbed his back for a while. Tessa placed a towel on the ball and Dean leaned onto it, keeping his head higher than his pelvis, as Benny grabbed the stool and sat behind him. Dean focused on the breathing exercises and felt himself relaxing and getting back into his zone. As each contraction came, Benny either used the feather fingers or massaged Dean’s lower back while Dean swayed his hips back and forth. The sweet touches helped Dean and the nurses brought water and juice and coffee for Benny and the couple found a rhythm and progressed closer and closer to Dean giving birth.

About two hours after they arrived, Cas returned to check Dean again. Sam, Jess, Bobby and Ellen came in and out periodically and they left to give Dean some privacy. Dean had moved so his head was in Benny’s lap as he sat in the rocker so Cas checked him right where he was and Dean was almost seven centimeters. Encouraged by his progress, Dean smiled and said, “Getting there Benny, getting there.”  Dean decided to stand and walk for a while, so Benny slipped an arm under one of Dean’s elbows and the couple walked around the room as Dean breathed along with the constant voice of the hypnobirthing CD.

Every time a contraction started, Dean would stop walking and link his fingers behind Benny’s neck and lean into his chest, rocking back and forth from foot to foot, and humming through it before getting a kiss from Benny and walking again. He was completely in his zone and out of touch with anyone but Benny who kept offering him juice and water and reminded him to focus when his humming became too loud to be productive. He knew people were coming in and out of the room, but he remained focused on moving the baby down towards his pelvis and on Benny. Benny was his anchor, his rock, his everything.

They must have been walking a while and he thought he must be progressing, because it was growing harder to control his breathing consistently and quietly. He was also sweaty and feeling very tired. When the next contraction hit, he felt it very low in his pelvis and moaned as it peaked, losing his concentration briefly. Coming down finally, he asked, “What time’s it, Ben? ‘m getting tired.” Benny snuggled him close and kissed his temple, “Almost eleven, Dean. Doin’ great, you know that?”

“Don’t make me cry Benny. Feels different. Want Cas to check me,” Dean uttered in stilted speech. Just then strong contraction hit and Dean groaned and huffed out of control and in pain. As it peaked, he looked at Benny, eyes wide and gasping for breath and called out, “Benny, Bear…Bear….oooooww Bear!!” He couldn’t help the tears that came as he clung to Benny and rubbed low on his belly, “Where’s Cas?” he sobbed as Benny tried to comfort him. “I want to be checked…please, Benny…”

“Alright, darlin’, alright. He’s gonna come. Dean, I’m so sorry you’re hurting. Try to breathe hon, try to breathe.” He walked Dean over to the bed and helped him sit down. He stroked Dean’s arms and neck with feathery touches as Dean worked to control his emotions and get back to the focus he needed to continue having the baby. He kept peppering kisses to Dean’s head and soothed him with encouraging statements until Cas arrived to check on him. Together Cas and Benny scooted Dean up on to the bed and onto his back. He quickly pushed Dean’s heels to his butt and asked him to let his knees fall to the sides. Dean breathed as well as he could when Cas was examining him.

“Dean, I can see your bag of waters and if I check you I’m probably going to cause them to break. Do you want me to do that?” Cas asked holding his sterile gloved hand away from his body.

“Is that okay?” Dean asked starting to huff and breathe rapidly as another contraction overtook him. “Hooo, hoooo, hoooooo, Bennyyyyy,” he moaned as the pan peaked before falling. “Right here, darlin’, right here, try to slow down your breaths and relax.

Dean’s return glance at Benny’s encouragement caused Cas to laugh before answering, “It’s fine and what I would normally do but people using hypnobirth methods call that an intervention and I want you to have the choice. If I break your waters, your labor will increase in intensity, but you are very close and it’s probably going to happen soon anyway. It’s up to you.”

“Can I just tell you how bad this shit sucks. I mean I’m grateful…you know…last time…but this is harder than I thought and oh fuck here it comes again, hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm,” he began to breathe as another contraction came. He reached for Benny and pulled him down towards him on the bed. “That’s right Dean, breathe through it, don’t fight it, let it help you, breathe…” Benny soothed with his voice as he stroke his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“What do you think, Babe? Should I let him?” Dean asked, clearly emotional and unsure what to do. “Well, Dean…you have to be comfortable with what happens next, but I have to tell you that you have been a trooper, a real trooper and it’s been over fifteen hours…if Cas thinks this will help move things along, maybe we should let it happen, huh? What do you think?” Benny asked after saying his piece.

“If it gets worse, I may not be able to stay in focus with the hypnosis crap and I don’t want to be yelling when the baby comes,” Dean said, fighting tears.

Sarah piped in from a few feet away, “That’s what Tessa and I are here for. We’ll help Benny coach you through the end, Dean. Not a lot of first timers have those silent births like in the videos. But like Benny said, you’ve been a trooper and Tessa and I have permission to stay until you deliver, so we’ll get you there hon.”

Dean looked from face to face around him and settled on Benny’s. “Dean, you can do this, I’ll help you and the nurses will help and hell, Cas knows how to help you, he just went through it himself.”

Cas put a hand on Dean’s belly and looked directly at him saying, “You don’t have to do it, Dean. Your water will break eventually, but it is an option and will probably speed things along. It has been fifteen hours and you don’t want to get too tired to deliver.”

Dean began to breathe through another contraction, turning to Benny, who kissed him on the forehead and whispered encouraging words.  At the end of the contraction, Dean looked at Cas, “Go ahead, break ‘em. I’m getting tired and I want to see the baby.”

“I think it’s a smart decision, Dean. You’ll be glad when you’re holding him or her. Ready?” Cas reassured Dean before proceeding with the check. Cas asked Sarah for gel on his gloved fingers as Tessa put a sheet over Dean’s lap, and towels down by his bottom.  Cas gently checked his cervix and Dean felt a rush of warm fluid between his legs. “Clear fluid, Tessa, looks good.” Cas pressed the towels into the fluid telling Dean, “You are almost ten centimeters,” Cas smiled at him. “Few more contractions and you’re going to be feeling like pushing.”

Dean smiled and Benny pecked a few kisses on Dean’s lips, “See darlin’, you’re almost there.”

“I think that’s already starting. The last one was hard to breathe through, and I had a funny feeling down low, hnnngg, no, another one..” Dean stopped talking to breathe and willed himself to relax, knowing he was so close. He didn’t want to fight his body, but work with it so he would finish dilating. That contraction barely finished when another started and Dean felt nauseous. He breathed and pointed to his mouth.

“Are you nauseous, Dean?” Cas asked as he reached above the bed for something. Dean nodded and Cas produced a sick bag with a mask, just as Dean threw up. “Let it come up, Dean. Don’t fight it,” Cas encouraged, patting Dean on the shoulder.

Dean reached desperately for Benny, who grabbed Dean’s hand and rubbed his back.  “Oh Dean, it’s alright, you’re so close, darlin.” Dean continued to vomit into the bag Cas held until his stomach must have been empty. Tessa took the bag and handed Cas a new one and handed Benny a washcloth for Dean’s face. It was cool and felt so good. Benny reminded him to breathe before the next contraction got the better of him and Dean was able to regain some focus but got sick at the next contraction again. After quite a few contractions, it passed but Cas wanted to check him again and Dean was eager for it to be over so he pulled his heels back and opened his knees without even being asked. He was puffing his breath out when Benny reminded him to slow down his breathing and release it in a controlled manner. “Thank you for being so good to me,” Dean attempted a smile for Benny as Cas finished his exam.

“You’re there Dean, you’re fully dilated,” Cas told him. “Let’s get ready to have a baby.”

Dean was hit with contraction after contraction and Benny was right in his face coaching him through them. Cas told Dean that just because he was at ten centimeters didn’t mean it was time to push and that his body would let him know when he was ready. So, Dean continued to labor until one contraction brought with it the urge to push.

“Oh man, hmmmm…need to push…Benny,” Dean puffed and hummed through the latest contraction. Tessa came and lifted the sheet to take a look. Sarah brought her a glove and some gel and Tessa said, Dean relax your knees and let me take a look.” She checked him and said, “You are ready to push, hon. When you get the next urge, take a deep breath and push down here where my fingers are, okay?”

Dean nodded as he breathed through another one with Benny right by his side. The two looked at each other and Benny leaned in touching their foreheads, together. “Here we go, Dean. You can do it, bring us our baby.”

When the next pain hit him Dean took a deep breath and pushed. Sarah showed Dean how to pull his knees back with his hand as he pushed. She and Benny helped him with a hand behind each knee as well. She told Benny to put a supportive arm behind Dean’s back when he pushed. The first few pushes were a relief to Dean. Tessa encouraged him and told him how much progress he made with each push. Following each push, he would look to Benny for a kiss and then lay his head back on his arm. Benny held Dean and praised him, “Dean, so fucking beautiful. I’m so sorry I can’t help you do this, you are doing great sweetheart.”

Dean huffed and puffed and pushed with every urge, but was beginning to wear out. Tessa patted Dean’s leg and encouraged him, “You are a great pusher, Dean. It’s hard work getting that baby down the birth canal. Don’t get discouraged, rest between pushes.” Sarah came with an icy cup of ginger ale and Benny put the straw between his lips. Dean took long pulls of the cold drink and then smiled at his husband. Feeling a little refreshed he gave a great push with the next contraction and Tessa said, “Time to call Dr. Novak, I think Sarah.”

*****

Cas came in when Dean was mid-push and red faced. Benny used a wash cloth to wipe the sweat from his husband’s brow and face. “Good job, Dean. That’s a great push,” Cas said as he came around to see how Dean was doing. He had on a disposable gown and gloves and Sarah had set up a tray with a bunch of instruments on it. When Dean finished the push, Cas took over Tessa’s position. “How long has he been pushing Tes?” Cas asked quietly. “Right around an hour,” she answered, “Good movement though, good pushing.”

Cas directed Dean through the next set of pushes, “Great pushing, Dean. Next one I’ll be able to see the head I think.” Benny saw Dean perk up at that comment and push with a renewed motivation. He was sure that this was the most exhilarating and at the same time the most heartbreaking thing he had ever seen. Watching your husband suffer through childbirth was difficult at best. Not as difficult as being the one having the baby, but hard nonetheless. “’m tired Benny…how much more?” Dean gasped between breaths, looking as exhausted to Benny as he must have felt. Benny looked up at Cas, who gave a shrug and a supportive squeeze to Benny’s arm. “One push at a time , Dean,” Cas told him. “Let’s deal with one at a time and see where we get, okay?”

Dean geared up for a big push by taking a deep breath and focusing his body into a curve towards his pelvis and bore down with tremendous effort. He grunted at the end but Benny encouraged another breath right away and Dean sucked it in before bearing down again pulling back on his knees and crying out a bit at the end, “Owwww, shit that burns.”

“That’s because you are gonna crown in the next couple of pushes. Those last two were great baby movers, Dean. Is there anyone else you want in here when the baby comes, because it will be soon,” Cas asked.

“What do you think Benny? Sam for sure but the rest can be here off to the side and quiet. How’s that sound?” Dean said running his thoughts by Benny. “Sure, Dean sounds perfect.”

Sarah went to get their family as Dean rested before the next push. Balthazar appeared out of nowhere with a video camera. “I hope you don’t mind Dean, I’ve been filming bits and pieces for you to have for later, I just want to know how much you want to see of the end.”

“Oh, wow! I didn’t even know you were here. I guess whatever you think is good. Here comes- gotta push…”

Balthazar told Benny he would get a tasteful birth video for them and Benny nodded in agreement as he counted Dean through the set of pushes. Sam, Jess, Ellen and Bobby came in and Sarah directed Sam to Dean’s side and the other three over to where they could see what they should but not what they shouldn’t. Benny looked up and smiled at them and the whispered to Dean that Sam and the others were in the room.

Sam, watery eyed at seeing Dean working so hard kissed his brother on the head in greeting. Dean grabbed his hand and held it firmly. He turned to his parents and Jess and and gave them a sweaty, tired smile.

“Okay, here we go Dean, then next few pushes I think you are going to crown and then you push that head out and the rest is easy,” Cas narrated, mostly for the guests who had arrived.

Dean nodded and they waited for Dean to have the urge to push again. Cas spoke to Dean looking for consent on the next part of the birth, “I’m going to massage the opening of your birth canal so we can avoid an episiotomy, is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, in class, they said that was the best way to go,” Dean said softly, as he began to breathe at the beginning of another contraction. “Here we go,” He said as he sucked in a big breath and pushed. Tessa showed Sam how to hold Dean’s leg and stepped back to help Cas deliver the baby.

“Way to go, Dean. Great push…more, more, more…bear down…great! Almost there! ‘nother big breath and bear down again,” Cas instructed him as Benny counted to ten with each push. Dean grunted and huffed as he finished. Sam just rubbed his brother’s shoulder and stared as if stunned by the effort put forth.

Dean felt the urge again, but was still exhausted from the last set and he cried out half way through and had to stop. He pulled Benny down to him and lost it, really lost it, for the first time in frustration and exhaustion. “I can’t anymore, Bear…so tired…Bear, please…I wanna be done…want the baby now…”

Benny choked back his own emotions, knowing he needed to be there for his husband, “I know you do, darlin’, I know. I’m so proud of you Dean. So perfect, you’re working so hard. Look at me Dean…you are almost there…just a little more, okay? I will get you through the next part, just listen to me and push, alright?” Benny coaxed and spurred Dean on with a smile and talk of the baby. “We need to know if it is a boy or a girl, Dean. Come on, now. It’s up to you…you can do it, I know you can. I love you so much,”

Cas lent his support to his friends, saying, “This time is important, We are going to keep pushing til the heads is out, so be ready.” Dean nodded as another urge came and Cas instructed, “Deep breath in and bear down here, that’s it…look down Dean, focus on where the baby will be…ten, okay…deep breath in and push, harder, harder, more, come on, almost there,”

“Ahhhh,” Dean sputtered out as he finished the last push, panting frantically for his breath.

“Come on, Dean, channel that frustration and push into your bottom with everything you’ve got this time,” Cas encouraged.

“Baby, you can do it…you can…this is it this time,” Benny said as he wiped Dean’s face with a cool cloth again.

“Jesus, Dean you’re doing so good, buddy,” Sam choked out, emotions getting to him.

Dean as badly as he was hurting and as tired as he was, comforted his brother, “‘m alright Sammy, don’t go girly on me.” Sam smiled back nervously.

“Ohhhhhhhhh, here goes,” Dean groaned as he began to push again. Benny helped Dean curl in on himself and he and Sam held Dean’s legs back as far as they could while Dean, face scrunched up and red, gave it everything he had.

“That’s it Dean, don’t let up, keep that pressure there, here comes the head.” Cas described what was happening. “Another deep breath and down here, push…more…harder, come on, get a little mad, Dean.”

With a final grunt and push, Dean cried out as the baby’s head crowned and then Cas said, “Okay, easy push now, easy, that’s the way…gentle, gentle, little more.”

“It burns, it burns, owwwww… Benny,” Dean said as he tried to follow Cas’ directions. “I know darlin’, I’m so sorry it does,” Benny soothed.

“One firm push Dean, little harder…little more…more,” Cas encouraged, and with one more exhausted push, and a scared and hurt filled cry, Dean delivered the head. “Head is delivered,” Cas announced.

The whole room let out the breath they were holding and Dean, sounding relieved, cried, “It’s out, Jesus, fuck, thank god!”  Benny was too busy kissing Dean’s head to speak. Mostly he was fighting his tears of relief.

“Now Dean we are gonna have to blow a bit. No pushing until I say so this time. Benny and Sam get ready to help, we have to give the baby time to turn face up before we push the shoulders out,” Cas explained. Dean got an urge to push and it took all three of them to keep him blowing and not pushing. Tessa unsnapped Dean’s gown at both shoulders, telling Sam and Benny to pull it down when the baby was born so Dean could hold  him or her skin to skin. Cas was watching intently as the baby turned and finally said, “Dean bring your hands down here, so you can pull your baby up on your chest. Okay, give me a gentle push and get ready to meet your baby. You ready too, Benny?”

Dean pushed like Cas told him and Benny encouraged him, “Good job Dean, that’s it.” Cas helped Dean get his hands under the baby’s arms and then told him to give one more good push, “Here we go Dean, push and pull your baby up.” Dean gave one the final push, shaking and more exhausted than he had ever looked.

At 1:25 on the morning of July 6th, with his husband and brother supporting his legs and with his friend and Doctor Cas’ help Dean Winchester Lafitte pulled their baby onto his body with his own hands.

The baby came sliding out of Dean and instinctively he pulled it up to his chest, where Benny and Dean had pushed down the gown. The room seemed to move in slow motion after that. Dean cried out in a combination of relief and joy, the wet, slippery, messy baby lay quiet on Dean, Benny burst into tears, Sam covered his hand with his mouth, holding back sobs, and Ellen, Jess and Bobby cheered and hugged each other in the corner. Tessa covered the baby with a dry towel and wiped the face and rubbed it down drying it of all the blood and fluids. It seemed like an eternity but it was mere seconds before the baby cried out and Dean and Benny wrapped their arms around their newborn baby as it cried for the first time. They both sobbed right along with him or her unable to even speak through the tears, as Tessa placed a clean dry blanket over the baby for warmth.

Cas and Sarah had pulled stirrups up on both sides of the bed and carefully placed Dean’s feet in them so his legs were supported. Cas spoke and said, “Hey, hey there boys, what have you got there?” He successfully brought them back into focus and Benny who could barely stop kissing Dean, added, “Yeah Daddy, better take a look under that blanket.” Sarah took a clean cool cloth and wiped Dean’s face one more time to get the sweat out of his eyes and Dean lifted the blanket so he and Benny could see their baby. Dean burst into tears again and nodded at Benny, who simply looked up and announced, “It’s a boy.” Then he leaned over Dean and the baby and the family all cried together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are lovely and much appreciated...


	35. Isn't He Lovely?... Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff with Dean and Benny realizing they have a son introducing him to the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a couple of chapters left, but then I think I will revisit with time stamps...

It took a few minutes for both Benny and Dean to register that they had their arms around a crying baby, their crying baby. The relief from the all encompassing pain and the excitement, the Christmas morning-like excitement of finding out they had a son was the adrenaline fueled emotional state they initially experienced. Dean was the first to come to his senses and look down at the wrinkly, red, wailing baby and make an attempt to comfort him. “Hey, hey, hey, there sweet boy,” Dean cooed softly, breath still desperately hitching in half sobs. Benny caught on when he heard Dean’s voice and added, “Poor little man, don’t cry..” The two looked at their newborn son as he began to settle a little and then Benny kissed Dean firmly on his lips, expressing his love and gratitude the simplest way he could.

“Benny, look at him…he’s so tiny…and so beautiful,” Dean uttered clearly mesmerized by the whole experience. “and we made him…”  The baby who had momentarily quieted, gave a sudden squawk and Benny cupped his little head to comfort him.

“Dean, he’s so wonderful…thank you, darlin’…for going through that…for making me a Poppa…for being such a good Daddy already,” Benny choked through his emotions as he spoke.

Sam had gone to stand with the rest of the family to give Dean and Benny a chance to meet their baby. He was sobbing in Jessica’s arms when Dean looked up at the group. He looked to Benny, who called them over to meet the baby. Dean pulled the blanket back so they could all see the sweet infant, not even caring that he was no longer wearing a gown from the waist up. He reached up and pulled a still very emotional Sam close to him. “It’s alright, Sammy…I’m okay…look at your nephew…”

Sam leaned his head into the side of Dean’s, “He’s so beautiful, Dean. You worked so hard, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure, Sammy, I’m sure,” Dean promised his brother, patting his cheek before turning to the rest of their family and showing them the baby. They all oohed and ahhed over him for a couple of minutes before Dean began to feel cramping in his stomach.

“Oh, man, I feel really crampy,” Dean told Benny, putting his hand on his still distended belly.

Cas piped in, “I hate to disturb your family introductions, but it’s time to cut the cord and deliver the placenta, Dean.”

“Okay,” Dean answered breathing like he had during his contractions. Sam and the other retreated to their corner again to wait out the rest of the delivery. Balthazar had been snapping away photos with Dean and Benny’s phones.

“That’s it, breathe through the cramps. Let your body do the work on its own. Benny you gonna cut the cord?” Cas asked.

“Sure he is, aren’t you Poppa?” Dean spoke for his husband. Cas clamped the umbilical cord in two places and had Benny cut in between. Benny may have cried again but Dean didn’t say anything and grabbed his hand as the pain got a little worse. “Okay, Darlin’, okay,” Benny soothed.

“Try to relax, Dean. Just lay back and take some deep breaths, “ Tessa urged as she felt Dean’s belly. “Good and firm, Dr. Novak, not boggy at all.”

Dean winced as she touched him, but did as she suggested and soon he felt a large mass, trying to pass through his sore birth canal. “Oh, Jesus…oh please, no, no, no…”

Cas, reassured him, “Dean it won’t be as bad as you think, it’s softer and smaller than the baby, just give me a little push, slow and gentle, now.” Dean did and passed his placenta with only a couple of yelps but no shouting. “Looks, great…complete and whole in structure,” Cas commented as he passed the after birth to a pan that Sarah held. “Okay, now the hard part. I need to get a weight and length on the baby, Dean, which means you have to give him to Tessa for a few minutes. We will do it right here in the room and then you can keep him for a while and visit with him and nurse him. Can Tessa borrow him for just a second or two?” Cas asked kindly.

“He won’t leave the room or get that crap in his eyes so he can’t see me, yet will he?” Dean asked suspiciously.

“I promise he won’t..not yet,” Cas assured his friend.

“Can Benny stay with him?” Dean inquired, apprehensively. “Yes he can,” Tessa answered, “And he can even help.”

Dean reluctantly gave Tessa the baby and kissed Benny telling him to stay close. It was barely two minutes when Benny turned around from the baby warmer with his son in his arms and returned him to Dean. Cas had taken the time the baby was away to work with Sarah at getting Dean cleaned up a little. They had wiped his legs and bottom, carefully, with warm washcloths and lifted him to set a disposable chuck under his hips and a pad between his legs to absorb the normal flow of blood. The slipped a clean gown on him and covered him with a clean sheet and blanket.

When Benny handed the baby to Dean he reported, “Seven pound five ounces and twenty inches long, born at 1:25 am, on July the sixth. You ready to tell everyone his name, darlin?” Benny asked tenderly.

“Come close and we will tell him together first and then we’ll tell everyone,” Dean suggested instead. Benny did just that and the two of them whispered to the baby, sharing with him his name. When they were done, Dean called the rest of their family over and declared, “Everyone meet Jack…Jack Samuel Winchester-Lafitte.”

They all smiled and laughed and cried at hearing the baby’s name and Sam and Dean hugged for quite some time, Sam whispering over and over, “Thank you Dean, thank you…I’m so honored…he’s so fantastic…I can’t believe it…thank you.” After that final bit of good news, Cas suggested that it was late, or early, enough for everyone to go home and get some rest and to let the dads get used to their new little one. Bobby and Ellen hugged and kissed both of them and Dean let Ellen hold the still naked baby in his blanket before going. Jess and Sam left next, Jess smiling and giggling through tears and taking her own quick chance to hold the baby as well.

When they settled down Cas approached the bed and suggested that Dean try to nurse the baby. He showed Benny how to unsnap the gown and pull it down and then took the newborn and instructed Dean to hold the baby so he was on his side and the two of them were tummy to tummy. Then he showed him how to guide the infant’s head so his mouth was at Dean’s nipple. “He should catch on pretty naturally, so just move him so you line up and touch his face to your chest. He will root his mouth around to find your nipple and then latch on and nurse.”

Dean looked at Benny who scooted onto the bed to see as Dean followed Cas’ directions and sure enough the baby turned his tiny head back and forth and then found what he wanted and fastened himself firmly to Dean’s nipple and nursed. “There you go my sweet Jack. Daddy’s gotcha…” Dean said as he held his son in his arms, nursing for the first time. He was so overwhelmed with the intimacy and sheer joy he felt at the purely magical moment that he didn’t realize he was crying until a tear hit Jack on his little baby cheek.

“You alright, Dean?” Benny asked, stroking circles on his husband’s back. Dean nodded silently and Benny scooted closer holding Dean as he sniffed and snuffled and tried to stop himself from crying. “Let it go if you want to, Dean. I think you’ll probably feel better if you do. Been a long night for you, hasn’t it?”

 Dean nodded again and looked down at the sweet face of his baby suckling from him for the first time. Through his tears he pulled back the blanket and examined every wrinkled finger and toe. He seemed to have lighter hair like the two of them, and he had sweet blue eyes, though all babies did at first. His lips were perfect little bows of red and he had one hand tucked up on Dean’s chest, right next to his mouth. His little fist was barely big enough to cover the tip of Dean’s finger and every once in a while it would splay open only to close back up a second later. He little legs were drawn up to his tummy with his feet crossed like he was still in utero and he just looked comfy lying along Dean’s warm tummy.

When he had nursed long enough on the one side, Cas helped Dean switch him to the other. He walked Benny through the process so he could help Dean the next time. Finally, about half an hour later, Cas thought it time to take the baby to get cleaned up and all the normal newborn procedures.

Dean was a little shaky, coming down from his adrenaline high, so Sarah brought him a blanket from a special warmer. She and Benny tucked Dean in and then Benny lovingly kissed Dean several times before saying, “Take a nap while we are gone, my darlin’. I’ll stay with Jack and Sarah will stay with you. We’ll be back and then if you feel up to it, Cas says you can have a shower and something to eat. I love you my brave Dean…sleep for a while…I’m so proud of you…such a good Daddy.” He stroked his fingers through Dean’s hair until he heard soft snores and then he looked at Tessa who gently lifted the baby from Dean’s arms and placed him in the bassinet to head to the nursery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like his name...let me know what you think.


	36. Isn't He Lovely?...Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of parenthood for Dean and Benny. Dean needs to get cleaned up and Benny needs to get used to how tiny Jack really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff and baby cuteness...

Dean woke, well startled actually, when he remembered the events of the past day and night and realized he didn’t feel baby Jack in his arms or Benny either for that matter. He regretted startling the minute he did it, for it ignited every nerve in his body in a not so pleasant way.  He brought his hands to his abdomen and cringed at the level of discomfort. Not only did his most private parts sting and ache, but deep in his belly was sore, and his biceps and his quads were killing him as well. He felt like he had run a marathon and hit a brick wall at the end.

He swallowed and felt dry and scratchy in his throat but managed to croak out a weak version of his husband’s name. Benny appeared in his peripheral vision. He had been sitting in a chair next to the bed, just out of view and he was wearing different clothes and his hair looked damp from the shower. “Mornin’ Daddy,” he greeted Dean with a big smile and a soft kiss. “How you feelin’?”

“Sore,” Dean whispered hoarsely. Benny heard the scratch in his throat and brought a straw to his lips. Dean drained the small plastic cup and sighed at the relief from his thirst and dry throat. “What time is it?” he asked Benny, then added “Where’s the baby?”

“It’s about six thirty. You fell asleep about three and the baby is right beside you, asleep in his bassinet.” Benny answered quietly. “I’m gonna get Tessa and Sarah. They are gonna help you clean up before the docs come on rounds. We didn’t have the heart to wake you earlier, you were sleeping so peacefully.”

“Give me a minute, Bear?” Dean asked, almost pleading. He looked over at the bassinet and the bundled baby wearing a little blue knit hat. He could tell that his body was sticky and itchy from dried blood and fluid and though he wanted to ask for the baby, he didn’t want to wake him before he had a chance to clean off all the sweat and grime.

“Sure thing, darlin’. You okay this mornin’. I know I already asked you, but how do you feel, really feel?” Benny asked genuinely wanting to know. “Can I get you anything?”

“I need a kiss…a real kiss, to start,” Dean said smirking, Benny sat of the side of the bed and leaned in to place a kiss on Dean’s lips. He started gently, lips closed, but changed angles and poured his heart out to Dean through several sweet but deep and thorough wet and passionate kisses. “How’s that?” Benny asked as he broke away and looked into his husband’s eyes.

“Much better, “ Dean sighed. “I feel like someone beat me up, but I’m happy Benny, really happy. I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the fact that we’re here and we did it, Benny. We’re dads!” Dean’s eyebrows wrinkled at what he had said and then he verbalized his thoughts, “Oh shit! We _are_ dads, Bear! We are dads… And I’m starving. I want something to eat, a lot to eat.”

“Haha Dean,” Benny laughed. “I was thinking the same thing for about an hour. We’re daddies and that baby over there is ours to take care of and not break, you know?”

Sarah and Tessa entered the room as Benny was giving Dean another kiss. “Good morning, Dean. How are you this morning? You had a good four hour nap. We are going to get your vitals and get you cleaned up and prepared for your day now, if you’re ready,” Tessa explained. “You’re the only one left covered in birth goo and Dr. Novak is going to be in soon to check on you. Not to mention you are going to be fully occupied once that baby figures out you’re the food source. You feel up to a shower, or do you want us to bathe you in bed?”

“Oh hell no, I’ll get up, thanks,” Dean chuckled. “You’ve done enough wiping and crap for now.”

“Great, the water will feel fantastic as well,” Sarah added.

Before Dean got up, Sarah took his temperature and blood pressure and Tessa massaged his uterus to help remove some of the blood and clots that had pooled and formed while he slept. “I know this is really sore, but if we just let you stand, it will pour out of you and the sudden loss can make you really light headed,” she told him as she completed her tasks. Dean had to squeeze Benny’s hand and fight back a few tears is smarted so badly, but he knew she was doing what was best for him.

When they finally had him on the edge of the bed, he felt light headed anyway and Benny just held him there for a few minutes as he adjusted. He grunted as he stood, feeling the pain of his raw bottom and achy muscles but he shuffled over to the bathroom ready to feel the hot water. They suggested he try to urinate and it took a surprisingly long while for him to get his body to cooperate, but eventually he emptied his bladder and felt relief he didn’t know he needed. Sarah got the shower going and they removed his gown and helped him into the spray. Benny was prepared to get in his bathing suit and join Dean if needed, but Dean said he felt pretty sturdy and so Benny just washed his hair while the nurses helped him clean up the more sensitive areas.

Benny toweled him off and Tessa gave him some netting style hospital underwear and showed him how to place the pad in them before helping him gingerly pull them up. She gave him a gown and a new robe and a pair of nonslip socks which Benny helped him put on. Benny also combed his hair and handed him his tooth brush, which Dean gratefully used. Dean asked for his razor saying he didn’t want to scratch the baby with stubble.  Benny asked if he should shave and Dean told him not to because his beard was soft, not stubbly and then told him he would miss it if he shaved. Benny kissed him and stayed with him while he shaved.

He shuffled back to the bed just as Cas and Balthazar came in for rounds. He struggled to get back on the bed and Tessa and Sarah finally helped him with their nurse moves, though he didn’t yelp, not at all. Cas examined his breasts and palpated his uterus from the outside. Thankfully, he only peeked at his tender birth channel and then let Dean know he was doing well. “Everything looks good, Dean, but since you didn’t really deliver till this morning, we’d like to keep you here one more night and discharge you tomorrow morning if everything continues to look as great as it does. You okay with that?”

“Truthfully, I feel like I lost to Pacquiao at this point and I’ve only fed the baby once, so I’m not going to argue. I mean, I hate hospitals, but I have to know how to handle that baby when I go home, you know?” Dean confided in his husband and doctors.

“You’re a smart man, Dean,” Balthazar said. “Some other patients leave too early and then suffer when they get home and weren’t really ready.”

“Why, whatever are you talking about Dr. Roche?” Cas asked with a straight face. “You remember that patient, don’t you, Dr. Novak?” Balth retorted. Benny and Dean couldn’t help but snicker as the married doctor snarked playfully with one another.

“Anyway,” Cas continued, squinting at his husband, “Let’s get you nursing regularly and eating some food and we will talk again tonight. Also, the pediatricians will be by and they will take a look at Jack Samuel after breakfast. You did really well, Dean, I’m proud of you and happy that things went well.” Cas reached out and hugged Dean and shook Benny’s hand before leaving the room.

Benny and Tessa got Dean settled in bed comfortably, sitting up and with pillows helping to ease his discomfort. All Dean had to do was lean his head back and he was perfectly comfortable.  Once he was settled, he asked for the baby, not intending to ever leave him sitting in his bassinet again. Tessa helped Benny, who was still nervous, hand the baby to Dean. He was wrapped perfectly in a hospital receiving blanket and little blue cap. Dean didn’t feel any urge to nurse, nor physical discomfort in his chest telling him to nurse, but he knew that the baby should stay on a two hour schedule from his carrier books and it had been four at least since he had eaten last. He snuggled Jack into his neck and cradled his little head in his hand. Dean leaned into Benny who was standing with his arm draped over the head of the bead to peer over Dean’s shoulder at the baby. “He’s a little bundle of baby, hon. Look at his face. Dean pulled his knees up and leaned the baby so he lay with his back on Dean’s lap. The two men looked at their baby’s round chubby face. He had a button nose and he was adorable even though he was a little swollen still from the delivery.

Dean unwrapped the bundle to expose the baby to the temperature of the room and to wake him up to nurse. He was wearing a diaper and a long sleeve t shirt that snapped at the side overlapping kimono style. His umbilical cord was starting to dry and turn black in the clip already. His little feet were red and wrinkled and he had a band aid on one heel from his required PKU blood test. Dean took both his little hands into his own and spoke softly to him, “Hello Jack…I’m your Daddy and he is your Poppa…we waited a long time for you to come, and we love you…” His lip started to tremble and he could no longer talk, so Benny just held him, and kissed his temple until he got himself together. Dean wasn’t sad, but he had emotions running just under the surface of his skin that just broke through sometimes, and for no reason.

Jack began to stir a bit opening his mouth, his arms and legs moving in jerky uncontrolled movements as he made soft grunting noises and squeaks. Benny snapped photos of the baby and Dean, enjoying watching his husband interact with him. “Are you gonna wake up and eat now? Huh? I think you should be hungry. Okay, let’s figure this out together, alright Jack?” Dean cooed at his sweet baby boy. He turned Jack onto his side with his tummy facing his own. He cradled the baby’s head in his elbow and had Benny help him unsnap the gown at his shoulder. Dean used his hand to help the baby open his mouth by touching his chin and then he adjusted him to line him up with his nipple. The baby wiggled his head back and forth eagerly until his was satisfied he had found what he wanted and then closed his tiny bird mouth around Dean’s nipple to nurse.  “Look at him go at it, Dean,” Benny chuckled. “You guys are pro nursers.” He snapped away with his camera as Jack nursed and Dean looked up with a huge grin. Benny couldn't think of anything more beautiful.

“Don’t jinx us,” Dean said as he lay back on the pillows and rested as Jack suckled away. “Benny, can you get me the What to Expect When You’re Carrying book and opening it to the breastfeeding section, please.” Dean stroked the baby’s head and removed his hat to run his hand over the fuzzy hair on his head. Benny handed him the book and Dean reviewed the information he wanted, telling Benny, “I nurse for five minutes on the first side and then as long as the baby wants on the second. Look in the zipper pocket of the baby bag on the inside. There is a little clip in there that I am going to use to remember which side to start on each time.” Benny found it, it read _this side first_ , and Dean clipped it to the left side of his gown, since that was the side he would start with next time. He switched sides, burping the baby first, even though you don’t need to with a nursed baby.

Breakfast arrived when the baby had been nursing for about fifteen minutes, so Dean put his little hat back on and rewrapped him like a burrito, handing him to a nervous Benny. “Don’t be nervous sweetheart, he’s ours and he loves you. Just be careful and snuggle him in close.”

“I’m so afraid I’ll hurt him or drop him, Dean,” Benny confessed, gingerly taking the tiny baby in his huge hands and placing him in the crook of his neck. “See, Benny, there you go, you got him,” Dean encouraged his husband. He knew Benny would be great when he got over the nerves of being a new father.

Dean ate all the food on his tray and drank all the juice and was still hungry. He asked for the bag and dug through to find the snack bag he packed for Benny. When Benny realized what he was doing he took the bag and got on his cell phone. He called the diner and got Rufus who promised a breakfast feast in about twenty five minutes. Benny handed Dean the baby and told him to take a rest until the food arrived. He never even realized he dozed off until he heard Gabriel come into the room. He fawned over the baby and handed Benny the bag from the diner. Benny set up a little picnic on the tray table of breakfast sandwiches, home fries and fruit salad. He also had yogurt and fruit for Dean.

“You guys made a damn cute baby,” Gabe said, offering to hold him while they ate. Dean scarfed the food like he hadn’t eaten in months. He didn’t realize that he was making noises and shoveling the food until he looked up and saw Benny and Gabe staring. “Uh, sorry…” He said around a mouthful of potatoes. “Don’t be, darlin’, I’m glad you feel well enough to eat after everything you’ve been through,” Benny said, kissing his home fry greasy mouth. “Chow down, babe. You’ve earned it.” Dean did just that and devoured everything Gabe brought him.

He put his arms out for the baby, thanking Gabe for the breakfast as Benny cleaned up the containers. Gabe asked for a lunchtime order and Benny wrote some things down, thanking his chef for the favor. Gabe said goodbye and that he’d send food later. Dean snuggled into the pillows and Benny lowered the head of the bed, so that Dean was almost laying down. He made sure the baby was safe and then he stroked Dean’s hair and convinced him to let him put the sleeping baby in the bassinet. Dean agreed to it as long as the bassinet was within his reach. Benny pulled it right to the edge of the bed and Dean fell asleep with his hand over the side of the bassinet, touching the baby within, and to Benny’s deep comforting voice singing,

_Golden slumbers fill your eyes_

_Smiles awake you when you rise_

_Sleep pretty darling do not cry_

_And I will sing a lullabye_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a tad bit of angst in the next chapter, but then the boys bring their baby home, so it will all get better. Your comments have been lovely and as you see, they fuel me on to write more. I thank you and hope that you continue to leave them for me!


	37. Isn't He Lovely?...Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys make their first real parenting decision and Benny struggles with it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long, sorry but I need to get this out and move on to going home. A little angst here at the end, but having kids is hard work!

“Dean…Dean, darlin’,” Benny’s gentle voice registered in Dean’s mind as he slowly woke, blinking and and rubbing his eyes. “Sweetheart the pediatricians are coming around and the baby is starting to wake up.” Dean could feel his husband’s hand rubbing his arm in an effort to wake him. Waking gently was much better than how he woke earlier, and he was grateful to Benny for handling it the way he did.

“Hit the button to sit me up, babe,” Dean said as he yawned. “I better go to the bathroom before I feed him. I think I’m sitting in a mess if you know what I mean.” As Dean moved he realized that he had probably bled through his pad and was leaking onto the chuck on the bed.

“I’ll hit the button, but I know Tessa and Sarah had to go home for a while, so it will be a new nurse, alright, darlin’?” Benny informed Dean of the staff change that had taken place while he was asleep.

“It will be fine, Benny. Thanks for lookin’ out for me,” Dean reassured his husband, pulling him in for a kiss and noticing he was holding baby Jack. “Hey Benny, you’re holding the baby. See, you’re doing great Poppa.” Benny blushed claiming he didn’t want the baby to cry and Dean was happy that Benny was more confident than even this morning with the newborn.

The day nurse came in and introduced herself as Hannah. She helped Dean get to the bathroom and get cleaned up. He passed a few more clots and was still bleeding quite a bit, but she assured him it was okay and he was healthy.  Another nurse had been in to change the bed, but Dean asked if he could sit up in the rocker for a while. “That would actually be a great idea; you could nurse the baby there and talk with the pediatrician.  Let’s get him changed before he eats.” Hannah suggested as Dean made his way to the bassinet. Benny brought the baby and together, under the guidance of Hannah they attempted their first diaper change.

Dean unwrapped the blanket and then unfastened the diaper tapes. Hannah showed him how to close them so they wouldn’t scratch the baby as they removed the diaper. Jack was only wet, but the two men were shocked by what they saw in the diaper and couldn’t help but laugh. Dean verbalized what they were both thinking, “Jesus, Benny he has a little tiny…and a big set of…how is that possible for this little guy?”

Hannah laughed and explained that newborn scrotums sometimes hold fluid and the swelling goes down over a few days, sometimes weeks, after they are born. “Thank God,” Dean said, relieved, “I thought he was hung like Benny already!”

“Dean!” Benny barked, ears reddening from embarrassment. “I was just teasin’ Benny, you’re a lot bigger than that,” Dean snarked, knowing his husband was dying in front of the nurse.

Hannah rescued them all and explained how to wipe the baby down even if he was only wet, so his skin wouldn’t be raw. Dean completed most of the first change and got the new diaper under the baby, closed the Velcro strips, and folded down the front of the diaper so it didn’t bump his umbilical cord, just as Jack began to protest the whole process. He asked Hannah to show him the wrap that the nurses used and was pleased it was easier than he imagined. He lifted the baby to his shoulder and made his way to the rocking chair.

Once settled, Benny helped him get in position and get Jack latched into his breast. Hannah offered them a pillow to tuck under the baby and Dean felt relief in his back as the pillow supported the baby.  Baby Jack nursed more actively than he had earlier and Dean noticed his jaw opening further as he attempted long draws on Dean’s nipple. A couple of minutes in, Dean felt cramps in his uterus and held his hand out to Benny. “Wow, Benny, when he started nursing hard, I started cramping and it’s really sore,” Dean divulged as he let his head fall back and squeezed Benny’s hand.

“Is that normal, Dean? Are you supposed to cramp?” his husband asked, face reflecting the level of his concern.

“I think I read about it in the book…oooohhh, that is sore…” Dean moaned as Jack suckled away hungrily. Luckily Benny was paying attention for Dean and let him know when it was time to switch, because Dean was preoccupied with the discomfort. “I’m gonna need to go to the bathroom before the other side, Ben. When I cramped, I felt gushing and I think I need to change my pad already,” Dean said as he handed the baby to Benny and rubbed his belly. Benny got up and went to hit the call button on the bed for the nurse as he held the baby to his shoulder. He went back to Dean and offered his hand, which Dean gladly took.

When Hannah arrived, Dean explained what was happening and she helped him stand and go to the bathroom. Dean made it to the bathroom without a mess, but barely. Hannah supported Dean with an arm and brought a chuck to place on the chair explaining that it might get worse as the baby nursed more voraciously. She told him not to worry about it if he did gush and she would be happy to help him again as often as he needed. He thanked her and she waited until the baby was back on Dean’s other breast before she left. She monitored Jack nursing for a few minutes and when Dean began to cramp she was there to ask him how bad the pain was from one to ten. Dean said it was a five and she pointed out that he had not asked for any pain medication, but was allowed to have ibuprofen. Dean accepted the offer and she brought the medicine with a glass of water and also a glass of ginger ale.

There was a knock at the door and a small Asian woman asked permission to come in, “Hello, Dean Winchester-Lafitte?”

“Yes, that’s me?” Dean answered breathing, trying to get comfortable through the cramping.

“I am Dr. Linda Tran. You requested me to be your pediatrician and I am here to see your new son, Jack Samuel Winchester-Lafitte. Is that still your wish?”

Dean was struggling so Benny answered, “Hi, I’m Dean’s husband, Benny. Yes, we want you to be our pediatrician. Cas and Balthazar recommended you. I’m sorry, but Dean is having some cramping while Jack nurses and it’s pretty painful.”

Dean squeezed Benny’s hand, but attempted to smile at the doctor, crouching next to him. Hannah brought a chair over and Dr. Tran sat in it and rubbed up and down Dean’s arm. “I remember that feeling well, and my son is college aged now, so I sympathize, Mr.-“

“Dean, call me Dean.  Oooh, does it stop soon?” Dean asked genuinely.

“Well, not exactly, but the good news is that it is a sign that you have a great nurser, and your uterus will clamp down and heal a bit faster. In the end, you suffer a little, but not for as long. But that is not a consolation now is it?” Dr. Tran asked sincerely.

“No, not really, but thank you for trying,” Dean replied. It wasn’t long before the baby’s suckling slowed and Benny said it had been fifteen minutes. Dr. Tran said it would be a good time to stop nursing so she could examine Jack, so Dean stopped him from nursing and offered him to her.

She was very sweet and animated with Jack and Dean liked that. She asked Benny to get the bassinet and she placed him in it and unwrapped him. He helped Dean stand and they watched as she looked their new baby over and talked with them about her findings. She said he was very healthy and she had no concerns. She said he would be released with them tomorrow, Wednesday and she wanted to see him in the office on Friday for a weight check. She gave them a card so they could call for an appointment.

The next item she discussed with them was circumcision. “Have you thought about whether or not you want to have Jack circumcised?” They explained that they hadn’t known he was a boy until he was born and hadn’t thought about it at all, but wanted to know her opinion. “It’s really personal preference. Most people that I work with go by whether or not the father is circumcised. They usually want their child to look the same as them,” she explained.

“Are there pros and cons?” Dean asked intently, wanting to make the right decision.

“Well, some people don’t want to have to worry about keeping the foreskin clean but that is a fallacy. It’s not that big a deal. On the other hand, some people think you sacrifice sexual pleasure in the adult when you circumcise, I can’t testify to that personally, but no circumcised father I have ever met has used that as a reason not to have the procedure. There is a proven statistic of a ten percent decrease in UTI’s in circumcised men.  I go back to my original point, most parents go with what the father has had done.”

“Well, Benny and I are both circumcised, so there’s that. Does it hurt or do you numb them?”

“I’m not going to lie, you can imagine it is painful, but it is quick and we do use some topical pain relief. You are breastfeeding and the best comfort that can be provided is to nurse immediately. It’s an endorphin release and helps a lot. I will leave you with some literature and you can decide, but you certainly have a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Congratulations to you both.”

“When do we have to decide?” Benny asked.

“It would be in Jack’s best interest to do it before you go home tomorrow, but I’m not trying to pressure you. You could come back within a few weeks and have it done,” Dr Tran informed them.

They promised to read the pamphlets and then let her know. She left and Dean told Benny he though he wanted Jack circumcised, and Benny sighed, relieved, because he felt the same way, and he didn’t think it right to wait a few weeks. Dean bundled up Jack and held him while Benny read the pamphlets out loud and based on the information from the doctor, they decided to circumcise, though neither wanted him to be in pain.

Dean was tired and hungry and wanted to go back to bed. He couldn’t believe it was only eleven fifteen. He felt like they had been up for days, not hours, and he grabbed a granola bar from the snack bag before trying to crawl back into bed. He put a sleeping Jack down in the bassinet and Benny helped him scoot back against the pillows. He devoured the granola bar and drank two cups of water, he was constantly thirsty. He laid his head back onto the pillows and waited for lunch to come.

It wasn’t long before the trays came and Dean ate the sandwich, salad, apple, cookie and pudding like it was another granola bar. She had also brought him a refillable thermal cup with a straw that held quite a bit of ice water.  Benny was about to ask Hannah for another tray or go down to the cafeteria for more food for Dean when his cell phone rang. It was Sam and he, Jess, Bobby and Ellen were on their way to visit and they were bringing burgers from the diner. Benny told Dean, who looked like he’d just won the lottery. They texted when they were parking so Dean got up to use the bathroom and was sitting up with Jack in his lap when they showed up about twelve thirty.

Sam handed the bags of food to Benny and was so excited to see Dean with the baby, “You look so much better, Dean. I love you, man. He is so cute, just so stinking cute.” Jess came forward with a vase of blue flowers, and a bunch of balloons that said ‘It’s a boy’.” She kissed Dean on the cheek, saying, “Congratulations, Daddy.”

“Thanks, Jess. The flowers are nice, really nice. What kind are they?” he wanted Jess to know that he appreciated her efforts and that she was truly his sister now, so he asked.

“They’re hydrangeas, cobalt delphinium and just some daisies. You look great, Dean and the baby is gorgeous,” she answered.

Ellen and Bobby came over with two gift bags and they exchanged hugs before Dean handed off baby Jack. “Oh my god, he’s perfect,” Ellen said as she nestled him to her chest. Benny got her a chair and she sat next to the bed and fawned over the baby. She asked Dean, “How do you feel today, you doing alright?”

“I’m sore and exhausted, but happy,” Dean smiled as he answered her. He looked to Bobby and called out, “Hey Grampa, how are ya?” Bobby smiled a sideways grin and Dean could see  a tremble in it, but he came over and hugged his son. He didn’t speak, Dean figured he was overcome with emotion, so he just hung on to him for a while. Finally, he said, “If we’re to much for you, just tell me and I haul all of these hooligans out, but it was damn hard to make ‘em wait till lunchtime as it was. They all wanted to come at the crack of dawn this morning.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re all here, and you’re not a bother, but you would not have been happy to be here this morning for all of the nitty gritty stuff that went on. Now we are all cleaned up and happy, so pass the little guy around until he wants to eat. I’m hoping there is something good in the bag Sam brought,” Dean explained looking past them all to where Benny was setting up the food.

“You are in luck, darlin’. Gabe took good care of us,” He said rolling the tray over to Dean’s bed. It was set up with cheeseburgers, fries and pie for both of them. Hannah was bringing in more chairs for the visitors and Ellen had passed the baby to Bobby to hold for a while. Dean scooted over and Benny sat on the bed across the tray table form Dean as they ate together. They chatted and laughed as the baby made faces and opened one or two eyes every now and then.

When Jack started to squawk consistently, Jess was holding him.  It was almost like she had a wriggly worm in her arms as he started to object to not being fed.  “Better bring him over, Jess. We haven’t seen the full on version of hungry Jack yet, better not start now with company.” She brought the baby and Benny moved to help him with the snaps of his gown. Everyone got kind of nervous and suddenly the room felt a little awkward, but Dean reassured his family, “You have all seen me shirtless, and now some have seen me pantless, so this baby eating from me is not gonna make us all go church lady. Look all you like, it’s actually kinda sweet.” Everyone smiled and relaxed as Benny made sure Dean was comfortable and then put a pillow on Dean’s lap. Dean turned Jack on his side and lined him up, before Benny said, “ Wrong side, darlin’, that side was first at the last feeding.”

“Thanks, babe, I think my clip went into the laundry,” Dean responded, turning Jack and getting him ready as Benny promised to get Dean a new _this side first_ reminder clip. The baby seemed to be catching on to the whole idea of Dean as his meal ticket because when he got close to Dean’s chest, he became almost spastic, rooting his head back and forth, making impatient little honks and grunts before latching down hard and nursing vigorously. Dean spoke sweetly to him as he helped him find his nipple, “Hang on now greedy boy, Daddy will get you there…here it is…right here…open up…there you go; now you got it Jack…that’s a good boy.”

He looked up to a sea of shining eyes, as his family witnessed the tender scene between the father and son. Sam broke the silence, “I can’t believe it, I think I’m actually going to cry that’s so beautiful.” Dean busted Sam’s chops for what he called the ‘chick flick moment’, but truth be told, he was mesmerized by it himself. He was really nervous about breastfeeding, and yet he wouldn’t change it for the world and would now even admit he had breasts. They weren’t breasts like women had, but he was weirdly proud that he could feed their baby and keep him alive with his body. He shook his head at himself for having his own chick flick moment. Soon he was squeezing Benny’s hand as the cramps took over and shadowed any other thoughts.

As he was nursing, Hannah came back to ask if they had made a decision about having Jack circumcised and they told her that they wanted it done. She left and came back with some paperwork, explaining that he was scheduled for three that afternoon and letting them know that Dr. Tran would be by to go through the paperwork after they had a chance to read it all.  He switched sides and they all chatted until Ellen remembered the gifts she and Bobby brought.

She handed Dean the first gift, and he patted the bed so Benny would join them. Benny helped with the tissue as Dean had one arm occupied by Jack and he reached in to pull out a teddy bear. It was a pale blue bear with sewn, features so it would be safe to actually hold as he got older and embroidered into the bottom of its foot were the words, My First Teddy. Tears welled up in Dean’s eyes, damn hormones, and he showed it to Jack, who had his eyes closed, suckling away. He laid it on Jack realizing it was almost as big as the baby, and as Ellen handed him the next bag, he thanked her. “He is going to carry that everywhere. It will be his cuddly…nothing wrong with wanting a little comfort once in a while. The books tell you it’s healthy for a kid to have a cuddly, and that’s his.”

The next bag had a set of silver baby items, all engraved with Jacks name and date of birth. There was a rattle, a hairbrush, a comb, and a cup with a handle. “How did you get these with his name so fast?” Dean asked surprised. Bobby answered, “We ordered them long time ago and had ‘em waiting at the engraving shop. They did ‘em this morning. We did the guy’s son’s camaro last year, you remember? He owed me for dealing with his jerk of a kid, anyway…Those little silver things are kind of a tradition in my family. The grandparents give those to every grandchild, hope that’s okay with ya. Still got mine in a box somewhere.”

Now Dean was done. Bobby was always a good father figure and Ellen a good mother as well, but to have Bobby include them in family tradition really meant everything to Dean. His baby boy would have both him and Benny as terrific dads, Sam and Jess for sure, but would grow up with grandparents who would always be there for him as well. He would have what neither Dean, nor Benny could, he would have true family, maybe not all blood, but true nonetheless. Call it hormones or whatever, Dean lost it and began to cry. He covered his face with his free hand, embarrassed, trying to regain control, but suddenly he felt Bobby’s arms around him and he just let it all go. He let go of hurt and frustration he had been holding onto for years, it felt cathartic and it made room for so much more than he ever thought possible.

A struggling baby Jack brought him back to himself and Bobby backed up as Dean checked on him. Bobby must have held him for longer than Dean thought and he offered the baby to Ellen to burp. Bobby with his rough and weathered fingers, carefully covered Dean and did every snap of the night gown almost maternally, Dean thought, before brushing his hair back from his forehead to kiss Dean and say quietly, “I told you before and I’ll tell you again; Family don’t end with blood. You’re my son, Benny’s my son and that makes Jack my first grandbaby, you hear.” Dean nodded and Bobby patted him one more time before stepping away and clapping Benny on the shoulder as well.

“Well,” Ellen cleared her throat and with it the air in the emotionally charged room, “This little guy is all tuckered out and so is his Daddy. I think we will go and let you have a nap and then come back a little later tonight with some dinner for you both, how’s that sound. We left the impala in case Benny needs it but I’d be happy to go to the loft and get you some things since you’re staying all night again.” Dean nodded and Benny offered his hand, knowing Dean was emotional.

“We would, too,” Sam offered, “Get some rest Dean. You’re such a great dad, really, I mean it.” Dean nodded in appreciation, afraid to say anything else yet.

When they were about to leave, Dean found his voice and said, “Benny, if you wanted to go home and take a real shower and get some things for yourself, I wouldn’t mind. I mean I’m gonna sleep and so is Jack. It’s like three hours till he goes to be circumcised, just be back in time for that, I mean if you want to go.”

Benny looked relieved and yet guilty, “You sure darlin’? I don’t want to leave you here alone. What if the baby wakes up or you don’t feel well?”

“Benny,” Dean said flatly, “They have these people, called nurses and doctors, they help you…”

Benny blushed a little and then smiled but answered, “It’s not the same, though, as me being right here.”

“Hey,” Sam piped in, “Why don’t Jess and I stay here until Benny gets back and then we can drive the impala and come back with it tonight, with Bobby and Ellen, so it’s here in the morning.  Would that make you feel better Benny?”

“If it’s okay with Dean, that’s fine with me,” Benny said smiling. “Fine by me, babe,” Dean responded teasing Benny, “You got plans or something?”

“A man can have secret plans when his husband does something big like having a baby and suffering through all the hard parts, can’t he?” Benny asked, pretending to be appalled. Dean smiled at his sweet husband before receiving the tenderest of kisses.  “I won’t be gone long, but I’ll miss you and Jack the whole time.”

Benny put the head of the bed down to a comfortable sleeping position and then pulled the blankets up so that Dean was warm. He snuggled in and closed his eyes, knowing Sam and Jess were there. He heard Sam ask Jess if she wanted coffee as he nodded off.

*****

Jack’s cry, followed by Jess’ sweet voice cooing to him, woke Dean from a sound sleep. He felt like he was caught in this cycle of sleep and waking to feed the baby, but then that made sense because he was. He rolled onto his back and felt for the controls for the bed.

“Hey Dean, sorry, baby’s awake and hungry I think,” Sam said softy. “Can I help you?”

“Find me the controls for the bed and sit me up, please,” Dean answered, rubbing his face with his hands.

Sam helped him sit up and then Dean called the nurse to help him get the bathroom.

He was pleasantly surprised to see Sarah back on duty. “You weren’t gone long,” Dean commented as she helped him to the edge of the bed.

“Only the minimum mandatory sleep time. I wanted to be here when you left, Tessa is coming in bit too,” Sarah replied cheerfully.

Dean cleaned up and Sarah helped him asking if the bleeding had lessened at all, to which Dean replied that if it had, he didn’t notice. She smiled and helped him to rescue Jess from a fussy baby Jack. Sam and Jess watched as Dean changed his diaper which contained a lot of black goo. Dean had seen it earlier, but Sam and Jess were startled. “It’s just the meconium from being in the uterus,” Dean informed them as he cleaned his baby’s bottom and diapered him. Jack kicked and waved his arms, twitching and moving in a jerking motion like he didn’t really know how to control his movements yet. He showed Sam and Jess his little feet and hands before burritoing him back up in his hospital blanket. He sat with Jack in the rocker in the open part of the room he had labored in and nursed him while Sam and Jess sat and talked with him.

Tessa appeared a few minutes in and so did Balthazar. Dean noticed she had a kit of some sort with her.

“Hello love, how are you today? Jack seems to have a handle on eating, I see,” Balthazar said as he ruffled Dean’s hair. Tessa said hello as well before Balthazar told them that they were going to do a hematocrit finger stick on him. Sarah was concerned that the bleeding was still a little more than she thought there should be after the baby nursing and Dean’s description of the cramping, and the cramping he saw Dean experiencing now. He explained that some was okay and that Dean may be perfectly fine, but he wanted to check his red blood cell count with a finger stick. If it was fine, so be it, but if it was low he would order more blood tests and take some steps to correct it. He pinched Dean’s finger wiping it with an alcohol swab and then pricked it with a lance. He collected the blood in a small pipette and gave it to Tessa to run to the lab.

Balthazar put a bandaid on Dean’s finger as Benny returned from his trip home. He had a duffel with him as well as two gift bags. Balthazar explained what had taken place and Benny was worried, but Balth told him not to be until the results came back. He explained that even if it was low, the treatment was easy and nothing to worry about.

Benny gave Dean the first gift bag as he kissed him and then the baby, “Missed you guys, a lot.” Dean opened the bag to find a variety of wrapped treats from the diner. There was pie, brownies, cookies, muffins and sticky buns. Dean was thrilled and asked Benny to unwrap a brownie right away. The next bag was from the jewelry store where they bought their wedding bands. “Benny, we decided no presents, that the baby was the present,” Dean protested, but his eyes told a different story.

“I said no presents but this really isn’t a present from me, it’s from Jack. I just picked it up for him,” Benny responded with a smirk. Dean pulled the paper out and then a small box. He opened it and pulled out a silver chain that looked like Benny’s navy dog tags. Sure enough attached to it was a silver dog tag that read Jack Samuel Winchester-Lafitte/ July 6, 2015/7lbs. 5oz., 20in, and at the end opposite the chain there was a red stone that Dean was sure was a ruby, Jack’s birthstone. Dean kissed it, he couldn’t help himself and then he kissed the baby then Benny. “It’s perfect Benny, just perfect.” He slipped it over his head and swore he would never take it off.

Jack finished nursing just as Dr. Tran came to talk to them about the circumcision. She noticed the dog tag and stopped to admire it before confirming that they still wanted to have her perform the procedure. They confirmed and she described the steps as both of them, and Sam winced in sympathy. She said they would take him and bring him back immediately after. Benny insisted that he accompany him, siting that it wasn’t his decision to be circumcised and he thought Dean was not ready for the stress, but the baby should not go alone. Dean kind of loved Benny for his protective side, because he felt the same way but wasn’t sure he could go to the procedure himself. They signed the appropriate papers and Dr. Tran said someone would be in for the baby soon.

Ellen and Bobby suddenly showed up explaining that they didn’t want the boys to be alone when the baby was undergoing his minor surgery so they came back sooner than planned. It turned out that it was a smart decision  for all of them.

Dean was back in bed when Balthazar and Cas returned with a lab tech explaining that his hematocrit should have been a minimum of forty two and was only thirty. They had the tech draw more blood for more detailed tests and started Dean on iron threrapy immediately. Tessa brought in the medication in pill form as well as a stool softener as Cas informed him that the iron could constipate him if they weren’t careful. If the iron and Jack nursing didn’t help him, they discussed the possibility of pitocin injections to help with the bleeding. Dean asked why they were so worried and Cas explained that it was a cycle of blood loss causing the anemia and the thin blood not clotting in the uterus all adding up to a need for intervention. He had said it wasn’t serious yet but they wanted to stop it before it got that way. Dean nodded his understanding, Benny squeezing his hand. “You’re fine Dean, we, Sarah actually, caught it in time to prevent any major issues,” Cas reassured him.

Just after the blood was drawn, Dr. Tran and Sarah came for Jack. Dean kissed him at least ten times and told him he loved him and would see him soon and then handed him to Sarah. Dr. Tran smiled at Dean and promised to take good care of him.  Benny kissed Dean and then went with Jack leaving the rest of the family to worry, about both Jack and Dean.

Tessa stayed in the room and told Dean to be ready to nurse the baby for comfort in about forty minutes.  They waited nervously, Bobby and Sam pacing, Jess and Ellen trying to occupy Dean with conversation. About twenty minutes in, Dean heard a baby crying and knew it was Jack. It was faint but something in his heart and in his chest, literally his physical chest that made milk, told him it was Jack crying. He realized he was leaking fluid from his chest and Tessa got him a washcloth, a towel and a new gown. “That’s Jack, I know it. They said they would numb him, why is he crying so hard that we can hear him?”

Tessa answered trying to assuage his fears, “Sometimes the baby doesn’t like to be strapped in to the papoose they use to hold them still. He’ll be fine, let’s get you changed.” Dean wiped his chest with the cloth and dried with the towel before putting on the new gown. Ellen held his hand and he fingered the dog tag Benny had brought him.

Another long twenty minutes had passed when the crying became louder and closer and it wasn’t just the baby this time. Bobby and Sam stepped into the hallway and Tessa told Dean to open his gown and get ready to nurse Jack quickly. Sam came to Dean and said, “Benny’s upset Dean, I can hear him, be ready, okay?” Dean nodded and could feel his anxiety rising. Tessa came over and instructed Dean to remember that he needed to get the baby nursing as his priority. He nodded again and then Benny blew in the room clutching a screaming Jack.

“Help him, Dean, help him,” Benny cried as he nearly shoved the baby in his face. Luckily Tessa was there and had his gown open and helped a startled Dean get the wailing baby latched to his breast. Bobby had stepped in to help Benny while Dean got the baby settled. Benny was beside himself, crying and holding his head in his hands. “Is he alright, is he alright? He screamed, he just screamed and looked at me,” Benny sobbed.

Dean had the baby nursing and he was no longer screaming, but nursed noisily, almost like he was nursing and crying at the same time. Dean soothed him by shushing and holding him closely. He spoke softly to his son and he seemed to respond to Dean’s voice, so Dean turned to Benny who was visibly shaken. He knew it was time to be Benny’s rock.  “Benny, come here, babe...he’s okay…he’s fine…”

Benny sat on the bed and leaned in to Dean’s shoulder and cried, “I’m sorry, Jack, I’m so sorry,”

“It’s alright, Benny, we knew it would hurt, but he is fine, everything went well, right?”

Benny lifted his head, and Dean didn’t think he had ever seen Benny so shattered. He spoke through sobs, “It was awful, Dean. They let me hold him while they put the medicine on him and he was fine. Then it was time to start and they laid him in the papoose thing and he started to cry, so I went over and he just looked at me like…like…Poppa save me… he looked right at me.” He cried on Dean’s shoulder while Dean kissed him and let him cry. When the sobs let up a little, he told Benny to look at Jack, who had calmed down significantly. Benny kissed the baby and whispered softly to him. Dean switched the baby to the other side and he cried momentarily until he was nursing again.

Tessa warned Dean and Benny, “Most of the time the baby swallows so much air when they cry that they throw up what they nursed, so let’s keep an eye on him when he’s done.” True to what Tessa said, Jack eventually puked everything in his stomach with a lot of air. Dean just cleaned him up and nursed him again.

It was a trying afternoon and evening, but one thing was sure, Benny was over his uneasiness with holding the baby. When Dean wasn’t nursing him, Benny held him securely and confidently in his arms, and changed his diaper when he needed it. It was as if the ‘incident’ as he referred to it had removed all apprehension about handling Jack and he told him constantly that he would never let him hurt or be scared again. Dean knew that was impossible, but didn’t correct him. He just let the two have their time together. Later that night as he was falling to sleep for the night he heard Benny singing:

_Isn't_ _he lovely,_

_Isn’t he wonderful_

_Isn’t he precious_

_Barely one minute old_

_I never thought through love we’d be_

_Making one as lovely as he_

_Isn’t he lovely_

_Made from love_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This happened to me and my husband, only they wouldn't do it until the baby was two weeks old. It was awful. It's finally time to go home next chapter! Comments are my fuel!


	38. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny and Dean bring home their new baby and Jess has a few surprises up her sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a Chris Daughtry song. I love the line where he sings about coming home to the place that he belongs and where his wife's love has always been enough for him. That's what I think Benny and Dean feel bringing Jack home.
> 
> Art by the lovely Meldarlin

Dean’s bleeding had begun to lessen by morning and though his repeated blood work was not better, it was no worse either so Cas had agreed to discharge him but only with a follow up appointment on Friday at the office.  Dean felt a sense of relief as he showered and dressed to go home. He had been worried Cas would make him stay one more night and he really wanted to sleep in his own bed with Benny. The bleeding was much better and although he still needed frequent pad changes, he wasn’t bleeding through or gushing every time he stood. Thanks to good nurses like Sarah and Tessa, he had avoided a serious health issue.

He put a pad in his own underwear, and then pulled them up carefully with a pair of khaki pregnancy shorts he had packed for the trip home, presentable for pictures but loose and comfortable for his sore rear end. He decided that even as loose as the shorts were, his body was not ready to wear pants yet, and he would have to figure something out for when he got home.  Next he wormed his way into the nursing bra which was more like a firm fitting tank top with access than a bra. His milk had come in during the night and he felt full and sore and leaked when Jack cried or on the side he wasn’t nursing on, so he wore absorbent pads in the bra as well. He pulled on the t shirt he had packed, just a plain heather green tee, but he was relieved it was from his pregnancy wardrobe, because his belly was still not much smaller than the day he had come in to deliver, though it felt much softer, not taut like when he was pregnant. He didn’t know why, but he thought it would have shrunk quite a bit after the birth. Tessa said he would see a difference over time, and that the process was gradual, but nursing would help significantly. He slipped on his sandals and combed his hair before stepping out of the bathroom.

Benny was bouncing Jack who sounded ready to eat, again. Dean was beginning to get sore from Jack nursing so much, so he had been reading about how to help that in his carrier book. Tessa had also been a great help through the night, changing Jack’s position so that sometimes Dean used the football hold or laid down so he didn’t latch on in exactly the same position each time he nursed. He asked her about creams that were mentioned in the books and she showed him how after Jack nursed there was moisture on his nipple and if he rubbed that around, it would act better than any cream he could buy in a store. Dean sat in the rocker and nursed Jack, jumping a bit as he latched on to his sore nipple. It only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like fire and he bit his lip so he didn’t curse at the pain.

Jack’s final weight that morning was only six pounds fourteen ounces, so he nursed him as often as he wanted. Benny brought over his water bottle that the hospital gave all new birth parents. Drinking helped immensely when nursing, somehow drinking helped with milk let down and Dean was all for that because once the milk let down, Jack relaxed and nursed more gently. He took long draws and Dean could tell he was nursing well because his little baby ear moved with each pull and there was bluish white fluid, Dean’s milk, at the corner of his greedy little mouth. Now that his milk was in, Jack would begin to gain the ounces he had lost after birth. Dean couldn’t help but smile and brush his calloused, rough finger on his baby’s fat cheek, then to brush back his fuzzy duckling hair while he rocked the chair and enjoyed the quiet with his son. The only issue he had was that when he had on a t shirt, he had to ruck it up under his armpit and kind of hold it bunched back with his chin, leaving himself totally exposed. It was fine here and at home, but what about if he needed to nurse while out and about later, he wondered to himself.  It wasn’t as easy as being able to open the gown he wore before and he was regretting being snarky about the male nursing tops he had seen while shopping.

Jess and Sam said their goodbyes; they had brought breakfast and _good coffee_ for Benny, taken a few going home day photos, and said they would wait at the loft for the family to get there. Jess mentioned tiding up for them, since they left in such a hurry when Dean was in labor. “Thanks Jess, that would be great. Can you make sure there is half and half for coffee for the others?” Jess said they would do a quick run, so they could text anything they remembered needing.

Cas came by with prescriptions for the iron, and stool softener, and his discharge instructions. “Take the iron three times a day, the stool softener, twice. Don’t skip the stool softener, you will need it. Call me if you have the urge to have a bowel movement and it isn’t normal. Don’t strain to poop, Dean. Call me first, okay. It’s a little different for us than women, that’s why I’m talking to you and not a nurse. Drink lots of water and eat lots of iron rich food. Here is a diet sheet with food suggestions. No intercourse for six weeks, no driving either. Don’t lift anything heavier than the baby till the bleeding is gone Take it easy and nap when the baby does, especially with the anemia. Let people wait on you, help with the baby…don’t be stubborn. Call if you have changes in pain level other than nipple soreness, which between you and me is a bitch, but stick with it. If you have soreness in your chest or abdomen that feels different or if you run a temp of any kind, call me…on my cell, not the office. I can run over and take a look. Any questions?”

“Nope, I think you covered it and now I’m terrified to take a shit, thanks,” Dean chuckled nervously.

“Don’t be, it was fine for me, but some people don’t follow my instructions and suffer when there is no need,” Cas said as he glanced down at the nursing baby. “He’s really beautiful Dean, just perfect. You ready to go home?”

“Yep,” was all Dean could choke out as a tear or two fell after Cas’ affection for the baby.

Cas knelt next to the chair and held his shoulders leaning over to whisper in his ear, “It’s okay to be happy that you have Jack, but it’s just as okay to be sad that she won’t be there when you get home and that you never had this with her. Remember that and let yourself feel it, alright?” Dean nodded and Cas held him until Dean settled from his tears.

“Thanks for everything Cas, for the delivery and for being such a good friend. I don’t know what I would have done…” Dean smiled so he wouldn’t start tearing up again. Cas patted him and told him he would see them Friday if he wasn’t around to say goodbye today.

Benny had finished packing Dean’s bag, giving the two men a little privacy before joining as Cas got up to leave. Cas ran through the discharge instructions one more time for Benny’s benefit and then left. Dean pushed himself up and out of the rocker to bring Jack over to the bed to get him dressed. With Jack on the bed still wrapped like a little burrito, Dean turned to Benny and pulled him in for a hug. Benny embraced him firmly but gently and kissed him on the lips, asking, “Everything okay, darlin’? Ready to head home?”

Dean nodded and buried his face in the crook of Benny’s neck. He knew suppressing it would only hurt Jack so he let the tears fall. Benny held him and rubbed his back, not needing to ask why he was crying. It had been something that has been just beneath the surface the entire stay. Not present enough to dampen the joy of Jack coming to them, but in the quiet, just before leaving it found its way to the surface. “I know, sweetheart, I know,” Benny soothed. “I miss her too, and I think it’s good that we are happy about Jack, but it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t grieve that we should have two today, not just Jack.”

Dean took a deep breath and looked up at his husband’s blue eyes, eyes that because of the nature of their color should be icy, held only warmth and devotion. “You’re so fucking perfect it’s almost scary,”

To break the tension, Benny piped in, “I’m starting a swear jar the minute we get home, you know.”

The two fathers turned to their baby boy and began to get him dressed. Benny changed his diaper and they both cringed as they changed the medicated gauze that wrapped the end of his tiny penis. “Poor little peeper,” Benny said wincing, as he had Dean take over that part because his hands felt so clumsy. Benny’s hands had been exposed to the hazards of the kitchen for so long that he sometimes had trouble with the little details of things and he hated the thought of causing Jack any undue pain while changing the gauze once a day, or replacing it if it fell off or got dirty. Dean closed the diaper, folding down the waist so the drying cord, the nurses had been in to give discharge instructions for his care and removed the umbilical clip, wasn’t closed in and then removed the hospital t shirt. Jack objected to the cold so Dean worked as quickly as his inexperienced with newborn baby hands would let him. He slipped the little blue onsie t shirt over Jack’s head and pushing his arms into the sleeves and then snapped it between his legs. Benny noticed that the entire time Dean worked, his brow was wrinkled and his tongue stuck out of the corner of him mouth in the cutest way. Jack sat through the whole procedure stoically. The nightgown covered with anchors was next and a little more complicated, but they go it on without too much fuss. Tiny little blue socks were next followed by the little knit hat with the sailboat. Jack was in baby blue from head to toe and Benny snapped away with his phone capturing everything he could. 

Dean held Jack while Benny took a picture and then they switched, before having a just arrived Ellen take their photo together. They took one with the grandparents as well and grabbed a nurse to get one of all of them before Dean wrapped Jack in the blanket to go home.  He turned the soft blue blanket like a diamond on the bed and folded the top corner down to make a straight line. He placed Jack so his neck was even with the fold he had just made. He took the right side of the blanket and tucked it over jack, then he pulled the bottom portion up and tucked it in the first part. Lastly he pulled the left side over and around Jack, tucking the end in so it wouldn’t open. Jack was a burrito once more, snug, just like he liked it.

Tessa and Sarah brought a cart for all of Dean’s bags and gifts. The diner staff and the garage staff had each sent a flower arrangement with balloons and there were Sam and Jess’ flowers as well. When everything was ready, Bobby and Ellen went to get the vehicles. Tessa went for the wheel chair and Sarah manned the cart. Benny held Jack while Tessa settled Dean into the chair. Both nurses smiled and hugged him and Benny and Dean thanked them both for all of their help. Benny told them they were welcome at the diner anytime, his treat, forever and he expected them to come. Benny handed Jack to Dean who said, “I can’t believe we get to take him home.” It slipped out before he had even realized his said it. He looked up blushing slightly to see three faces equally as pleased and laughed. Throats were cleared and then more laughter was heard before Tessa began to push the wheelchair. Dean held Jack in one arm and Benny held his free hand as they made their way to the car.

It was almost ten in the morning, a busy time for the hospital and they received lost of warm smiles from workers and patients or visitors alike. Dean thought they must have made an interesting picture, the three of them as a family, tiny baby with two big burly fathers, the taller of the two having given birth. It certainly wasn’t your run of the mill family photo op. Cas and Balthazar appeared out of a patient’s room just before they left the birthing floor and said their goodbyes. Bobby and Ellen were in the circle when they arrived and after much shuffling and several tries, Dean didn’t realize the baby couldn’t be wrapped up or the straps wouldn’t be secure, Jack was buckled into the car seat in the impala and Dean was hugging Tessa and Sarah goodbye one last time. His last words were, “Hope to see you both next time.” They both agreed and laughed at the surprise on Benny’s face.

The rumble of the impala’s engine soothed a fussy Jack and Dean tucked the blanket in around him to ward off a chill. Benny drove like the baby was made of spun glass and Dean couldn’t help but tease him. “Benny, babe, drive a little faster or we’ll miss his first birthday.”

“Dean, don’t distract me, for Christ’s sake we could get in an accident,” Benny retorted, white knuckling the wheel and head pivoting nervously back and forth. Dean laughed and let Benny drive, saying to Jack, “Boy your Poppa loves you.” Cars honked behind them occasionally but then gave waves of apology when they came up beside them and saw the situation within the impala.  Benny hit a pot hole and apologized profusely at the jarring motion, “Jesus Dean, I’m so sorry! Is he okay? He’s not upset is he?”

“It’s all good Benny, he didn’t even feel it,” Dean answered.

“How are you, you’re bottom okay after that?” Benny asked sounding concerned.

“We are fine, Benny, just drive normally, honest. The impala absorbs a lot of movement,” Dean assured him.  “Benny…” he said as they rolled up to a red light.

“Yeah,” Benny answered forehead wrinkled with worry.

“I love you,” Dean smiled as he spoke to his nervous husband.

Benny looked at Dean in the rearview mirror, mouth curling into a smile from his previous frown. “I love you, too darlin’.”

The rest of the ride continued at the same reduced pace and Dean just shook his head and let it happen. Benny was such a caretaker, so careful with him and Jack and Dean kinda loved it. They pulled into the parking lot of the diner and someone had tied a huge banner to the diner sign. It read: It’s a Boy! Welcome Home Jack Samuel!

“Look Benny! Isn’t that great?” Dean said, pleased with the gesture. “That it is, sweetheart...that it is.” Benny answered him as he pulled around to their personal parking area. Ellen and Bobby came out of the elevator as Benny shut off the motor. Bobby helped Dean out of the car while Benny unclipped the car seat and hooked it over his arm.  Bobby and Ellen had brought the flowers and bags with them, so all Benny and Dean had to do was go into the house.

Dean offered to Benny, “Do you want to stop in at the diner and say hi before going up?”

“Aren’t you tired, Dean?” Benny questioned, but seemed grateful for the offer.

“We should say hi Benny, they are giving us the entire summer and they should meet Jack,” Dean insisted. The group walked to the kitchen door of the diner and Benny opened it and yelled, “Anybody home?” Rufus, just finishing the breakfast service and Gabe, and his fellow chefs, Aaron, and Alfie, readying for lunch and dinner came running to the door. They greeted the family with congratulations and hugs, but Benny was defensive of Jack. Benny had been sure to tell Dean that he didn’t want anyone touching the newborn but agreed they should say hello. He lifted the car seat to show them their son. Dean pulled back the blanket so they could see him better, and he rolled his eyes at Benny as his husband put the blanket back.

Gabe laughed and said, Congratulations Dean. You better let poppa Bear get that baby upstairs before he blows a gasket.” Dean agreed and hugged Gabe and then Rufus, who fussed over the car seat with Bobby.

When the elevator opened, it was a relief to be home. Dean had needed to lean on Bobby on the way up, more tired than he thought and was glad to be sit in the comfortable chair in the living room. He looked around. There was a big blue bow on the fireplace beside a welcome home Jack Samuel sign, and the flowers were spread out on the coffee table, the dining room table and the kitchen counter.  Sam and Jess had decorated with blue bows all over the house and brought the spare changing table into the living room, behind the couch. They had also placed the beautiful wooden bassinet with the fabric draping into the living room. Jess had changed the bassinet bedding to the blue that Dean had kept ready in the closet of the pirate nursery, now officially Jack’s nursery.

Benny lifted Jack out of the car seat and brought him to Dean. He held him in his arms and said, “Welcome home Jack, how does it feel to be here? It feels pretty good to Daddy…feels pretty good.” Benny leaned in for a kiss and Ellen brought him his water bottle to drink. He rocked the baby and enjoyed the lack of bustle he had heard at the hospital. Ellen brought him an apple and he ate it while he studied little Jack’s closed eyes and button nose. He noticed how, even in sleep, Jack made nursing motions with his mouth and it made Dean’s chest tingle just thinking about it. There was no doubt, he was in love.

Jess and Sam gave Dean a few minutes before they brought two big gift bags over to where Dean sat. Benny, Ellen and Bobby, who had been doing a little meal planning in the kitchen with Dean’s diet instructions, joined them. “Guys, you didn’t have to get us presents, you gave us flowers earlier and you’ve been such a big help to us,” Dean objected.  Jess, defended her actions, saying “Well, we just got you a few things that I saw you might need. If you don’t like something, just tell me and I will return it for something else, I won’t be offended.”

Benny went to take the baby from Dean, but Sam interrupted asking, “Do you mind if I hold him for a while?”

“Sure, Sam. Here Benny, hand him to Uncle Sammy,” Dean smiled as he watched Benny place Jack in Sam’s arms, making sure his elbow supported his little neck and head. Jack slept on through the whole exchange.

Dean began with the first huge gift bag once he had free hands, pulling out the tissue to reveal a large half circle shaped pillow. “It’s a Boppy pillow,” Jess explained. “You put it around your waist and it’s the right height for nursing. Look in the bag, there are more things that go with it.” Dean dug through the rest of the tissue to find two covers that slipped on the pillow, one denim blue and one in a pattern of little blue whales.

“Jess, this is great. My back is sore from leaning over and we used pillows, but they slid around and I could never really get comfortable. I can’t wait to try it.” Dean thanked her genuinely. Benny piped in, “That is gonna be really helpful, darlin,” Benny commented, leaning in to kiss Dean. He looked over at his sister in law, “Thank you Jess.”

“I’m glad you like it. I was afraid you would think it too trendy or something,” she replied sheepishly.

“When you are laying in the hospital with gunk coming out of all part of your body, you don’t give a shit about trendy anymore, just what makes you feel better,” Dean laughed.

The next bag was a little heavier as Dean dragged it over to open it. It was full of clothing, but not regular clothing. The first three items looked like long t shirts. There was a grey one, a medium blue one and a soft green color similar to the shirt Dean had on. Dean was confused, so Jess explained, “They are carrier nightwear. I didn’t think you were comfortable in your pants today and I thought I’d take a chance on these. They are long enough to cover you in front of everyone, but you can still be comfy, and look at the flap, you just pull that up and there are spaces so you can nurse. No one will even notice when you aren’t nursing.  What do you think?”  Jess looked a little apprehensive.

“Come ‘ere Jess,” Dean motioned for Jess to come close to him in the chair. He hugged her tightly, thanking her, “This is so nice of you and these are awesome. I have been so uncomfortable in these shorts and I couldn’t really nurse with this t shirt shoved up under my arm…you know what, I am gonna go put one on right now. Benny, give me a hand, please?” Benny helped Dean up out of the chair and he walked gingerly over to the bedroom to change into one of the nightshirts. He came back wearing one under an open robe and sat with a relieved look on his face. Jess smiled from ear to ear, feeling like she had really contributed.

“There’s more in the bag, Dean,” Jess prompted him.

“Jess this is too much, you have done so much,” Dean said softly as he reached back into the bag. He pulled out a bunch of what seemed to be t shirts, seven in all. They were the same design as the night shirt he was wearing only the same length as a regular t shirt. They looked smaller than a pregnancy shirt, but still roomy and Dean found the nursing flap in the one on top of the pile. There were three solid colored ones and four were rock versions as well, with AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Kansas and the Beatles. Dean knew he was near tears at the gesture of Jess. The gifts were from she and Sam, but she was behind the whole plan and Dean was really touched. “I can’t even tell you…this is…perfect, you’re perfect Jess.”

“There’s one more if you’re up to it, but you have to come with me to the nursery to see it. Do you want to wait a while or come now?” Jess posed to Dean. “I’m game if you are,” Dean told her putting the shirts down on the chair. He hugged her again and then she told Benny to stay close to him.

Sam brought the baby and Ellen and Bobby followed. She led them all toward the nursery, but stopped in front of Rosie’s room. She went inside and Dean put an arm around Benny, and could feel Benny pull him in closer. When Jess emerged from the nursery, she held a large wreath with a pink bow at the bottom. At the top of the wreath was a plaque that read Rosie Grace Winchester-Lafitte in pretty pink script. The next line in the same script caused Dean to take in sharp breath. It read: Big Sister.  To the right was a little blue plaque with Jack’s name and date of birth. Dean and Benny tightened their grips on one another, unable to do anything else.

Jess, couldn’t read them and was regretting the risk she took, and began to backpedal quickly “If you don’t like it, I can take it away. I just wanted to include her but I didn’t mean to overstep and I’m sorry if I hurt-“ suddenly she found herself crushed by a very emotional Dean and Benny. Dean was unable to hold back the tears and Benny wasn’t much better. Jess ended up crying with them and soon there were no dry eyes, except for Jack who was asleep. Ellen passed out tissues and Benny held Dean and thanked Jess profusely for her thoughtfulness. When Dean finally found his voice, he spoke to Jess quietly, breath hitching, “I can never, ever tell you what this means to me. Thank you for this, for all the clothes and the pillow.  You are truly a thoughtful and kind person. They will be helpful to me when I take care of Jack.” He stopped for a minute and gathered his thoughts and emotions. “But this,” he said taking the wreath in his hands, “We needed this, I needed this and I can’t ever thank you enough.” She wrapped her arms around his waist carefully and simply said, “Your welcome.” Then she just moved on, as only Jess could, explaining that she would add a plaque for every sister or brother that came along. Benny got a hammer and they hung the wreath outside her room on the wall, standing back to admire how sweet it was.

Dean was exhausted, nearly falling asleep during the simple lunch Ellen had put together. Jack became fussy and Benny changed his diaper and helped Dean into the rocking chair in Jack’s nursery. The new nightshirt and boppy pillow were a huge success for feeding the baby.

 When Jack was finished nursing, the two dads crawled into bed, Jack snuggled between them and four adults on duty to watch out for them, and drifted off to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good ol' Jess, comes through again. Comments are much appreciated...


	39. Two People Fell in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benny and Dean get the hang of being dads and Benny comes to an important realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This title is an old Brad Paisley song, from my country days, but it is so true!

Dean and Benny took full advantage of their family’s help throughout the day and evening. They curled up together in bed and slept whenever the baby didn’t need them. They felt somewhat selfish but Ellen and Jess insisted that it wasn’t, so with Jack in capable hands they tried to rest as much as they could.

Dean had begun to stir and felt Benny’s breath on his neck, he loved being Benny’s little spoon. Having his husband curled around him was like a giant heating pad on his sore lower back and aching rear. He felt ten times better than when he had been in the hospital and it had only been a few hours since he had been discharged. He wiggled trying to get up without Benny knowing but his attentive husband was alert the second he moved. Dean headed to the bathroom and then Benny helped him with his robe and they went out to find their baby boy.

Dean limped sorely out to the living room to see little bundled Jack securely on Bobby’s chest as he snoozed on the couch. Dean’s chest felt full and he knew it had been at least two hours since he had nursed him, so he asked Benny to bring Jack to him in the arm chair. He laid Jack in his lap and unwrapped the baby to wake him to nurse. He wanted him to gain his weight back and so he needed to keep him on a pretty regular schedule. He was still wearing the adorable blue anchor nighty they brought him home in that morning with the sailboat cap and little socks and he was almost too cute for words. As Dean rubbed his tummy to wake him, Jack started to stretch and scrunch his body with those same adorable newborn jerky movements that Dean would never get enough of seeing. He made little grunting noises and opened his mouth so Dean could even see his pink gums and he thought, no wonder my nipples hurt.

“Hey there Jack…are you hungry?” Dean spoke in a voice he never imagined using in his entire life and he would deny it to his death bed if you called him on it. “Wake up, daddy’s big boy, that’s right.”

“Do you want me to change him before you feed him, Darlin’?” Benny offered. “He’ll be good and awake by then, maybe nurse better.” Dean agreed and Benny carried him to the changing table to get him a clean diaper. Dean was just about to drink a milkshake that Ellen made him when Benny called out, concern in his voice, “Dean, maybe you should come look at this. He pooped and it looks funny to me.”

Bobby interjected, “Is it yellow and kinda seedy lookin’?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Benny answered.

“That’s right then, it’s supposed to look like that..I know, weird right?” Bobby added.

Benny looked surprised, both at the look of the poop and how much Bobby knew about it. “It is everywhere, I’ve used three wipes already.”

Dean was sucking on his milkshake when Ellen said, “Means he’s getting plenty to eat from his Daddy. Good job Dean.” Dean may have choked on his shake a little.

A few minutes later, Benny brought him a very awake and winding up Jack to be nursed. Dean had tucked the boppy around his waist. “Thanks, babe. He’s rarin’ to go now, “ Dean chuckled as he reached under the flap of his nightshirt and through the slit in the underneath fabric to unclip the right side of his bra. He pulled it down carefully, revealing a very sore nipple and then turned Jack onto his side, who at the sight and or smell of his father’s chest or milk, began to struggle and make sweet and eager hungry baby noises. “This is gonna hurt,” Dean said as he helped Jack line up to his nipple, watching him root and gasped loudly when he latched on. “Jeeesus!” Dean whisper shouted, gripping the arm of the chair until Benny came back from washing his hands and offered Dean a hand to squeeze. He panted and Benny offered him the water bottle to help his milk let down. Dean drank readily and as he did, it greatly reduced the pain he felt until he was able to relax and watch Jack nurse. His little hand was balled up into a fist on Dean ‘s chest right next to his mouth, and every once in a while he opened one eye to peer at Dean, who told him, “You, my little man, are a hoovering beast.”

After Jack finished nursing, Benny took him and burped him on his shoulder. Dean was more comfortable now that the pressure was relieved from his aching chest. He loved watching Benny with the baby. He held him so tenderly, but securely. There was nothing in the world like this feeling and Dean had been on the other end, so he knew how good this really was. Benny had his feet on the coffee table and moved the baby to his lap, leaning in to kiss his cheeks. Dean moved over to join them on the couch while everyone else set the table and got dinner ready.

Ellen had made spaghetti and meatballs with spinach salad and garlic bread. Dean ate like a horse and didn’t care, he was so hungry. He knew red meat and spinach were on his list of foods that would help his blood get back to normal, so he ate plenty. The only reservation he had was a small worry in the back of his mind that eventually he would need to go to the bathroom. He took the stool softener and pushed it out of his mind, knowing he would cross that bridge when he came to it.

By nine in the evening the boys, all three of them, were alone for the night. Ellen said she would come anytime if they became overwhelmed, but Dean was feeling stronger and Benny was sure they could handle it. Benny rolled the bassinet into the bedroom for later and he put diapers and wipes at one end of it for changes before the night feedings.

Dean had walked with Jack to his nursery and laid him in his crib just to see him in it. He sat in the rocker for a few minutes and enjoyed the quiet and the feeling of having brought his baby home to the very room which he had created for him. There was no feeling like it and he wiped away a tear or two just letting himself revel in it. Benny had come in quietly and he kissed Dean before snapping a few photos of the baby in his crib.

“Hey darlin’? Jack is asleep. Why don’t we turn on the monitor and go watch some tv or something. I don’t want to go to bed too early, what do you think?” Benny suggested.

“Sounds good to me,” Dean said walking up to the crib. “He looks happy to me. Let’s see how long it lasts.”

They went out to the couch and snuggled in together, Benny on one end and Dean laying back in the v of his legs. They made it through the preview hour of shark week with no interruptions, so they kept watching other reruns until they could not keep their eyes open any longer. Benny brought Dean his last iron pill of the day and they went to get cleaned up for bed. Dean was brushing his teeth at the sink when he heard the squeaks and squawks of one Jack Samuel. Benny came in to the bedroom with the baby in his arms and a new t shirt and nightgown with him.

“I say we leave him in what he’s wearing and keep this in case he has an accident in the night. Sound okay?”

Dean agreed, “Sounds good to me, babe. He ready to eat again?”  Benny nodded, placing the clothes in the end of the bassinet with the diapers and handing the baby to Dean so he could get ready for bed as well.

The little family survived their first night alone together, sometimes barely. At one point Benny held and patted a crying Jack with one hand and patted a crying Dean with the other when he had nursed Jack for almost and hour and he wouldn’t settle down to sleep. Benny thought he would lose his mind until he remembered the nap they had taken when they first came home and they slept with the baby between them. He bundled Jack like he had seen do at the hospital, and then tucked him down between them, careful to keep him from being too close to any pillows or blankets. He stroked his fingers gently through Dean’s hair and sang Golden Slumbers until both of his boys were asleep before dozing off himself.  When they woke to Jack’s crying it had been four hours and that felt like an eternity’s sleep to them both.

Benny changed a very wet and dirty diaper before returning to bed with a rebundled and hungry baby.

Dean exposed his nipple, still sore, but he told Benny it was not as bad as the day before and nursed Jack laying in bed. Benny looked at the tiny, helpless baby and realized how thankful he was for his life. So much had occurred in the past eight years, some happy things, some sad, but all had brought the two of them closer together. He realized that none of this would have been possible if not for the fact that he and Dean had been lucky enough to meet and fall in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep the comments coming, I am bringing this to a close and looking for good ideas to finish on. I'm struggling to let go. I will probably do a ton of time stamps btw...


	40. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The happy couple welcome baby number four...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it...the end! The family has grown to six members and we will have some closure. I will not reveal all of the names of the kids, just ages, because they will be revealed in further additions to the series. I hope you have enjoyed reading about the boys, I have certainly enjoyed writing their little story.

_Four years later..._

 

Benny helped Dean out of the shower and into some underwear with a pad and a clean nursing sleep shirt. He still refused to call them nightgowns, though he knew that’s exactly what they were. He stepped gingerly out into his bedroom as Benny threw his own clothes on before joining him. Sarah and Tessa had stripped and remade the bed and Cas was giving the new baby all of the required ointments and shots as well as clamping and trimming the umbilical cord before wrapping the still unbathed but roughly cleaned up newborn.

He brought the baby over to Dean who had been helped into bed by the two nurses who had become more like family. Benny crawled in next to Dean wrapping an arm around his shoulders and kissing his husband proudly on the lips. Dean knew he needed to nurse fairly quickly, he had a history of bleeding a bit heavily with each of their babies since Jack. Cas had moved to the other side of the bed and was taking Dean’s blood pressure as he nursed his fourth baby.

“It’s good you’re nursing right away again, and your pressure looks good. Let me know if you think you’re having an issue, and I know it’s a bitch but I’m gonna have the girls give you your favorite…fundal massage,” Cas said looking up at Tessa and Sarah. “Every twenty minutes for a couple of hours, just to be sure. I need to know about any changes.” They nodded and the two joined Cas as they left the couple alone for a few minutes, before the hurricane that was made up of the couple three other children, Bobby and Ellen, Sam and Jess, who would thankfully leave their own two children home for the first few visits, had a chance to overwhelm them.

Benny left a sleeping Dean and baby to grab something to eat. Dean had gone into labor during the night but slept and never started consistently contracting until about six in the morning, the time his labor began for three of his four births. By eight, Bobby and Ellen had come to get Jack to go to prekindergarten and they packed bags for the other two kids and kept them for the day.  It was just past one when Dean delivered, naturally with hypnosis and at home for the second time. Benny had not eaten since he had a quick bagel about six thirty.

He went out to the kitchen to find a buffet of food from the diner and a note from Gabriel congratulating them on the latest Winchester-Lafitte member of the clan. Tessa, Sarah and Cas had plates with sandwiches and different salads and were eating while they completed Dean’s medical records. Benny joined them saying Dean was asleep and so was the baby.

He texted Bobby and Ellen to check on the other kids and to see how Jack had done at prek especially since Dean had not been at pickup.  Everything seemed fine from their perspective so Benny told them to bring the kids to the diner for dinner and then home to meet the baby and see Daddy. Ellen offered to either keep the kids or stay over and help the dads through the night and Benny said that would be great, but he would wait to decide which until Dean saw the kids and how they were all doing since the birth. 

After lunch, Benny helped Tessa and Sarah clean the laboring gear and pack it away for storage, though he and Dean had decided that their family was complete and they probably wouldn’t use it again. They had four beautiful children and they were ready to be done with morning sickness and labor.

He heard Dean call him and he helped him to the bathroom and then out to the living room. Benny put the baby in the bassinet and helped Dean into the rocker that had become a part of their lives four years ago. Tessa checked his vitals while Benny got him a plate of food. “Damn that looks good! I’m starving, babe, thanks.”

“You’re welcome Dean. You feeling okay? You look great, and you were such a trooper,” Benny kissed Dean between bites.

“I’m pretty good, I think. Didn’t take long this time, and the pushing seemed easier…don’t feel worn out. Though I am still done,” he laughed as the last line left his mouth. He took huge bites of sandwich and potato salad. “Kids coming soon? I want them to meet the baby soon.”

“Yep, they’re coming to the diner for dinner and then up for a visit. Ellen says she’ll keep them or stay with us tonight, whatever you want, darlin’,” Benny responded.

“I’ll want to see them first, but I’m thinking keep them tonight, and stay a few after that if she’s willing,” Dean said as he finished eating. He couldn’t wait to see what the older ones thought of the latest edition to their family.

*****

Dean had taken another nap and was nursing the baby when Bobby and Ellen arrived with the kids. The two older ones came running but Benny scooped them up easily and explained that Daddy was feeding the baby so they had to be quiet. Their twenty one month old cried for Benny from Ellen’s arms so he brought all three kids over to see Dean in the rocking chair. “Come here and be very quiet,” Dean urged the as he called them closer. “Do you want to see the baby?” He was sure they did since the baby was a week overdue. They stood at his knees and Dean pulled the blanket back to show them their newest sibling. The infant was nursing steadily and as Dean looked up he saw three large set of eyes watching with awe and love in their little hearts. It actually brought him too tears when Jack reached out and cupped the baby’s head, as he said in his sweet little voice, “Hello cute baby, you were late, but we still love you.” Benny came around the kids to help Dean who was trying to get his emotions under control. “Poppa, why is Daddy sad?”Jack asked, his face dropping.

“Oh Jack, Daddy isn’t sad, he’s happy, very happy. He has all of you home now and sometimes when big people have everything they want, it makes them so happy they cry.” Dean, once again afraid to open his mouth, just nodded and pulled Jack in for a hug.

Dean watched the kids play in the area of the loft he and Benny had remodeled to be a toy room. There was so much square footage of the loft that had been put to use. There were two more bedrooms for the kids, one a guestroom with an en suite bathroom, making their loft a six bedroom, three bath home and an office for Dean who had chosen not to go back to work after Jack. The toy room was a great space that was closed in with a low wall so that you could hear and see the kids but be in the kitchen or living room working or making a meal and they could not get out of the gate. It was a life saver for Dean who was home all day with three, now four children under the age of five.  He could reach in and pick up whomever he needed without actually going into the room.

Dean had chosen not to go back to work after having Jack. He had tried but it didn’t work for them and he personally couldn’t bear to have Jack even at Ellen’s while he worked for money they didn’t really need. He was still part owner with Bobby, but they hired people to replace Dean’s skills and he and Bobby ran the business with Dean working from his home office. He did occasionally go in and work on something special or do consultations and Ellen loved having the kids those days.

He rocked the new baby in the chair he had Benny move to be right outside the wall of the toy room. The sooner the newest Winchester Lafitte got used to the noise of playtime, the better they would be able to sleep through it. One by one Benny brought the kids to see Dean and sit on his lap to hold their new sibling.  

Jack Samuel, the oldest at just over four years old and who started prekindergarten just three weeks ago at the beginning of September, was first to come and sit with Dean. He was interested in meeting the new baby but this was old hat and was more concerned that Dean was okay since he hadn’t made it to pickup. Marigold Ellen, who would be three next month, wanted to touch and hold the baby for quite some time.  Her big eyes were glued to the newborn and she asked about the hat and the blanky and wanted to see where the milk came from. Leo Robert, their little lion, was just twenty one months and didn’t have much time for the baby but kissed her and giggled and said Dada before heading back to the toys. Dean loved to watch his chubby little hands grab toys and his fat little legs as he squatted down to reach for something that caught his eye. All three of their children were loving and kind, and played well together despite the age difference. It warmed Dean’s heart to see them together even if he remembered one was missing.

Benny came over to check on Dean and their new baby girl, Violet Jessica born at home on September 21st at 1:22 pm, eight days late, weighing six pounds eleven ounces and 20 inches long. He knelt down next to Dean and the baby and Dean leaned into Benny who wrapped his arms around him. Dean buried his face in Benny’s neck and choked back a small sob. Benny held him and kissed his temple shedding a tear or two, himself. “I’m happy bear, I really am. I don’t know why I’m crying,” Dean said apologetically.

Benny answered him gently, “Yes you do darlin’ and its perfectly alright. She always comes to my mind too, when we have a new little one.  And Jack going to prek, that’s hard too. She’d be in kindergarten this year, I know you’re thinking that right along with me. I love you Dean, it’s okay to have all this and still miss her. “You’re my brave, brave darlin’ and it’s okay to take a minute now and then.”

Dean loved Benny and all of his support. Sometimes Dean still went to see Pam about Rosie, sometimes Benny came with him, but they went less often and dealt with it better every day. Dean mostly struggled when he was pregnant, fearing that it would happen again.

The kids knew about Rosie, though Dean and Benny didn’t dwell on it. The liked to help put her ornament on the tree at Christmas, and they loved the big sister wreath that always hung in the nursery that would have been hers but had lovingly been used for Marigold and now Violet. They had kept the same crib and design, including the rose themed quilt and bedding. Dean knew the wound would never completely heal, but with the help of Benny and the kids, plus their extended family, at least it hurt a little less every day.

That night, when the kids had gone back to Bobby’s and Benny had cleaned up all the toys, Dean sat in the nursery with the new baby, his last baby and he sang…

_Once there was a way to get back homeward_

_Once there was a way to get back home_

_Sleep pretty darling do not cry_

_And I will sing a lullabye_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are so welcome...


	41. Author's note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a few changes to the epilogue. I had left out some things that I intended to reveal in the time stamps. Being that this is the first long fic I ever finished, I realized that those things I left out really belonged in the main body of the fic. 
> 
> Many thanks to Lynx22281for all of her lovely and helpful advice, especially in regards to Rosie!!!!

Not a chapter, but please go back and reread the epilogue. I added some things that were sorely missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better or no????


	42. Commissioned Art for Golden Slumbers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lovely Meldarlin has complete the beautiful work I commissioned from her. They add just what I wanted to the fic. I hope you enjoy! Check out Meldarlin on tumblr and theprofoundblade on AO3.

Check out the chapters HOME and START OF SOMETHING GOOD for the art!


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